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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Logged Out Because I Can't Stand Myself
Unregistered 08:55 AM 01-18-2013
I went to the park with six kids. I usually have five. After playing for a half hour, a kid asked me where another kid was. I couldn't find her. I panicked, looking for five minutes before realizing I left a three year old in the car. Omg. I'm a mess. What do I tell the parents, besides how sorry I am. Omg. I'm one of those horrible people
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jessrlee 09:07 AM 01-18-2013
Ouch! What a day! I would prepare for them to be really mad, and to get a lic. visit

If I were you I would spend the afternoon making a checklist of the ways you can assure them it will NEVER happen again. Go in with a plan of attack and try really hard not to implicate yourself more than you have to.
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Blackcat31 09:19 AM 01-18-2013
I agree with PP. Call your licensor immediately and inform her of what happened and the steps you will be taking to ensure that it won't happen again.

Prepare for the parents to be mad and understandably so.

Is the child ok or upset at all?

This is definitely something to take VERY seriously and I am sure you are already feeling bad enough as it is that you don't need anyone to tell you that.

I wish I could say something that would make it better but I can't. You are human and things do and can happen. We make mistakes. We aren't perfect.

But we learn from our mistakes and we move on.

I am sending you some good vibes and wishes to make it through this.

Take deep breathes and address it. Be proactive and honest about it.

In the end, it could have been worse but it wasn't so chin up, make some new policies so this doesn't happen again and before you know it, this will all be in the past and will be one valuable learning experience for you.

Hang in there.
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MarinaVanessa 09:46 AM 01-18-2013
I agree with previous posts. It's awful and I bet you feel terrible so it's time to brace for the music.

I would immediately contact licensing with report what happened and then give them a plan of action that you immediately put in place and expect a visit from them very soon.

I have 4 car-seats installed in my van and have 2 booster seats (3 in the 3rd row and one in the 2nd. The car-seats also go in the 2nd row). Before I go anywhere in my van I do a head count and then start loading the kids I have attached small stuffed animals to the head-rests of the seats of my car with plastic links and when I load a child into the car-seat I lodge the toy near the top of the car-seat between it and the vehicle seat (where it's visible). For the kids in booster seats I just hook the link closest to the toy to the head rest to make it visible (I do the same for rear-facing car-seats). Visible toys tell me there's a child in that seat. When I take them down I unhook/unwedge the toy as I remove each child and then visually verify that there are no more toys "visible" (they are all hanging loose). Then I do a head count. Before we load up again I have the kids line up and I do a head-count and then load up the kids again. Head count again and another when I get home.

That's just one way to do it. You can have a clip board or binder that you can write down where you went and your head counts too if that makes it easier. I'm sure others here can give you more ideas.

Then I would speak to DCP's at pick up and explain what happened. They may be upset or angry or they may just be a little irritated. It's hard to say. In any case you can even let them know that you already called licensing to report it with the plan of action and explain to them that plan. Then just see how it goes.
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Crystal 10:05 AM 01-18-2013
Oh no!!! I know you need support right now, and I'd like to offer it, but all I can think is this is not going to turn out well. I know you feel HORIBBLE and it was totally an accident, but I just do not see parents being too forgiving about something like this and if you are licensed, neither will they. Thank god it isn't hot.

I suggest you document this, be forthright with the parent about it, and quit doing field trips altogether, as that is the only way you can assure it will never happen again. Hopefully the parents will be understanding and if you reassure them that you will no longer transport so that this never happens again, you may be okay with them. With licensing, I am not sure. If you are in California, it is actually a licensing reg and state law that a child can never be left unattended in a vehcile, so there may be some stiff consequences. So, hope for the best, but prepare yourself for the worst.

So sorry you are facing this.
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jokalima 10:14 AM 01-18-2013
So sorry for this, I am pretty sure many of us have gone through things we wish we did not with some of our kids,this one is a big one... All I can say is pray fro things to turn out good, if you are honest with licensing who knows if they might give you a warning or a fine, IDK how it works but hopefully is just that. And I don't think you should just stop field trips just don't do them alone, have another adult with you when you go out with the kiddos. Hope all goes well
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MamaBearCanada 10:30 AM 01-18-2013
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm glad the child is OK. I think this is one of every provider's worst nightmares. I hope things work out for you.
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Evansmom 10:36 AM 01-18-2013
I'm so sorry! You can get through this.

One thing I have heard of some doing to remember the kids in the car is to put your purse/diaper bag in the back. That way when you get out you have to go back there to get it and if there are kids you will see them!
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CedarCreek 11:09 AM 01-18-2013
I'm so sorry. I won't repeat any advice anyone else has already said, I just wanted to tell you that you aren't a horrible person. The child is physically okay, you are going to do the right thing by telling the parents and your licensor. That does not sound like a horrible person. Mistakes happen.
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itlw8 11:11 AM 01-18-2013
I was just saying the other day I can see now how parents can forget a child I had my 3 yr old dgs with me and he was VERY quiet the whole ride. awake but quiet. I always put my purse in the back behind my seat and when I opened the door to get it I thought OH dgs is with me.... I doubt I would have gotten far but WOW what if my purse had not been at his feet.
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MissAnn 11:35 AM 01-18-2013
25 years ago we adopted my daughter. We had her for about 1 week. I went to the store with her and 2 nieces.....and yes, forgot her in the car! I had just entered the store and said out loud....I forgot we have Jordyn! I felt like a bad mom. We are human! Once when I was working at a Mother's Day out program I took a group of kids to the bathroom and left one in the stall and turned the lights off! I was gone for about 5 minutes! I ran back and found her still there....all I could see was the whites of her eyes! If the mom of this child trusts you and knows it will never happen again she might not make a call. Is that bad for me to say? Not sure what I would do in your case but if it were me I might tell the mom and gauge from her reaction.
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mom2many 11:54 AM 01-18-2013
Yikes! So sorry this happened. All I can say is be thankful that no one was hurt & use this as a learning experience by figuring out how it happened and how you could ensure it would never happen again. It's easy to get distracted, when you have a bunch of kids, so you definitely need to put a system in place as pps mentioned.

I never take more than 2 or 3 dcks out on outings w/o another adult, because it is just too hard to keep an eye on everyone at all times & even with that it is exhausting.
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Oneluckymom 12:38 PM 01-18-2013
I don't do field trips. Too risky. I hope everything works out for you...sorry this happened.
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daycare 12:40 PM 01-18-2013
I am feeling so bad for you right now.

Just curious, where you alone or did you have an assit with you?
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Crystal 12:43 PM 01-18-2013
This is killing me. I am so worried about you and I am not even sure who you are.

Know that I am thinking about you and hoping for this to turn out okay. (((((HUGS)))))
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Mom&Provider 01:35 PM 01-18-2013
I'm not even sure what to say...this sucks. I think everyone has been fair in saying the parents will most certainly be upset, you'll have to explain exactly what happened and I'd have a list of things that will prevent it in future - even if it means you won't be taking the kids in the car anymore.

I hope everything goes ok (as well as can be expected) at pick-up and its a lesson learned without making you feel any worse then you already do.
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DaisyMamma 01:43 PM 01-18-2013
You never know, they might not be upset.
Hang in there.
I hope it goes well.
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MarinaVanessa 01:43 PM 01-18-2013
Originally Posted by Crystal:
This is killing me. I am so worried about you and I am not even sure who you are.

Know that I am thinking about you and hoping for this to turn out okay. (((((HUGS)))))
Ditto here too. Ive been thinking about this all day and thinking about how nervous/awful/stressed out I'd feel. Like you said Crystal, some places differ in their strictness and if this happened to me here in CA I'd be facing a minimum of license suspension until I either quit transporting or I created a plan of action that appeased licensing. I'd be a wreck also.

I've heard of fcc providers that had dealt with something similar and their licenses were suspended through the investigation. One decided just to give up her license because it became so tough on her but in another case a parent filed a complaint because her dc providers car stalled and she got out to push it while she allowed a 10 yo child to steer the car and she didn't even receive a citation.
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earlystart 01:46 PM 01-18-2013
Wow, I'm going to be honest, my first reaction was "I wouldn't be telling ANYONE about this!" because I would assume the worst case scenario could include criminal prosecution or the very least, closure of my daycare. Of course, that wouldn't be the "right" thing to do, and the 3 year old is old enough to tell her parents anyway. Maybe it isn't as big of a deal as I think it is, but I come from California, where kids die in the the car every year on hot days, so it's pretty much the same as saying I accidentally left a baby in the middle of the street, thank goodness no one hit and killed her. Thank goodness the kid is alive, but I can see a parent completely losing trust in you (I would), because what would have stopped you from forgetting on a hot day and the kid dies? As a parent, that's what I wouldn't be able to get over. If I had made that mistake, I wouldn't trust myself anymore and would hope licensing gives me a better policy to go by than what I was doing before.

