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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Intrusive Questions
Unregistered 09:25 AM 06-24-2016
Logged out for privacy.
People can be extremely rude. I don't think it's necessarily purposeful, but it's embarrassing and intrusive nonetheless.
We have 8 children, ranging in age from 7 months to 15 years. We are in the process of remodeling our home, especially the daycare area, to accommodate our growing business (we are going to a larger license). Yesterday I was in an interview and things were going well- DCF loved the updates to the daycare area and seemed genuinely excited when I told them the rest of the plans for the space. It all seemed to be going towards a contract... until my DH brought the younger kids home.
As my husband set down the two carseats and my 9- and 10 year olds came to get the babies out of the seats DCD's attitude sort of changed. He asked me if they were all ours (yes) and how many kids did we have. I told him 8, but before I could explain he began to bombard me with intrusive questions:
8 kids?! How can you afford this house? What is your grocery bill like? When I didn't answer, rather I redirected the conversation back to daycare related items, he started making rude, passive-aggressive comments: "It must be nice to stay home with all these kids and play all day." "You have yourself a sweet deal here." "It's obvious you like children... are you done yet?" "Do you get food stamps? Your grocery bill is probably my entire mortgage!" I ended the interview there! Had he just allowed me to speak, however, I would've explained 4 of the children are in my custody because they were removed from a family member by CPS. Sheesh.
What types of intrusive questions have you encountered?
People can be extremely rude. I don't think it's necessarily purposeful, but it's embarrassing and intrusive nonetheless.
We have 8 children, ranging in age from 7 months to 15 years. We are in the process of remodeling our home, especially the daycare area, to accommodate our growing business (we are going to a larger license). Yesterday I was in an interview and things were going well- DCF loved the updates to the daycare area and seemed genuinely excited when I told them the rest of the plans for the space. It all seemed to be going towards a contract... until my DH brought the younger kids home.
As my husband set down the two carseats and my 9- and 10 year olds came to get the babies out of the seats DCD's attitude sort of changed. He asked me if they were all ours (yes) and how many kids did we have. I told him 8, but before I could explain he began to bombard me with intrusive questions:
8 kids?! How can you afford this house? What is your grocery bill like? When I didn't answer, rather I redirected the conversation back to daycare related items, he started making rude, passive-aggressive comments: "It must be nice to stay home with all these kids and play all day." "You have yourself a sweet deal here." "It's obvious you like children... are you done yet?" "Do you get food stamps? Your grocery bill is probably my entire mortgage!" I ended the interview there! Had he just allowed me to speak, however, I would've explained 4 of the children are in my custody because they were removed from a family member by CPS. Sheesh.
What types of intrusive questions have you encountered?
Annalee 09:45 AM 06-24-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Logged out for privacy.
People can be extremely rude. I don't think it's necessarily purposeful, but it's embarrassing and intrusive nonetheless.
We have 8 children, ranging in age from 7 months to 15 years. We are in the process of remodeling our home, especially the daycare area, to accommodate our growing business (we are going to a larger license). Yesterday I was in an interview and things were going well- DCF loved the updates to the daycare area and seemed genuinely excited when I told them the rest of the plans for the space. It all seemed to be going towards a contract... until my DH brought the younger kids home.
As my husband set down the two carseats and my 9- and 10 year olds came to get the babies out of the seats DCD's attitude sort of changed. He asked me if they were all ours (yes) and how many kids did we have. I told him 8, but before I could explain he began to bombard me with intrusive questions:
8 kids?! How can you afford this house? What is your grocery bill like? When I didn't answer, rather I redirected the conversation back to daycare related items, he started making rude, passive-aggressive comments: "It must be nice to stay home with all these kids and play all day." "You have yourself a sweet deal here." "It's obvious you like children... are you done yet?" "Do you get food stamps? Your grocery bill is probably my entire mortgage!" I ended the interview there! Had he just allowed me to speak, however, I would've explained 4 of the children are in my custody because they were removed from a family member by CPS. Sheesh.
What types of intrusive questions have you encountered?
During interviews.....I have had an a lady ask "where we bought our food" and had one lady ask me "if I would consider moving my playground to the front yard". Also had a lady tell me "she didn't want any other males in the house during daycare time"...Logged out for privacy.
