Baby is Hungry & Never Naps

[Star’s Mommy]

Hi everyone! I’m brand new here. Background: I’m a certified teacher and mom and due to the pandemic (and my own child eLearning) I quit my job as a teacher and started babysitting a 10 month old boy at my house.
My question is: How do I prove to his mom that he needs more to drink? She sends a 2 ounce bottle for 9am, 4 ounce for noon, and 4 ounce for 3pm (bottles must be given according to her schedule). He also gets 2 ounces of baby oatmeal at 9am, 2 ounces of purée baby food at noon, and 2 ounces of purée fruit/veggie at 3pm. When he finishes his bottle and purée he’s upset and looking for more. She’s very strict with the schedule.
He’s at my house 8am until 4:30pm. He’s extremely active and already walking/running! He’s wearing 12 month clothes and is a big baby. He is frequently fussy/upset/tired but refuses to nap. I asked his mom to send more breastmilk/food, but she refuses and says too much breastmilk will cause diabetes and obesity....
Does it sound like he’s getting enough? I’m second guessing my mom instincts because she insists this is all he gets at home and her breastmilk is very “fatty and high calorie”... She also said her pediatrician agrees with this.
I don’t understand this reasoning because with my own child I fed whenever hungry/thirsty.

[PB&J]

I would google “how much a ten month old should eat” and print out some charts for her from reliable sources. You could also print out the schedule she insists on, the hours he is in your care, including the number of days each week...and have the doctor sign it (or, have the doctor print out a sample schedule on his letterhead)

[Josiegirl]

Oy parents who keep such a close eye on every single little ounce that went into their baby's mouth, used to bug me. Babies need what they need, growth spurts, energy levels, individual needs.....how can even a doctor dictate exactly how much is needed? And I bet the dr. never recommended what she said they did. A 10 month old is growing and learning at top speed; their brains are developing at an enormous rate. For that development to flourish, it needs healthy food, and enough of it for that particular child.

Giving her articles is a good start; feeding a baby according to their individual needs, brain development, that sort of thing. If she doesn't cooperate, I think I'd have to let her go due to the fussy child and her micro-managing. Babies, IMO, are best at letting you know what they need.

[Cat Herder]

These are the feeding requirements we are to follow per Child and Adult Care Food program. Most states require all childcare providers to follow them. https://www.fns.usda.gov/cacfp/meals-and-snacks

[Star’s Mommy]

Thanks so much for your reply! In the past I’ve printed out this exact form, but she tried to tell me that when she had her milk “tested” (at his birth) that it was double the calorie of average breastmilk. I’m no expert, but I know that the composition and calorie count of moms milk changes throughout the day and as baby grows... She is adamant that she’s right and I’m wrong. I feel he’d actually nap more then a 15-20 minute cat nap if he was full. Has anyone else had an experience of moms withholding milk or telling you to ignore hunger cues? I read that babies need to learn self regulation- but how will he learn this if he’s being told when he “should be hungry”... ugh, you’re right. I’m headed towards term I’m afraid.

[Cat Herder]

She sounds, um, *speshull*. Sounds like she is accustomed to advertising her breastmilk this way.

I have had many mom's try to withhold milk for various reasons.

• Some so the baby would be tired (from crying) and hungry at pickup so that one solid feeding would have them sleeping through the night.
  
• Some so they could meet their social media groups "breast feeding story" trends, social gratification. (yes, really)
  
• Some, because they are supplementing their income by selling their "mothers gold" online.
  
• Some, because their milk is drying up and their social media/social circle depends on extending this stage of life, emotional gratification.
  
• Some, because their milk is drying up and they think they can't afford formula.
  
• Some, because they can't afford formula.
  
• Some sell their state provided formula for groceries and rationalize it is ok because they are making breastmilk with it, even if not enough.

My solution to all of the above is to offer formula as part of my meal schedule and tuition. I call it supplementation, then just make it a normal part of the day when solids are introduced. Breast milk, first, then formula with meals.

For the ones who will not provide more breastmilk and refuse to give permission for formula, I remind them that I am a mandated reporter and ask for a doctors note to support their preferred feeding plan. Most comply, then. The one who did not did end up with a long term caseworker.

