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Poptarts22 03:58 PM 10-06-2016
I have a dcg4 who started with me 3 months ago. She isn't potty trained and still takes a pacifier at all times. Her parents are older and she has an older (teenage) sibling. I am strongly convinced she falls in the autism spectrum (although parents seem oblivious to her quirks) but I just don't know how to deal with some of her issues While she seems eager to be here everyday and always talking about her friends, she is almost always screaming if another child comes near her. If someone sits by her, she will scream no and start crying. She will scream and cry if a child even tries to talk to her about a toy she is playing with , convinced they will try to take it. The other kids just stay away because they know she rebuffs any attemp at socializing or playing with her, but each time a new child comes into my care, it is exhausting keeping them back from her until they learn that she will cry and scream. Of course, now I have a dcb3 who has joined who enjoys the reaction he can get from her. I love this little girl and her parent are some of my favorite ever (and I've been doing this 23 yrs) but I am afraid I am just in over my head. Any ideas?
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daycare 05:28 PM 10-06-2016
sounds like to me shes an age gap child.

I have one just like that, he is the youngest of 6 siblings, he is 2.11yrs
this child is given everything, his siblings spoil him rotten. They let him hit them, punch them and play fight with him constantly. Of course he tries to do it when he comes here and he freaks out if someone even looks in his direction. He thinks everyone is out to take his toys and he spends most of the time here trying to hoard/hide toys so that no one else can get them. He also does not talk AT ALL> everything is mine mine mine and when he does talk no one can understand him.

All of his siblings I am sure love him to death, but they are not helping him by talking for him, giving him everything he wants so that he does not cry and DCM told me that they all take turns letting him sleep in their bed. Thank goodness my DCK does not nap here, is only here for preschool.

If I were you I would not allow a child at that age to have a pacifier. Of course, they would delay speech for anyone still having a plug in their mouth...lol

I have had to have many heart to heart talks with my dcm, thankfully she understands being that this is her last born. She knows he is a handful, this is why she has him with me for preschool only so that she can get a break. I don't know how this lady does it.

Do as BC says. Put a star on your calendar of how much longer you want to do this. Be up front with the family and see if you can get them on board to making the changes. If lets say in two weeks you don't see any improvement, let her go. Don't hold on longer than you have to, the money is not worth it. No money is worth getting frustrated day in and out.

I think we can all agree that we have all tried to hold on too long for whatever reason, nice parents, loss of money or etc. Keep yourself healthy, let her go if you need to.
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Poptarts22 04:15 AM 10-07-2016
Thank you so much for your input. Reading your post, I realize she has me treating her exactly the way she is treated at home-giving in to all her demands and quirks to keep her pacified. I will put a star on it. Thank you
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Blackcat31 05:40 AM 10-07-2016
I have to break this down as I have several questions about the situation...

Originally Posted by Poptarts22:
I have a dcg4 who started with me 3 months ago. She isn't potty trained and still takes a pacifier at all times. Her parents are older and she has an older (teenage) sibling. I am strongly convinced she falls in the autism spectrum (although parents seem oblivious to her quirks) but I just don't know how to deal with some of her issues
Besides the social skills or lack of that you mention, what leads you to believe she is on the autism spectrum?

Originally Posted by Poptarts22:
While she seems eager to be here everyday and always talking about her friends, she is almost always screaming if another child comes near her. If someone sits by her, she will scream no and start crying. She will scream and cry if a child even tries to talk to her about a toy she is playing with , convinced they will try to take it.
Have you tried talking to her? If she is verbal, the first thing I would do is have a conversation about this issue with her.

If she expresses being eager about being there and is always talking about friends, I'd ask her.

What does she say about why she is screaming?

Did she tell you she is afraid they are going to take her toys? I'm curious how she expressed that to you.....

Originally Posted by Poptarts22:
The other kids just stay away because they know she rebuffs any attemp at socializing or playing with her,
If the other kids are staying away from her, I am not understanding why she is screaming? Is it just this new DCB?

Originally Posted by Poptarts22:
but each time a new child comes into my care, it is exhausting keeping them back from her until they learn that she will cry and scream.
You said she has only been with you 3 months?
How many new kids have you had come into care in 3 months?
Do you have a lot of turnover with kids coming and going from care?

Originally Posted by Poptarts22:
Of course, now I have a dcb3 who has joined who enjoys the reaction he can get from her. I love this little girl and her parent are some of my favorite ever (and I've been doing this 23 yrs) but I am afraid I am just in over my head. Any ideas?
If he is drawn to her (even if it's only because he enjoys the reaction he is getting) why not try to promote a connection there? I would try to be more involved in their play. Sit down with them. Show her that children can play together without taking things or upsetting their friends.

You mentioned the child having an older sibling. Alot of times those children don't understand how age mates operate as the only examples they've had are adults.

I would spend time being her shadow and finding out more about what this situation looks like from her perspective.

Finding out the root of why she screams will help you help her move forward and develop healthy friendships with her peers.
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Blackcat31 01:41 PM 10-21-2016
Has this little one finally settled in or is she still adjusting?
It's hard when you are both trying but not getting anywhere. Hoping there is a positive update.
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