This is off topic but thought I would get some advice from you guys(this might be long sorry), a new neighbour moved in next door and they have a 4yr old daughter, yesterday was the first time we introduced ourselves. While I'm cooking dinner I notice her in our backyard and she's over at our neighbours house behind us(we live in a fairly new subdivison so there are no fences up yet) the father is nowhere to be seen she's on their deck trying to go into their house and I can see our other neighbour is getting pretty frustrated(they happen to be one of the families that come to my daycare). So after dinner we go out to the backyard and my kids are playing with daycare families kid and out comes my next door neighbours daughter wanting to play with them well the parents are still inside the house and not once did they come out to see where she was in the mean time she is running through all the other neighbours backyards pulling on their newly planted trees, running up between all the houses, she pulled out our garden hose and tried to spray everyone(actually her dad did come out then and told her to stop but when she didn't listen he just went back into the house) so me and dcm are telling her not to do this and that and we're thinking where the heck are her parents, she was also yelling at my 2yr old son not to touch his toys and trying to pull him away and getting in his face. Finally we had enough and went inside but my thing is I don't want her coming out everyday especially when school lets out I'm not going to be chasing this kids around everywhere. I was thinking of saying to her oh your parents aren't out here so you better go back inside and maybe her parents will get the hint to come out and watch their kid.

What would you guys say or do? And also they don't know any of us for all they know we could be a bunch of weirdos lol and they weren't worried about her being outside with a bunch of strangers. Sorry this is so long but it was really bugging me last night because I know I will be stuck with this kid all summer.

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I would just be frank with the parents that at her age she should be supervised outside. Here in our state the guideline is 4 for being outside on your own (for your own kids, not daycare regulations) so it wouldn't necessarily be neglect to let her be out on her own but if she's destroying other people's property and trying to go inside other homes then I'd nip it in the bud. That's definately not the way to announce yourself to the neighborhood by letting your 4 year old make themselves at home in everyone elses home.

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i agree....

if not, put up a fence...a really tall one with a locking gate...lol

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Just go over and talk to the Dad and tell him that you have a child care and she is not able to come on the property at any time because she could throw you over capacity. Tell him you do child care odd hours so it's best to make sure that she doesn't come on the property at all unless you invite her directly.

Then when she comes onto your property tell her that she is not invited and to go tell her Dad she was on your property. If she continues go back to the Dad and say "Did Susie tell you she was on my property without me inviting her? I told her to come tell you this."

So the issue gets thrown back to him and it's in relation to her being INVITED. That's the key phrase. Not that she can't be there but she has to be INVITED to be there.

Then invite her if and when you want. I wouldn't do it once in the first three to six months at least.

I know exactly what you mean. My neighbors really want their kids at my house. They love it when they are here. They know the house is clean and child friendly and SUPERVISED. They know from their kids that we have all the toys you could ever dream of for little boys. The parents want a place to send their child where it's safe, supervised, fun, but best of all FREE.

I would stake your claim NOW. Do it every single time. He's going to be mad about it cuz he wants free and easy. It's better to get his anger about it to the surface and dealt with before he settles in to the neighborhood. I would also reccommend the neighbors on the other side using "invited" also once he gets used to you saying invited.

He will most likely say he doesn't like it or thinks it's rediculous because his past neighbors weren't like that. When he does just say.. "yeah it's WAY different here. People here don't allow kids coming onto their property without an invitation and adults outside with her supervising her. She's so young".

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He's going to say the words "I'm watching her" so your suggestion of being frank with him won't work. He's solving your concern with "I'm watching so she's fine... go play four year old".

I think it's best to just speak about YOUR property and the rules for that.

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Thanks for the advice everyone, I will see what happens this weekend since yesterday was the first time it happened(and I'm sure it will happen again) I was thinking the same thing as nannyde about telling him that I run a daycare and there are rules and regulations about having kids on my property. I've actually never had this happen before all my neighbours know I do home daycare but they have all been very respectful and have never just sent their kids over they always ask first to make sure its ok with me.

I wish I could put up a very big fence lol, we are in the process of selling our house so maybe it will be sold soon I can only hope!!!

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I would let my own 4 year old child play in our backyard unsupervised (well, with me not outside anyway). I leave the backdoor open so I can hear what's going on. I don't think it's unusual at all. Now, my backyard is fully fenced, with a 6 foot fence to keep her in (and others out), and I NEVER let my dck's, no matter the age, play outside alone.

It could be that this family is used to this from their last place, and doesn't realize that 4 yr old girl is getting into everyone else's stuff. I would just talk to the parents about it, how she is welcome to come over when invited, but due to daycare regulations, she cant be there whenever she wants to be, and mention that you know that some of the neighbours leave dangerous chemicals out around their property on occasion, and that it is really unsafe for her to be running around like that.

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Oh he knows she is getting into everyones stuff. He doesn't care. He has her outside by herself for a reason. It's easier for her to be outside in other peoples stuff than inside bothering him and his stuff.