People can be extremely rude. I don't think it's necessarily purposeful, but it's embarrassing and intrusive nonetheless.
We have 8 children, ranging in age from 7 months to 15 years. We are in the process of remodeling our home, especially the daycare area, to accommodate our growing business (we are going to a larger license). Yesterday I was in an interview and things were going well- DCF loved the updates to the daycare area and seemed genuinely excited when I told them the rest of the plans for the space. It all seemed to be going towards a contract... until my DH brought the younger kids home.
As my husband set down the two carseats and my 9- and 10 year olds came to get the babies out of the seats DCD's attitude sort of changed. He asked me if they were all ours (yes) and how many kids did we have. I told him 8, but before I could explain he began to bombard me with intrusive questions:
8 kids?! How can you afford this house? What is your grocery bill like? When I didn't answer, rather I redirected the conversation back to daycare related items, he started making rude, passive-aggressive comments: "It must be nice to stay home with all these kids and play all day." "You have yourself a sweet deal here." "It's obvious you like children... are you done yet?" "Do you get food stamps? Your grocery bill is probably my entire mortgage!" I ended the interview there! Had he just allowed me to speak, however, I would've explained 4 of the children are in my custody because they were removed from a family member by CPS. Sheesh.
What types of intrusive questions have you encountered?
I did not enroll any of these clients....
Josiegirl 09:51 AM 06-24-2016
Dcd totally ambushed you with a whole boatload of unrelated questions, nosy and rude. I'm glad you ended it right then and there. They would not have been a good fit!
LysesKids 09:57 AM 06-24-2016
Originally Posted by Annalee:
During interviews.....I have had an a lady ask "where we bought our food" and had one lady ask me "if I would consider moving my playground to the front yard". Also had a lady tell me "she didn't want any other males in the house during daycare time"... I did not enroll any of these clients....
I had one of my first interviews in this house ask me what I did on weekends? "Not his business but I did casually mentioned I had visitors from Iceland staying for the weekend. Dad flipped out and said you have company coming? yes, but not when kids are in care... do they think I have no life just because I am a widow & the kids are grown? ( they didn't sign lol)During interviews.....I have had an a lady ask "where we bought our food" and had one lady ask me "if I would consider moving my playground to the front yard". Also had a lady tell me "she didn't want any other males in the house during daycare time"...
I did not enroll any of these clients....BTW, my couch surfers were wonderful & they even brought their sweet little toddler (non English speaking); the toys won him over lol. I am part of the Couch surfing community & host 3 or 4 times a year, but then I stay at other peoples homes too on ocassion when i travel
thrivingchildcarecom 10:10 AM 06-24-2016
You know I probably have had a few crazy personal questions come my way over the years, but I can say I probably did not answer and then didn't enroll them either. These things are blessings in disguise if they come out at the tour.
Parents are always treating our businesses a little too casually, in my mind. Calling on Sunday to schedule a tour, texting a schedule change on Saturday or at 10 pm.
I made the decision awhile ago just to not respond. I need my down time as well as my privacy. If they ask, I just say my husband and I have decided not to handle business when we are off work. Sometimes you can see the lightbulb go off when they hear me say this. If they have a problem with that, its their problem. I might even be giving up some business because of this, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Otherwise we would always be working.
Parents are always treating our businesses a little too casually, in my mind. Calling on Sunday to schedule a tour, texting a schedule change on Saturday or at 10 pm.
I made the decision awhile ago just to not respond. I need my down time as well as my privacy. If they ask, I just say my husband and I have decided not to handle business when we are off work. Sometimes you can see the lightbulb go off when they hear me say this. If they have a problem with that, its their problem. I might even be giving up some business because of this, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Otherwise we would always be working.
Annalee 10:20 AM 06-24-2016
I have had clients during interview to also bring up the social status of families in my daycare.....definite red flag
LysesKids 10:22 AM 06-24-2016
Originally Posted by thrivingchildcarecom:
You know I probably have had a few crazy personal questions come my way over the years, but I can say I probably did not answer and then didn't enroll them either. These things are blessings in disguise if they come out at the tour.
