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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Confront a Parent
BentleysBands 03:26 AM 11-15-2010
and it was HARD!
so i confronted the parent that has the paw-paw who visits ALL the time...i told her that another parent did not feel comfortable with someone visiting everyday that they havent met while i'm caring for their child. well, of course mom told her dad and between the 2 of them they have blown it way out of context ! both say its stupid, its only a grand dad visiting, its only for like 20mins a day , hes not a pediphile , he only wants to see his gkids and have a relationship w/them so they dont forget him
....and it goes on and on ....i explained to her its not any of that and it wasnt a personal attack towards g-dad ...its just a parents concern which they have the right to have and i as their provider must respect and honor that....u'd think it wouuld be simple ..... so g-dad is texting me all last night totally talking nonsence....i so wanted to just say 'then visit ur gkids when they get home' but couldnt.....i was so pissed when i went to sleep....this morning mom walks in so mad , barely speaks and of course i just kill it with kindness and go a bit overboard with the kids (ooohhhh R and C , we are gonna paint today..etc) getting them excited 
mom hands me the weeks $ and leaves
honestly, i do NOT have to explain anything to the g-dad ONLY mom .... but it doesnt matter what i say, she doesnt see what the problem is .....you would think she woulud respect it and see that i take my business serious and would do it for any family who had a concern with something...
now she's writing on facebook on how complicated her life is and why cant it just be easy....
a g-dad does NOT need to visit his gkids at daycare.simple! he can see t hem at their home !
what a monday!!!
any advice guys??? i really need my backbone toughened!!! i feel really bad and pissed....i guess this is why most providers keep it business only huh? i have such a hard time with not getting personable w/my parents. HELLLPPPP please
so i confronted the parent that has the paw-paw who visits ALL the time...i told her that another parent did not feel comfortable with someone visiting everyday that they havent met while i'm caring for their child. well, of course mom told her dad and between the 2 of them they have blown it way out of context ! both say its stupid, its only a grand dad visiting, its only for like 20mins a day , hes not a pediphile , he only wants to see his gkids and have a relationship w/them so they dont forget him
....and it goes on and on ....i explained to her its not any of that and it wasnt a personal attack towards g-dad ...its just a parents concern which they have the right to have and i as their provider must respect and honor that....u'd think it wouuld be simple ..... so g-dad is texting me all last night totally talking nonsence....i so wanted to just say 'then visit ur gkids when they get home' but couldnt.....i was so pissed when i went to sleep....this morning mom walks in so mad , barely speaks and of course i just kill it with kindness and go a bit overboard with the kids (ooohhhh R and C , we are gonna paint today..etc) getting them excited mom hands me the weeks $ and leaves
honestly, i do NOT have to explain anything to the g-dad ONLY mom .... but it doesnt matter what i say, she doesnt see what the problem is .....you would think she woulud respect it and see that i take my business serious and would do it for any family who had a concern with something...
now she's writing on facebook on how complicated her life is and why cant it just be easy....
a g-dad does NOT need to visit his gkids at daycare.simple! he can see t hem at their home !
what a monday!!!
any advice guys??? i really need my backbone toughened!!! i feel really bad and pissed....i guess this is why most providers keep it business only huh? i have such a hard time with not getting personable w/my parents. HELLLPPPP please
nannyde 04:29 AM 11-15-2010
This is so rediculous.
They are lying first so let's get that straight.
The gpa is visiting his grand child he is interviewing you... over and over and over again.
He's supervising you and "checking you out" (interviewing) and reporting back to Mom.
He is available to be the checker on you and Mom doesn't want that gig stopped.
They are using the "visiting my grandchild" excuse but any blessed fool idiot knows the simple plain answer to that is to visit the kid at your kids house for crying out loud.
If they are going to be slick they should at least come up with a better reason than that. That visiting reason sucks.
But wait a minute... there is NO other reason other than the truth which is he is supervising your care of the kid.
He does not get to be your supervisor. You don't get paid enough to have an onsiste supervisor you didn't choose.
The thing to do is STOP talking about it. Tell them that you won't allow it again and go about the business of just caring for the kid. If they want him in a public situation where Gpa can come and watch him be taken care of then they need to put him in a Center.
Tell them that Gpa can come any time but he must take the child OFF PROPERTY to do the visits. This way you are saying Yes to the visits but NO to you hosting them.
Be firm.
I do not allow parents in my play room much less grandparents. NO way would this have happened one day here.
They are lying first so let's get that straight.
The gpa is visiting his grand child he is interviewing you... over and over and over again.
He's supervising you and "checking you out" (interviewing) and reporting back to Mom.
He is available to be the checker on you and Mom doesn't want that gig stopped.
They are using the "visiting my grandchild" excuse but any blessed fool idiot knows the simple plain answer to that is to visit the kid at your kids house for crying out loud.