I'm sorry this reply was so harsh, I just thought I'd share my views since they were a little different than others, to give more perspective. Thank you for sharing your story however, because it was an honest mistake, obviously you would never want this to happen, and by sharing it you have reminded other people to take a look at their policies to make sure we're doing all we can do to prevent these heart-attack inducing mistakes.
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daycare 01:46 PM 01-18-2013
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
Ditto here too. Ive been thinking about this all day and thinking about how nervous/awful/stressed out I'd feel. Like you said Crystal, some places differ in their strictness and if this happened to me here in CA I'd be facing a minimum of license suspension until I either quit transporting or I created a plan of action that appeased licensing. I'd be a wreck also.

I've heard of fcc providers that had dealt with something similar and their licenses were suspended through the investigation. One decided just to give up her license because it became so tough on her but in another case a parent filed a complaint because her dc providers car stalled and she got out to push it while she allowed a 10 yo child to steer the car and she didn't even receive a citation.
she allowed a 10 yo child to steer the car and she didn't even receive a citation.


wow that is crazy..............................................
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Crystal 01:59 PM 01-18-2013
OP....please let us know how this turns out. Know that we are all concerned about you and you will recieve no judgement on my part. While it was a dangerous mistake, it was obviously just that, a mistake.
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mbullette 02:01 PM 01-18-2013
I feel so bad for you. Just remember we are all human and makes mistakes. This has always been a fear of mine so that is why I don't travel with my daycare kids. If we cant walk to wherever we are going then we dont go. It's just safer that way. Just be honest with the parents and they might surprise you and be understanding. You deal with kids and we all forget.
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snips&snails 02:06 PM 01-18-2013
Originally Posted by earlystart:
Wow, I'm going to be honest, my first reaction was "I wouldn't be telling ANYONE about this!" because I would assume the worst case scenario could include criminal prosecution or the very least, closure of my daycare. Of course, that wouldn't be the "right" thing to do, and the 3 year old is old enough to tell her parents anyway. Maybe it isn't as big of a deal as I think it is, but I come from California, where kids die in the the car every year on hot days, so it's pretty much the same as saying I accidentally left a baby in the middle of the street, thank goodness no one hit and killed her. Thank goodness the kid is alive, but I can see a parent completely losing trust in you (I would), because what would have stopped you from forgetting on a hot day and the kid dies? As a parent, that's what I wouldn't be able to get over. If I had made that mistake, I wouldn't trust myself anymore and would hope licensing gives me a better policy to go by than what I was doing before.

I'm sorry this reply was so harsh, I just thought I'd share my views since they were a little different than others, to give more perspective. Thank you for sharing your story however, because it was an honest mistake, obviously you would never want this to happen, and by sharing it you have reminded other people to take a look at their policies to make sure we're doing all we can do to prevent these heart-attack inducing mistakes.
Yes I am in CA & this was my first thought too - but on the other hand it was clearly an accident & wow what a scary spot to be in. HAving worked at a center that lost a child (on a school campus, the bus driver let him on the bus & then let him off at a stop later total nigtmare) I would:

* Really think about giving up field trips. I would not allow my son's preschool to take him on outings without me it very risky, I am always amazed how many providers do!I wouldn't even let my mother take him in the car when she babysat because she once was tired & forgot my niece, in the summer no less, & thankfully remembered her within a couple minutes

* Institute a roster/check in where you check off every child both upon unloading & before heading back to your house

After the lost child incident we had to count constantly & I am still so in the habit that if I am near a group of children I start counting them automatically lol

The good news is, no one was hurt & I can almost guarantee you will never make this mistake again! Good luck!
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mom2many 02:12 PM 01-18-2013
Originally Posted by Crystal:
OP....please let us know how this turns out. Know that we are all concerned about you and you will recieve no judgement on my part. While it was a dangerous mistake, it was obviously just that, a mistake.
My thoughts exactly. This has been on my mind all day and I've been thinking about you...hoping it all works out okay.
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Unregistered 03:59 PM 01-18-2013
Thank you so much for your support. All six families were amazing. I cried when telling half of them, one I talked to on the phone and she brought me a willows angel gift/thinking of u card. The girls parents were totally fine and told me that Im a wonderful teacher and it doesn't change their opinion of me. All families told me do NOT call licensing because they trust me and don't want to lose me.

Amazing families, all told me a story about parenting mistakes. I still feel terrible though
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Michael 04:16 PM 01-18-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thank you so much for your support. All six families were amazing. I cried when telling half of them, one I talked to on the phone and she brought me a willows angel gift/thinking of u card. The girls parents were totally fine and told me that Im a wonderful teacher and it doesn't change their opinion of me. All families told me do NOT call licensing because they trust me and don't want to lose me.

Amazing families, all told me a story about parenting mistakes. I still feel terrible though
That's great to hear.
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Loveyoustinkyface 04:20 PM 01-18-2013
Oh that is wonderful how understanding (and humane) your family's are!! I know you must still feel guilty, but something like this will make you a better caregiver. I feel so relieved for you!
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CedarCreek 04:22 PM 01-18-2013
Wow, that is really great that your parents were so understanding!
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daycarediva 04:25 PM 01-18-2013
What an awesome outcome. Dck is fine, parents were understanding and you learned a hard mistake without a hard consequence. YAY!
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NeedaVaca 04:27 PM 01-18-2013
That's awesome news! My mom had 7 other siblings and told me tons of stories about how her parents were always leaving one of them behind at church and whatnot It's a lot more scary these days but mistakes happen. Try to enjoy your weekend now!! You have great families!
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youretooloud 04:37 PM 01-18-2013
I have done so many dumb things like that.

I left the garage door open, while getting the kids out of the van, sent them all inside, then closed the garage door without checking to make sure everyone made it inside.

I sat them all down for snack, and one of the kids (Thankfully) asked where Shane was. So, I looked in the van first. (because i'm stupid) and then I opened the garage door, and there he stood. All tiny and sad. I'd closed him on the outside of the door.

Which is bad enough. But, I lived on a very, very, busy city street corner. Heavy traffic just 30 feet away. He sat outside all alone (three years old) for probably 10 or 15 minutes.
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lolaland 04:58 PM 01-18-2013
This brought tears to my eyes... What a beautiful ending for such a terrible day!
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MissAnn 05:24 PM 01-18-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thank you so much for your support. All six families were amazing. I cried when telling half of them, one I talked to on the phone and she brought me a willows angel gift/thinking of u card. The girls parents were totally fine and told me that Im a wonderful teacher and it doesn't change their opinion of me. All families told me do NOT call licensing because they trust me and don't want to lose me.

Amazing families, all told me a story about parenting mistakes. I still feel terrible though
I am so happy! You must be a wonderful provider! Congrats to you and have a stress free weekend!
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MissAnn 05:27 PM 01-18-2013
Oh and since you told the parents they will trust you to be honest. I am just tickled pink about this!
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mom2many 05:32 PM 01-18-2013
I'm so happy to hear it all went amazingly great! That was such a horrible thing for you to go through & I'm glad the parents were so understanding! It shows how much they trust you & realize anyone can make a mistake!

Hope you can enjoy a nice relaxing weekend!
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rbmom 06:42 PM 01-18-2013
I am so glad the parents were all so understanding! I thought of you all day!!
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MamaG 07:11 PM 01-18-2013
Wow! Kids die because of stuff like that. I can't imagine how you can unbuckle all the kids except one? Are you blind? I've taken 6 kids places several times and never left a kid anywhere especially not in a vehicle. Maybe you should stay home from now on.
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Unregistered 07:37 PM 01-18-2013
Originally Posted by MamaG:
Wow! Kids die because of stuff like that. I can't imagine how you can unbuckle all the kids except one? Are you blind? I've taken 6 kids places several times and never left a kid anywhere especially not in a vehicle. Maybe you should stay home from now on.
Wow. I have all preschoolers and most unbuckle themselves. I think she may have been asleep so she didnt say anything, because she often falls asleep in cars. So glad the rest of u were more supportive and offered support/suggestions. Obviously I know kids die like this. Thanks for rubbing it in. I'm just grateful shes fine
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laundrymom 08:01 PM 01-18-2013
I'm bawling like a danged 2 yr old. I'm so relieved. I think it speaks volumes of your character that they reacted this way. I would however implement some of the suggestions mentioned here today to help all of you ( OP & her parents) feel better. Big huge calming hugs.
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Crazy In Mo 08:09 PM 01-18-2013
Been thinking abou you ALL day!! So glad everything turned out ok you must be one hell of a provider to have parents who were so understanding. There is always a Negative Nancy in the bunch just keep your head up
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SilverSabre25 08:43 PM 01-18-2013
SO glad you have great parents who understand that we're human and oopsies happen!!!