Parents are always treating our businesses a little too casually, in my mind. Calling on Sunday to schedule a tour, texting a schedule change on Saturday or at 10 pm.
I made the decision awhile ago just to not respond. I need my down time as well as my privacy. If they ask, I just say my husband and I have decided not to handle business when we are off work. Sometimes you can see the lightbulb go off when they hear me say this. If they have a problem with that, its their problem. I might even be giving up some business because of this, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Otherwise we would always be working.
Oh I actually have some of the above issues in a policy... I require a written schedule no later than 6pm on Fridays, no texting/calling on weekends unless kid won't be showing Monday due to illness & I only interview on Tues, Wed or Thurs after 6pmYou know I probably have had a few crazy personal questions come my way over the years, but I can say I probably did not answer and then didn't enroll them either. These things are blessings in disguise if they come out at the tour.
Parents are always treating our businesses a little too casually, in my mind. Calling on Sunday to schedule a tour, texting a schedule change on Saturday or at 10 pm.
I made the decision awhile ago just to not respond. I need my down time as well as my privacy. If they ask, I just say my husband and I have decided not to handle business when we are off work. Sometimes you can see the lightbulb go off when they hear me say this. If they have a problem with that, its their problem. I might even be giving up some business because of this, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Otherwise we would always be working.
Unregistered 10:24 AM 06-24-2016
Originally Posted by Annalee:
During interviews.....I have had an a lady ask "where we bought our food" and had one lady ask me "if I would consider moving my playground to the front yard". Also had a lady tell me "she didn't want any other males in the house during daycare time"... I did not enroll any of these clients....
Ditto regarding men... so sexist!During interviews.....I have had an a lady ask "where we bought our food" and had one lady ask me "if I would consider moving my playground to the front yard". Also had a lady tell me "she didn't want any other males in the house during daycare time"...
I did not enroll any of these clients....
laundrymom 10:28 AM 06-24-2016
Auto Response:: Family Time Rule, we unplug during meals & special times with family. Get back to you soon.
I made this. I respond with it on weekends and after hours.
I can't think of a time a parent asked me something really off. I'm guessing I wouldn't be as together as OP was and I will just stammer or make a joke.
I made this. I respond with it on weekends and after hours.
I can't think of a time a parent asked me something really off. I'm guessing I wouldn't be as together as OP was and I will just stammer or make a joke.
Unregistered 10:36 AM 06-24-2016
One wanted a list of all laundry and cleaning products that I use. Not because of allergies but because they "prefer certain smells."
What she actually wanted was for me to change to all of the products she uses!
I told her no way - how could I possibly accommodate a (ridiculous) request like that for every family.
What she actually wanted was for me to change to all of the products she uses!
I told her no way - how could I possibly accommodate a (ridiculous) request like that for every family.
permanentvacation 10:41 AM 06-24-2016
The typical intrusive questions I get are ones along the line of asking if any males live in the house or would be here at any time day or night. Those questions are often asked to me by the parents of which the child's father had been in jail for things like domestic violence, home invasions, breaking and entering, etc.
Not only are they intrusive, it makes me feel like they are here to canvass my home for a possible future break in!
Those are the ones that I start telling them that for the 'children's safety' I have a security system and I make sure to let meet my dog without me telling my dog his command to be nice to them! I then inform them how protective my dog is.
For some reason those people don't seem to hire me. And I never hear from them again.
My dog is perfect with the kids and anyone that I tell him to allow into the house. But if I don't give him his specific command, he goes into 'guard dog' mode! You DON'T want him to think you are not invited here! hahahaha! Good dog!
Not only are they intrusive, it makes me feel like they are here to canvass my home for a possible future break in!
Those are the ones that I start telling them that for the 'children's safety' I have a security system and I make sure to let meet my dog without me telling my dog his command to be nice to them! I then inform them how protective my dog is.
For some reason those people don't seem to hire me. And I never hear from them again.
My dog is perfect with the kids and anyone that I tell him to allow into the house. But if I don't give him his specific command, he goes into 'guard dog' mode! You DON'T want him to think you are not invited here! hahahaha! Good dog!
nanglgrl 10:58 AM 06-24-2016
My friend had a client that didn't like the new color she painted her living room and wanted her to repaint it.
