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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>When You Can't Send the Sick Kids Home...
ChelseaB 11:10 AM 02-11-2016
Because they're your own step kids and it's their father's visitation all day. Hubby gets home from work after 6.
Ugh. Today, my step kids are staying with me because school is closed and the provider their mother normally takes them to is battling strep with her own kids. Baby mama and I do NOT get along. But we do what we have to do in regards to the kids. So she drops them off so that she can supposedly go to work.
One of my DCK's mother is BFF's with BM. Long story short, I refuse to deal with that mother in any way other than a professional relationship. But today, she called out of concern of her daughter who is with me because apparently BM stayed home from work, very very sick. So, not only did she bring them when she had no intentions of going to work, but she brought them fully aware of the germs they have been in contact with and may be sharing with me and the other DCK's. Without telling me.
So beyond irritated right now. If anyone becomes sick as a result of this situation, I may very well lose my cool.
Ugh. Today, my step kids are staying with me because school is closed and the provider their mother normally takes them to is battling strep with her own kids. Baby mama and I do NOT get along. But we do what we have to do in regards to the kids. So she drops them off so that she can supposedly go to work.
One of my DCK's mother is BFF's with BM. Long story short, I refuse to deal with that mother in any way other than a professional relationship. But today, she called out of concern of her daughter who is with me because apparently BM stayed home from work, very very sick. So, not only did she bring them when she had no intentions of going to work, but she brought them fully aware of the germs they have been in contact with and may be sharing with me and the other DCK's. Without telling me.
So beyond irritated right now. If anyone becomes sick as a result of this situation, I may very well lose my cool.
Play Care 11:28 AM 02-11-2016
So the kids aren't sick? I'd reassure nosey mom that all kids currently in care are healthy but that you'll call her for pick up if her kid starts getting sick 
But honestly,I'd be annoyed with my husband. If it's his visitation day and their school/DC is closed, he should be making arrangements for them since you are working. I mean, what would have happened if you worked outside the home? That seems like ball dropping/passing the buck on his part.
I don't even know how custody/visitation would work with state ratios - are they considered the providers kids? Do they count in your ratio? Do you need paperwork?
But honestly,I'd be annoyed with my husband. If it's his visitation day and their school/DC is closed, he should be making arrangements for them since you are working. I mean, what would have happened if you worked outside the home? That seems like ball dropping/passing the buck on his part.
I don't even know how custody/visitation would work with state ratios - are they considered the providers kids? Do they count in your ratio? Do you need paperwork?
Blackcat31 11:28 AM 02-11-2016
Originally Posted by ChelseaB:
Because they're your own step kids and it's their father's visitation all day. Hubby gets home from work after 6.
Ugh. Today, my step kids are staying with me because school is closed and the provider their mother normally takes them to is battling strep with her own kids. Baby mama and I do NOT get along. But we do what we have to do in regards to the kids. So she drops them off so that she can supposedly go to work.
One of my DCK's mother is BFF's with BM. Long story short, I refuse to deal with that mother in any way other than a professional relationship. But today, she called out of concern of her daughter who is with me because apparently BM stayed home from work, very very sick. So, not only did she bring them when she had no intentions of going to work, but she brought them fully aware of the germs they have been in contact with and may be sharing with me and the other DCK's. Without telling me.
So beyond irritated right now. If anyone becomes sick as a result of this situation, I may very well lose my cool.
I dont mean any of this rudely at all but if its dad's day to have them then its actually HIS issue not the BM's. Because they're your own step kids and it's their father's visitation all day. Hubby gets home from work after 6.
Ugh. Today, my step kids are staying with me because school is closed and the provider their mother normally takes them to is battling strep with her own kids. Baby mama and I do NOT get along. But we do what we have to do in regards to the kids. So she drops them off so that she can supposedly go to work.
One of my DCK's mother is BFF's with BM. Long story short, I refuse to deal with that mother in any way other than a professional relationship. But today, she called out of concern of her daughter who is with me because apparently BM stayed home from work, very very sick. So, not only did she bring them when she had no intentions of going to work, but she brought them fully aware of the germs they have been in contact with and may be sharing with me and the other DCK's. Without telling me.
So beyond irritated right now. If anyone becomes sick as a result of this situation, I may very well lose my cool.
If you have to call anyone, its dad that is the responsible one today since its his visitation day. Visitation should include in sickness and health since parenting IS a full time job when its your (general you) watch... kwim?
What mom does on her non-custodial day isnt relevant.
The kids are also germ carriers no matter where they've been since they go to school but I do understand that BM could have mentioned being sick herself since the germs are "closer" than normal.
