So I'm curious, how much "abuse" are you willing to take from your dcks?

I have a 2 yo dcg who, for the third time in two months, almost broke my nose by slamming her head back into my face HARD while sitting on my lap this morning. It wasn't malicious - I don't feel she is doing this intentionally, but still!

She has always been a bit of a wild child. For instance, she will jump feet first into me if I'm on the floor, tries to bite me (in a playful manner), grabs whatever part of me she can get ahold of with both hands and squeezes really hard, etc. I do NOT allow these behaviors and we've been working on manners with her (she seems to have come to me with ZERO!), but this is getting ridiculous.

Today I really thought my nose was broken! I heard it CRACK!, it bled and I had to ice it. For the rest of the day now I've had a horrible headache despite using Tylenol. Ugh.

I'm debating even telling dcm because last time I told her she just said, "oh she does that to me all the time" and blew it off like it's no biggie.

Anyone else feel like they've been kickboxed by a dck?

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Oh wow!! How horrible. My gosh I dont even know what I would do in that situation but I am pretty sure I wouldnt stand for that at all. If working with her didnt help and mom wasnt on board with what a big deal it is then Id be tempted to term. Im just thinking about what would have happened to my sister or me if our daycare provider told my parents we did stuff like that. I shudder at the thought. I wouldnt have dared act that way toward an adult.

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I've had a similar thing happen with my own children. The nose and a head butt under the chin hard enough to drive my tooth into my lip. OUCH!

Those things are accidents but the other behaviours.. nuh uh.

Sometimes we do get "beat up" by the kids but 9 times out of 10 it's just a plain old accident.

Hope your nose is OK.

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Well, I have in my policies that I can term if a child's behavior is abusive toward myself or other kids in my care so technically this qualifies but the fact that she isn't malicious about it is the part I am stuck on.

She is just.. well, a crazy girl. Very high strung and wild. I've "tamed" her for the most part and have even gotten her to learn and USE the words "please", "thank you" and "sorry" but I'm not sure I can take much more of this!

I think I'll put her on probation and let dcm know she has to crack down at home. I see how she allows her to act wild when she picks up (I do the bye-bye outside because of it!) so I know most of this is because she has no discipline at home. Or at least none that I can see, maybe dcm is afraid to discipline in front of me? Either way, this has to stop!

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This was definitely an accident but it seems to be part of a whole set of issues with her not having any manners whatsoever. She is like a bull in a china shop.

It floors me when dcm picks up and she LETS this little girl go crazy on her (hitting, kicking, pinching, etc) and does nothing to stop it. I was the one intervening but when I realized dcm didn't really care what her dd was doing, I started the bye-bye outside thing. Ugh.

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YEs, and regardless if it is intentional or not...it doesn't continue with me or the other dck's. My own 2yo son is very much a touchy-feely guy who is completely unaware of himself and the damage he can leave behind. So, while address the behaviors and teaching nice and gentle touches/hugging/no mouthing people after hours...during daycare is an absolute personal space no touch zone, 100% of the time. HE does NOT get to hug, tickle or pat kids on the head. He can sit next to someone an arms length away, not ON someone & not right up next to someone---even if the other person wants him to (like my dd, for example). He JUST turned 2, and he is getting it. He has gotten a lot gentler and thinks twice before performing an action.

I (and all the kids, too) have gotten pounced on, accidentally knocked down, bitten, hit, or smacked by flailing arms/legs...it was enough and time to end it. All the daycare kids are older than him, and that helps...I would not be able to have a baby here with him around even 3 or 4 months ago. I think it would be ok, now. I havent gotten a bloody nose, though.

Even after hours, the rough squeezes/smacks and hard hugs and the like earn him an immediate setting on the floor & I walk away into another room. If it is with is brother or sisters...same thing...he gets plopped on the floor and gets the cold shoulder...and back to arms length away for a while(no hugs, no lap sitting, no touching).

