Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Arguing, Fussing, Bossing, and Tattling
Hunni Bee 10:31 AM 05-14-2012
I tried to search the archives, but I couldn't find anything that really addressed this.
My group does so much of this its just gross. If someone accidentally pokes someone else with their toe at circle time - "Move!! You're kicking me!! Ms. ----!!!". They argue over every toy, turns on the computer, spaces in line, anything. They tell each other what to do and tattle all day.
I do not yell. I model respectful language and practice it with them. Yes, I tell people what to do, Im the adult. I ask them whenever possible, but sometimes I do have to use my firm voice.
Im really sick of the rudeness and arguments. I had enough this morning, and sat them down and told them anyone using rude voices or tattling about small stuff will get an automatic time out, no questions asked, and why. It worked pretty well for this morning, but i know it's only short term. I just couldn't listen to it anymore.
Any advice on how to teach them respect and how to play and work together nicely will be greatly appreciated.
My group does so much of this its just gross. If someone accidentally pokes someone else with their toe at circle time - "Move!! You're kicking me!! Ms. ----!!!". They argue over every toy, turns on the computer, spaces in line, anything. They tell each other what to do and tattle all day.
I do not yell. I model respectful language and practice it with them. Yes, I tell people what to do, Im the adult. I ask them whenever possible, but sometimes I do have to use my firm voice.
Im really sick of the rudeness and arguments. I had enough this morning, and sat them down and told them anyone using rude voices or tattling about small stuff will get an automatic time out, no questions asked, and why. It worked pretty well for this morning, but i know it's only short term. I just couldn't listen to it anymore.
Any advice on how to teach them respect and how to play and work together nicely will be greatly appreciated.
SunshineMama 10:59 AM 05-14-2012
I will be watching this closely as I am experiencing these issues as well.
MizzCheryl 11:15 AM 05-14-2012
To bad Nanny De hasn't been posting. Bet she could address those behaviors.
I will be watching too.
I have the same issues sometimes.
I will be watching too.
I have the same issues sometimes.
DCP 11:50 AM 05-14-2012
I have learned that the daycare kids become like siblings to each other..and what do most siblings do...fight and tattle constantly!!!
I use a lot of redirection. Here this usually happens between certain kids - so when I have "group" games where they partner up I have the two that seem to fight alot partner together. I also place them together for nap time, lunch etc. So they are forced to get along. This generally nips it in the butt pretty fast for awhile. I also DO NOT tolerate singling anyone out - and they all know it. Rule is if you can not play nice together with everyone - then you can not play with any one. They all know this rule and learn it pretty fast from day one..so it cuts down on that issue most of the time.
My own kids (twins) no matter what I try with them..they fight and tattle 20 times a day. I have gotten to the point unless it is serious I ignore them. They still try - but it is far less now LOL
I use a lot of redirection. Here this usually happens between certain kids - so when I have "group" games where they partner up I have the two that seem to fight alot partner together. I also place them together for nap time, lunch etc. So they are forced to get along. This generally nips it in the butt pretty fast for awhile. I also DO NOT tolerate singling anyone out - and they all know it. Rule is if you can not play nice together with everyone - then you can not play with any one. They all know this rule and learn it pretty fast from day one..so it cuts down on that issue most of the time.
My own kids (twins) no matter what I try with them..they fight and tattle 20 times a day. I have gotten to the point unless it is serious I ignore them. They still try - but it is far less now LOL
My3cents 12:11 PM 05-14-2012
bump bump bump bump...... would love more on this
MarinaVanessa 12:21 PM 05-14-2012
I can't say that I have any real advice about how to stop it but have you ever really just sat back to observe the groups dynamic? If you just sit back and let things pan out without intervening (unless a situation becomes unsafe) you might realize that's one or two children that create the chaos and so the rest react to it KWIM?
My personal "hot spot" is tattling. It's just my biggest pet peeve so I don't get involve unless it's to guide the kids to find a solution themselves. I have a saying for when the kids tattle ... "In or out?". Are they trying to get someone In trouble or trying to keep someone out of trouble? (unsafe, hitting, fighting etc). If it's an "In" they draw me a picture so that I can look at it later. Usually they're just little things that they tattle about (like someone brushing up against them etc) so they don't want to bother with drawing the picture. It works for me anf my group.