Im sorry you are dealing with this...blended families are toughsometimes.
ChelseaB 11:40 AM 02-11-2016
Actually, My hubby and I aren't supposed to have them until after he is off work. But because he would have them this evening, BM wanted to bring them to me so that she could work since her DCP isn't accepting kids due to strep. My step kids do affect my numbers, so I don't accept them unless I'll be in ratio. But I do take them from time to time.
My issue is that she knowingly brought them to me without alerting me to the fact she was sick in the first place. She essentially decided to use me in a situation to her benefit. That's the issue here. I assured the concerned DCM that I thoroughly disinfect and bleach throughout the day, but that I'd let her know if anything happens though.
My issue is that she knowingly brought them to me without alerting me to the fact she was sick in the first place. She essentially decided to use me in a situation to her benefit. That's the issue here. I assured the concerned DCM that I thoroughly disinfect and bleach throughout the day, but that I'd let her know if anything happens though.
ChelseaB 11:49 AM 02-11-2016
I did reread my original post, and I apologize that it sounds as though my husband's visitation is all day -- autocorrect added the "all" for whatever reason. His visitation starts after he gets off work, the kids are BM's responsibility until then. So I guess you could consider it as me doing daycare for them at the request of their mother. However, it is obviously much more personal than that. Yes, being in a blended family is very difficult at times! 
laundrymom 11:55 AM 02-11-2016
I hate the word step. And yes, I have experience in the whole kids/stepkids/ex/current/custody etc issues.
Ok. So your kids (because the day you married him, they became yours) are home because schools closed, their daycare is closed, and their other parent is sick.
You're in ratio and one of your dc moms is worried that her kids might be exposed? But the kids aren't sick, their parent is?
Am I right?
If so I would tell her once that everyone at the house is fine and enjoy the day with your kids. They are only little a short time.
Stop stressing about ex's intentions or plans.
You get a day with your kids.
That's awesome!!
Ok. So your kids (because the day you married him, they became yours) are home because schools closed, their daycare is closed, and their other parent is sick.
You're in ratio and one of your dc moms is worried that her kids might be exposed? But the kids aren't sick, their parent is?
Am I right?
If so I would tell her once that everyone at the house is fine and enjoy the day with your kids. They are only little a short time.
Stop stressing about ex's intentions or plans.
You get a day with your kids.
That's awesome!!
Annalee 11:57 AM 02-11-2016
Blended families break my heart for the children. My brother and his wife are divorced and their kids are in college but the kids still have this look in their eyes. It is like they are scared to say/do anything for fear of hurting either side. 
mommyneedsadayoff 12:00 PM 02-11-2016
Mom should have kept them home until drop off time with father. Call her out on it...actually, have dad call her out on it. It is so tough when it is your kids, but mom needs to take responsibility and what if you had a job outside the home? What would she have done then? Probably kept them home with her. Just because we work in the home, we can sometimes be taken advantage of and it sounds like that is what she did.
ChelseaB 12:12 PM 02-11-2016
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
Mom should have kept them home until drop off time with father. Call her out on it...actually, have dad call her out on it. It is so tough when it is your kids, but mom needs to take responsibility and what if you had a job outside the home? What would she have done then? Probably kept them home with her. Just because we work in the home, we can sometimes be taken advantage of and it sounds like that is what she did.
This was my thought exactly. Obviously I have no problem taking care of them while they are sick because you're right, I consider them mine too (I only use "step" for the easiest explanation of all purposes). This is why I wouldn't call her to pick them up as I would a daycare family. But the way mommyneedsadayoff explained it is exactly my feelings about the situation. They have been coughing a fair amount more than usual, but I'm hoping it's just something minor. Of course, I love the kids and will take care of them as such. It's just the manipulation that irritates me, as this is constant with her. Ugh.Mom should have kept them home until drop off time with father. Call her out on it...actually, have dad call her out on it. It is so tough when it is your kids, but mom needs to take responsibility and what if you had a job outside the home? What would she have done then? Probably kept them home with her. Just because we work in the home, we can sometimes be taken advantage of and it sounds like that is what she did.
laundrymom 12:14 PM 02-11-2016
Then give them extra cuddles. They will go home and tell her how wonderful you are.
😉
😉
Originally Posted by ChelseaB:
This was my thought exactly. Obviously I have no problem taking care of them while they are sick because you're right, I consider them mine too (I only use "step" for the easiest explanation of all purposes). This is why I wouldn't call her to pick them up as I would a daycare family. But the way mommyneedsadayoff explained it is exactly my feelings about the situation. They have been coughing a fair amount more than usual, but I'm hoping it's just something minor. Of course, I love the kids and will take care of them as such. It's just the manipulation that irritates me, as this is constant with her. Ugh.