If they are going to be slick they should at least come up with a better reason than that. That visiting reason sucks.
But wait a minute... there is NO other reason other than the truth which is he is supervising your care of the kid.
He does not get to be your supervisor. You don't get paid enough to have an onsiste supervisor you didn't choose.
The thing to do is STOP talking about it. Tell them that you won't allow it again and go about the business of just caring for the kid. If they want him in a public situation where Gpa can come and watch him be taken care of then they need to put him in a Center.
Tell them that Gpa can come any time but he must take the child OFF PROPERTY to do the visits. This way you are saying Yes to the visits but NO to you hosting them.
Be firm.
I do not allow parents in my play room much less grandparents. NO way would this have happened one day here.
JenNJ 05:27 AM 11-15-2010
I wouldn't have given a reason. You do NOT need to explain yourself to them. Just say, "The rules have changed and Gpa needs to visit kids after hours or he needs to take them off the property FOR THE REST OF THE DAY if he plans on a visit."
Lilbutterflie 05:35 AM 11-15-2010
All I can say is stick to your guns, and they will have to get over it. If grandpa wants to visit, I would allow to him to take the child off property and then bring him back as long as it's approved beforehand and doesn't conflict with your schedule (like during naptime).
marniewon 05:38 AM 11-15-2010
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
I wouldn't have given a reason. You do NOT need to explain yourself to them. Just say, "The rules have changed and Gpa needs to visit kids after hours or he needs to take them off the property FOR THE REST OF THE DAY if he plans on a visit."
I agree. I also agree with what nannyde said - you told them the rules, that's all they need to know, no more discussion. Don't feel bad, this is your business, you can run it any way you want, and you have all of us here backing you up telling you that your request is NOT unusual - your situation is, and there's no reason for grandpa to be there every day.I wouldn't have given a reason. You do NOT need to explain yourself to them. Just say, "The rules have changed and Gpa needs to visit kids after hours or he needs to take them off the property FOR THE REST OF THE DAY if he plans on a visit."
To reinforce things, I might consider sending a note home to everyone explaining, in writing that the open door policy is for parents only, not to be used everyday, not to be abused, and if anyone other than family want to visit, they may do so off-site. If mom still wants to discuss it, just tell her, these are my policies, there is no room for discussion. If gpa keeps texting you, either ignore the texts or text him back telling him to talk to mom, because that is who signed the contract. Or block him.
momofboys 06:15 AM 11-15-2010
Originally Posted by nannyde:
This is so rediculous.
Tell them that Gpa can come any time but he must take the child OFF PROPERTY to do the visits. This way you are saying Yes to the visits but NO to you hosting them.
Be firm.
I.
Very sound advice!!!This is so rediculous.
Tell them that Gpa can come any time but he must take the child OFF PROPERTY to do the visits. This way you are saying Yes to the visits but NO to you hosting them.
Be firm.
I.
Former Teacher 06:41 AM 11-15-2010
Originally Posted by Lilbutterflie:
All I can say is stick to your guns, and they will have to get over it. If grandpa wants to visit, I would allow to him to take the child off property and then bring him back as long as it's approved beforehand and doesn't conflict with your schedule (like during naptime).
I agree. However I don't think Gramps should bring the child back at all even if doesn't conflict in scheduling. The child will become upset and still cause trouble for Bentley. All I can say is stick to your guns, and they will have to get over it. If grandpa wants to visit, I would allow to him to take the child off property and then bring him back as long as it's approved beforehand and doesn't conflict with your schedule (like during naptime).
We once had a Great Grandma that wanted to spend time with the g-granddaughter. Even though the g-granddaugher was only 5 months old, g-grandma was very disruptive to the other children. She was VERY loud and wanted to know EVERYTHING. Then she started with the touching and picking up the other babies. We finally put a stop to that and explained the good old excuse that if state came in and saw her we would need a background check blah blah.
G-grandma came up with the idea of taking the baby into her car (parked across the street) and play with her then. Well that lasted maybe 3 times tops. She said it was to much of a hassle to be bringing her back and forth.
Anyway-stick to your guns. Tell them if they have a problem with your policies, there are plenty of other daycares in the area.
Good luck!