I have had daycare kids like this, too. Some ADHD boys that are twice as big as kids their age...no/low impulse control and unaware of the destruction they can produce in their wake. The only solution was an absolute no touching/arms length away. While I would LOVE to have taught nice/gentle touches at 2/3yo...I didn't have the one-on-one capability for the weeks/months it would have taken to get that learned completely. I needed results NOW, not weeks from now. So no touching/personal bubble, no exceptions. And everyone was safe and happy. The 2 worst dck's with this ended up doing very well in Kindie, and didn't go to preschool at all...stayed with me. They loved it here, even without sitting on my lap. *shrug*.

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I think in the case Probation is probably a good idea.

I have had to tell parents before that their discipline standards just didn't match up to mine and I couldnt spend M-Thursday retraining EVERY week. Too many mixed messages for the child.

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Hmm, hadn't thought of making myself off limits to her (I'm pretty much the one who takes the brunt of it). She never does these things in an angry way and actually plays well with the other dcks (go figure!). She does this for attention from adults, I think? She seems absolutely starved for attention.

She is such a snuggly thing, too. I'm afraid it would kill her to not be allowed to touch me.

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This! It really is like retraining every week and since she is PT, sometimes I won't see her for 4 or 5 days inbetween and OMG.

I really hate this because again, she has the potential to be a sweetheart. She just needs consistency I think.

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I would never have a dck on my lap and I never put my body in direct line with theirs just so this doesn't happen.

If it were to happen repetitively with the same child, the family would receive termination papers.

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after the third time, sorry thats intentional, I wouldn't allow her to sit on my lap. Heck, she is abusing you, I know you said she is playful, thats not playful and in my house you get to sit in the corner. I have a hands off policy here, and I enforce it.

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how much abuse.sorry I couldnt help but have to read that line so many times. I don't tolerate any form of abuse from anyone ever.

Purpose or not, it's not ok behavior.

I dont think with her age that you could put her on probation. I don't think that it will work, but you can try..

I had a 3.5 year old kick me in the face because he refused to use the toilet. It was his first and last week at my house. This was about 7 years ago.

I think that by putting up with it, you are telling the mom that you will tolerate it. sorry just my 2 cents on this

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If you are going to continue caring for this child, this is what you need to address. The MINUTE you see it happening with Mom, you stop it and you tell the Mom "THIS is EXACTLY what has been happening with me and YOU allowing it is the reason why. If I see you allow it one more time, without addressing it IMMEDIATELY and MEANINGFULLY, your contract will become null and void and you will no longer have child care available here"

MOM needs to take you seriously....this child will continue this behavior until she sees that Mom is not going to tolerate the behavior.

Be bold, be blunt and put a stop to it the very next time it happens.

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You are absolutely right. I talked to dh and we decided tonight dcm is going to not only hear about this incident but I am going to tell her that if this behavior (not just the headbutting thing but all of it) doesn't get addressed on her end like I am doing here, they will have to find other care.

I definitely won't be letting her in my lap again but that's only a fraction of the overall issues with this one. Sigh.

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Thank you, I will do just this. I have a feeling dcm will think I'm the bad guy here since we obviously have such different views on discipline. Oh well.

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firdt I thought never hold her.. but that just plays into the problem I would find a way to set some limits.. like hold her on your knee facing you... and continue to say soft touches. and if she is rough she is immediately put down and you walk away.

Yes the parents need to do the same thing.

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It doesn't matter what Mom thinks at this point. You are being injured. (frankly, I'd be tempted to hand her amedical bill) What if next time it's one of the children? You would be held liable, not Mom, because you are aware of the potential for injury due to her "behavior" Some times we have to not worry about what the parent thinks/feels and protect ourselves and the other children in care....even if that means losing a paying client.

I wish you the best. I know addressing these types of issues can be difficult, but YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!

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I'm with Crystal. 100%

I had ONE child who thought it was ok to be rough with adults. One his second day, he kicked me HARD in the leg during a temper tantrum over having his diaper changed. When I put him in time out, he made himself cry so hard that he induced vomiting (purposefully).

I called mom that minute and said she needed to pick him up and find alternate care because I was terminating their contract. I had a bruise from knee to hip because of that kid. My though process behind the whole thing was 'if he is *that* out of control with himself that he injured ME during a fit, what will happen if he is next to another child when he tantrums?'

That right there is a HUGE liability. If mom doesn't want to stop her behavior, they need to find care elsewhere.

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