I'm breathing a sigh of relief for you!
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MissAnn 08:51 PM 01-18-2013
Originally Posted by MamaG:
Wow! Kids die because of stuff like that. I can't imagine how you can unbuckle all the kids except one? Are you blind? I've taken 6 kids places several times and never left a kid anywhere especially not in a vehicle. Maybe you should stay home from now on.
Such words of wisdom. I bet OP never knew this! So amazing you could share your perfectness with us. I'm sure you are perfect.....no one who makes mistakes would ever post anything as judgmental as this.

Do you not understand OP beat herself up over this. She doesn't need you to give her another beating!

Now I'm in a bad mood!
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mom2many 01:24 AM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by MamaG:
Wow! Kids die because of stuff like that. I can't imagine how you can unbuckle all the kids except one? Are you blind? I've taken 6 kids places several times and never left a kid anywhere especially not in a vehicle. Maybe you should stay home from now on.
Sorry this has bugged me all night... You are so self righteous and these comments were so unwarranted. The OP was distraught over what occurred and yes, we are all human and I pray you don't ever make a mistake or have anything remotely unforeseen ever occur. Since you are evidently "perfect" I am sure you have it all under control. Good luck on that!

I have been watching kids for many years and know how easy it can be for something to happen... It is part of watching little children and anyone who is in this business is aware of that!

I am really annoyed by your comments....YES this was serious, but the OP clearly recognized that, so why did you feel the need to berate her? Even the parents that deal with her on a daily basis and entrust their most valuable possession also recognize and acknowledge her mistake and are willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. This speaks volumes because they are entrusting their children to her, so IMHO if they are willing to do this, then who are we to judge. They obviously know her as a person and trust her to take care of their kids,

As a provider, I think we all acknowledge the serious nature of ensuring the safety of all children in our care, but when human mistakes happen, we need to be less judgmental, unless of course, we are absolutely perfect too!
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countrymom 05:26 AM 01-19-2013
ok but I'm going to be the odd man too. I don't understand how you can open a door and close the door of vehicle and not notice a kid in a carseat. If you have preschoolers not all of them could undo their seatbealts. And when they got out of the vehicle did they all just run to the park. You must have had to get a bag out of the van too. I'm glad the others support you but this was a bad mistake that could have gone horribly bad. I travel with the kids all the time and I just don't understand how you missed the kid. Also, now I'm thinking what kind of vehicle do you have to fit 6 carseats. I have a full size van with doors that open (not slide) and I can see everyone of those kids, even if they would have unbuckled themselves they would have stood by the door and waited for me to open the door and lift them out of the van, my back would have been turned towards the park not the van, do you see what I'm saying. I also don't get why you didn't do a head count when you got them out of the van or even at the park, I'm constantly on my feet counting, looking, looking around the park.
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Michelle 06:16 AM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by MissAnn:
Such words of wisdom. I bet OP never knew this! So amazing you could share your perfectness with us. I'm sure you are perfect.....no one who makes mistakes would ever post anything as judgmental as this.

Do you not understand OP beat herself up over this. She doesn't need you to give her another beating!

Now I'm in a bad mood!
I am really sorry but I can't be supportive either!
It's not about claiming to be perfect!
It's about being a professional.
These kids are our jobs, they are not our kids, they are the most important thing that should be on your mind while you are working. I have taken 12 kids to Disneyland ( with an assistant) and NEVER for a second did I forget about a kid or lost one.
When I am on a field trip I count constantly, never talk to anyone(adults) unless they are all strapped in their strollers, and I am physically exhausted on field trip nights just from the extreme work of keeping them safe, together, and never forgotten somewhere
I really wish I can be supportive but this is a very serious situation and I am thinking maybe you don't take your job serious or you need to make a Dr. appt. to make sure that you mind is in check and not suffering from some kind of memory problems or something..
Sorry I can't be all loving towards OP but I love children more and it is our responsibility to protect them.

I am somehow doubting that all the parents think that it was O.K. she did this.
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MissAnn 06:55 AM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by Michelle:
I am really sorry but I can't be supportive either!
It's not about claiming to be perfect!
It's about being a professional.
These kids are our jobs, they are not our kids, they are the most important thing that should be on your mind while you are working. I have taken 12 kids to Disneyland ( with an assistant) and NEVER for a second did I forget about a kid or lost one.
When I am on a field trip I count constantly, never talk to anyone(adults) unless they are all strapped in their strollers, and I am physically exhausted on field trip nights just from the extreme work of keeping them safe, together, and never forgotten somewhere
I really wish I can be supportive but this is a very serious situation and I am thinking maybe you don't take your job serious or you need to make a Dr. appt. to make sure that you mind is in check and not suffering from some kind of memory problems or something..
Sorry I can't be all loving towards OP but I love children more and it is our responsibility to protect them.

I am somehow doubting that all the parents think that it was O.K. she did this.
No one thought it was OK, most of all the OP. if she came on here making light of what happened or joked about it, we would be all over her. Instead she felt horrible and too ashamed to use her forum name. She beat herself up. She was honest and extremely apologetic. Her DC parents forgave her because she had previously earned their trust. No, she is not perfect, neither am I. I make mistakes every day ....some small and some large, but that does not mean I dont absolutely love my Dc kids with all my heart. If making mistakes means we need a check-up.......I guess we all better get in line.
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Heidi 06:58 AM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by MissAnn:
No one thought it was OK, most of all the OP. if she came on here making light of what happened or joked about it, we would be all over her. Instead she felt horrible and too ashamed to use her forum name. She beat herself up. She was honest and extremely apologetic. Her DC parents forgave her because she had previously earned their trust. No, she is not perfect, neither am I. I make mistakes every day ....some small and some large, but that does not mean I dont absolutely love my Dc kids with all my heart. If making mistakes means we need a check-up.......I guess we all better get in line.

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Twinvillageiowa 07:04 AM 01-19-2013
I still think it should be reported to licensing. I understand that OP feels horrible, but her actions could have potentially resulted in the death of a child. The state needs to know what happened. Just because the parents encourage you to hush it up doesn't mean you should.
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Blackcat31 07:21 AM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by Twinvillageiowa:
I still think it should be reported to licensing. I understand that OP feels horrible, but her actions could have potentially resulted in the death of a child. The state needs to know what happened. Just because the parents encourage you to hush it up doesn't mean you should.
Upon reading OP's follow up post, I felt ENORMOUS elation for her along with some major relief that her DCF's were all ok with it and the unfortunate mistake did have a happy ending. I FULLY and honestly believe it was a mistake and that it could happen to anyone of .

However, I too can't get past the not reporting it.

I know it is kind asking for trouble when this could all just be done and over with but I can't help but wonder what the ramifications would be for not reporting.

What if one of these families who are perfectly fine now, decided to report this 3 months down the road after a disagreement about rates or hours or whatever?

Then the OP would not only be in trouble for the original mistake but the intentional "hiding" from licensing.....kwim?

I don't know, this is a horrible spot to be in and although I sympathize with OP a great deal, I just can't help but think that leaving it as is, will cause even greater problems in the future.

I just don't think I could continue on everyday with that possibility hanging over my head. It would be like constantly waiting for that other shoe to drop.
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nannyde 08:17 AM 01-19-2013
Parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing. It's not up to the parents to decide whether or not this violation should be reported.

When something happens that turns out perfectly well the parents initial reaction is always Whoooooo that was a close one. They will tell stories about it for years to come.

But after going home and really THINKING about how the accident really happened that gut feeling that this is truly serious will start gnawing away. They will start telling friends and family and many many of them who don't know you or have a dog in the fight will start pounding away at how serious this is and how the state should be notified.

Either someone they tell is going to tell or one of them when they no longer need your services is going to tell..... but you can be sure someone is.

You are going to get in way more trouble for not reporting this than for what you did. When you make a mistake of this level you HAVE to tell the parents and the state.

Often when this happens the only reason the provider even tells parents is because they know one or more of the kids can talk and will tell. Most often, this sort of thing goes unreported but when the little talking kids know and a group of six parents know you have many many chances that their retelling of the story is going to go to the state. If you do ANYTHING to piss them off they will definitely tell. By accepting their encouragement not to tell the state you have now put yourself in a position where they can really take advantage of you and ultimately tell if things don't go their way.

Call the state now and report the incident. Take the consequences as they will be small in comparison to what they will be when they find out from someone else and realize time has gone by without you reporting it.
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Heidi 08:29 AM 01-19-2013
never mind...I had two windows open and posted my Reggio question here. See, everyone makes mistakes!
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lolaland 08:33 AM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing. It's not up to the parents to decide whether or not this violation should be reported.

