So I have a DCF that I have had some issues with. They have been with me for over a year, but seem to think that my rules don't apply to them. I have a strong backbone and always put my foot down, which always results in a huge argument with the DCM. It has only happened two times since they have been here, so I have chose to deal with it.

Well this morning DCK comes in and says, My mom does not like you and I won't be coming here anymore, I am going to go to a new preschool with big kids.

The DCK said something similar to this last week too, but I ignored it.


Would you say something to this DCP? I am really shocked that this child would say this, as they are usually very sweet and never say things to this degree.



Advice Please.................

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I had a kid say that and sure enough when I asked the parents about it they said they had been looking into other daycares. The child repeated what she had heard word for word!

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It happened to me last summer when a dcf went with a large preschool in the area. DCG was very excited to tell me about her new school. Based purely on what dcg said I even knew which preschool it was. LOL!

I was vinidicated when Mom called 4 weeks after leaving wanting to come back.

I would ask dcm at pickup!

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So if you would say something to this DCM, what would you say???

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So if you think that I should say something, what should I say?

I a pretty upset about the My mom does not like you comment, but should I even mention that the kid said this???

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I would say "YAAAAAY!! Don't let the door hit ya on the way out!"

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I would definitely say something at pick up today. That way, the parent can confirm or deny what the child said to you and you can either relax or start to look for someone to take their place. It could be that the parents are looking into preschools for the fall and not planning to leave any time soon. Kids don't always understand time frames involved.

If it is true that mom "doesn't like you" and they are planning to leave, it might also give you a chance to talk things out and either turn things around if you want to or to at least part ways on a more positive note.

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so if you would say something? would you say something about everything the kid said or just ask if they are leaving??

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I would probably say something along the lines of: "DCK may have misunderstood something they overheard, but they have related that you are not happy with my services and will be leaving soon - is that the case? I'd like to start advertising if so."

Either that, or, "Don't let the door hit ya' where the good Lord split ya'." JK. Sort of.

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This happened to me recently. I made an off the cuff comment to the parnets when they picked up. Turns out, the mom was talking about preschool when she was older. As far as the "My mom doesn't like you" comment...I would flat out say ,"so, she says you don't like me and she is going to a new school?"

Awkward, but turns the tables on mom. Good luck.

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It would be awkward, but I would definitley ask or you are going to keep worrying about it.

I would say '**** has mentioned that she is going to be going to be going to a different daycare/preschool. I don't want you to be upset with her for telling me, but I would like to know if you are not planning on continuing in my daycare for much longer.'

You could also add 'is there something we can work on together so you can continue to come here for daycare, or are you already making plans to leave?'

Then ask for their timeline.

I actually have had to do this a couple of times. Awkward. One time they were not leaving and the kid was full of baloney (stayed on 2 more years until they went to school fulltime). And the other time, it was spot on.
This last time, the little girl kept coming here and crying. I knew something was up because she does not do that. She would not tell me anything, but kept crying and staying away from the other kids. We have been having BIG issues with her brother here, so I guessed and I was right.

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Just out of curiousity, what bothers you....the fact that they might be leaving your care or that the DCM doesn't like you?

I wouldn't ask her either question.

I have heard so many things from kids over the years that I rarely believe them until it either happens or the parent tells me themselves.

Honestly, it doesn't really sound like you like this mom all that much so really what difference does it make if she likes you or doesn't? You aren't friends. You are a service provider and she purchases your services. If she is your friend, well then you need to re-think your friendships as it isn't very cool that she argues your policies with you.

Secondly, if you have a contract and require parents to give written notice, then you will find out if they are leaving when they give you notice.

If you ask, IMHO it just comes across as needy and insecure.

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I would start advertising and interviewing now. When you find a fit, ask DCM flat out. Read her and decide what to do.

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I guess I did not look at it this way. NO DCM is not my friend, but she has been a very nice person to me and I guess no one wants to be disliked no matter our age.

The only reason that I want to maybe say something, is becuase the kid keeps going on and on about it and saying how much his family does not like me, my house sucks and so on and so on.. I know it is coming from a 3.5 year old, but it still hurts. this kid does not make things up, so I know that there is some truth in it. The last thing that I want is little susie and johnny going home repeating what this DCK is saying.....

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I'd flat out replace her! Don't say a word, just start advertising and interviewing. If you find a good fit give the pia dcm her notice and move on with life. She isn't worth it.

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Oh I know. It does suck if someone says they don't like you but really in all honesty, you have to not let it get to you. If we hear things now and then imagine how much we don't hear....kwim?

I had a 5 yr old DCB tell me around Halloween that his mom thought I was a "B*%#ch" all because I wouldn't let him wear his costume outside without a coat.
It kind of stung at first because yes, we are human but then I stopped and asked myself....WHY does it matter?