My personal "hot spot" is tattling. It's just my biggest pet peeve so I don't get involve unless it's to guide the kids to find a solution themselves. I have a saying for when the kids tattle ... "In or out?". Are they trying to get someone In trouble or trying to keep someone out of trouble? (unsafe, hitting, fighting etc). If it's an "In" they draw me a picture so that I can look at it later. Usually they're just little things that they tattle about (like someone brushing up against them etc) so they don't want to bother with drawing the picture. It works for me anf my group.
cheerfuldom 12:27 PM 05-14-2012
If it is an object they are fighting about, I put the object in timeout, I do not try and referee every disagreement. Then I say sadly "This toy has to go in timeout until we can learn to play with it nicely. We will try again later".
Like the PP, observing who is actually causing the issues is a big help because then you can diligently regulate those one or two kids and see that the rest are just fine on their own.
A lot of the minor fussing is to be expected with younger kids. Perhaps you are paying those little comments too much attention? Are they actually fighting for YOUR attention and this is what works? If someone poked another during circle time, I would do a quick remind to the whole group about sitting nicely and then continue with the activity. Stopping and giving attention to the fighters is also momentarily ignoring the kids who ARE behaving and may be accidentally teaching the fussing kids that they are in control of the activity, they stop the activity when they want to be heard, they get teachers attention by fighting.
Like the PP, observing who is actually causing the issues is a big help because then you can diligently regulate those one or two kids and see that the rest are just fine on their own.
A lot of the minor fussing is to be expected with younger kids. Perhaps you are paying those little comments too much attention? Are they actually fighting for YOUR attention and this is what works? If someone poked another during circle time, I would do a quick remind to the whole group about sitting nicely and then continue with the activity. Stopping and giving attention to the fighters is also momentarily ignoring the kids who ARE behaving and may be accidentally teaching the fussing kids that they are in control of the activity, they stop the activity when they want to be heard, they get teachers attention by fighting.
Bookworm 12:49 PM 05-14-2012
Originally Posted by DCP:
I have learned that the daycare kids become like siblings to each other..and what do most siblings do...fight and tattle constantly!!!
I use a lot of redirection. Here this usually happens between certain kids - so when I have "group" games where they partner up I have the two that seem to fight alot partner together. I also place them together for nap time, lunch etc. So they are forced to get along. This generally nips it in the butt pretty fast for awhile. I also DO NOT tolerate singling anyone out - and they all know it. Rule is if you can not play nice together with everyone - then you can not play with any one. They all know this rule and learn it pretty fast from day one..so it cuts down on that issue most of the time.
My own kids (twins) no matter what I try with them..they fight and tattle 20 times a day. I have gotten to the point unless it is serious I ignore them. They still try - but it is far less now LOL
This is exactly what I do. Recently, I've added sorting beans so the 2 DCKs who are fighting will learn to get along and work together. It's worked some minor miracles.I have learned that the daycare kids become like siblings to each other..and what do most siblings do...fight and tattle constantly!!!
I use a lot of redirection. Here this usually happens between certain kids - so when I have "group" games where they partner up I have the two that seem to fight alot partner together. I also place them together for nap time, lunch etc. So they are forced to get along. This generally nips it in the butt pretty fast for awhile. I also DO NOT tolerate singling anyone out - and they all know it. Rule is if you can not play nice together with everyone - then you can not play with any one. They all know this rule and learn it pretty fast from day one..so it cuts down on that issue most of the time.
My own kids (twins) no matter what I try with them..they fight and tattle 20 times a day. I have gotten to the point unless it is serious I ignore them. They still try - but it is far less now LOL
Hunni Bee 06:40 PM 05-14-2012
I try to ignore as much as possible. But we were reading a book at circle time and every other sentence was punctuated by "Get off me!" "I can't see, X is in my way!" "She's touching/looking at/breathing on me!!" I just thought it was ridiculous.