When something happens that turns out perfectly well the parents initial reaction is always Whoooooo that was a close one. They will tell stories about it for years to come.

But after going home and really THINKING about how the accident really happened that gut feeling that this is truly serious will start gnawing away. They will start telling friends and family and many many of them who don't know you or have a dog in the fight will start pounding away at how serious this is and how the state should be notified.

Either someone they tell is going to tell or one of them when they no longer need your services is going to tell..... but you can be sure someone is.

You are going to get in way more trouble for not reporting this than for what you did. When you make a mistake of this level you HAVE to tell the parents and the state.

Often when this happens the only reason the provider even tells parents is because they know one or more of the kids can talk and will tell. Most often, this sort of thing goes unreported but when the little talking kids know and a group of six parents know you have many many chances that their retelling of the story is going to go to the state. If you do ANYTHING to piss them off they will definitely tell. By accepting their encouragement not to tell the state you have now put yourself in a position where they can really take advantage of you and ultimately tell if things don't go their way.

Call the state now and report the incident. Take the consequences as they will be small in comparison to what they will be when they find out from someone else and realize time has gone by without you reporting it.
I too was thinking the same... It's a matter of time for the "now relieved" parents to become "not so understanding" parents and this incident will come back to "haunt" you... Better face all the consequences now so you'll be able to get a clean fresh start sooner ...
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Heidi 08:37 AM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing. It's not up to the parents to decide whether or not this violation should be reported.

When something happens that turns out perfectly well the parents initial reaction is always Whoooooo that was a close one. They will tell stories about it for years to come.

But after going home and really THINKING about how the accident really happened that gut feeling that this is truly serious will start gnawing away. They will start telling friends and family and many many of them who don't know you or have a dog in the fight will start pounding away at how serious this is and how the state should be notified.

Either someone they tell is going to tell or one of them when they no longer need your services is going to tell..... but you can be sure someone is.

You are going to get in way more trouble for not reporting this than for what you did. When you make a mistake of this level you HAVE to tell the parents and the state.

Often when this happens the only reason the provider even tells parents is because they know one or more of the kids can talk and will tell. Most often, this sort of thing goes unreported but when the little talking kids know and a group of six parents know you have many many chances that their retelling of the story is going to go to the state. If you do ANYTHING to piss them off they will definitely tell. By accepting their encouragement not to tell the state you have now put yourself in a position where they can really take advantage of you and ultimately tell if things don't go their way.

Call the state now and report the incident. Take the consequences as they will be small in comparison to what they will be when they find out from someone else and realize time has gone by without you reporting it.


I have to agree. You will feel better knowing it's behind you, and it'll never be behind you until you come clean. Don't leave it hanging over your head.

That being said, if it would've happened to me, I am not sure I would have told anyone. I would have taken the "if a tree falls in the forest" approach, I think, and taken it as a major lesson. I can't say for sure though, and obvioulsy if the children are old enough to tell, that wouldn't have been an option.
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MissAnn 09:17 AM 01-19-2013
I do agree (after thinking about it) calling licensing would be the correct action.

I just can't stomach the ridicule handed to OP in a time of needing support. She made a mistake and she realizes that. Not sure how she will handle it, but one thing I am sure of......not only will this never again happen with her......but by her sharing this experience with us.....we will all be much mores careful.
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nannyde 09:20 AM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by MissAnn:
I do agree (after thinking about it) calling licensing would be the correct action.

I just can't stomach the ridicule handed to OP in a time of needing support. She made a mistake and she realizes that. Not sure how she will handle it, but one thing I am sure of......not only will this never again happen with her......but by her sharing this experience with us.....we will all be much mores careful.
There isn't a one of us who have any longevity in this business who could honestly say they haven't made a singular mistake that could have ended in tragedy but for pure luck saving us that one time.
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mom2many 09:40 AM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by MissAnn:
No one thought it was OK, most of all the OP. if she came on here making light of what happened or joked about it, we would be all over her. Instead she felt horrible and too ashamed to use her forum name. She beat herself up. She was honest and extremely apologetic. Her DC parents forgave her because she had previously earned their trust. No, she is not perfect, neither am I. I make mistakes every day ....some small and some large, but that does not mean I dont absolutely love my Dc kids with all my heart. If making mistakes means we need a check-up.......I guess we all better get in line.
My thoughts exactly...
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Unregistered 09:55 AM 01-19-2013
Based on everyones responses, I read my regulations about what I must report. It says I must report: 1. A child dies in my care (I cried as I read this to my dh) 2. If a child is injured in my care and require medical attention. 3. A criminal suite is filed against me. I must report to parents if a minor injury happens on that day.

None of those things apply. Obviously if parents press charges, that would apply. I even called them today to check in, and everyone is fine. I cried when they actually seemed worried about how III was doing. Simply. Amazing people. Anyway, this is how I see it...
If I call licensing and tell them, I may lose my license an all my families would be upset, of course as would I. And I am not really required to tell them since nobody got hurt (thank god).

If parents press charges at some point, obviously I will report it and I will walk away from the business.
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jenn 10:09 AM 01-19-2013
Here's what I would do, for what it's worth

I would make a written statement addressed to your current clients. Kind of like an accident report, but just make your own. I would have each parent sign the form.

I know you said that you spoke to them and they were all supportive, but having this incident recorded and signed seems more legit. Avoids later "he said, she said" types of things. This way everyone has the exact same info and can't later say they were told something different, or not told at all.


I would have the form include:
Date:
Approxiamate Time of Incident:
Location of Incident:
People Involved (list all adults/children):
Description of Incident (informational, not emotional):
Detailed plan of how to prevent this from happening again:

I would include a signature and date area stating something like ... I have been informed of the above listed incident in a timely manner and have made the decision to keep my child in ____'s care.

I would get this done ASAP, and then contact your surveyor. It's going to be better to tell your version and show what you have done to correct it, than to wait until someone turns you in. This way you are informing them of an incident that occurred and has been corrected, instead of trying to defend your actions at a later time.

God bless you. We all make mistakes.
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Heidi 10:39 AM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Based on everyones responses, I read my regulations about what I must report. It says I must report: 1. A child dies in my care (I cried as I read this to my dh) 2. If a child is injured in my care and require medical attention. 3. A criminal suite is filed against me. I must report to parents if a minor injury happens on that day.

None of those things apply. Obviously if parents press charges, that would apply. I even called them today to check in, and everyone is fine. I cried when they actually seemed worried about how III was doing. Simply. Amazing people. Anyway, this is how I see it...
If I call licensing and tell them, I may lose my license an all my families would be upset, of course as would I. And I am not really required to tell them since nobody got hurt (thank god).

If parents press charges at some point, obviously I will report it and I will walk away from the business.
So, if you don't have to report it, don't. Just document the incident carefully, including when you informed parents, how you followed up (today), and what measures you've added to prevent it again. Put it in your file just incase it's brought up later, and put it behind you.
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mom2many 11:17 AM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Based on everyones responses, I read my regulations about what I must report. It says I must report: 1. A child dies in my care (I cried as I read this to my dh) 2. If a child is injured in my care and require medical attention. 3. A criminal suite is filed against me. I must report to parents if a minor injury happens on that day.

None of those things apply. Obviously if parents press charges, that would apply. I even called them today to check in, and everyone is fine. I cried when they actually seemed worried about how III was doing. Simply. Amazing people. Anyway, this is how I see it...
If I call licensing and tell them, I may lose my license an all my families would be upset, of course as would I. And I am not really required to tell them since nobody got hurt (thank god).

If parents press charges at some point, obviously I will report it and I will walk away from the business.
Personally I would not call licensing. As you stated you are not required to do so according to the regs and at this point it is only going to cause you more grief getting them involved.

I would do as pps mentioned and document everything and have each parent sign it with your plan of correction attached. If anything ever arises from this situation, you will have something to back you up to show how you dealt with this issue appropriately and professionally and have taken steps to ensure it will never happen again. This is exactly what licensing would want you to do and ask of you, if they were involved.

I understand the whole thing about worrying if some disgruntled parent decides to use this against you later and wanting to be forthright and not to have this hanging over your head. However, you are not doing anything wrong by not reporting it, so I would take away the valuable lesson to be learned from this and be thankful God was watching over me and simply move on.
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Solandia 11:28 AM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
There isn't a one of us who have any longevity in this business who could honestly say they haven't made a singular mistake that could have ended in tragedy but for pure luck saving us that one time.


