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Parents and Guardians Forum>Separation Anxiety? When to Pull the Plug
Unregistered 05:34 PM 11-18-2019
Hi,

My daughter is 3 and just started pre school / daycare at a highly recommended place. Up until then, she was watched by my parents on some days, and another in home family member other days. This is her first time at daycare. We chose daycare 3 days a week and my parents do the other 2. We chose this when we moved further away from the original providers. Anyways- my girl is sweet, smart and very social. We did the tour and she loved it! Well, about a month in and all she does is cry. She has terrible anxiety that Iím going to leave her. She asks every day ( with panic) if itís a school night. Relieved when I say no, and cries when I say yes. Itís to the point where I canít even leave her with her own Dad because she doesnít want me to leave her. Teachers tell me sheís fine after I leave, and sheís always excited when I pick her up. But again, if I do so much as go to the store, doctor , whatever- she has to be with me. She has also been acting out ( crying , tantrums, developing stress rashes, etc). I know sheís in good hands, but this is breaking my heart. Is this normal? Is it time to pull the plug? I donít know what to do.
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Jo123ABC 11:36 PM 11-18-2019
Yes it's normal! I'd try to hang in there if you can if everything is fine after you leave. As a provider, my little girl stayed home with me from the age of 2 until pt preschool. She loved preschool but it was only 3 hours 2 days a week. When she started kindergarten she cried. I hid and cried. Her dad wanted to cry it is really hard to see your kid adjust to something new but they have to do it eventually. Mom simply can't be there all the time forever as much as we wish we could be. It's a big change for her! She will be okay. Try not to show your emotion about her distress. Don't drag on drop offs. Tell her she's okay, have fun, I'll see you as soon as your done. Smile, hug and walk away. I've seen a lot of kids hang on mom on her way out the door in the morning and then go about their day as usual with no problems! The ones that struggle the most are the ones with parents that drag it on and make a big deal out of it.
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Josiegirl 03:13 AM 11-19-2019
Exactly what Jo123ABC said! It takes some children a bit longer to adjust than others. Trust me, it's harder on the parents. Don't show any distress any time you mention dc, always talk about it in a positive light(or make your best attempt!). And never try to sneak out either, just in case you've thought about it.
Ask the dc for suggestions or if you can make something together to share with her 'new friends'. Ask if you can let her have something small from home for a friendly reminder for the day, such as a photo, etc. Does she have an attachment item she could use temporarily? You an ask your dd to make you a picture when you drop her off.

I can only imagine how difficult it must be as a parent. I've been on both ends and it tears the ole heart strings. But try not to feed into her worries and fears or she'll think there's really something to be afraid of and it'll take her much longer to adjust. Good luck!! Give it more time before you think about truly bagging it.
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