My guess is he has had neighbors who have just taken over watching her for him and he's fishing to see who is going to be the replacement. Some people don't want neighbor confrontation and would feel sorry for the kid and allow her to be there with them. He maybe also had someone around who wanted a kid to play with their kid so they obliged him by doing it.

Once you get used to free and easy it's hard to give it up. He's crossing his fingers hopeing someone will come to the plate and watch her so he doesn't have to. Best plan is to tell him no right from the begining.

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If it happens again I would march her home knock on the front door, tell him that while you are sure she is a nice kid, she is turning on your hose, interrupting your family time, attempting to enter other homes, tell him that she must not be old enough to play unsupervised and you though it best to bring her home before something bad happened to her. If he says he was watching from inside say.... So you SAW her go after my hose? And did nothing? You saw her try to enter a STRANGERS home alone? And you thought that was ok!? Maybe I should involve the authorities if you find this acceptable.

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I would be concerned about not only all of the things pp's have mentioned but insurance. I have explained to all of my neighbors who have children as well as the families in my child care that my liability insurance is meant to cover enrolled children ONLY.

If this neighbor girl were to get hurt or hurt one of the dck's while on your property it could be a whole other issue.

just a thought...

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Make sure to get his phone number. Call him on your cell phone (so you have record) each time she wanders. Tell him "She's out here again, I'm sure glad I saw her this time before she got to Mr. Smith's weedkiller! He doesn't have kids, so he doesn't realize that she could wander over there and get into it." And keep telling him everything she does until he says "OK, I'll go get her."

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What she said.

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My husband was outside this morning and he said she was running around in just her underwear outside ??? He came inside just shaking his head. When dcm showed up for dropoff this morning we made a plan of how we are going to nip it in the bud right now because she wasn't too happy about it either.

Also what bugs me is the lack of respect I would never let my kids run up onto someones deck that I don't know and let them go into their house without permission or without me. I forgot to mention that I caught the dad and his daughter in our garage yesterday and she had on my sons bike helmet and was getting ready to ride my daughters brand new bike, I said no and when I told my husband he was kinda shocked.

I appreciate everyone letting me vent about this its really bugging me for some reason lol.

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HE WAS IN YOUR GARAGE??? What did he say when you caught him? I would be livid, and would probably threaten to call the police. That's crazy.

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Is he crazy?

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I know right, who does that? He's lucky my husband wasn't the one who caught them in the garage lol, well my husband is pretty out spoken and he has no problem saying something, its just me who always has to be the diplomatic one lol.

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Was your garage closed or open? Either way, what a giant pair on this guy.

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All he said was oh well I guess we'll have to get your bike out now and left.

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He was in your garage?!? OMG! Trespassing! Does he think that because there are no fences that there are no property lines!? I'm not that confrontational, but I would be yelling at him if I ever caught him on my property, no wait, IN MY property and using my or my kids' stuff without permission. NOT OKAY!

Wow. You got me on my soapbox. That just made me mad!

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I would call the oplice, let them handle it, that was attempted theft.

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My husband had been working in the yard and left the garage door open when he came inside, I live on the same block as some of my daycare families and if they are out for a walk on the weekend they don't even let their kids go into our garage if its open without our permission.

OK OMG, as I am typing this right now I can hear her in my front yard playing with my ride on toys!!!!!!!!!

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go out there and use your big voice,... GET OUT OF MY PLAY YARD!!!! DO NOT COME BACK OVER!

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then decide to go over tonight and explain to the older human in the home that lack of supervision is neglect and you will be calling cps if needed.

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Ok, Seriously, are you making this up? LOL!

Honestly, I would have NO issues saying something....hopefully if you are rude enough to him while saying what you have to say, he will hate you as a neighbor and simply stay away!!! Wow! Dude is CRAZY!!

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was he in the garage because he was collecting his daughter who ran in there when she wasn't supposed to? i can't imagine someone going into a garage with their child, but i can see someone getting their kid OUT of someone's garage. hmm.

anyhow, i let my kids play outside when i'm inside because we have a huge yard and they know not to go into the road. in my previous house there's no way i would've let them. here, there really aren't any neighbors to bother EXCEPT for one. they did mess with her mailbox one time bc they came inside and said, "the mailman accidentally put this in our mail" which i KNEW was a lie. i made them go over and knock on the door, return the mail, and apologize. i could've had them put it back in the mailbox, but i thought just incase the neighbors did see them they would know that i knew about it and addressed it. STILL - i hear the neighbor outside the next day talking to my kids about how touching someone else's mailbox is a felony - as if they know what a felony is. she also got mad bc my dog was chasing her cat. uh, isn't that what dogs are supposed to do? not that it had hurt her cat or even touched it, but was chasing it.

people are just different. some are more laid back than others. i can't say a parent is awful bc their kid is outside playing (even if she touched a waterhose) because that's what kids used to do all the time! i'd stay outside for hours without ever hearing from my parents/grandparents. tell her to GO HOME. if she touches a waterhose then tell her to put it down.