Absolutely. I had to call 911 for a toddler that ran off. I watched him as he ran off, and still lost him. I did everything "right", but it still happened. I called 911 within 30 sec, the police were there in 90sec, and my next door sahm neighbor (who I yelled for immediately) tracked him down at the same time the police arrived. I was a wreck when I called the mom, who was very understanding, especially considering she was a first time mom. It would have been helpful to know that this child had code ADAM called on him TWICE in the previous couple of weeks with 2 parents while shopping. And he started their car in the driveway a couple months after my incident. That was why they were sooo understanding...glass houses/stones & all that. I had that child until he went to school.

There have been many other less dramatic "near misses". Some possibly prevented, but mostly just freakish things that you could only predict if you are psychic.
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Less Honest Than OP 11:39 AM 01-19-2013
I agree with the PPs. Document every bit of it for your OWN personal records just so you have it if ever you need it. I also think it is a great idea to have the parents sign that example paper the PP wrote. Keep it simple. Don't drag yourself through the mud. Don't villanize yourself.

IMO, DON'T report yourself. It sounds like, according to what you wrote, you do NOT have to report it because nothing bad resulted. You didn't forget the child for a long amount of time (not that I'm saying any amount of time is okay, I'm just saying, 5 minutes did not harm anyone whatsoever). And you remedied the situation immediately.

You obviously are someone who cares deeply and is very very honest. Not to justify it, but think of all the shady stuff that goes on that doesn't get reported but SHOULD be shut down but never get caught. Don't put yourself, a great caregiver, out of business just because you wanted to go above and beyond the honesty that is required by law of you.

It sounds like basically the law is saying Don't Ask, Don't Tell. We won't ask what MIGHT have happened or COULD have happened, so don't tell what isn't necessary.

Also, just to be HONEST, I probably would not have told the parents at all... Just being honest. I wouldn't have. Even if the 3 year old could talk, were they distraught? Were they talking about it? Just to be honest, if it were me and it was only a few minutes like you said, and nothing bad had resulted, I would have just made it like a joke and told the 3 year old, "Oh! Were you hiding! Ha ha, I found you, let's go play!". Now, if they were upset and were smart enough to realize what had happened, that's different. It sounds like there was no harm no foul.

Maybe you should have taken some time to think about who/what you wanted to say before saying anything while emotional. If you don't have to report yourself, you probably don't have any obligation to report yourself to the parents either.

Why did you tell ALL the parents??? That seems really unecessary to me. Way unecessary. If I were going to tell at all, I would only tell the parent of the forgotten child. I mean really, it's not the other parents business that someone else's kid was forgotten. That's seems like a privacy thing that isn't for them to know. If a child had broken an arm, or scraped a knee (I know, different than leaving in a car), or even (just being extreme, sorry) God forbid I child was stolen in the bathroom and molested, would you tell ALL the parents? That would totally be inappropriate IMO, it's not the OTHER parents business to know about someone else's child's injury.

It sounds like you are SO good natured that you probably went way overboard on your honesty and vulnerability. GOOD FOR YOU, all I can say is you have a respectable morality and character that is much better than many people, myself included I guess.

I also agree, I would not be surprised if at some point one of your wonderful parents became a disgruntled parent (about some other issue, late fee, etc) and threw this back at you. People can be nasty I've found.
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nannyde 12:26 PM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Based on everyones responses, I read my regulations about what I must report. It says I must report: 1. A child dies in my care (I cried as I read this to my dh) 2. If a child is injured in my care and require medical attention. 3. A criminal suite is filed against me. I must report to parents if a minor injury happens on that day.

None of those things apply. Obviously if parents press charges, that would apply. I even called them today to check in, and everyone is fine. I cried when they actually seemed worried about how III was doing. Simply. Amazing people. Anyway, this is how I see it...
If I call licensing and tell them, I may lose my license an all my families would be upset, of course as would I. And I am not really required to tell them since nobody got hurt (thank god).

If parents press charges at some point, obviously I will report it and I will walk away from the business.
Your regulations my not be specific enough to compel you to notify the state but you are a mandatory reporter. You may be able to explain that it wasn't in the regs but you will not be able to explain why you, as a mandatory reporter, did not notify the state when a child was left unsupervised in a vehichle and was left completely unattended as you searched for him.

Please don't talk yourself out of doing the right thing. You know this is reportable and you are letting fear stop you. There is NO chance that the state will not find out about this eventually. Too many people know.

The parents being upset that you notified the state is not a reason for you to not report. As I said before, the parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing because it's in their best interest. They aren't the ones who get to decide.

The regulations can't come up with every scenario that is reportable. That's why we are all required to be mandatory reporters. We can't expect our states to come up with every possible scenario and give directions. If you had taken a gun and shot at one of the kids and missed.... that wouldn't be covered under what they state is reportable. A child wouldn't be hurt, a child wouldn't have died, and you wouldn't be being sued today.

I'm begging you to reconsider because I know the consequence of having someone else notify the state. I don't know who else was at the park but if there were ANY other adults involed in searching for the kid or watching your kids while you searched they are most likely going to say something. The liklihood of none of your parents or their family, friends, work mates etc. not calling the state on this is very very low. It was a mistake but it was neglect. That is reportable under any mandatory reporting obligations.

The only documentation I would have the parents sign is documentation that you are informing them of the date, the incident, and the name of the receiving state representative about the incident. I would have them sign that they have been notified that you have turned this in and given their full name, address, phone numbers, and ages of their children.

That way ALL the parents will know that you yourself have called this in. They will see that this is NOT up to them to decide. They are just parents. They do not have the experience, education, and liability to make the decisions on what you need to do next. Let them know you have turned this over to the ones who do.
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Blackcat31 02:24 PM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by Less Honest Than OP:
IMO, DON'T report yourself. It sounds like, according to what you wrote, you do NOT have to report it because nothing bad resulted. You didn't forget the child for a long amount of time (not that I'm saying any amount of time is okay, I'm just saying, 5 minutes did not harm anyone whatsoever). And you remedied the situation immediately.
The OP said "AFTER a half hour of playing" and then that she looked for 5 minutes. She wasn't timing herself, so the half hour and 5 minute statements are more than likely estimated guesses. Point is, it WASN'T only 5 minutes that the child was in the car.

I also have to wonder if the OP is from a warm part of the US or a colder one. Leaving a child in the car for 5 minutes where I live (MN) is serious as the winter temps here are freezing!

I found these statements in regards to mandated reporting. The bolded parts apply to this situation.

(3) Any other situation involving the home that may present a risk to the health, safety, or welfare of children in care there, including, but not limited to, a report of domestic violence or the issuance of a protective order involving the provider or a resident in the home;

when a child is in attendance, the individual responsible for supervising the child shall at all times:
(1) Be alert and responsive;
(2) Know where the child is;
(3) Be able to see or hear the child;
(4) Be near enough to the child to render immediate assistance; and
(5) Provide supervision appropriate to the individual age, needs, capabilities, activities, and location of the child.

Before a child may participate in a supervised activity out of the home without the provider or substitute, responsibility for the child's whereabouts and supervision shall be clearly assigned throughout the period of the activity.

A child may not be left unattended on the premises of the home, in a motor vehicle, or during an off-site activity.


OP~ I am NOT at all bashing you, wishing any ill will towards you or critisizing you for ANY of this. I am sorry this happened to you and I 100% truly believe it was a mistake but you really do have to report this.

What if one of the kids tells their aunt and that aunt tells CPS? What if a DCP tells her friend in conversation and that friend tells another and so on and so on.

Now you risk being reported by someone else and you could also risk having stories being told about you and your program and we all know how stories as gossip start and then end....

Just sayin'

If I were you OP, I would have the parents sign and date your documentation. I would write up a plan of action showing how you will remedy this so that it never happens again and then I would take a deep breath and call your licensor.

You HAVE to report this. I am sorry.
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Less Honest than OP 03:03 PM 01-19-2013
Ohhhh......... After reading the info BC posted and yes my mistake looking back and seeing it was 30 min.... Sorry, but ouch, I thought it was 5 minutes and you realized right away. I take back all the stuff I wrote. 30 minutes is a long time and something tragic REALLY could have happened. I'm surprised no passers-by called 911! Nobody saw the child alone in the car? Was the child asleep, crying, happy????

I'm so sorry, we're all human and capable of big and small mistakes, but yeah, this was a really bad situation. I'm sorry. Yes, it does need to be reported. Honestly, I'm surprised the families were so "ok" about it. I'm not trying to be mean... But I would not return my child to your care. I certainly would not be able to trust you on an outing ever again. (But then again, I wouldn't ever trust anyone which is why I started my home daycare because I wouldn't trust my DS with ANYONE else).

Honestly... I really question the wisdom of these parents that weren't upset with you... Is this extreme grace or incredibly irresponsible parenting???
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Meeko 03:36 PM 01-19-2013
I think everybody here understands that a mistake was made. Most of us feel for the OP and are very glad the child is OK and truly believe the provider has learned a tough lesson and will never let this happen again.

