I had a new dcb start this morning. Has never been in childcare and never been left with anyone but Mom or Grandma. I was unaware of this until after listening to him scream for 3 hours today!! 3 hours!!! He's a year old. I guess I could sympathize with 1 hour, but not 3. I just opened and am trying not to overwhelm myself too much right away. Right now I have my 6 yo son, my 18 month old daughter, and a 10 month old dcb. In 4 weeks I'll have a 6 week old starting and I know that I won't be able to handle this kid at that time. I talked to the Grandmother who picked him up this afternoon and she really wants this to work out and wants to start coming by and visiting and staying with him every now and then to get him used to me and the house but since he'll only be coming 1 day, 2 at most I don't forsee things getting any better in the next couple of works and I'm going to feel just awful telling Mom and Grandma, "I'm sorry but he's just not a good fit here and this isn't working out." Wondering if anyone has any suggestions or advice if you've been through this before.

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If the Grandma starts doing this, it will make it worse!! After all the yrs. of providing childcare- I have had parents stay a long time at first, and it made it tons worse. Take it from a daycare provider that has been thru this many times- it will only make matters worse for everyone!!!

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Have you tired distracting him by playing toys or reading or something like this?
I don’t think that you can tell after only one day. If he has never been away, he is experiencing anxiety separation. It will take time to pass. If you let him go home, he will learn how to negotiate everything and he will always do it so that you will send him home.
I think that having the G-ma come by the house and stay is the worst thing to do. Why? Because the g-ma is sending the message to the child that maybe I don’t trust the daycare provider so I am going to stay, sending the child the WRONG message. It will also give the child false sense of hope that g-ma will stay. The sooner the DCP leave, the better. I think you just really need to have some activity to keep the little guys mind off of missing mommy and daddy...or whoever he is crying for..

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See below... hit enter too soon.

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Yes I did try distracting him! With everything I could think of! Toys, books, food, bottle, outside!!! He screamed for the first hour whether I held him or not. After the first hour he would only be quiet if I held him but I couldn't do that obviously since I had to hold and feed another infant as well as prepare lunch for my toddler. You really think it'll be worse if G-ma comes and spends a little time here. It was amazing when she showed up. He quieted right down and got down on the floor and played and was fine. She made it clear to me at that time then that he'd never been left with anyone else and also that he was still be nursed and that his Mommy spoils him ridiculously! She told me that she snapped at her the other day and told her what an injustice they've done him by spoiling him the way they do. They've never let the kid cry for any reason at all!! They said lately he's been waking up when being put down for naps so she told me instead of letting him cry and get himself back to sleep she just holds him the whole time.

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YES, I do think without a doubt that having g-ma come by and stay will makes things worse no better... I noticed the other provider said the same thing. This is in my PHB sorry some of it got chopped off at the start.

It is normal for some children to have difficulty separating from parents in the morning or not wanting to leave when it's time to go home. Please be very brief (no more than 5 minutes is sufficient) during these transition times. The longer you prolong the departure the harder it gets, and provider will need to focus on the other children in care. A smile, cheerful good-bye kiss, and a reassuring word that you will be back are all that is needed in the morning. In years of experience, children are nearly always quick to get involved in play or activities as soon as parents are gone. This is also a time of testing when two different authority figures are present (the parent and the provider). All the children will test to see if the rules still apply. During arrivals and departures, parents must back the rules of the daycare (see House Rules). If you do not, provider will remind the child that their behavior is inappropriate and take action to correct, if needed. So please be in control of your child during drop off and pick up times. Please help show your child that you respect the rules of the daycare, as well as the provider by reminding them that the rules still apply whether you are here or not.

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I had a child like that, he was almost 3 years old. First time in childcare and mom and just had a baby. He screamed most of the day and I'd try to distract him and it would work for 5-10 minutes and then he run to my front window and start balling again for his mom. I felt so bad for him. After two weeks of this and no improvement I offered to mom to us have us do 2 hours a few days and then 3 hours, etc and bump it up over two weeks to his full 6 hours. She didn't want to and we ended up deciding to not continue with care.

Would grandma/mom be open to less hours to start? Also is there something from home (A photo, etc) he could keep with him - not sure if this would work though since he's only one year old?

I agree on not having grandma come, too confusing for him.

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oh have I gone through this! I totally agree--having g-ma there will not help at all. It will only reinforce the behaviour because he will think that if he screams enough he will get his way. Daycare is scary for some kids when they start, especially ones that have been coddled at home. I recently had a little boy start--18 months old and his mom still nursed him and held him while he napped, he also is never allowed to cry--not sure how she though things were going to go at daycare! He literally screamed for 3 weeks straight--ALL DAY unless I was holding him-which was impossible to do all the time as I have 4 other toddlers in my care. After the first week, I said, "okay you're fine here, you know us, you know the routine, I am going to ignore the crying and you can play. I do not tolerate fits" it took another 2 weeks, but he has since gotten over it and now is happy when he gets here and plays fine--except for nap time which he still refuses to do and I flat out REFUSE to rock an 18 month old dck to sleep--he'll see that I'm not going to give in on that either eventually. My key advice is to just be consistent in how you deal with it, reassure the child that they are safe and that mommy/daddy/grandma will be back and once they have been in care enough simply ignore the crying. That is the only way I have been able to stay sane (sort of) when I have new kids start. Its almost always rough, unfortunatley.

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Thank you Sunnyday for your advice. I tried that while he was he yesterday as well. That was exactly my logic after the first hour is to just ignore it to show him that he is okay and there is nothing to be so upset about. He actually calmed down a couple of times when I even stepped out of the room into the kitchen but then he would scream a second later and come find me. G-ma wants to come today and stay for an hour but thanks to everyone for their advice I will tell her to just drop him off for 30 min. and we'll just gradually increase the time he stay a little. Like I said though if he's not doing better before my 6 week old starts I'm going to have to terminate. It's so upsetting to me and the other children here to listen to his screaming!

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