I actually cared enough about HER child and I am the B. Whatever....ya know.

If your DCM is nice, that is great but really what happens if you do ask her...what is she really going to say "Oh yeah I can't stand you so we are taking Billy and going somewhere else." What changes then?

What if she says "Oh, Billy must have mis-heard me. I never said that and we aren't going anywhere (or we are leaving)". What then? Does it change anything. Does it REALLY make her like you any more or any less?

Does it change if they are leaving your care or not? Probably not as most families don't leave because they suddenly decide they don't like the provider. It is usually because they don't like or can't work with the policies...kwim? Are you going to change your rules because she doesn't like them? See where I am going?

You can't make people like you. You can provide services to the best of your ability. You can be the best and most professional provider you can be and if someone doesn't like you because of it or chooses to leave your program becauseof it, you are still the bigger, better and more mature person.

Stop caring about whether she likes you or not and leave it be. You will drive yourself batty over something you really can't change.

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i agree.. i wouldnt mention first cuz i have no backbone, second because even if they did say it i doubt they would admit it.. (blame the crazy toddler) and three.. im sure a few of my parents dont "care for me" because ive had to lay down the law..that doesnt make me a bad person.
i know that it hurts a little especially when little one thinks he can be a brat about it.. but just know that you are a good provider and they are gonna be a pain even for their next provider!

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I agree with Black Cat's suggestions. One thing I would probable tell child it is not nice to say "your house sucks." or what ever rude comment he is repeating.

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don't say anything and let it play out. I have a kid who did this too, it was because I charged his mom 5 dollars for afterschool, she wanted to pay me 3 dollars, really for 2 dollars she's not going to send him here anymore. And really good ridence.

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tell the kid you don't like her Mom, so you're even. Then tell her to make sure she tells her mom.


DISCLAIMER: I am KIDDING!!!

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Ii'd ask. I've had ro ask once when I worked at a private preschool. I don't think it is that bog of a deal. The child said something, you want to know if it is true so that you can stop worrying yourself sick. I wouldn't ask the mom if she liked you. I would just say,"Child, Keeps saying that she is going to a new school! You're not leaving me are you?" Or say whatever fits your personality. The mom will most likely discuss the reasons with you, and you can end it on good terms as someone else mentioned. This will also give you time to fill the spot. The fact that you don't like this mom does not change the fact that not knowing the answer is driving you crazy.

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lots of great advice here...

After everyones advice I have decided to ask the mom if they are leaving.

I have also asked the DCK to stop his impolite comments. If he does not like it here fine, but if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.


I do like this DCM, I think this is why I was so shocked that the DCK keeps saying how much they don't like me......BUt as someone said, I need to stop worrying about what they think of me and keep doing a good job at what I do best....


thanks so much ladies and gents (if any) I really appreciate it...

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So what happened at pick-up today???

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This was my favorite suggestion!

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DCK just got picked up and I told DCM what was being said...

the look on her face was priceless. She stuttered for a few seconds and then said yeah well, we really don't like your new polices that you handed out and feel that we will be better off going somewhere else.

I asked her what policies and she said that she is not happy that I will be taking 5 paid vacation days off in 2013.

I told her that I was not aware that they were unhappy about this, but that this indeed was not going to change.

I told her that I understood if she felt she needed to look elsewhere and reminded her that she needed to submit her 30 day notice in writing.

She then says when did that start? I laughed and said since the day you enrolled. Guess the kid starts at the new school on Monday.......

The mom asked if they could get a refund of the already paid monthly tuition for the month of January and I said sorry, you will not be getting a refund back, you should probably go home tonight and read your PHB again. Per the PHB, even though you have told me in person, I still need for you to submit in writing your 30 day request to term.

She looked so furious and I could not help my just stand there and smile.

Guess the kid was not bluffing.

Do you think that it is wrong of me to keep all of the already paid tuition paid for next month? They did not follow my policy and give proper termination of 30 days written notification.....

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OMG!!!! so when was she going to tell you, tommorrow and its because you wanted a vacation. I guess they didn't value you that much. Don't refund them, thats not your problem. You keep that money and buy something nice for the kids. What a dummy! They must have been looking for a bit because thats odd that he would start right away.

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I would stick to your policy and keep the money. It will be money well spent for her on not reading what she signs. Lesson learned.

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You did the right thing. I would not refund the prepaid tution either. Policies are in place for EXACTLY this reason....so that you are not left scrambling at the last minute to come up with lost funds to pay your bills.

Sorry you lost a client. Good luck filling the space.

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You did the right thing and I'm proud you are sticking to your policies!