But it has to be reported.

It WAS neglect, no matter how innocently it was done.

I hate to say it, but people can be vindictive. The parents who are so wonderful now, could possibly turn this into blackmail hell if they wanted to. They could embellish what happened etc.

I would suggest having a meeting with the provider, the licensing rep and the DC parents all together.

Let licensing see how trusted and loved the provider is by the parents. Let them say their piece too. Have the licensor explain how things work from her end, so the parents know exactly what will happen

Licensing's job is to make things safe for children in daycare. Their job is not to "nail someone to the wall" unless they really feel it's necessary.

Hopefully, a citation will be all that happens because the child was OK and the provider is more than sorry for the incident.

But please don't sit on this. It WILL come back to haunt.

My licensor told me of a provider in our county who was found with a child tied to a post in her laundry room because he was being difficult. The provider seemed to think that was an OK form of discipline.

SHE STILL HAS HER LICENSE.

My licensor said she showed up at a hearing acting contrite and swearing it would never happen again and she kept her license.

I think that was much worse than this incident.
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Willow 05:51 PM 01-19-2013
As a mandated reporter you are required by law to report any abuse, neglect or endangerment.

While I truly feel for you and am glad your families are being so wonderful what happened is tantamount to neglect and child endangerment.

If a police officer would have come upon the child in the car you would have been arrested on the spot. It's happened when children are left outside of gas stations or stores for just a few minutes.

I'm so sorry but you absolutely have to report this.

If you don't you could not only end up in trouble for what happened but also for not reporting it as a mandated reporter as well. There is no way around it and no justification for not contacting licensing. The longer you wait the worse it will be.


Hopefully licensing will see through your very understanding parents that you have a wonderful reputation and things will turn out ok.

Best of luck to you.
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nannyde 06:06 PM 01-19-2013
Originally Posted by Less Honest than OP:
Ohhhh......... After reading the info BC posted and yes my mistake looking back and seeing it was 30 min.... Sorry, but ouch, I thought it was 5 minutes and you realized right away. I take back all the stuff I wrote. 30 minutes is a long time and something tragic REALLY could have happened. I'm surprised no passers-by called 911! Nobody saw the child alone in the car? Was the child asleep, crying, happy????

I'm so sorry, we're all human and capable of big and small mistakes, but yeah, this was a really bad situation. I'm sorry. Yes, it does need to be reported. Honestly, I'm surprised the families were so "ok" about it. I'm not trying to be mean... But I would not return my child to your care. I certainly would not be able to trust you on an outing ever again. (But then again, I wouldn't ever trust anyone which is why I started my home daycare because I wouldn't trust my DS with ANYONE else).

Honestly... I really question the wisdom of these parents that weren't upset with you... Is this extreme grace or incredibly irresponsible parenting???
I also question the wisdom of the parents but we have our laws set up to make sure they aren't the ones to ultimately decide. We have regulations because we can't have individual parents deciding something important like this. The parents opinion is really irrelevant when it comes to reporting.

If the parents were told that the child was left unattended for at least 35 minutes and the provider wasn't aware for at least 30 minutes then it is really hard to see how they could be so forgiving so fast. If they were told what the older children who could talk could say or repeat then that is a different matter. Since young children have no sense of time, it was up to the OP to tell the parents the extent of the mistake including the actual time it took to realize the mistake.

If the OP is fearful to tell the DHS this situation then we have to consider that she was fearful to tell the parents what she has told the forum. We can't judge the parents response because we don't know exactly how specific she was in reporting to them.
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Crystal 08:48 AM 01-20-2013
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
I have done so many dumb things like that.

I left the garage door open, while getting the kids out of the van, sent them all inside, then closed the garage door without checking to make sure everyone made it inside.

I sat them all down for snack, and one of the kids (Thankfully) asked where Shane was. So, I looked in the van first. (because i'm stupid) and then I opened the garage door, and there he stood. All tiny and sad. I'd closed him on the outside of the door.

Which is bad enough. But, I lived on a very, very, busy city street corner. Heavy traffic just 30 feet away. He sat outside all alone (three years old) for probably 10 or 15 minutes.
In California, any time a child is considered "missing" from daycare, the provider is required to report it. it is called an "unusual circumstance" and must be reported.
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AnneCordelia 09:01 AM 01-20-2013
I'm so sorry to the OP. My heart was in my throat while I read this thread and I really feel for her.

When I started my home daycare I had a friend who had been in the business for 7 or 8 years prior and asked for advice. She said that they biggest thing she recommends is doing head counts at every stop and every 5 minutes in between. For example, we move from my playroom into the front hall to go outside. I head count. Then we all go outside to the stroller and we head count again. When we get to the park I head count, even though all were in the stroller, and then I count every 5 minutes at the park at a minimum. Count again while I load the stroller. Count again as I unload at home. Count again once everyone is in the house. I'm constantly counting and it was the best advice.
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DaisyMamma 09:05 AM 01-20-2013
Originally Posted by Heidi:
So, if you don't have to report it, don't. Just document the incident carefully, including when you informed parents, how you followed up (today), and what measures you've added to prevent it again. Put it in your file just incase it's brought up later, and put it behind you.
I agree entirely.
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youretooloud 12:19 PM 01-20-2013
Originally Posted by Less Honest Than OP:
I agree with the PPs. Document every bit of it for your OWN personal records just so you have it if ever you need it. I also think it is a great idea to have the parents sign that example paper the PP wrote. Keep it simple. Don't drag yourself through the mud. Don't villanize yourself.

IMO, DON'T report yourself. (
I agree... I wouldn't report yourself, and I would not send home a letter of the incident. Even a public school would not send out a letter to parents with the details of an incident.

You MIGHT, if you want, write up a note saying what you will do differently from now on, and how you will be sure this will never happen again.

One friend printed up dog tags with each child's name. She takes only the tags for each kid. So, if Allen isn't there that day, she doesn't take Allen's dog tag with her. (she puts them on a hook attached to a back pack)

She also puts a card for each child in a little folder to keep in the car. It has all the information the police would need in case of an emergency.
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Crystal 02:00 PM 01-20-2013
The California Regulation:

102416.2 REPORTING REQUIREMENTS 102416.2
(a) The licensee shall report the following information the Department by telephone or fax within the
Department's next business day and during normal working hours (8am to 5pm).
(1) If the applicant or licensee operates a foster family home as defined in Health and Safety Code
Section 1502(a)(5) or a certified family home as defined in Health and Safety Code Section
1506(d).
(2) Any change in household composition including adults moving in or out of the home and anyone
living in the home who reaches his or her 18th birthday.
(b) The licensee shall report to the Department any of the events as specified in Health and Safety Code
Sections 1597.467(b)(1)(A) through (b)(1)(C) that occur during the operation of the family child care
home.
(1) Medical treatment means treatment by a medical professional, as defined in Section 101152(m).
(2) Any child absence means any instance where a child in care is missing. For example, any child
in care who wanders away from the Family Child Care Home, is lost during an outing, or does
not return from school, shall be reported even if the child is later found safe.

HANDBOOK BEGINS HERE
(3) Health and Safety Code Section 1597.467(b)(1) provides in part:
"A report shall be made to the Department…following the occurrence during the operation of a
family day care home of any of the following events:
(A) Death of any child from any cause.
(B) Any injury to any child that requires medical treatment.
(C) Any unusual incident or child absence that threatens the physical or emotional health or
safety of any child."

HANDBOOK ENDS HERE
CALIFORNIA-DSS-MANUAL-CCL
MANUAL LETTER NO. CCL-06-07 Effective 9/10/06
Page
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snips&snails 02:55 PM 01-20-2013
Truth is, the anxiety of NOT telling would kill me.

WHat would probably happen here (and what has happened in every incident I know of with a missing child wo was not injured) is you will be cited with a violation & have to post it on the door for a year etc. Have your plan ready when you contact licensing. It may be embarrassing etc but it is really unlikely that they will shut you down. It often surprises me how many REALLY bad things it takes before they take such action!
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JenNJ 05:08 PM 01-20-2013
You need to report this. You are responsible no matter what happens to a child in your care. You know you need to call. Don't try and use the regs to talk yourself out of doing the right thing. You know deep down that it was wrong and needs to be reported.

Frankly, the fact that you didn't even realize this kid was missing until over 30 minutes had passed means you need to be investigated. Even after that, you needed to be reminded she was even in yur care. Something is wrong if you don't realize a child you are caring for isn't there. You are incredibly lucky that kid was in the car and wasn't abducted, hit by a car, or injured.