[Cat Herder]

I have also breastfed three kids. At no time was I told the caloric content of my milk, only that if it was bluish or clear I needed to supplement. As long as it had good fat content, I was good. That the amount the babies needed changed by the day based on what their littles bodies were developing at the time. No two are exactly alike.

[e.j.]

Originally Posted by Star’s Mommy

Has anyone else had an experience of moms withholding milk or telling you to ignore hunger cues? I read that babies need to learn self regulation- but how will he learn this if he’s being told when he “should be hungry”... ugh, you’re right. I’m headed towards term I’m afraid.

I had a dcm who was very controlling in regard to what/how much her baby ate. I didn't realize how much so until the day I fed her very hungry/very miserable baby an extra tablespoon of oatmeal. I thought I was doing the right thing by the baby. She (the baby) calmed right down and was a different kid after she had had enough to eat! I told dcm what I had done and explained that I thought she just needed a little more to eat. Dcm was upset and made it clear I was not to give her any additional food because, as the dcm told me, the baby had food allergies. (She'd never mentioned that previously.) Things eventually came to a head. They decided to leave my care and I was happy to see them go.

A couple of years later, I had enrolled another little girl in my care. Her mom told me she had a best friend who was looking for day care and asked if I would be willing to speak with her. The friend turned out to be Food-Police Mom! She apologized to me for what happened and asked if I would consider taking them back. She explained that dcg didn't really have food allergies. She explained that she had grown up in a family of very heavy women and she, herself, was very heavy before she got married. She and her husband were very concerned that dc baby would grow up to be overweight, too, so they were very careful about what she ate. We talked things through and I did take them back. There were a few hiccups along the way but we worked them out. I loved the kid but can't say I missed the parents after they finally left!

The truly sad thing is that the other dcm and I ran into each other a few years after the kids had aged out. During our conversation, I asked how Food Police Mom was doing and she told me she had no idea; they were no longer friendly. She explained that she had invited ex-dcg to a birthday party for her own dd and when she mentioned she was serving pizza for lunch, she was told she could give ex-dcg (who was then about 8 years old) a slice. When the ex-dcg said she was still hungry and asked for a second slice, she gave her one. When she mentioned to Food Police Mom that she gave her dd a second slice, FPM went ballistic, words were exchanged and FPM ended their 16 year friendship - over a slice of pizza. Sad!

[Star’s Mommy]

Originally Posted by Cat Herder

She sounds, um, *speshull*. Sounds like she is accustomed to advertising her breastmilk this way.

I have had many mom's try to withhold milk for various reasons.

• Some so the baby would be tired (from crying) and hungry at pickup so that one solid feeding would have them sleeping through the night.
  
• Some so they could meet their social media groups "breast feeding story" trends, social gratification. (yes, really)
  
• Some, because they are supplementing their income by selling their "mothers gold" online.
  
• Some, because their milk is drying up and their social media/social circle depends on extending this stage of life, emotional gratification.
  
• Some, because their milk is drying up and they think they can't afford formula.
  
• Some, because they can't afford formula.
  
• Some sell their state provided formula for groceries and rationalize it is ok because they are making breastmilk with it, even if not enough.

My solution to all of the above is to offer formula as part of my meal schedule and tuition. I call it supplementation, then just make it a normal part of the day when solids are introduced. Breast milk, first, then formula with meals.

For the ones who will not provide more breastmilk and refuse to give permission for formula, I remind them that I am a mandated reporter and ask for a doctors note to support their preferred feeding plan. Most comply, then. The one who did not did end up with a long term caseworker.

Thank you for your reply. I think you’re spot on with the reasoning. Sadly, she’s very involved in social media groups on Facebook and Instagram and often quotes things she reads on her group pages. They can definitely afford formula, but I offered to buy some anyways after failed attempts of asking her to supply more milk/food. She looked at me as if I was insane and snapped back that breastmilk is best and he is getting all he needs and I am not to supplement in any way. As for the absence of a nap, she told me he doesn’t need to nap at my house because he sleeps for 1-2 hours on the ride home at 4:30/5pm... And he’s slept through the night since he was 3 months old. I find this hard to believe, but she is sticking to that story.

