So it all started with my difficult dcb coming in screaming every day the past week in full blown meltdown. I would just put him on the floor off to the side with a blanket and stuffed animal and let him be as he would kick/hit if anyone bothered him. Then I redirected the other children to a fun activity until dcb got curious and came to play. Usually it only lasted about 10-15 minutes.

But then one of my other almost 3 yo dcg started coming in crying and screaming that she wanted to go home with mommy. She hasn't done that in months.

And then this week my 3 yo dcg has started in with saying to her mom that she doesn't want to go to daycare.

Now all the parents are demanding to know what happened here to make them hate coming and insist nothing new happened at home.

Suggestions? Everyone is crying and screaming at drop off now...

Reply

"I understand your concern. Children are incredibly smart little minions. They notice when a particular behavior gets a desired effect and they have all been mirroring another child's behavior. Please help me by ignoring their tantrum and not responding to their cries. It's the fastest way to curb the fits. "

Reply

I would just tell DCPs that most kids do this every so often and when they see one kid do it they tend to copy the behavior for a while. Just something that will pass in a little bit.

Reply

^^^^What they said. Generally when one of my kids starts this I'm proactive & warn the other parents that it's happening, and it's contagious so they can head it off at the pass if possible

Reply

I told them this and told them what I do but they are now saying it is getting so bad that their child start crying in the car or at home at the mention of daycare.

Now I wonder if my dcp want attention too...

Reply

Yep....like teething, it's often contagious!

If I feel like it's starting to get a little out of control, I break out the reward chart and begin a system of rewarding those who separate from their parents and come in with a smile on their face.

I grab any chance I have during the day to pop a little comment in about how proud I am of those kids that come in like big kids (no tears/screaming etc) and sometimes add that parents LOVE when their kids are big kids so that they (parents) can go to work with a smile on their face knowing their kids aren't crying all day.

I also toss a few comments I about how much faster the day goes when everyone is happy.

Time slows down when there are tears.....

Reply

I don't allow parents to have contact with the other children. I also would require the tantruming kid to stay outside with the parent until they can come in calm and ready to start the day.

I would be furious if a parent used the behavior of another kid to question me on what was going on at my house. Get YOUR kids behavior in check and don't worry about why another kid is doing anything.

I don't do gang ups. First parent who tried to bring in the behavior of another kid to question me about their kids behavior would need to move on.

Reply

I understood that the parents are concerned that their own children are upset about coming to daycare--not the other kids. Maybe not?

Reply

The parents of the girls know dcb is crying for mommy as the girls tell their mommy first thing at pick up that "dcb was sad. Dcb wanted to go home." So it probably is them copying dcb as he makes such a huge fuss that they remember it all day, apparently.

I do make sure to talk to the kiddos all day about feelings and catch them being happy and praise positive things like crazy. Stickers are huge here, though...dcm brought stickers today to bribe dcg to stop crying...I have stickers but apparently her stickers are newer

I do have dcm hand off dcb as it is due to his behavior. Maybe I should make them sit in the car until he stops crying? Dcm usually feeds it by freaking out so that's why I just have her pass him to me and go as she escalates it otherwise...

Reply

Children must be set and ready to go for the day. This includes emotionally.

Dcm needs to set up a good bye routine before she gets out of her car. The routine has to be consistent every day.

Say goodbye at the car
Walk to the door
Say good morning miss dcp
Dcp reminds daddy will pick you up
Dcm leaves

I would require the set up a solid routine like this.
Some kids can't handle change and things that are unpredictable so they flip out.

Don't allow the child to be dropped off screaming. It doesn't set a good start to anyone's day and we want to start each day with a solid positive foundation.

I had this happen to me 3 years ago. It got so bad that I started putting it back in the parent and eventually it stopped.

As for the other parents I would just say you know how crying spreads like wildfires. I don't blame them for being upset. Life is hard when your morning routines aren't predictable besides, who wants to leave mom and dad, toys and lovies every day, that's a hard deal with have to give up.

I hope it ends soon. That's not a fun way to start your day.

Reply

Oh if she is feeding into it, she needs to deal with it outside for sure. she won't like it, but she can't make it your problem either.

Reply

I have also talked directly to the child who throws the tantrum after they are calm and let them know that behavior won't be tolerated and what my expectations are for drop off. At 3, they should be able to understand. I had the consequence of losing access to the big kid toys if they weren't going to act like a big kid at drop off. Don't know if that's the right thing to do, but it worked pretty quickly.

Reply

Oh I do that too!

If they were not a "big kid" during drop off or pick up they certainly don't get the privilege of playing or participating in "big kid" activities.

It's amazing how fast they get on board....

Reply

I have not tried that method. when they do it here, I do validate their feelings at first and tell them it's time to go play. If they don't calm down right away, I say oh you must be too tired.

so then they get a choice, go quietly play with your friends or take a nap, what would you like to do. That usually gets them to stop dead in their tracks....Every now and then I do have a kid that will ask to go back to sleep.

Reply

I had a better drop off for all the kids today...I think it was because dh was home for the first time in days so they went nuts over him. Story time with dh!

I told the parents their child is fine and that they need to give quick hug/goodbye if they begin to fuss. I told them they can listen at the door if they don't believe me as usually their child is calm within minutes of them leaving as they are just testing the waters...the parents said they trust me but just feel bad. (I don't as I know they are fine.)

Going to tell dcb's parents to work on a routine that will have him ready for daycare so he isn't screaming at my door. I told them this before but it didn't click. I think it might click if I don't let them in if he is screaming...not sure what else I can do to get them to help me out. They act like they're afraid of him.

Yeah...this crying at drop off routine is definitely contagious...like the allergies everyone has here today...

Reply

I had one start flipping out at drop-off. He's a very mature 2.5y so I didn't expect it. Nothing new here. They said nothing new at home either. Quite the puzzle...

Then DCM is telling me about these cool new swimming lessons they had him in (Float for Life. Really cool!), but that it appeared to be a waste of $ and time for them because DCB just screams/cries/panics the whole time he is in the water with the instructor.

Ya think that might be part of the problem?

So while they SAY there's nothing's changed at home, I don't think they are thinking hard enough...

Reply

Also just want to give you s. It is terrible when DCFs start placing blame on you and making you think you're the reason for such distress. As if this job wasn't hard enough, let's pile a heap of self-doubt on top.

I would just be really open about it. Communicate everything I'm doing for a quick remedy (rewards, loss of privilege, etc.) and what THEY can do (bye-bye outside, + and - consequences, etc.). And I'd let them know how hard it is on me, too, not just the kid and DCM/DCD. Let them know you're human, too.

Reply