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  #1  
Old 06-23-2016, 09:32 AM
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Leigh Leigh is offline
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Default 4 Year Old Freaking Out At Drop Off Plus Other Odd Behavior

I have a 4 year old that's been coming for a few weeks. He has been losing his mind at drop off, begging his mom to take him home. Acting terrified of being left here. His mom then freaks out, too, saying she doesn't know why he doesn't want to come.

He hits. Every day. Every time he hits, he has a time out. I told her that he doesn't like getting consequences for his behaviors. No one here treats him poorly (not me, not the other kids), but he hates it here. He has poor self control, and loses it over little things. He had trouble getting his pants up after changing from his swimsuit the other day and started shrieking and jumping around, ripped off his pants and started running through the house and throwing himself on the couch. He had tears running down his face and was truly losing it. He got in trouble for hitting the first day he was here (no time-out, but I told him that we don't allow hitting here, and that he isn't allowed to hurt people), and he started screaming and punching himself in the face and flapping his arms. It took a good 3-5 minutes to calm down from that.

Today, he stopped freaking out as soon as his mom left, but he said he wanted a nap, and went and layed down in my hallway. He's been there for 2 hours. Every time I or another kid asks him to come out and play, he says no, hides his face, cries, and curls up in a ball.

I KNOW there is something going on with this kid, but I don't know what. My first thought is Aspergers or maybe a sensory disorder (he can't dress or undress himself, and is hyper sensitive to every stimuli). He eats virtually nothing here (his mom says he likes star crunch-he begs for chips all day long). Mainly, I see aggression and tears with any frustration (VERY minor frustrations), and while he will play with others, he spends a majority of time alone-often not playing at all.

I barely know this kid or his mom, but I feel that there is something going on with this boy that he needs help with. His mom says that he's her "good kid" and so easy. Mom says the 2 year old is her problem kid (and he has perfect behavior here). I just don't know what to suggest to this mom. He's not a huge liability-he usually hits once a day, but I think we can work on that. What I'm concerned with is his inability to control emotions at all and his disinterest in playing with other kids or even being around anyone else.

Any suggestions on how to talk to mom about him? Should I just suggest that she contact the school district for assessment? What's odd to me is that mom says she sees NONE of what I see here. I don't know him well enough to help with an assessment, either.

SOMETHING is going on, but I'm clueless on how to proceed.
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  #2  
Old 06-23-2016, 09:55 AM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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Originally Posted by Leigh View Post
I have a 4 year old that's been coming for a few weeks. He has been losing his mind at drop off, begging his mom to take him home. Acting terrified of being left here. His mom then freaks out, too, saying she doesn't know why he doesn't want to come.

He hits. Every day. Every time he hits, he has a time out. I told her that he doesn't like getting consequences for his behaviors. No one here treats him poorly (not me, not the other kids), but he hates it here. He has poor self control, and loses it over little things. He had trouble getting his pants up after changing from his swimsuit the other day and started shrieking and jumping around, ripped off his pants and started running through the house and throwing himself on the couch. He had tears running down his face and was truly losing it. He got in trouble for hitting the first day he was here (no time-out, but I told him that we don't allow hitting here, and that he isn't allowed to hurt people), and he started screaming and punching himself in the face and flapping his arms. It took a good 3-5 minutes to calm down from that.

Today, he stopped freaking out as soon as his mom left, but he said he wanted a nap, and went and layed down in my hallway. He's been there for 2 hours. Every time I or another kid asks him to come out and play, he says no, hides his face, cries, and curls up in a ball.

I KNOW there is something going on with this kid, but I don't know what. My first thought is Aspergers or maybe a sensory disorder (he can't dress or undress himself, and is hyper sensitive to every stimuli). He eats virtually nothing here (his mom says he likes star crunch-he begs for chips all day long). Mainly, I see aggression and tears with any frustration (VERY minor frustrations), and while he will play with others, he spends a majority of time alone-often not playing at all.

I barely know this kid or his mom, but I feel that there is something going on with this boy that he needs help with. His mom says that he's her "good kid" and so easy. Mom says the 2 year old is her problem kid (and he has perfect behavior here). I just don't know what to suggest to this mom. He's not a huge liability-he usually hits once a day, but I think we can work on that. What I'm concerned with is his inability to control emotions at all and his disinterest in playing with other kids or even being around anyone else.

Any suggestions on how to talk to mom about him? Should I just suggest that she contact the school district for assessment? What's odd to me is that mom says she sees NONE of what I see here. I don't know him well enough to help with an assessment, either.

