I can't find the funny Craigslist ads thread, so I thought I'd post one that I found today:

"I am looking for a good babysitter to watch 3 children at least twice a week. This may include transporting kids from school. Must LOVE animals and children. The hours would be from morning until late afternoon.

Candidates for this position would need their own trasportation, a clean driving record, have references, know at least 2-3 characters off of Spongebob and be flexible with where the children are watched at."


Spongebob, huh? Glad to see their priorities in order! What if I just know two characters?

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Funny! I only know one of the Spongebob characters so I'd be out!

I also like how she states that you must LOVE animals and children; you'd think she'd list children before animals

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flexible with where the children are watched at? like she wants you to take them to your house when they start tearing up the place at home?

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I keep thinking that maybe one day she'll be like "today you have to watch the kids at the 7-11 on the corner".

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lol soda out the nose.......................i almost woke up the DCK see what you did...

sorry this is so funny what is this person thinking.....I hope its a joke

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Okay so I dug up this old thread to post this ad I found on CL. I thought it was funny in an "uh-oh" kind of way. Enjoy.

So in other words your kids are demons .

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I had to go look at ours,... I found this. It has two pics one of her holding a newborn in hosp after birth. Half asleep and groggy. And one close up that could pass for a mug shot.

im 18 i have a doughter im looking to baby set in my home or yours i need the extra money and i love babys and kids so if u would please get ahold of me

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sorry dont flame me for saying this.... but when teens post things saying hey Im a parent and want to babysit for you......it screams I DONT MAKE RESPONSIBLE DECISIONS..............

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I won't flame you but I might get flamed too right along with you because I agree 100%. To me it says "Hi, I'm a teenager and I have a kid so I can't work because I have to take care of my infant. So can I watch your kids for money because I can't do anything else in my current situation and apparently I need an income to raise a child"

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She wants to pay $100 a week for 3 days with 2 school aged kids??????????

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LOL! That is cute! I love funny CL ads! I saw onw for a pet-sitting gig, watching someone's hermit crab and it said they were looking for a "career-minded individual" LOL! To watch a hermit crab?!?1

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lmao who pays someone to watch a hermit crab.........omg now thats funny

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Here's a good one! Can I please work for you for 4-5 days a week plus weekends for $2 an hour? AND you have to drop them off at daycare?? Craziness.

"I need someone to come to my home and watch 2 boys, 3yr and 2 yrs old. The shifts are rotating every two weeks. one week it will be 3 or 4 days, and the next it will be 3 weekdays and the weekend. I will pay a biweekly rate of $200. I need a reliable person, hours would be 10pm to 6am. Must have a car to drop them off at daycare on weekdays. Please email me a resume or references and I will set up a time to meet. Position will begin the end of July."

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When is she with the kids??

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I pay $50 per week,or $200 a month. Flexible hours not more than 6 hours per day and not more than 6 days per week. I pay cash! My son is an infant very well behaved. Does not cry except when needing feeding, and diaper change. He is easy to take care of. I love watching him myself, but need help because of time to complete my college homework. He is an Angel!

Please E-mail me!

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if he is such an angel why can't she get her work done lol

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1.39 an hour but she pays cash

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I found another one today!

Sure, I'll work a 50 hour week for a dollar an hour - after all, all this baby infant does is sleep all day! I'll get my refernces ready.

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I always giggle when people call me and start off by telling me what they will pay. Silly clients, I decide the rates around here!

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Just because someone has sex, conceives a child, gives birth, and can pay fifty dollars a week for day care....

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we are two moms willing watch all ages and special need kids too we have kids of our own we lots toy little ones and games lot love we make breafest lunch and dinners too we do all 3 shifts we do black friday christams shopping or party or date night need some on call we do all shifts too you can call 616-589-3225

Wow!

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Documentary style program is looking to contact a ghost on the internet. If you are DEAD and reading this, please respond!

What is your name?
How did you pass away?
Why are you surfing the internet?


Location: Nationwide
Compensation: TBD
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Ha, get a grip...

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Yoga mat for sale. Used once at lunch hour class in December 2009. Usage timeline as follows:

11:45a
Register for hot yoga class. Infinite wisdom tells me to commit to 5 class package and purchase a yoga mat. I pay $89.74. Money well spent, I smugly confirm to myself.

11:55a
Open door to yoga room. A gush of hot dry air rushes through and past me. It smells of breath, sweat and hot. Take spot on floor in back of room next to cute blonde. We will date.

11:57a
I feel the need to be as near to naked as possible. This is a problem because of the hot blonde to my left and our pending courtship. She will not be pleased to learn that I need to lose 30 pounds before I propose to her.

11:58a
The shirt and sweats have to come off. I throw caution to the wind and decide to rely on my wit and conditioning to overcome any weight issues my fiancée may take issue with. This will take a lot of wit and conditioning.

11:59a
Begin small talk with my bride to be. She pretends to ignore me but I know how she can be. I allow her to concentrate and stare straight ahead and continue to pretend that I don't exist. As we finish sharing our special moment, I am suddenly aware of a sweat moustache that has formed below my nose. This must be from the all the whispering between us.

12:00p
Instructor enters the room and ascends her special podium at the front of the room. She is a slight, agitated Chinese woman. She introduces me to the class and everyone turns around to greet me just as I decide to aggressively adjust my penis and testes packed in my Under Armor. My bride is notably unfazed.