And I'm not buying that the parents are ok with this major slip up. You failed at keeping a kid safe and you need to be turned in. Do the ethical thing and report yourself.
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Twinvillageiowa 05:33 PM 01-20-2013
It really scares me the number of providers saying to hide this and not report. A child was left alone for 30 minutes. In the heat, this kid could have died. If it was cold enough, they could have gotten frostbite. This is a serious mistake. It could have turned in to a life or death matter. How can you say it shouldn't be reported? If you are only interested in covering your own backside, you are not the best possible provider you can be. Also, all of these in home providers saying to hide it will just drive parents toward centers.
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JenNJ 05:42 PM 01-20-2013
In my experience, the number one reason parents choose centers over home daycare is accountability. This is exactly why. I agree with PP that I am shocked -- and disgusted -- with everyone saying this isnt reportable.

If I was the parent of this kid, I would have reported it AND called the cops. This is gross neglect IMO.
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WImom 06:08 PM 01-20-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thank you so much for your support. All six families were amazing. I cried when telling half of them, one I talked to on the phone and she brought me a willows angel gift/thinking of u card. The girls parents were totally fine and told me that Im a wonderful teacher and it doesn't change their opinion of me. All families told me do NOT call licensing because they trust me and don't want to lose me.

Amazing families, all told me a story about parenting mistakes. I still feel terrible though
That's great to hear. Here we need to take a sheet of paper with all the kids in care for the day with us anywhere so we can do head counts. That might be a good idea in the future if you continue to do field trips. I would consider reporting it still with a plan of action to prevent it in the future. I will be worse if it comes out later and you didn't report it.
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EchoMom 06:45 PM 01-20-2013
The more I think about this the more I find it impossible to believe that six families were told a child was left alone in a car for 35 minutes and they were okay with it and consoled the provider... If this is true then these are the most naive, foolish parents I've ever heard of. I just can't believe it the more I think of it.

If I were told my child was forgotten in the car at all, especially such a long time, I would be beside myself, I would be furious and want to throw up. I guarantee my child would be pulled immediately, I would stay home from work if I had to, hire a temporary babysitter, but I would certainly never be able to trust the provider again. And if it weren't my kid, I would still think OMG that could have been my child! That is an ridiculous amount of time to not have noticed. And the provider never did notice, but was prompted by a child...

I also find it hard to believe and if true, appalling that no passers-by called 911. Was the park empty that day?

I find myself regretful that I initially thought this wasn't that big of a deal. Maybe because I was thinking it was only 5 minutes, but realizing it was much longer and hearing the discussion go on, I'm more and more upset about it. I wonder if the parents have just glossed over it and moved on, or if they're mulling it over too and thinking through it further...

I'm sorry OP, I know you are sincerely sorry that it happened, and I don't want to just be hurtful and kick you while you're down, but the more I think of it, the more I think about if it were my own child and I just seriously question the truthfulness in all of this.
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nanglgrl 10:29 PM 01-20-2013
OP, you need to report this. There are so many reasons why but at this point you should know that the story is on Facebook, we are talking about it and surely the effected parents are discussing it. It's only a matter of time until it's reported.

I imagine the result is not going to be fun, you may have to close for a brief time, you may lose families. You could report it and just get written up and be required to come up with a field trip plan BUT I can assure you that whatever happens will be worse if you don't report it and your state licensor finds out through someone else.

I had a child who was bit once. It was one of my first daycare kids, was a baby and I was VERY upset when I told the parents. The parents acted like it was no big deal and said "these things happen" making me feel foolish that I was so upset. When they didn't come the next day I thought maybe they were just late until licensing showed up at my door in response to their complaint about the biting incident. It all ended up fine, and even today with all my experience I know I couldn't have handled the situation any better but I did learn that just because the parent acts fine doesn't mean that they aren't stewing on the inside. It's kind of like when we get a call saying the parent is going to be late and we say "that's fine" even though it's not.

I will share a story with you guys that I've only told a select few. I'm sharing it because I don't want you to feel like a horrible person. I had a toddler who was second shift but because of his mother's work schedule he had an odd sleep schedule and was often sleeping when we were eating dinner, I was giving bathes etc. He had been gone for a while due to days off and the holidays and my family and I decided to go out to eat instead of me cooking because I was exhausted. I got my kids coats and shoes on and hubby took them to the car as I ran to get my purse. I was half way out the door trying to figure out what I was forgetting and realized it was the daycare child who was sleeping in another room! I was half way out the door! My whole family was in the car and all of us forgot about the child!

What happened to you was horrible and could have ended badly for the child but you didn't do it on purpose. You didn't have ill intent. As providers a lot of us sometimes think we are superwomen. We will try to save and protect every child but most if not all of us have had an incident where we messed up in some way even if we have a hard time admitting it. Parent's mess up too, so do doctors, teachers.....it's how we handle our mistakes that defines us.
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countrymom 05:52 AM 01-21-2013
but be prepared and if licesening show up. Because they are going to ask you the same questions that I was wondering too. I just can't over the fact that all the kids managed to unbuckle themselves but this one child and you forgot to unbuckle them, really did you leave the child in van because they were sleeping and didn't want to wake them up.
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EchoMom 06:01 AM 01-21-2013
Is this OP even for real or is this just a thread to get us all riled up?
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countrymom 06:05 AM 01-21-2013
Originally Posted by EchoMom:
Is thi OP even for real or is this just a thread to get us all riled up?
good point
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Blackcat31 06:09 AM 01-21-2013
Originally Posted by EchoMom:
Is thi OP even for real or is this just a thread to get us all riled up?
I can't imagine why someone would post something like this if it weren't real.

Usually when something is posted just to get everyone riled up, the "unregistered" user posts the original post and then never responds or replies.

This OP has replied more than once.

I believe this OP is for real, although I do doubt the fact that any of her parents were "ok" with what happened, especially the parents of the child who was forgotten in the car.

This entire thread is making me nauseous.

the situation
some of the replies
the parents' reaction and "understanding"
the OP's willingness to sweep it under the rug

Ugh.
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Play Care 06:28 AM 01-21-2013
I have to agree with some of the pp's - the parents may seem "okay" with it now, but chances are that as soon as they have time to process it, they will not be so understanding.
Years ago I put my oldest DD in a home dc. Something happened - nothing bad - but it wasn't until I got home that night that I actual go to think about the what ifs. I pulled my child the next day.
And I know the OP seems upset, but a half hour is a very long time to have no idea that you lost a child.
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nannyde 07:03 AM 01-21-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I can't imagine why someone would post something like this if it weren't real.

Usually when something is posted just to get everyone riled up, the "unregistered" user posts the original post and then never responds or replies.

This OP has replied more than once.

I believe this OP is for real, although I do doubt the fact that any of her parents were "ok" with what happened, especially the parents of the child who was forgotten in the car.

This entire thread is making me nauseous.

the situation
some of the replies
the parents' reaction and "understanding"
the OP's willingness to sweep it under the rug

Ugh.
I've been on daycare boards since 98 and the pattern I have seen emerge when something like this happens is the poster actually posts after the incident because they want help figuring out how to get out of it. They want possible scenarios to word things to minimize their accountability.

Some of the responses here offered that. Minimizing or defining a situation in actual provable terms is usually what the OP is about.

Because the stress is so high when something like this happens the person can't think clearly. They can't come up with a way to get out of it on their own. So they post annomously and guard dog the incoming posts until something sticks they can use.

The only thing I can think of that could be told to the parents that would make them be so cool about this is the time unnattended was different than it was. If a parent is told that the children were taken to the equipment and the provider realized because a kid said "where's susie" that she was one short then took the kids back to the car to get the kid then no harm no foul. If the incident happened in seconds then the parents would be cool about it.

The only thing that the provider is going to get caught in is if the older talking kids can recount the "looking for the child for five minutes" part and that could take days or weeks before they give their parents the details bit by bit. It may take a while before one of them say ONE thing that will make the parent know the story they were told wasn't quite what the kid is recounting. Depending up on how DRAMATIC the "look for five minutes" part was.... the higher the liklihood the parents are going to put it together.

If the provider minimized it or the stories don't line up in a week or two... it's gonna get ugly. If the provider left the remaining five unattended or took them along with her every step of the way during the "looking for the kid part"... the older kids are going to have specific memories of that that the provider doesn't even realize because she's not paying attention to THEIR experience.

If there were ANY other adults in or around the park it will definitely get out.

