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Old 12-10-2010, 09:43 PM
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Default Daycare Boy Hitting/Biting Mom At Pick-Up

I'm just wondering if other providers have issues with their daycare kids hitting or biting their parents when the parent picks them up for the day.

My little daycare boy is 19 months old and has what I would call typical feelings about coming and leaving daycare. When he gets here in the morning, I would say 4 out of 5 mornings, he just wants mom to hold him, is tired, and cries when she starts to head back out the door. But at the end of the day, every day, he never wants to leave once mom comes to pick him up. She doesn't mind this and has mentioned that she likes that he doesn't want to leave because it reassures her he likes being here.

The problem is as soon as his mom tries to put his coat/shoes/hat whatever on and tells him it's time to go, he immediately smacks her in the face (pretty hard too), or her pulls her hair, or tries to bite her face or shoulder (whatever is closest!). She will firmly say no and grab his hand, but then he'll just hit her with the other hand. Today he hit her about 5 times, bit her, and pulled her hair and she was clearly pretty upset about it as she left.

What I don't get is that he has NEVER tried to hit or bite me whatsoever. He occasionally hits or bites my 2 year old daughter, but this is normal kid behavior (usually in response to her taking his toy or him wanting something of hers that she won't give him). I firmly say no biting/hiting/whatever it is and put them in time-out for 2 minutes for such behavior. Then I tell whoever hit or bit to say sorry to the other one and give them a hug.

I don't understand why he does this to his mom, but he doesn't hit or bite me when I take something away from him or take him away from something. Sure, he cries if he's upset that I took something from him, but he's never even came close to hitting me or trying to hurt me.

My daughter is my first child and this is my only daycare child (just in the process of getting licensed), so I don't know if this is typical behavior at pick-up. It is always his mom who drops off and picks up, so it's not like it's an unusual routine for him. Also, mom and dad give him time-outs at home for same behavior. She says he gets out of his time outs right away - again different from daycare...he sits in timeout for me perfectly fine until I tell him he can get up.
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Old 12-10-2010, 10:54 PM
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Abigail Abigail is offline
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wow, I have never seen that happen! Is she a young mom? Would you consider having him sit in time out if he does it again since it happened in your home? I'm sure you just want him out the door since it's the end of the day. LOL.

If she picks up at the same time or gives you a five or ten minute heads up, you should get his jacket and shoes on him. Maybe try a different transitional time for leaving. Good thing you only have one dcb right now so you can try to solve this. You wouldn't want other children to see this four times a week and repeat it to all their parents. Yikes. I feel bad for the mom. Hopefully he will outgrow this behavior. I would still try to avoid the situation by transition time for leaving a little sooner and telling him he needs to be nice to mom when she comes and that you will help him with his shoes/jacket to surprise mom when she arrives. Good luck, hope it gets better!
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Old 12-11-2010, 05:18 AM
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I was gonna suggest also to get him ready 5 minutes before my is due to pick him up everyday this will make it easier on the Mom and little boy also tell him Mom is coming to get you its time for you to go bye bye maybe it will make it a little easier on him. Ive had one little boy who use to smack his Mom in the face when he was excited to see her they found out he is SPD but there was alot of other behaviors that went along with it thats not what Im saying is wrong with this little boy. I would also suggest to Mom when he smacks her, bites, etc to firmly tell him NO and but him down and turn her back so he isnt getting attention for it.
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Old 12-11-2010, 06:43 AM
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I had this happen a bit before the 22mo old dck left. He would scream "ehhhhhhhh" at his mom and then smack her a few times while going limp as she would try to get his coat or shoes on. I chalked it up to the parent lingering forever. She would linger in the morning too and he would do the same things. Finally Id have to have all his stuff ready to go and just usher them out the door by having dinner going. Some kids just "show off" more when a parent is around as he would never think to do any of that around me.

She also told me she would flick the child upside the head when he would annoy her so that explained a lot to me. Dunno if this is the case for your situation though.
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Old 12-11-2010, 08:10 AM
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Nope I don't have this. I have a no violence policy in my home. I would have the child do all transitions outside my front door. I would not have the parent coming in and out with the child if the child clearly couldn't manage it without violence. It's not fair to the child and it's REALLY not fair to me, my son, or the other kids. We don't want to watch someone get slapped five times in a few minutes regardless of who is slapping and who is being slapped.

It's important to me to make sure that EVERYONE who walks thru my door understand that the entryway into my home is the threshhold where all violence ends. Parents need to understand it and the children need to understand it. If the child is unable to abide by that then they can only be in my house when they are able to restrain themselves from violence. If they hit, bite, fight, pull hair, and kick they can't come to my house. If they hit, kick, fight, pull hair, and bite only with their parents then they are welcome to be in my home as long as their parents aren't in my home at the same time.
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Old 12-11-2010, 08:18 AM
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I put their shoes on and even jacket before parents arrive to shorten the transition....and then swoosh!....they are gone. I have only had one hitter-
biter in six years and it was directed at mom and older sis.
Good luck!
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Old 12-11-2010, 09:54 AM
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I have one who clings to Mom every morning and clings to me every night...she is just over 2. Transitioning is hard for her, she just wants whoever has her at that moment.

Try to have her as ready as possible when Mom comes in. I always have her shoes on and when I see her pull up I try to get her coat on.
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