And it isn't just one or two kids. Out of 11 kids, I can say it's 9 of them.
And it isn't just one or two kids. Out of 11 kids, I can say it's 9 of them.
daycare 06:49 PM 05-14-2012
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
I try to ignore as much as possible. But we were reading a book at circle time and every other sentence was punctuated by "Get off me!" "I can't see, X is in my way!" "She's touching/looking at/breathing on me!!" I just thought it was ridiculous.
And it isn't just one or two kids. Out of 11 kids, I can say it's 9 of them.
I agree with MV..I try to ignore as much as possible. But we were reading a book at circle time and every other sentence was punctuated by "Get off me!" "I can't see, X is in my way!" "She's touching/looking at/breathing on me!!" I just thought it was ridiculous.
And it isn't just one or two kids. Out of 11 kids, I can say it's 9 of them.
I dont get involved in their battles, unless I see them starting to escalate. Of course, these kids are 3.5 to 5 years old. I will some times help them end the argument or whatever situation they are dealing with, with a little bit of guidance.....
Like Johnny took my car...If Johnny took your car, then you need to go and talk to Johnny. I listen to their conversation and encourage them to try to figure it out on their own.
Back in december around the holidays my kids were nuts. I was having issues just like you at circle time. So I went to the craft section at walmart and I bought tons of 8.5 x 11 felt squares in different colors. I assigned colors to the kids that were displaying great behavior, or I let them pick first. Those that were not, did not get a choice. At the start of circle time each child was given one to sit on. I made sure that even if they were to spread out their legs and arms, they could not reach the person next to them. I gave them one shot. If you get off the mat, you are out of the room. By the middle of the first story, all but one kid was out. They never did it again. It took that one time and they knew I was not joking.
Do you think something like that would work?
temom 05:54 AM 05-15-2012
I agree with MV, its normally one kid who starts everything. I have a group of 5 and it was fighting, crying whining ALL the time. then i noticed that it was one kid who would start the whole thing for eg: he would poke one child and the child would say stop but he would keep doing it, or he would say My mom doesn't want you to come to my house and the fight would start, i was at my wits end with what i should do with the kid,Thankfully he left and now i have the most amazing group ever.
karen 11:50 AM 05-15-2012
What are friends for
On my wall is 3 pictures
Picture 1 is of Dora the explorer and boots hugging....The children know that that means Friends are for Hugging and Nice Touches
Picture 2 is of 3 random kids reading a book together.... The children know that that means Sharing and Taking Turns.
Picture 3 is two children playing ball....The children know that that means Playing together. So whenever things get crazy like that I ask them What are friends for and they tell me seems to help.
As for excessive tattling I tell them to go tell the EAR that's posted on the wall! At first they look at me like I am crazy but when I show them the ear they think it's funny and I say tell the ear cause your tattling is driving me crazy!
On my wall is 3 pictures
Picture 1 is of Dora the explorer and boots hugging....The children know that that means Friends are for Hugging and Nice Touches
Picture 2 is of 3 random kids reading a book together.... The children know that that means Sharing and Taking Turns.
Picture 3 is two children playing ball....The children know that that means Playing together. So whenever things get crazy like that I ask them What are friends for and they tell me seems to help.
As for excessive tattling I tell them to go tell the EAR that's posted on the wall! At first they look at me like I am crazy but when I show them the ear they think it's funny and I say tell the ear cause your tattling is driving me crazy!
Unregistered 12:32 PM 05-15-2012
What I do with my kids is let them know that there is no telling unless someone is getting hurt. If they come to me to tattle I put my hand up and ask is anyone getting hurt? They usually turn around and don't say a word.
Another idea is a book titled Tattle Tongue. I haven't tried it yet but a teacher friend of mine uses it and also put a poem up and it has worked wonders in her classroom.
I like the idea one poster had of the pictures on the wall and of the ear.
Another idea is a book titled Tattle Tongue. I haven't tried it yet but a teacher friend of mine uses it and also put a poem up and it has worked wonders in her classroom.
I like the idea one poster had of the pictures on the wall and of the ear.