12:02p
Since I do have experience with Hot Yoga (4 sessions just 5 short years ago) I fully consider that I may be so outstanding and skilled that my instructor may call me out and ask me to guide the class. My wife will look on with a sparkle in her eye. We will make love after class.

12:10p
It is now up to 95 degrees in the room. We have been practicing deep breathing exercises for the last 8 minutes. This would not be a problem if we were all breathing actual, you know, oxygen. Instead, we are breathing each other's body odor, expelled carbon dioxide and other unmentionables. (Don't worry, I'll mention them later.)

12:26p
It is now 100 degrees and I take notice of the humidity, which is hovering at about 90%. I feel the familiar adorning stare of my bride and decide to look back at her. She appears to be nauseated. I then realize that I forgot to brush my teeth prior to attending this class. We bond.

12:33p
It is now 110 degrees and 95% humidity. I am now balancing on one leg with the other leg crossed over the other. My arms are intertwined and I am squatting. The last time I was in this position was 44 years ago in the womb, but I'm in this for the long haul. My wife looks slightly weathered dripping sweat and her eyeliner is streaming down her face. Well, "for better or worse" is what we committed to so we press on.

12:40p
The overweight Hispanic man two spots over has sweat running down his legs. At least I think its sweat. He is holding every position and has not had a sip of water since we walked in. He is making me look bad and I hate him.

12:44p
I consider that if anyone in this room farted that we would all certainly perish.

12:52p
It is now 140 degrees and 100% humidity. I am covered from head to toe in sweat. There is not a square millimeter on my body that is not slippery and sweaty. I am so slimy that I feel like a sea lion or a maybe sea eel. Not even a bear trap could hold me. The sweat is stinging my eyeballs and I can no longer see.

12:55p
This room stinks of asparagus, cloves, tuna and tacos. There is no food in the room. I realize that this is an amalgamation of the body odors of 30 people in a 140 degree room for the last 55 minutes. Seriously, enough with the asparagus, ok?

1:01p
140 degrees and 130% humidity. Look, bitch, I need my space here so don't get all pissy with me if I accidentally sprayed you with sweat as I flipped over. Seriously, is that where this relationship is going? Get over yourself. We need counseling and she needs to be medicated. Stat!

1:09p
150 degrees and cloudy. And hot. I can no longer move my limbs on my own. I have given up on attempting any of the commands this Chinese chick is yelling out at us. I will lay sedentary until the aid unit arrives. I will buy this building and then have it destroyed.
I lose consciousness.

1:15p
I have a headache and my wife is being a selfish bitch. I can't really breathe. All I can think about is holding a cup worth of hot sand in my mouth. I cannot remember what an ice cube is and cannot remember what snow looks like. I consider that my only escape might be a crab walk across 15 bodies and then out of the room. I am paralyzed, and may never walk again so the whole crab walk thing is pretty much out.

1:17p
I cannot move at all and cannot reach my water. Is breathing voluntary or involuntary? If it's voluntary, I am screwed. I stopped participating in the class 20 minutes ago. Hey, lady! I paid for this frickin class, ok?! You work for me! Stop yelling at everyone and just tell us a story or something. It's like juice and cracker time, ok?

1:20p
It is now 165 degrees and moisture is dripping from the ceiling. The towel that I am laying on is no longer providing any wicking or drying properties. It is actually placing additional sweat on me as I touch it. My towel reeks. I cannot identify the smell but no way can it be from me. Did someone spray some stank on my towel or something?

1:30p
Torture session is over. I wish hateful things upon the instructor. She graciously allows us to stay and 'cool down' in the room. It is 175 degrees. Who cools down in 175 degrees? A Komodo Dragon? My wife has left the room. Probably to throw up.

1:34p
My opportunity to escape has arrived. I roll over to my stomach and press up to my knees. It is warmer as I rise up from ground level - probably by 15 degrees. So let's conservatively say it's 190. I muster my final energy and slowly rise. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other. Towards the door. Towards the door.

1:37p
The temperature in the lobby is 72 degrees. Both nipples stiffen to diamond strength and my penis begins to retract into my abdomen from the 100 degree temp swing. I can once again breathe though so I am pleased. I spot my future ex wife in the lobby. We had such a good thing going but I know that no measure of counseling will be able to unravel the day's turmoil and mental scaring.

1:47p
Arrive at Emerald City Smoothie and proceed to order a 32 oz beverage. 402 calories, 0 fat and 14 grams of protein -- effectively negating any caloric burn or benefit from the last 90 minutes. I finish it in 3 minutes and spend the next 2 hours writing this memoir.

3:47p
Create Craigslist ad while burning final 2 grams of protein from Smoothie and before the "shakes" consume my body.

4:29p
Note to self - check car for missing wet yoga towel in am.

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I am available any day of the week for 1st, 2nd, or 3rd shift hours. I have plenty of experience with kids including babysitting and working in a day care as a teacher in the 2 year old room. I have my certification for lead teacher infant through pre-k. I have a fenced in yard for the kids to play outside, lots of books, movies and toys to keep the kids entertained. Not only will I watch your child / children but I will work with them on learning age appropriate material. I provide meals and snacks. I am currently doing child care out of my own home and hope to open my own day care in the near future.


This is a local one and posts constantly...ugh

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My name is ***. I am looking to keep a couple of kids in my home for income. I am great with kids but do not have any of my own. I will have one on one care with your child. Please call me for any information! I am looking to charge 90 dollars a week per kid. Hope to hear from you soon!

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Lol At least it's funny

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So um.... im gonna need a car.... right man....!

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