[Star’s Mommy]

Originally Posted by e.j.

I had a dcm who was very controlling in regard to what/how much her baby ate. I didn't realize how much so until the day I fed her very hungry/very miserable baby an extra tablespoon of oatmeal. I thought I was doing the right thing by the baby. She (the baby) calmed right down and was a different kid after she had had enough to eat! I told dcm what I had done and explained that I thought she just needed a little more to eat. Dcm was upset and made it clear I was not to give her any additional food because, as the dcm told me, the baby had food allergies. (She'd never mentioned that previously.) Things eventually came to a head. They decided to leave my care and I was happy to see them go.

A couple of years later, I had enrolled another little girl in my care. Her mom told me she had a best friend who was looking for day care and asked if I would be willing to speak with her. The friend turned out to be Food-Police Mom! She apologized to me for what happened and asked if I would consider taking them back. She explained that dcg didn't really have food allergies. She explained that she had grown up in a family of very heavy women and she, herself, was very heavy before she got married. She and her husband were very concerned that dc baby would grow up to be overweight, too, so they were very careful about what she ate. We talked things through and I did take them back. There were a few hiccups along the way but we worked them out. I loved the kid but can't say I missed the parents after they finally left!

The truly sad thing is that the other dcm and I ran into each other a few years after the kids had aged out. During our conversation, I asked how Food Police Mom was doing and she told me she had no idea; they were no longer friendly. She explained that she had invited ex-dcg to a birthday party for her own dd and when she mentioned she was serving pizza for lunch, she was told she could give ex-dcg (who was then about 8 years old) a slice. When the ex-dcg said she was still hungry and asked for a second slice, she gave her one. When she mentioned to Food Police Mom that she gave her dd a second slice, FPM went ballistic, words were exchanged and FPM ended their 16 year friendship - over a slice of pizza. Sad!

Ok, so I’m not alone! This is the first food police experience I’ve ever had! I think I’ve tried so hard to give her the benefit of the doubt; first time mom, baby born during pandemic, no family in the area, no grandparents... I just felt sorry for her and tried to avoid any sort of awkward conversation or confrontation. Plus she has been insisting her milk is “high calorie” and her pediatrician agrees she’s giving him plenty. Like I mentioned- he’s a Big Baby for 10 months. I’m positive they’re giving him much more to eat/drink at home, because there is no way he’d sleep through the night on the amount they are supplying me for the 9 hours he’s here! She suggested “pacing” the bottles for the first 6 months which involved him gulping down tons of air each time i stopped the flow, and then told me to add an ounce or 2 of water to his bottle when he turned 9 months if he seemed extra fussy. I told her absolutely not, and I’d only serve water in a sippy cup. She’s made comments about “avoiding obesity” many times when I’d tell her he’s still hungry. Similar to your situation with the little girl you watched. I’m wondering if that’s also a factor.

[Jo123ABC]

Omg. Screw her. Poor baby. Seriously. Do yourself a huge favor and look for a replacement ASAP. There's no way I'd do this. I'd just do what I want/what baby needs and smile and nod at pickup if she wouldn't budge for me. If more milk isn't an option, I'd offer more solids at least for now. I would do as other posters have suggested and require a dr note. Maybe consider ollowing the food program so they can be the "bad guy". Maybe you should report her.

[Josiegirl]

I fear for those children as they grow up. What these parents are doing to avoid obesity will have such detrimental affects. Shame shame on them.

[Rockgirl]

Originally Posted by Josiegirl

I fear for those children as they grow up. What these parents are doing to avoid obesity will have such detrimental affects. Shame shame on them.

My thoughts exactly.

[e.j.]

Originally Posted by Josiegirl

I fear for those children as they grow up. What these parents are doing to avoid obesity will have such detrimental affects. Shame shame on them.

