Hi there,

So DK Boys (5 YO) are so destructive and I can't seem to get it through their heads that they need to respect other people's things. I just started DK at the beginning of the year and they have already broke -

Picnic Table
Large tree branch from swinging off of it (TODAY)
Cars Toys
Ripped the tent i had for outside
Step 2 slide broke the slide off
Water fountain play toy they broke the side
Water jug
screen door
bikes
balls
game pieces for all of the games, bent and what not
and much more

What am I doing wrong. I can't seem to trust them outside by themselves, I guess they lost their outside time with out me. The state says we can have them outside more with out my hovering over them, but I guess I can't trust they will do this.

Sometimes I wonder if I am just too anal and should understand they are just boys, but I really think they need to have respect for my things.

Any advice? I really feel like a terrible provider right now, and I feel horrible, because I can't wait for them to go to school in the fall.

Thanks for reading.

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You're not alone and you'll find that a lot of providers on here don't take school age for this very reason! My own DD and another 5 yo dcg are both going off to kindy but I'm keeping dcg on because she's such an angel. I doubt I would be doing the same thing had she been a boy. There's something in them, something programmed in them to destroy things. Not fun in a group!

For the remainder of the summer I wouldn't let them outside by themselves. Let them go outside when the rest of you go.

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God created boys different than girls. boys have more energy in general and like different things in general. They also require more supervision in my opinion as they are more likely in general to come up with a unappropriated thing to do. Oh by the way I have 3 boys and 1 girl, While boys are more energetic girls are more emotional. lol

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THAT'S for sure! Drama queens!

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Honestly I think it really comes down to the parents, not the sex of the child... I have girls that are way more hyper than some of my boys and have experienced both sexes to be as equally hyper at times.

I have a girl and a boy right now that are just like this. I have to give them things to do NON stop. If i let them think of something to do, well then they will do things like you typed down.

I have given them 15 huge empty cardboard boxes to paint this week. Then they will have to find ways to build things with them. they can tape them and stack them high, they can build things from them like a house or a car. Every day I have to give them some task to do. I think that older kids get bored faster than the younger ones and when they don't have a task to complete they go and find one on their own. bad part is that it's not always the best choice...

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Thanks for the support! I have such a big heart for the two of them, but they really need to go! I understand now why providers tend to not bring school agers in. Looks like I will have to come up with some things to assign them every day. Also, find ways to burn the energy!!!

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There's a point providers have to come to as they come along in this business where they realize that the way it should be isn't the way it is.

Even though you should be able to let them play outside without an adult watching their every move... in most cases you just can't. Either the state says no or their behavior shows you they can't manage it.

Unsupervised kids go to breaking things because it's so exciting. They use the toy in a way that they aren't allowed to use it in front of adults. That use ends up breaking it.

They LOVE the actions that lead to the breaking. They love the rush of excitement they get from abusing/tearing/ripping/hurling/smashing etc.

Once they have the excitement of tearing stuff up they turn to each other next. So at the least.. they are showing you that they are just a breadth away from hurting each other.

That's the only place to go with this behavior.

We aren't allowed to punish them in ANY way other than a few minutes of time out so they know there really isn't any consequence to their actions. Most will gladly be inside with an adult feeding them one activity after another then be outside entertaining themselves. Keeping them inside won't be a punishment to most kids. Their inside behavior will require you to find activity after activity to feed the energy they would otherwise be executing on your stuff.

I would definitely keep them within close visual supervision at all times.

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That's why I feel so terrible, because I felt like I should trust them, and come to find out I couldn't. I feel like I knew that deep down, but thought we could try it. I guess it becomes trial and error in some respect. Thanks for all of the input!

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yes with having five sons of my own they are rougher but as far as breaking things I just don't allow it. I have one child who tries to destroy things I keep a close watch on him and have even had to redo my whole room because of him

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I love the idea of painting and using old boxes as an activity for them! I was reading that blog about the male preschool teacher the other day. If you look through his blog you'll see his outdoor classroom and so many things I never would have thought to have available to my kids. Maybe investing in some things they can haul around and build with will keep them occupied outside. This guy had tires, pvc pipes, boxes, boards. FWIW, heavy work helps kids calm down. My 7yo with autism is given the job of hauling books to and from the library when she starts in on some of her behaviors at school. Works like a charm. At home I make her mop, take out the recycling, or pull her brother up and down the street in the wagon.

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I have 5 dcb, from 18mths to 5yrs. I can't even trust them alone for a minute to pee before they start breaking stuff. I've been in my new location for a month, and they have torn down all of their mailbags, tore chunks of paint off the walls, broke the bedroom closet doors, tore down the curtains (3 times) put a couple of gouges into the kitchen floors. And it's the older ones who egg on and teach the younger ones.

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But I give mine heck for it. I know boys are rougher and like to test things out by breaking them....but you will not break my stuff.

Heard of "you break it, you buy it"? I do "you break it on purpose, I hope it was fun because that's the last toy you'll see til Monday".

Usually gets my point across. I mostly get it with new kids, and they learn real fast. Most parents don't instill the value of things in their kids because they buy them so much of it. They scream for it, they get it. They break it, they get another one.

My DCKs play with toys and books today that were originally MINE and my sister's. My mom taught us from day one to respect and take of our own things, and especially other people's.

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