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OMG that's awesome, good for you!!!! Don't you dare give them back any money, you are only hurting yourself by doing that. And obviously DCM didn't care about you and if it hurt you! I don't know any provider (commercial or in-home) that doesn't allow themselves vacation time! I have 2 weeks vacation and all the major holidays! Most commercial centers are closed more then in-home centers. Make sure you stick to the weeks vacation and next year add an additional week. I take one week straight for my "vacation" and the additional 5 days I use throughout the year for doc appts etc. My holidays are New Years, My Birthday, Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day, Thanksgiving & Christmas. Don't sell yourself short, most of these kids are with us longer then they are with their own parents and we need mental health days to just relax!!

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So in reality she was not planning on giving you any notice. If she hadn't told you by now I doubt they would have told you Friday and probably would have just been a no show on Monday and avoided your calls. I wouldn't give her any refund and would make sure I charged her for the full 30 days. All because you wanted a few paid days off a year.
I had one client leave me for this reason and then call me a few months later asking to return. Turns out the new place she picked wasn't all rainbows and puppy dogs like they told her at the interview and in 2 months they had taken more time off than I had in the last year. Not only that but the police were called to the house for a domestic issue within the first week and one of her children was scalded with candle wax when a candle fell off of a TV. She was assured they did preschool but it seemed the children sat in front of the television for most of the day and every time mom came to pick up the provider was on the phone and barely acknowledged her arrival. I felt bad after everything mom told me and had never had a problem with them in my daycare, in fact I enjoyed the children and parents but it felt awesome when I said, "sorry I filled the spots the week after you left". I just hoped that they had learned a lesson and would be more grateful to their next provider.

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Awesome! I love when situations end like this. This is why our policies are SO important. They protect us from getting screwed! Do not give a refund! No way. She is in the wrong with tring to weasel out without giving any kind of notice, that's just down right horrid thing to do!! Good ridence to her! I pray the slot fills fast with a quality family.

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WOW! It's fairly obvious she didn't plan to give you ANY notice. Keep the tuition as your 30 day notice, and good luck finding a new client to fill that spot!

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Glad you asked, otherwise you probably wouldnt have heard from her after today except for her asking for her money back, if that.
She didn't give 30 day notice so her payment for January is her 30 day notice. Keep it! Good riddance to an ungrateful parent!

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even if you didn't ask and she didn't say anything and didn't show up on monday, you still had her money so it was a win win for you. Let us know what happens today with them.

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Don't be surprised if she threatens to take you to court, they tend to do that, it's your right to keep the money! It's there in black and white! Keep it!

And keep us posted!

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hahahaha...it just occurred to me that she gave you FOUR YEARS worth of paid vacation by forfeiting her pre-paid tuition by not giving notice. She should have just stayed

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As for giving her the money back ... what does your policy say? Is this money your deposit or was she paying for tuition for January? Do you have a policy that says that the 30 day termination period must be paid regardless of whether or not the child attends? If you require that the last 30 days be paid and she has only made partial payment for January she could owe you money. If you can quote your termination policies that can help.

If you have policies that cover these issues then you are not obligated to refund them the money. If you don't have policies that cover this then you could be taken to small claims court.

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wow..the little one was right..daycare.com does it again!!! wow, i wouldnt have brought it up but its great you did!!

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I still wouldn't have asked but either way, they are leaving and whether they gave notice or not, they had still paid for the next 30 days so.... win-win.

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I have to say, thats pretty funny. She deserves it. She obviously was going to give you no notice what so ever.

I would just stick to the policies that she signed. Smile, and enjoy every cent. I might even tell her what the previous poster said, she paid for four years of vacation.

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so just when I thought that drama was over, DCD steps in....

so this am at drop off, DCD asks to talk to me. I said that I would be more than happy to arrange some time to talk with him via phone during nap time today.

DCD says well I need to talk to you now. I proceed to tell him that I can't really give him my attention with the kids here and my asst is out on Christmas break.


He then tells me that he is demanding a refund of the money already given for Jan. bill. I again tell him BOB, I would love to talk to you about this, but need to tend to the children right now. I can call you during nap time today when I can talk to you without interruption.

He says, no, that won't work. I want to know why you think you can keep our money for services that were not rendered. I ignore him and walk away.

He starts to follow me into the daycare area. I grab my phone and text my husband to come home from the gym.

Long story short, my husband came in within a few minutes and took care of it. I don't know everything my husband said, but basically got him to leave and take his child with him, as well as told him that he will get a call later from me.

Yeah Hubby.....BUt now, I don't know what to do... I do plan to resend them another copy of my policy that discusses termination policy. I really don't want to have to end up going to court over this, but it sounds like that might be happening..

any new advice on this????

Crystal........my husband said the same thing about the paid vacation.......lol he was laughing at it as well.....

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O M G!!!!!!!!!! guuurrrlll..
thank God your husband was available..that is DISGUSTING he would behave like that in your daycare!!! Glad that didnt end worse!!