I've had people ask to see my bedroom. It's the entire second story of the house and daycare children are never up there. I can understand they might want to make sure I don't have a drug factory up there I guess but I think they just want to be nosey. If they don't know by looking at my daycare spaces and meeting me that my room has nothing dangerous in it I don't want them to sign on so I always reply "sorry, that's my personal space."
I had a potential client ask why I had a pink lightbulb in my porch light and she was very concerned. Our whole block had them for breast cancer awareness month since another neighbor went through it. They were from a different country, I think they thought I ran a part time brothel. lol.
I've had people ask to see my bedroom. It's the entire second story of the house and daycare children are never up there. I can understand they might want to make sure I don't have a drug factory up there I guess but I think they just want to be nosey. If they don't know by looking at my daycare spaces and meeting me that my room has nothing dangerous in it I don't want them to sign on so I always reply "sorry, that's my personal space."
I had a potential client ask why I had a pink lightbulb in my porch light and she was very concerned. Our whole block had them for breast cancer awareness month since another neighbor went through it. They were from a different country, I think they thought I ran a part time brothel. lol.
JackandJill 11:17 AM 06-24-2016
I am one of seven kids, and I used to hear my poor mother be bombarded with all those same question! I think its sooo rude!! 
I haven't had too many intrusive questions, but I did have an interview once when I was pregnant. The DCD kept asking me if I had any upcoming vacations planned, like 7 times. I kept awkwardly answering "Nope" and "Oh I sure wish, that would be nice". If he had nicely inquired about my plans for maternity leave (which is definitely not a vacation!!), he would have quickly found out I had a sub coming for a couple weeks so I wouldn't have to close!
I haven't had too many intrusive questions, but I did have an interview once when I was pregnant. The DCD kept asking me if I had any upcoming vacations planned, like 7 times. I kept awkwardly answering "Nope" and "Oh I sure wish, that would be nice". If he had nicely inquired about my plans for maternity leave (which is definitely not a vacation!!), he would have quickly found out I had a sub coming for a couple weeks so I wouldn't have to close!
happymom 11:50 AM 06-24-2016
Please try to remember that some of these parents have NEVER interviewed a daycare or have any experience with home daycare and they are just trying to learn about the environment they are leaving their children in. It's really hard to feel peace when planning to leave your child with someone you have just met.
When I was a new mom and interviewing daycares, I literally left interviews and cried in my car. It is an extremely stressful process choosing someone to care for your children and the place that your little one will spend 40 hours a week.
When I was a new mom and interviewing daycares, I literally left interviews and cried in my car. It is an extremely stressful process choosing someone to care for your children and the place that your little one will spend 40 hours a week.
Leigh 11:53 AM 06-24-2016
That comment about getting to "play all day"...ugh. They already resent you for "getting" to stay home and change diapers, cook, clean, cook, clean, cook, clean, referee, clean, referee, clean, direct activities, clean, wipe boogers, clean, dry tears, clean, referee, referee, referee. Seriously, this is the HARDEST I have ever worked in my life. Hearing that I play all day makes me want to explode!
I'd have just not answered the questions, and tried to steer the conversation back to daycare. If that couldn't be done, just wrap up the interview-it was obviously over.
I'd have just not answered the questions, and tried to steer the conversation back to daycare. If that couldn't be done, just wrap up the interview-it was obviously over.
happymom 11:58 AM 06-24-2016
Some also do not understand the professional relationship that you are to have with your daycare provider and expect it to be a lot more casual.
They simply do not know.
They simply do not know.
Rockgirl 12:05 PM 06-24-2016
Originally Posted by happymom:
Please try to remember that some of these parents have NEVER interviewed a daycare or have any experience with home daycare and they are just trying to learn about the environment they are leaving their children in. It's really hard to feel peace when planning to leave your child with someone you have just met.
When I was a new mom and interviewing daycares, I literally left interviews and cried in my car. It is an extremely stressful process choosing someone to care for your children and the place that your little one will spend 40 hours a week.