BentleysBands 06:45 AM 11-15-2010
thanks everyone!
i'm just ready to tell her that HE can watch them if she comes to me and says anything else...funny thing is, he use to before me but they had a falling out bottom line, HE wants control and hes not gonna get it 
if she cant accept it and deal with her dad then she can move along.
theres NO need to visit when he can see them after daycare....just sick of them turning it into something its not.
i'm just ready to tell her that HE can watch them if she comes to me and says anything else...funny thing is, he use to before me but they had a falling out
bottom line, HE wants control and hes not gonna get it if she cant accept it and deal with her dad then she can move along.
theres NO need to visit when he can see them after daycare....just sick of them turning it into something its not.
missnikki 07:01 AM 11-15-2010
Me, personally- I would have no problem telling her (the next time she gives me an attitude) that I really do not appreciate any family disrespecting my program like that. It should be a non-issue, but since I am reading about it on Facebook, I realize that it is being blown way out of proportion. Grandpa is not welcome to visit anymore, enough is enough. If that doesn't work for you then I wish you the best of luck elsewhere.
laundrymom 08:18 AM 11-15-2010
I would just be honest, such frequent visitation requires him to be labeled as your assistant, and you dont operate with any assistants. Sorry, maybe gpa should visit 30 min from pickup, get there, and take child to a park where mom can meet them and do transfer there. Bottom line, Childcare Homes arent where parental or grandparental visitation happens. Childcare is childcare.....
Live and Learn 08:53 AM 11-15-2010
Who signed the contract? mom?....if so why are you texting with grampa?...stick to your rules. they are reasonable and I believe the industry norm.....I wouldn't answer any more texts, emails, or calls from grampa unless it is obvious there is a family emergency (example:mom is in the hospital and can't pickup). STOP TEXTING WITH GRAMPA. I would continue to be super sweet with Momma and stick to your guns. if visiting with grampa is so important to her then she should make an effort to invite him to her house on her time.
countrymom 09:52 AM 11-15-2010
no, don't make rules or plans or let gp see them once in a while, you are opening yourself to even more problems. Think about it, first they will follow your rules, then they will slowly start pushing it and then it will be the same as it all started with. You need to put your foot down and say, "Im sorry but I cannot let gp come and visit during my daycare hours because its becoming very disruptive and the other parents are starting to complain" thats it. Don't text anyone, and don't let them bully you either.
laundrymom 10:13 AM 11-15-2010
I just checked my states rules and it states,.. parents or guardians are allowed to visit,.. NOTHING about grandparents. I wonder if your regs have anything?
Originally Posted by countrymom:
no, don't make rules or plans or let gp see them once in a while, you are opening yourself to even more problems. Think about it, first they will follow your rules, then they will slowly start pushing it and then it will be the same as it all started with. You need to put your foot down and say, "Im sorry but I cannot let gp come and visit during my daycare hours because its becoming very disruptive and the other parents are starting to complain" thats it. Don't text anyone, and don't let them bully you either.
no, don't make rules or plans or let gp see them once in a while, you are opening yourself to even more problems. Think about it, first they will follow your rules, then they will slowly start pushing it and then it will be the same as it all started with. You need to put your foot down and say, "Im sorry but I cannot let gp come and visit during my daycare hours because its becoming very disruptive and the other parents are starting to complain" thats it. Don't text anyone, and don't let them bully you either.
countrymom 12:16 PM 11-15-2010
I would also watch out that people may start think that you are a drop in center and I'm not sure how it all works out your way, but you don't want to get in trouble for running a drop in center if it follows different reg. Why can't gp vistit after daycare hours. I don't understand that part, why does he have to come during the day. Did I miss that part, is he working. I would maybe suggest that if gp wants to see that so bad maybe he should start watching them too (you know say it with tongue in cheek) give them a hint.
Blackcat31 01:46 PM 11-15-2010
I am just curious...have you actually come right out and asked mom why g-pa wants to visit at your house and not hers? I apologize if you already answered this question..I may have missed it, but I am just not understanding why the visits have to occur at your house. What's gonna happen once child goes to kindergarten? Is g-pa still going to hang out and visit there? Like you mentioned before, I would be soooo uncomfortable with g-pa hanging out.
BentleysBands 03:35 AM 11-16-2010
well, yesterday and into the night was HORRIBLE w/the mom! i was 2 seconds from saying pack your sh$t and leave..but i bit my tongue....very long story short, i decided to do as my DH suggested and was just gonna ignore it all and if/when she said something then i would say its my way or the highway type thing....well..she comes in this morning on cloud 9 ! totally weird ...then dad walks out and mom gets down on my level (floor) and expresses her apologies for talking to me the way she did last night and all thats been said. i just asked her to pls look past her feelings and see where i stand and respect it. doesnt mean she has to agree. she tells me how much she doesnt want to loose me and the kids just love it here. i expressed the same feelings. SOOO, for now it turned out much better than i had hoped. i really appreciate everyones advice and messages!! its so nice to be able to vent ,get advice and then have a backbone 
oh yeah, and to answer a PP's question, i had g-pa's cell because she has him as a emergency contact and one day wehn i was sending mom a picture , i sent to him too....
oh yeah, and to answer a PP's question, i had g-pa's cell because she has him as a emergency contact and one day wehn i was sending mom a picture , i sent to him too....
Lilbutterflie 05:46 AM 11-16-2010
Well, I'm glad it all worked out. But still mad for you that they treated you that way!!
But still mad for you that they treated you that way!!