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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Sent Home For Crying. Was I Right?
AuntTami 07:53 AM 03-23-2015
One of my DCB's(will be 2 in June) was just sent home for crying/screaming. Just wondering if I did the right thing?

He was dropped off at 6:50, and appeared to be in a decent mood. Mom said he had the stomach flu Saturday with diarrhea and puking, no temp. But he was fine Sunday, no diarrhea and no puking at all on Sunday, so I let him stay.

6:55 I sit him on the floor with some toys because I need to use the bathroom... The screaming/crying begins.

7:15 my other DCB is woken by DCB1's screaming and crying. He's not just crying, he's screaming at the top of his lungs too. His eyes and cheeks are beet red and puffy from crying so hard.

7:45 I call for pick up as nothing is working to soothe him. I tried food,milk,laying down, toys, etc. the only thing that worked was holding him and there's no way I could or would even be willing to; hold him all day long so he stopped crying.

He kept standing at my knees screaming, begging to be picked up. I would pick him up for a minute, give him a hug and a pat on the back, and put him back down. He screamed as soon as he was anywhere but in my arms.

9:15 hes finally picked up by dad after screaming and crying for 2 hours!

He's normally a crier but this was extreme and NOTHING was stopping it except holding him. I have two other kiddos here today, I can't devote my whole day to him.

Did I do the right thing in sending him home? I feel bad, but I didn't know what else to do, and it wasn't fair to let him cry all day, and it wasn't fair to everyone else either......
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Thriftylady 07:57 AM 03-23-2015
I think you did the right thing. In group care, you just can't hold one child all day.
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Blackcat31 08:02 AM 03-23-2015
Originally Posted by AuntTami:
One of my DCB's(will be 2 in June) was just sent home for crying/screaming. Just wondering if I did the right thing?

He was dropped off at 6:50, and appeared to be in a decent mood. Mom said he had the stomach flu Saturday with diarrhea and puking, no temp. But he was fine Sunday, no diarrhea and no puking at all on Sunday, so I let him stay.

6:55 I sit him on the floor with some toys because I need to use the bathroom... The screaming/crying begins.

7:15 my other DCB is woken by DCB1's screaming and crying. He's not just crying, he's screaming at the top of his lungs too. His eyes and cheeks are beet red and puffy from crying so hard.

7:45 I call for pick up as nothing is working to soothe him. I tried food,milk,laying down, toys, etc. the only thing that worked was holding him and there's no way I could or would even be willing to; hold him all day long so he stopped crying.

He kept standing at my knees screaming, begging to be picked up. I would pick him up for a minute, give him a hug and a pat on the back, and put him back down. He screamed as soon as he was anywhere but in my arms.

9:15 hes finally picked up by dad after screaming and crying for 2 hours!

He's normally a crier but this was extreme and NOTHING was stopping it except holding him. I have two other kiddos here today, I can't devote my whole day to him.

Did I do the right thing in sending him home? I feel bad, but I didn't know what else to do, and it wasn't fair to let him cry all day, and it wasn't fair to everyone else either......
If this was not normal behavior for him, I would have sent him home too.

Sounds like you already tried everything within reason and he was still unhappy.

I wouldn't feel badly at all.
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LindseyA 08:04 AM 03-23-2015
Makes me think that he was probably snuggled all day while sick, and now it's 'back to reality'. Thats tough for a toddler to process. But I agree with your decision. You cannot carry a child all day. And they cannot be disruptive all day. I would've called as well.
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AuntTami 08:14 AM 03-23-2015
Originally Posted by LindseyA:
Makes me think that he was probably snuggled all day while sick, and now it's 'back to reality'. Thats tough for a toddler to process. But I agree with your decision. You cannot carry a child all day. And they cannot be disruptive all day. I would've called as well.
I think that's exactly what happened. He's overly snuggled and held as it is, so he's always whining to be picked up and held, but hes been getting better lately. But today was worse than I've ever seen, worse than his first day here!