This was my thought exactly. Obviously I have no problem taking care of them while they are sick because you're right, I consider them mine too (I only use "step" for the easiest explanation of all purposes). This is why I wouldn't call her to pick them up as I would a daycare family. But the way mommyneedsadayoff explained it is exactly my feelings about the situation. They have been coughing a fair amount more than usual, but I'm hoping it's just something minor. Of course, I love the kids and will take care of them as such. It's just the manipulation that irritates me, as this is constant with her. Ugh.
Blackcat31 12:38 PM 02-11-2016
Originally Posted by ChelseaB:
It's just the manipulation that irritates me, as this is constant with her. Ugh.
Totally understand and absolutely agree with you but in the end all that matters is that YOU were there for those kids and when it's all done and in the past, they WILL remember that you didn't play "the game" so many blended family parents/step-parents do. It's just the manipulation that irritates me, as this is constant with her. Ugh.
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
Then give them extra cuddles. They will go home and tell her how wonderful you are.
😉
Then give them extra cuddles. They will go home and tell her how wonderful you are.
😉
ChelseaB 12:42 PM 02-11-2016
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
Then give them extra cuddles. They will go home and tell her how wonderful you are.
😉
This is true, and you're absolutely right about that -- but it's not just about me personally, but the likelihood of my business and the other kids I care for as well, you know? One of my kids has a disease that significantly lowers her immunity and ability to fight off viruses. I'd feel terribly if anyone got sick, whether my kids are sick or merely carriers. But I'll simply have to be proactive and very OCD for a while I guess...Then give them extra cuddles. They will go home and tell her how wonderful you are.
😉
Unregistered 06:17 AM 02-12-2016
Do you expect your other daycare families to let you know when someone else in the home is sick other than the dck? I have never heard of that done before. What would you have done differently if she told you she was sick? Take them or refuse to take them? They are your step-children after all so you should take them.
Cat Herder 06:25 AM 02-12-2016
Do you not have the ability to simply say no? 
Not trying to be a smart
, just trying to change the mindset about being a step parent a bit. (I am blunt because of filter issues, not a mean streak. I speak with love, promise.)
The only part in your story you can change is you having agreed to it.
Spoiler alert: You only have to say no once for the parents to remember they must step up and parent their own children.
Not trying to be a smart
, just trying to change the mindset about being a step parent a bit. (I am blunt because of filter issues, not a mean streak. I speak with love, promise.)The only part in your story you can change is you having agreed to it.
Spoiler alert: You only have to say no once for the parents to remember they must step up and parent their own children.
Ariana 06:31 AM 02-12-2016
I think you are going to be fine and the kids are going to be fine. Getting worried about possible sickness is going to drive you insane! I get it trust me but no point in worrying about something that hasn't even happened. I am convinced there is very little you can do to avoid or prevent sickness
Maybe she had every intention of going but then felt like she couldn't. Maybe she felt that the kids would have a better time at your house than staying home with a sick mom. Or maybe she lied and is taking advantage, either way it is hurting you to think like that. Is the anger worth it? She wins when you get angry.
Maybe she had every intention of going but then felt like she couldn't. Maybe she felt that the kids would have a better time at your house than staying home with a sick mom. Or maybe she lied and is taking advantage, either way it is hurting you to think like that. Is the anger worth it? She wins when you get angry.
Meeko 12:07 PM 02-12-2016
I've seen things like this a lot over the years. But some things are certain....and that is that your step-children will grow up. There WILL come the day when they are old enough to know that you were there for them and that you always welcomed and loved them.
I have been at this job long enough to see my daycare kids have kids of their own. I've seen mothers and fathers pull their hair out due to an ex who either doesn't care or likes to come off as the Disneyland parent...letting the good parent look like the discipline police.
It has never failed yet, that the child grows up to finally understand which parent really put in the effort and the time.
Be the one they remember as always being there when needed. If birth mom is the kind who gets rid of them every chance she gets for a "me day"......they will eventually catch on.
I have been at this job long enough to see my daycare kids have kids of their own. I've seen mothers and fathers pull their hair out due to an ex who either doesn't care or likes to come off as the Disneyland parent...letting the good parent look like the discipline police.
It has never failed yet, that the child grows up to finally understand which parent really put in the effort and the time.
Be the one they remember as always being there when needed. If birth mom is the kind who gets rid of them every chance she gets for a "me day"......they will eventually catch on.