I can understand that. It must be really difficult. Except the OP's potential dcd was way out of line asking how they afford their home, and whether they get food stamps. WAY overstepping.Please try to remember that some of these parents have NEVER interviewed a daycare or have any experience with home daycare and they are just trying to learn about the environment they are leaving their children in. It's really hard to feel peace when planning to leave your child with someone you have just met.
When I was a new mom and interviewing daycares, I literally left interviews and cried in my car. It is an extremely stressful process choosing someone to care for your children and the place that your little one will spend 40 hours a week.
Unregistered 12:17 PM 06-24-2016
I would have been very offended at OP's situation. And I'm a financial person, ready and willing to talk about money. But that was above and beyond.
I have been asked if I would NOT teach Spanish while their little precious was in attendance, since you know, they aren't prejudice or anything, but people should really just speak English in America. I'm pretty sure my face was priceless.
I have been asked if I would NOT teach Spanish while their little precious was in attendance, since you know, they aren't prejudice or anything, but people should really just speak English in America. I'm pretty sure my face was priceless.
DaveA 12:27 PM 06-24-2016
I think I'm pretty good about telling the difference between parents being nervous about care and those who aren't going to treat it as a professional relationship or are just plain nosey/ pushy. The first group I have no problem explaining situations to, the second gets redirected back to daycare matters. I also don't agree to care for a child at the interview so I can think about it afterwards. Most of the "out there" questions I get deal with me being male: who actually watches the children, who comes in to change diapers, can they put cameras in my house to make sure their child is safe, or how do I handle doing "women's work" 
Although I will say well meaning DCPs will come up with some head scratchers sometimes, but none that pop out right now.
Although I will say well meaning DCPs will come up with some head scratchers sometimes, but none that pop out right now.
LysesKids 01:09 PM 06-24-2016
One question that caught me off guard a few weeks ago was did I have central AC... why yes I do, but it's kept around 77-78 and I run my fans - heat index was 100 that day and dad was complaining that they always keep AC at 68-70 at home and that my house was too hot. I'm not freezing me or my babies out of my home just for one parent plus electric is bloody expensive.
I have an energy Star home & all my parents have no issue with 77 & fans in this heat, in fact most love how it feels when you come in from outside
I have an energy Star home & all my parents have no issue with 77 & fans in this heat, in fact most love how it feels when you come in from outside
happymom 01:33 PM 06-24-2016
Originally Posted by Rockgirl:
I can understand that. It must be really difficult. Except the OP's potential dcd was way out of line asking how they afford their home, and whether they get food stamps. WAY overstepping.
I absolutely agree! Asking anyone about their financial situation (even a friend) is way overstepping in my opinion.I can understand that. It must be really difficult. Except the OP's potential dcd was way out of line asking how they afford their home, and whether they get food stamps. WAY overstepping.
But questions about other adults who may be in the home with someone's child are very legitimate and should be expected in an interview for a child care.
Leigh 01:37 PM 06-24-2016
Originally Posted by LysesKids:
One question that caught me off guard a few weeks ago was did I have central AC... why yes I do, but it's kept around 77-78 and I run my fans - heat index was 100 that day and dad was complaining that they always keep AC at 68-70 at home and that my house was too hot. I'm not freezing me or my babies out of my home just for one parent plus electric is bloody expensive.
I have an energy Star home & all my parents have no issue with 77 & fans in this heat, in fact most love how it feels when you come in from outside
Does your state have regs about this? I know that for foster care, my home has to be maintained between 66 & 74 degrees.One question that caught me off guard a few weeks ago was did I have central AC... why yes I do, but it's kept around 77-78 and I run my fans - heat index was 100 that day and dad was complaining that they always keep AC at 68-70 at home and that my house was too hot. I'm not freezing me or my babies out of my home just for one parent plus electric is bloody expensive.
I have an energy Star home & all my parents have no issue with 77 & fans in this heat, in fact most love how it feels when you come in from outside
LysesKids 02:00 PM 06-24-2016
Originally Posted by Leigh:
Does your state have regs about this? I know that for foster care, my home has to be maintained between 66 & 74 degrees.
