Child’s Safety at Risk! Help!!

I have gone through a very highly contested divorce from a sexually, physically, and psychologically abusive husband. The courts in this Virginia county are extremely father friendly. The judge said since I didn’t report all this horrific abuse then it didn’t happen. He gave my ex primary custody with final decision making rights. My ex-husband promptly moved her to a daycare that is part of a nationally and international chain. This is a very transient location with teachers and children lasting about 6 months at most with almost all military families. A perfect atmosphere to hide an abuser’s actions. Also, my ex is a charmer and master manipulator on top of everything else.

My 3year old daughter appears to be getting molested by her father. My daughter has reported to her teacher that she is being peed on her face and “tushy.” The teacher told her that she is a bad girl and gave her a time out. My daughter said she told the director the same thing and the director called my daughter a liar. I am so distraught because everything my child is reporting happened to me in my marriage. I believe my child. I thought daycares had a mandatory reporting obligation. Am I wrong? Is it different for private daycares? I cannot report because I am told that the judge will take away my custody because he never believed I was abused, which would put my daughter in a more dangerous position.

I am horrified by this large daycare system not protecting the children. How can I protect my daughter from the molestation and expose this daycare’s actions. I am sure my daughter is not the first child they have done this to and I know she won’t be the last.

[Cat Herder]

It is possible they have reported and CPS ruled it unsubstantiated based on your court history. There may not be any physical evidence to support your claim, only a history of your verbally stating the same things, leading them to suspect coaching on your part. There are hundreds of cases of women alleging abuse after the fact to gain custody. It is not something easily ruled out without physical evidence.

There is a reason we are not allowed to question or encourage the child to elaborate anything to us, it contaminates the investigation. We are told to change the subject, move on with our daily routine and report.

A three year old may have seen it as "time out" when the teacher simply moved her away from other students when she was discussing such inappropriate classroom discussion to prevent them from also saying things like that for attention. 3 year old's are known to parrot for reaction. It is classic developmental behavior.

I would recommend controlling what you can at this point. Teaching her good touch/bad touch and give her the words to say no.

May I ask why you did not report your own abuse?

[e.j.]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I have gone through a very highly contested divorce from a sexually, physically, and psychologically abusive husband. The courts in this Virginia county are extremely father friendly. The judge said since I didn’t report all this horrific abuse then it didn’t happen. He gave my ex primary custody with final decision making rights. My ex-husband promptly moved her to a daycare that is part of a nationally and international chain. This is a very transient location with teachers and children lasting about 6 months at most with almost all military families. A perfect atmosphere to hide an abuser’s actions. Also, my ex is a charmer and master manipulator on top of everything else.

My 3year old daughter appears to be getting molested by her father. My daughter has reported to her teacher that she is being peed on her face and “tushy.” The teacher told her that she is a bad girl and gave her a time out. My daughter said she told the director the same thing and the director called my daughter a liar. I am so distraught because everything my child is reporting happened to me in my marriage. I believe my child. I thought daycares had a mandatory reporting obligation. Am I wrong? Is it different for private daycares? I cannot report because I am told that the judge will take away my custody because he never believed I was abused, which would put my daughter in a more dangerous position.

I am horrified by this large daycare system not protecting the children. How can I protect my daughter from the molestation and expose this daycare’s actions. I am sure my daughter is not the first child they have done this to and I know she won’t be the last.

I did a quick Google search and found this: http://www.vacc.org/docs/laws/LAW-%2...porting%20.pdf Looks to me as though all child care providers are mandated reporters.

If I were in the situation you described, I'd contact the lawyer who handled the child custody case to ask for help and advice. If that lawyer isn't available, I'd look for another who specializes in cases like this. I imagine there are organizations set up to help mother's who find themselves in similar situations. I'd start to research those in your area and try to get help and advice from them if a lawyer can't/won't help.