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Oh wow! I hope you have been able to set this straight. It's the liability thing that bugs me about this. Our super sweet neighbors now have a multigenerational household. I think they have 9 adults and 6 kids living in this tiny little house. The original couple and child are great. The other adults and kids are driving me batty. When we're not home they have been playing with our outdoor toys. Regardless of whether I run a home daycare, if those kids get hurt on my property it's my insurance and butt that's on the line. We also have a pool in the back yard. I'm nervous about the summer. We lock the gates but I'm not sure that would stop them. I want to fence in the whole yard now. Which would look awful in our neighborhood.

I do allow my 4 year old to play outside where I can see her clearly while my younger kids nap. I'm in the window watching the whole time. One day she was sitting in the middle of the yard picking buttercups. The mail lady brought her to my front door, banged so loud everyone was up and yelled at me for allowing her to be outside unsupervised. I was so angry.

But if she ever stepped one foot into the road, out of my sight, let alone into another yard, she'd surely have consequences and lose those privileges.

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Jaw dropping!!! I can't believe they are actually (dad, too) on your property and touching your stuff. I agree with pp's about setting CLEAR boundaries and involving police/cps if necessary. Terrible!!! I will be wonderfing, keep us posted please! good luck.

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I wish I was making this up lol. My husband ended up going outside because I was steaming mad and the mother was out there with her daughter and they were going into our garage getting toys out and playing with them, she says to my husband oh you must have alot kids coming over here to play with all the toys that you have and my husband says actually no we don't, only friends that we invite over, and she just says oh and goes into the house. Then just before pickup time I see the girl in our neighbours backyard teasing their dog taking her toy away and throwing grass on her and going up onto their deck playing with their toys.

Its not the fact that she's out there by herself, its that the parents don't do anything and aren't respecting other peoples property. I don't maybe I'm making too much out of this I do know that the other neighbours around me have been gettting upset and they have only been here 3 days.

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My gosh! The more information you give the more clear it becomes where this child get it. I hope you and the other neighbors are able to nip this in the bud OP. What a yucky situation!

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Honestly, I think in this situation you are just going to have to be painfully direct. Obviously they have no boundaries and will need to be told in a simple but direct way that you do not want their child in your yard or garage. You will need to say it in words they understand and will also need to have a plan of action in place for when they cross those boundaries.

I would simpy tell the child "Go home!" every time she is in your yard. If she does not comply, walk her to her yard and tell her to not come back. It isn't rude or mean to state simply instructions and enforce them. If the child does not listen, call the parent and specifically request that they remove their daughter fom your yard and not allow her (or them) to return unless invited. If all of the directness does not work, I seriously would not hesitate to call the authorities. Police for the family tresspassing and human services for lack of supervision for the child.

Even though you know the neighbors may feel the same way, I would just deal with your issues with them and let everyone else deal with their own. YOU need to stand up for what is right for YOUR yard, YOUR house/garage and YOUR business and YOUR liability.

Simple, direct words and no beating around the bush! It will only leave room for negotiation or mis-interpretations on their part. I wouldn't worry about being super nice....you obviously do not want to hang out with the neighbors....LOL!

I am not suggesting you should be rude or mean just be very firm and direct .

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Good fences make good neighbors!

You are going to need to speak directly to both parents.

Nip it in the bud and then build a fence.

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Oh my lord, in your garage?! That is too far! I hate it when people pull up too far in my driveway?!

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How has it been OP? Any update?

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I'd like an update! honestly if the parents are this blatant, I would straight out tell them to stay off my property or I will be calling both CPS and the police. You can't know for sure what they will be up to when you aren't home and its not right that you can't even leave a single thing outside for fear it will be stolen or broken before you return. I feel sorry for all your neighbors and the their pets!

We had a neighbor like this (complete with kiddo running around half dressed) and it ended up being a cultural thing. The family was not used to the fact that there would not be neighbors watching other peoples kids and that sort of thing. They ended up being really nice, just sort of clueless. We set some limits on our (unfenced) backyard and ended up being really good friends.

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Well it looks like the parents finally got the hint that I don't want their daughter hanging out in my yard and garage and that I don't want to watch her all the time when I'm outside. I basically just started sending her home everytime she came over even if I was inside the house and saw her in our yard I would tell her to go home and I found out all my other neighbours were doing that as well. Her parents would wait outside til she found someone to play with and then they would go inside the house and not come out so as soon as I saw her walking over I would tell her to go home and my husband started telling her very loudly not to walk through our flower garden and pick our flowers as well. Now her parents tell her to stay in her yard and not run off.

I found out tonight too that the dad left his daughter with the dcm that lives behind me and she told her to go home and about 1/2 later the dad was at her door asking where his daughter was, when she said she sent her home he got mad at her and left, she was fine she was running around outside.

So hopefully we won't have anymore problems with her!!!

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