No we don't. I never keep it below 72 in winter because I have all babies and in summer my fans are always going, not just AC (when it's cooler out windows are open); like I said it's an Energy Star home & it's not even 3 years old. 77 with fans is very cool compared to the 100 degrees outside. Does your state have regs about this? I know that for foster care, my home has to be maintained between 66 & 74 degrees.
Even when I had Foster babies in care the state had no problem with 78 in summer with fans
LysesKids 02:34 PM 06-24-2016
Originally Posted by Leigh:
Does your state have regs about this? I know that for foster care, my home has to be maintained between 66 & 74 degrees.
Well they don't have this listed for home care, but this is for centers, so I'm pretty sure I'm ok;Does your state have regs about this? I know that for foster care, my home has to be maintained between 66 & 74 degrees.
"All rooms used by children shall be maintained at a temperature of between 68 degrees to 78 degrees F by means of heating, cooling or ventilation sources approved for use."
Leigh 08:07 AM 06-25-2016
Originally Posted by LysesKids:
Well they don't have this listed for home care, but this is for centers, so I'm pretty sure I'm ok;
"All rooms used by children shall be maintained at a temperature of between 68 degrees to 78 degrees F by means of heating, cooling or ventilation sources approved for use."
Well they don't have this listed for home care, but this is for centers, so I'm pretty sure I'm ok;
"All rooms used by children shall be maintained at a temperature of between 68 degrees to 78 degrees F by means of heating, cooling or ventilation sources approved for use."
I doubt that you'd ever get written up for having a home at 78, anyway! My husband would love living with you! He's always cold, I'm always hot. I like it around 66 in the winter, 70-ish in the summer. He likes 80 year round. We compromise at 72-73 because of the kids' comfort.
Josiegirl 03:30 PM 06-25-2016
Originally Posted by LysesKids:
Well they don't have this listed for home care, but this is for centers, so I'm pretty sure I'm ok;
"All rooms used by children shall be maintained at a temperature of between 68 degrees to 78 degrees F by means of heating, cooling or ventilation sources approved for use."
They've only had it for centers in my state as well but new regs. for home providers are now going to include it. AND I've heard the inspectors bring a thermometer and measure the temp. a few "s from the floor. Well they don't have this listed for home care, but this is for centers, so I'm pretty sure I'm ok;
"All rooms used by children shall be maintained at a temperature of between 68 degrees to 78 degrees F by means of heating, cooling or ventilation sources approved for use."
Are you Kidding me??My problem is the playroom is the hottest room and the coldest too. Grrr.
LysesKids 06:04 PM 06-25-2016
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
They've only had it for centers in my state as well but new regs. for home providers are now going to include it. AND I've heard the inspectors bring a thermometer and measure the temp. a few "s from the floor. Are you Kidding me??
My problem is the playroom is the hottest room and the coldest too. Grrr.
Another reason I am glad I can go legally licensed exempt... In my state I can only take 4 infants regardless of being licensed or notThey've only had it for centers in my state as well but new regs. for home providers are now going to include it. AND I've heard the inspectors bring a thermometer and measure the temp. a few "s from the floor.
Are you Kidding me??My problem is the playroom is the hottest room and the coldest too. Grrr.
KristinsHomeCC 09:48 AM 06-27-2016
I was just asked the other day in a phone interview where diaper changes are held and would she have to worry about any inappropriate behavior!!! I was immediately sickened to my stomach at the question and hung up. It was from a craigslist ad and she never called back.
KristinsHomeCC 09:50 AM 06-27-2016
Also, my very very first interview. The dad walks in and before I even shook his hand, his comment was "well...atleast the inside is a lot nicer than the outside!". (Knowing what I know now and my confidence level, I would have immediately turned them around and back out the door! )
He also made a comment about my rate, tried to negotiate it with me, and told me I should get some updated toys because his son outgrew what I had already, and placated me when I started mentioning what the rate covers (groceries)...
"Okay so what, you spend like 20 bucks a week on groceries?"
Ohhhh how I wish I could go through that interview again
)He also made a comment about my rate, tried to negotiate it with me, and told me I should get some updated toys because his son outgrew what I had already, and placated me when I started mentioning what the rate covers (groceries)...
"Okay so what, you spend like 20 bucks a week on groceries?"
Ohhhh how I wish I could go through that interview again