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I think I would stop all verbal interactions at this point. Keep every communication in writing, and reitierate your policies. I would also make sure that he knows he is not to return to your daycare. Following you inside was not appropriate, and borders on threatening behavior.

Good luck on this one. Great job keeping to your policies and not allowing them to bully you!

If they were planning on leaving, why on earth did they pay your for January? People are baffling ~

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I still would hold your ground! Don't fret court I have been a few times over deposits etc........ My contract specifically says "No credits, no refunds" and it says that 30 days notice must be given. I have had parents pay monthly and take me to court and lose because of my contract. I also wouldn't allow this family to come back, specially after the way DCD acted.

If you end up in court they have to prove that they are due the money and once the judge finds out that they were just going to leave w/o any notice at all he will basically tell them it's their tough luck. The first time I went to court I was scared to death (I brought my Mom LOL) I just told my side of the story, had all my stuff documented and won. Make sure you document everything including the way the husband spoke to you this morning and what the little girl has been saying and that you had to approach them and ask, that the parents never even said they were leaving until you questioned it. You will be fine!

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I also had this happen, but little boy told me he was going to stay at Grandmas....I asked mom that day at pick up!
I simply said "are you thinking about having Grandma put the kids on and off the bus when school starts?, **** had mentioned you were", and she simply told me the truth, "we were considering it", since they were expecting #4 and daycare is a huge expense for them, but she told me it just wasn't going to work, Grandma can't handle all 4 everyday! They are still here and we are all happy

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Agree with this. Small claims is no big deal. State the facts and your signed contract.

The fact that they were not even giving notice and paid for January makes me believe the DCM might have made a decision on the spot that she is now regretting.

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I had a parent do this to me back in September. A mom had come in to pick up her child's stuff. I was going to just hand it to her through the door and not let her in, but another parent let her in while picking up their child.

I had to have the same exact confrontation with her in the middle of my playroom in front of the kiddos, by myself. I was kind of freaked out, but I stood my ground.

All contact with this family should be written from here on out, if you even feel you need to. What more is there to say? If they contact you, make sure you only respond in written word, not verbally. If she ends up trying to take you to court, let her. She doesn't have a leg to stand on and then you can laugh after you win, knowing she spent extra money trying to sue you for something not rightfully hers.

Instead of calling DCD, I would just send them a copy of the policies again with a written letter pointing out why the matter is closed.

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I agree with several things that others have mentioned.

At this point any and all communication should be done in writing. If you MUST talk to them via phone or in person PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE record the conversation ... but you must notify them that the conversation is being recorded.

Document document document. Start a log if you havn't already done so starting from the comment the child made about the mom not liking you and going to a new daycare. Every time that you spoke to them about something from that point on needs to be documented.

As long as your contract says that they need to give a 30 day notice of termination in writing and that the termination period is paid you DON'T need to pay that back. They signed the contract, they agreed to the terms.

Do you have an email address for them? If you do then you can write up a letter quoting your contract and policies. YOU are not telling them that DCB can't attend during this 30 day period, you are simply saying that they need to give you a 30 day termination notice that's paid. It's their choice to have their child attend or not. You never said that you were keeping the money for services not rendered, you require a termination notice that is paid and they decided to try to leave without even giving you a termination notice at all. THAT WAS THEIR DECISION.

Another thing to remember is that you never denied to talk to them, only that you could not do it at that time and suggested a time later in the day that would work for you. You are being cooperative with them, they are not cooperating with you.

If you are licensed I suggest calling your licensing analyst and making a report. Not sure if you are required to fill out an unusual incident report but I would definitely do so if you can. This way if they try to call licensing on a bogus claim you already gave licensing the heads up, just make sure to bring them up to speed of what has already happened. Your log can help you keep the details in order.

You should start thinking about what you want to say if DCD calls you during the day or comes by or calls this evening. I don't think you should cut communication with them but I'd at least record conversations or have a witness and talk to them on speaker with a witness in the room. A recording is great because you can keep the conversation and then transcribe it.

If anything you can have the next conversation and then use that opportunity to require that all further communication be in writing. You can notify them verbally that you still have not received the required 30 day written notice. After your conversation I'd write them a notice with a recap of the conversation, quotes of your policy, require that all further communication be done in writing through mail or email and clarification that you did not say their child could not attend. Send it certified mail and keep a copy for yourself.

If they decide to take you to small claims court for January's tuition you can counter claim for the court costs, loss of income from taking time off for court, attorney fees etc.

UGH!! Hate this is happening to you .

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You won't get better advice than this .

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I'll add to Marina's comments. Do not alter anything from your signed contract. Quote exactly as your contract states. You could void the original agreement by altering it to compromise. If you do compromise, get it in writing and signed and dated.

The judge would be the deciding factor in this case if there were any compromise.

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