I don't know why I feel bad, probably because like PP said, it's hard to adjust after a weekend of extra snuggles and I feel bad that I couldn't comfort him.
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Shell 08:18 AM 03-23-2015
you did the right thing.

I have only sent one or two kids home in the past, and I always question it myself, just like you are.

We know our dc kids, and if you felt something was off, it probably was.
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Blackcat31 08:29 AM 03-23-2015
Originally Posted by AuntTami:
I think that's exactly what happened. He's overly snuggled and held as it is, so he's always whining to be picked up and held, but hes been getting better lately. But today was worse than I've ever seen, worse than his first day here!

I don't know why I feel bad, probably because like PP said, it's hard to adjust after a weekend of extra snuggles and I feel bad that I couldn't comfort him.
But you shouldn't have to be the one that "makes up" for that.

I tell my daycare families that I am routine and I expect my DCK's to follow that routine while here (this is where the "able to participate as normal" comes in) because you wouldn't be doing DCB any favors by amending his day simply because he was snuggled a lot at home over the weekend.

It creates mixed signals to kids when we do that. I see it a lot when kids are sick and parents and provider simply want them to sleep or eat so they waiver from their normal rules so that the child will comply and then when the child is feeling better or back to normal we often have to "retrain" the child back to following our regular rules/routine.

IMHO, it's best to simply have the same daily routine/expectations for each child as you normally do. It creates safety and security in the kids and promotes good behavior over all.
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Gemma 09:01 AM 03-23-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
If this was not normal behavior for him, I would have sent him home too.

Sounds like you already tried everything within reason and he was still unhappy.

I wouldn't feel badly at all.

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finsup 09:09 AM 03-23-2015
I would have done the same. In my sick policy I have that children must be able to participate in regular daycare activities upon returning. If they cannot, even if other symptoms have subsided they will need to go home. Screaming and crying non stop? Uh no. No one here is dealing with that
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spinnymarie 09:10 AM 03-23-2015
I agree with sending him home.
I also wanted to note that my own kids and several DC kids had the stomach bug that's been going around, and NONE of them were back to 'normal' even 24 hrs after finished the puking. Even if they didn't have a fever, they were all lethargic, crabby, and NOT finished being sick, so it's highly possible he also wasn't 'over it' entirely.
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TaylorTots 09:46 AM 03-23-2015
Not only were you right, but I would want to know why dad took an hour and a half to pickup?!!?
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laundrymom 09:59 AM 03-23-2015
For my group I would not have sent home. At two if have told him to settle down and play. I Would have gone in w the day even if it were difficult because if they figure out crying is a ticket home, they will ride that train every single day.
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AuntTami 10:02 AM 03-23-2015
Originally Posted by TaylorTots:
Not only were you right, but I would want to know why dad took an hour and a half to pickup?!!?
I called DCM who then called dad. He was in the shower when she called, so that was 10-15 minutes. Then he was at home with their 4 year old getting her dressed Nd waiting for her ride to pre-school picked her up. Idk why he didn't come get him BEFORE sisters pick up at 8:45ish but I wasn't about to argue. I just wanted him to stop screaming or to at least scream somewhere other than my house!

Thanks ladies, I appreciate the support. I knew deep down that I did the right thing. I'm considering terming this child anyways, so it's really just another nail in the coffin at this point.
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Blackcat31 10:02 AM 03-23-2015
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
For my group I would not have sent home. At two if have told him to settle down and play. I Would have gone in w the day even if it were difficult because if they figure out crying is a ticket home, they will ride that train every single day.
Been there done that....

NOT fair to the other kids to have to listen to a child scream.
Crying is one thing...screaming is a totally different ball game and affects the kids emotionally and mentally and I do not feel that is fair to them.

After trying to "wait it out" with a screaming 2 year old a while back, I vowed to never do it again and to never allow the other kids to be subjected to that.