I've often wondered how dcg is doing and if her mental and physical health has been damaged by her parents' food issues. Her father was as bad as her mother, if not worse. I remember one Mother's Day, the kids and I melted chocolate and used molds to make a long-stem chocolate rose for their moms. Dcd refused to let his dd take the rose she had made for her mother home with them because he didn't his wife to eat it.

[Josiegirl]

Originally Posted by e.j.

I've often wondered how dcg is doing and if her mental and physical health has been damaged by her parents' food issues. Her father was as bad as her mother, if not worse. I remember one Mother's Day, the kids and I melted chocolate and used molds to make a long-stem chocolate rose for their moms. Dcd refused to let his dd take the rose she had made for her mother home with them because he didn't his wife to eat it.

SMH at people sometimes.
Is it any wonder some children and adults are as messed up as they are??

Originally Posted by e.j.

I've often wondered how dcg is doing and if her mental and physical health has been damaged by her parents' food issues. Her father was as bad as her mother, if not worse. I remember one Mother's Day, the kids and I melted chocolate and used molds to make a long-stem chocolate rose for their moms. Dcd refused to let his dd take the rose she had made for her mother home with them because he didn't his wife to eat it.

I am very worried about these trends. I certainly understand the fear of diabetes and obesity, but what these people do to their children is bound to lead to eating disorders!
This is beyond common sense and it is very scary to read about it!

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I always stood by my policy, which said very clearly, I will not withhold food from a hungry child. If they can trust me to care for their baby all day and not kill it, they should trust me to understand their nutritional needs and the signs of hunger. In my experience, a 10 month old would be taking 6-8 ounce bottles for each meal, with food as a supplement after. I never did purees, just soft foods for them to eat. Formula was still the main nutrition at that age, so 2 ounces is kind of insulting for this big boy. And I know the difference in babies who I knew were just wanting to eat for comfort versus nutrition, but if they are moving and walking and burning those calories, they need fuel. He is a growing boy and needs more than 2 oz and a few spoonfuls of baby food.

I would not let a parent bring their kid to me for 8+ hours a day and dictate the feeding schedule. I am willing to be flexible, but restricting food is not an area I was willing to mess with. And I know many parents do this because they want to give the baby a big heavy feeding at night and since they haven't slept much through the day because of hunger, they will get a full belly and sleep much longer at night. The irony is that they are just looking to get a fussy baby to bed easily so they don't have to deal with them. If they fed regularly and instilled good nap schedules, they would get to enjoy a happy baby in the evening and could still maintain a healthy night sleep routine. It is something you should put your foot down on. And maybe even word it in harsh terms. As CH said, I am a mandated reporter and I refuse to withhold food from a hungry child. Make them realize the seriousness of what they are asking you to do.

Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff

I always stood by my policy, which said very clearly, I will not withhold food from a hungry child. If they can trust me to care for their baby all day and not kill it, they should trust me to understand their nutritional needs and the signs of hunger. In my experience, a 10 month old would be taking 6-8 ounce bottles for each meal, with food as a supplement after. I never did purees, just soft foods for them to eat. Formula was still the main nutrition at that age, so 2 ounces is kind of insulting for this big boy. And I know the difference in babies who I knew were just wanting to eat for comfort versus nutrition, but if they are moving and walking and burning those calories, they need fuel. He is a growing boy and needs more than 2 oz and a few spoonfuls of baby food.

I would not let a parent bring their kid to me for 8+ hours a day and dictate the feeding schedule. I am willing to be flexible, but restricting food is not an area I was willing to mess with. And I know many parents do this because they want to give the baby a big heavy feeding at night and since they haven't slept much through the day because of hunger, they will get a full belly and sleep much longer at night. The irony is that they are just looking to get a fussy baby to bed easily so they don't have to deal with them. If they fed regularly and instilled good nap schedules, they would get to enjoy a happy baby in the evening and could still maintain a healthy night sleep routine. It is something you should put your foot down on. And maybe even word it in harsh terms. As CH said, I am a mandated reporter and I refuse to withhold food from a hungry child. Make them realize the seriousness of what they are asking you to do.

I think you are right, you need to defend your opinion and rights, because sometimes parents can to walk all over you if you don't stop them in time