SOMETHING is going on, but I'm clueless on how to proceed.
Mom doesn't see it because she more than likely alters his world for him at home... He seems to have no ability to manage his frustrations (hence the outbursts and HUGE tantrums over little things)

He doesnt want to come to daycare because you have rules and structure.

He sounds similar to my son when he was younger and I simply did not see it because like many moms I made life easy for him and eliminated any stress or conflict in his life.

I would absolutely suggest that he be assessed whether on mom's time or in your care...either way, I think he would really benefit from the assessment because even though I think some of his behaviors seem to be parent rooted, he does seem to have some behaviors that do meet the guidelines for something (what I don't know...but some are needing attention for sure).
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Old 06-23-2016, 10:22 AM
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Mom doesn't see it because she more than likely alters his world for him at home... He seems to have no ability to manage his frustrations (hence the outbursts and HUGE tantrums over little things)

He doesnt want to come to daycare because you have rules and structure.

He sounds similar to my son when he was younger and I simply did not see it because like many moms I made life easy for him and eliminated any stress or conflict in his life.

I would absolutely suggest that he be assessed whether on mom's time or in your care...either way, I think he would really benefit from the assessment because even though I think some of his behaviors seem to be parent rooted, he does seem to have some behaviors that do meet the guidelines for something (what I don't know...but some are needing attention for sure).
I agree with this.

From what you have described, it could be SPD/SID. The rest sounds parent-created.

What environment are they coming from? Can you ask the parents for a conference to discuss your concerns? At this point, I would recommend bye bye outside and a developmental evaluation. I would be prepared to lose the family though.
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Old 06-23-2016, 10:32 AM
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I agree with this.

From what you have described, it could be SPD/SID. The rest sounds parent-created.

What environment are they coming from? Can you ask the parents for a conference to discuss your concerns? At this point, I would recommend bye bye outside and a developmental evaluation. I would be prepared to lose the family though.
They're coming from Grandma Care-grandma had enough and actually took them to the mom's workplace and dropped them off in the middle of a shift, saying that she can't handle them anymore. Dad is in jail (and will be for some time). I was VERY straight with them before they started that they needed to drop and go-I told her she needed to spend less than 30 seconds at my house when dropping off. I pretty much threw her out of my house this morning.

I will recommend the eval. I agree with BC, too. I'm perfectly OK if I lose them-I no longer have any patience for parents who are blind to their kids' issues. I truly think that it would be very difficult to get rid of them if I wanted to. Mom is desperate for childcare.
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Old 06-23-2016, 10:40 AM
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Snowmom Snowmom is online now
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Originally Posted by Leigh View Post
They're coming from Grandma Care-grandma had enough and actually took them to the mom's workplace and dropped them off in the middle of a shift, saying that she can't handle them anymore. Dad is in jail (and will be for some time). I was VERY straight with them before they started that they needed to drop and go-I told her she needed to spend less than 30 seconds at my house when dropping off. I pretty much threw her out of my house this morning.

I will recommend the eval. I agree with BC, too. I'm perfectly OK if I lose them-I no longer have any patience for parents who are blind to their kids' issues. I truly think that it would be very difficult to get rid of them if I wanted to. Mom is desperate for childcare.
And the behavior is probably the reason.
I don't think you're getting the entire story here and I agree, a conference is needed with a set timeframe of when you expect to see changes or diagnosis/treatment.
Otherwise, mom will likely continue doing what's always been done and nothing will improve.
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Old 06-24-2016, 12:39 AM
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Nisaryn Nisaryn is offline
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I agree with this.

From what you have described, it could be SPD/SID. The rest sounds parent-created.

What environment are they coming from? Can you ask the parents for a conference to discuss your concerns? At this point, I would recommend bye bye outside and a developmental evaluation. I would be prepared to lose the family though.

I was just about to mention this! My son was diagnosed with SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder in case OP doesn't know what that stand for). And he has issues with texture...he doesn't play in food, touch food, won't eat because certain textures freak him out and he lost a lot of weight from it and is only just now gaining some weight back thanks to some intensive work with a wonderful OT. He is also extremely sensitive about clothing, noises (the vacuum cleaner terrifies him as does running water), though still on the very social side and loves to play. Hates textures/food but loves to be cuddled and hugged. I would suggest asking for a referral for evaluation. My Pedi finally gave me the referral when I kept insisting that something was off.
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Old 06-24-2016, 11:17 AM
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I just termed a dcg like this. I tried for over a year. Done. Done. Done!
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