I understand it's a "ticket" home but most times the behavior is caused by the parent so the parent can "fix" it.
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AuntTami 10:05 AM 03-23-2015
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
For my group I would not have sent home. At two if have told him to settle down and play. I Would have gone in w the day even if it were difficult because if they figure out crying is a ticket home, they will ride that train every single day.
He was. He was also put in our cry spot, but neither was working. He was just standing in the middle of the living room screaming his head off. I ignored as long as I could but he wasnt calming down at all
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laundrymom 10:14 AM 03-23-2015
Originally Posted by AuntTami:
He was. He was also put in our cry spot, but neither was working. He was just standing in the middle of the living room screaming his head off. I ignored as long as I could but he wasnt calming down at all
I completely understand everyone's reasons. And if I had a different group I might have sent home but my current group are huge manipulators. Lol. Sneaky little boogers.
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CraftyMom 10:42 AM 03-23-2015
You did the right thing.

He probably still doesn't feel well. We had the stomach bug go through here recently. It was 3-4 days before the kids felt like themselves again.

Sure he didn't throw up or have diarrhea or fever yesterday, that doesn't mean he feels better
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mommyneedsadayoff 10:51 AM 03-23-2015
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
You did the right thing.

He probably still doesn't feel well. We had the stomach bug go through here recently. It was 3-4 days before the kids felt like themselves again.

Sure he didn't throw up or have diarrhea or fever yesterday, that doesn't mean he feels better
I agree. We just had the stomach bug go through here and the vomiting/diarhea lasted about two days, but they were not back to normal for a good 4-5 days. He may just not feel good yet and daycare may be too overwhelming for him right now. I am sure it is best for him to be at home until he is 100%.
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RTG 02:33 PM 03-23-2015
More than just doing the right thing for yourself and your DC, you did the right thing for the kiddo. You can't argue with a sick baby (and he could have still been feeling cruddy) needing their mommy. It just happens.
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lynne 08:39 AM 03-24-2015
I had to term an infant yesterday for the same problem, Poor little guy was only here 5-6 times but screamed and screamed the whole time he was here. Yesterday he wouldn't take a bottle at all,he's BF at home and the parents said he would take a bottle but they were lying. My other 4 kids were crying because their ears hurt,and when mom picked up she said that he did better when i had less kids???? NOT!
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Unregistered 08:55 AM 03-24-2015
I've sent home an older child for this. Fit turned into screaming mad. Dcg just can't deal with punishments for bad behavior... anyways I felt bad at first but it's not fair to me or the kids. What else can you possibly do?? Nothing! The parents need to figure it out. I know how I would react if my kid got sent home for that!
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daycare 09:03 AM 03-24-2015
considering that the child was just sick, I would have just said to the parents sorry it seems like dck still is not feeling well and needs to be able to participate as normal to be here.


You child can return after a full 24 hours of rest and recovery. we will see you on Wednesday.

Parents are sending their children back to care too soon after being sick and then we are left to deal the the aftermath as well as get exposed. Not only is it not safe for us, but the child too. Their immune system has not fully recoverd and so they are coming back with a weaken/ compromised immune system and possibly getting something else.

These parents are lucky this was not at my house, I would have not only sent home for that day, but the day after too....

Make them think twice about sending their still mildy ill child to care .
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AuntTami 12:57 PM 03-24-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
considering that the child was just sick, I would have just said to the parents sorry it seems like dck still is not feeling well and needs to be able to participate as normal to be here.


You child can return after a full 24 hours of rest and recovery. we will see you on Wednesday.

Parents are sending their children back to care too soon after being sick and then we are left to deal the the aftermath as well as get exposed. Not only is it not safe for us, but the child too. Their immune system has not fully recoverd and so they are coming back with a weaken/ compromised immune system and possibly getting something else.

These parents are lucky this was not at my house, I would have not only sent home for that day, but the day after too....

Make them think twice about sending their still mildy ill child to care .
We had a some what better day but still not back to normal. He cried for the first hour or so he was here and has been randomly bursting into tears all day. But at least it isn't constant.

They took him to urgent care yesterday when they picked up and the dr said there wasn't anything wrong with him, so he came back today. I do wish I had told them 24 hours of rest, so he could have been home today too, but I think the longer he stays home, the worse it's going to be when he comes back because he'll get held constantly.
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