The provider should have come home immediately, secured the kids, called the State, and asked the parents to come get the kids. The State should have been the ones to decide if she could open the next day not the parents. When you go thru the trauma of making that big of a mistake you are the last person on earth who should decide what happens next. You need TIME to figure out what happened, work with the state to set up a plan, and let it play out the truth way.
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jen 07:46 AM 01-21-2013
Honestly, I can't help but wonder if the OP was totally upfront with the parents or if she minimized the situation. It is hard to imagine a parent being OK with 30 minutes, but I can imagine a parent being understanding about 3 to 5 minutes. In fact, parents may feel warm and fuzzy about their provider who is so clearly upset about a very short lived mistake...

When the OP tells the parents she eliminates any issues with the kids telling Mom or Dad, they already know. It is unlikely that the kids are going to have enough understanding of time to contradict the providers story.

I doubt that there were any adults at the park since no one noticed a kid in the car or called 911 when the provider started searching...
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Former Teacher 08:03 AM 01-21-2013
Originally Posted by EchoMom:
Is thi OP even for real or is this just a thread to get us all riled up?
This is EXACTLY why I won't respond to unregistered posts. ESP. the ones that say "oh I am registered but I logged out for privacy"

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I can't imagine why someone would post something like this if it weren't real.

Usually when something is posted just to get everyone riled up, the "unregistered" user posts the original post and then never responds or replies.

This OP has replied more than once.
Normally I would agree with you 110% BC. However remember the thread about the ketchup
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youretooloud 08:13 AM 01-21-2013
Originally Posted by Crystal:
In California, any time a child is considered "missing" from daycare, the provider is required to report it. it is called an "unusual circumstance" and must be reported.
Well, this was in 1983. There weren't any rules like that back then. There wasn't even anywhere to report something like that. We barely had CPS at that time. We had the health dept who would come check on things like fridge temps and door locks, but otherwise, it was a free for all.

But, I obviously told the parents before the kids told. The parents didn't even get past the threshold before I told them.
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Crystal 08:54 AM 01-21-2013
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
Well, this was in 1983. There weren't any rules like that back then. There wasn't even anywhere to report something like that. We barely had CPS at that time. We had the health dept who would c?@6 ome check on things like fridge temps and door locks, but otherwise, it was a free for all.

But, I obviously told the parents before the kids told. The parents didn't even get past the threshold before I told them.
oh, I wasn't concerned about your incident.I just wanted to make sure the OP was aware that she
May still be required to report.She needs to check all sections of the regs because it may be further defined elsewhere. I should have been more specific, I was just giving the OP some additional info that might prompt her to report her incident. I am trying to remain very neutral here and just give her straight information so as not to stir up any drama
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Crystal 09:10 AM 01-21-2013
OP.....35 minutes IS along time. so many things could have gone wrong during that time. I urge you to report this before someone else does, and I assure you that somebody will, if they have not already done so. To many people know for it not to get out, including all of us here,and if you are a regular member, someone here will figure out who you are......look even have nannyde with her mad skillz has made an appearance!

do the right thing and make that call.you will sleep better at night if you do.
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nannyde 09:18 AM 01-21-2013
Originally Posted by Crystal:
To many people know for it not to get out, including all of us here,and if you are a regular member, someone here will figure out who you are......look even have nannyde with her mad skillz has made an appearance!
I make an appearance when I see a health or safety issue. I wasn't seeing anyone pointing out that the OP is a mandatory reporter. I felt that needed to be brought up. Now that it has... more people are realizing that this goes beyond the parents and provider.

I do have "mad skillz". The OP needs to call her licensing today.

It's the right thing to do and it is so so so much better than having someone else do it for her. Everybody makes mistakes. I've made serious mistakes in my 34 year career... but I have never made one where I didn't confess right away.
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Blackcat31 09:22 AM 01-21-2013
I agree.

I understand a mistake was made.

I get how these things can happen.

I am having trouble getting over the parental reaction and acceptance and I am really struggling with the fact that the OP seems comfortable sweeping it under the rug and not looking back.

Good providers make mistakes.

Really good ones acknowledge, address and fix them.


Being a child care provider means doing what is best for the children you have in care NOT doing what is best for you.
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Crystal 09:40 AM 01-21-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I make an appearance when I see a health or safety issue. I wasn't seeing anyone pointing out that the OP is a mandatory reporter. I felt that needed to be brought up. Now that it has... more people are realizing that this goes beyond the parents and provider.

I do have "mad skillz". The OP needs to call her licensing today.

It's the right thing to do and it is so so so much better than having someone else do it for her. Everybody makes mistakes. I've made serious mistakes in my 34 year career... but I have never made one where I didn't confess right away.
I,for one,was glad to see you make an appearance on this one. you have given valid,professional advice and that is needed in this type of situation.

hope you are doing well,Nan!
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nannyde 09:43 AM 01-21-2013
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I,for one,was glad to see you make an appearance on this one. you have given valid,professional advice and that is needed in this type of situation.

hope you are doing well,Nan!
My Gutenberg bells are ringing off the wall
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Crystal 09:45 AM 01-21-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
My Gutenberg bells are ringing off the wall
lol! stupid kindle!!! gotta figure out this auto correct! :
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spud912 12:19 PM 01-21-2013
I have been following this thread and I'm really glad it was posted. First, I hope this makes all of us be a little more cautious in our everyday dealings with these children. Granted, we all make mistakes and we are all human. However, these are not our children and we have to be held to a higher standard when taking care of them. Their parents have entrusted us with their safety. I, for one, will be re-evaluating many of my safety precautions.

Second, I really hope that the OP takes the advice written. I may be seen as a bad guy for saying this, but I think the OP should actually look into discontinuing child care for the time being. I don't mean to be judgmental and I have made my fair share of mistakes along the way, but I really do not know how you can forget about a child altogether for 30+ minutes. The OP must have been REALLY distracted and/or thought the child was not in attendance for the day. As a parent, the fact that the provider was unaware of my child for that length of time would make me think of how many other times the provider has not adequately supervised the children. Still, I have no idea how you can take children out of a van and not notice one still there. I can see forgetting one child when you are only one watching one child because you won't even look behind you, but when you are at the door pulling them out how do you not notice one is still in there? The only thing I can think of is that the children opened the door themselves and piled out, which is a safety concern in of itself.

Lastly (and really no offense to any of you who did this), this thread has made me even more nervous about leaving my children in the care of others. The fact that many providers would hesitate to turn themselves in or not tell the parents when there was a major safety concern makes me terrified!

I know I may get chastised for what I have said here, but serious mistakes should result in some blunt words at the least, if not more serious repercussions. I can only imagine the fear and sadness that the poor child felt while left in the vehicle. On top of being susceptible to the elements (weather), the child could have been kidnapped or gotten out of the car seat and put the vehicle in gear or left the vehicle altogether. I think the only way the parents were ok with the whole thing was if they were led to believe that the child was left for only a small amount of time.
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Sugar Magnolia 04:02 PM 01-21-2013
OP, you made a very serious mistake. I say this with no malice or judgment.....report the incident or please voluntarily close your business. In the state of Florida, during the summer, this child would have died a horrible death and you would be in prison for a very long time. I'm sorry this happened, I am not being mean, but you needed to hear that.
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crazydaycarelady 04:04 PM 01-21-2013
I have not had time to read ALL of the responses but here is my 2 cents.

Originally Posted by :
There isn't a one of us who have any longevity in this business who could honestly say they haven't made a singular mistake that could have ended in tragedy but for pure luck saving us that one time.
This is so true! I once loaded up the kids to go pick up some other kids at vacation bible school, not our regular routine. I pulled out of the driveway and started down the street when I remembered I had a kid napping in my room! Screech went the tires and I backed up but OMG..............O.M.G.

In this situation my very first instinct would be to keep my mouth shut and not tell a soul. I know that is not right and you have already told the parents anyway. So I have to agree at this point with NannyDe - it should be reported. It's gonna suck though - really really suck. If you do not report it then I would mention to the dcparents why you didn't (that it didn't fall within the parameters of reporting) just so none of them try and hold it over your head.
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daycare 04:13 PM 01-21-2013
I have also not read many of the responses here, but from what I do see is that the last thing you want is for someone, anyone, parent, licensing, CPS, and so on to come and question you first.

In this business I feel that you always need to be one step ahead. I NEVER let a parent question me if something happened to one of these kids. LIke lets say johnny falls and scrapes his knee. You bet the parent will hear this from me and not from little johnny first. I take NOTHING in this business lightly. I do treat this children most often better than my own.

I have been in situations where I have had to let my own child fall to save another. It's what I have to do to ensure that I am never having to answer to another why something happened.

I really hope that you find it within yourself to do the right thing. I am sure you are a very good person who has a conscience and know that you will come to do the right thing when you are ready.

I just hope that you do it before someone take it, turns it ugly and it makes news the wrong way.

Let your accident be told the way that it did happen by you. Hugs to you and I really hope that you find your way through this......
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Tags:feeling bad, field trip - gone bad, safety
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