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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Insight would be awesome...opinions welcomed
Luvnmykidz 11:15 AM 02-22-2013
Hi everyone. So I need some honest opinions about how to handle a situation like this. I am not a licensed provider yet but I am currently preparing to get licensed. I watch a friends child at her home occasionally until my center is licensed and ready for business. She would like for me to watch her child in my home once I am licensed......
Okay so heres the situation. The little girl I watch is 3. I also have 3 kids of my own (3, 6, and 10). I have been coming to her home to watch her since January. I provide preschool activities, crafts, field trips, prepare meals, do her hair, tidy the house, do laundry and prepare dinner. I arrive at 6:30 and the agreement was that she would be home by 6:00 in the evenings at the latest. I have my children with me in the morning and drop my oldest 2 off to school and also pick them up from school at the end of the day. She is walking distance from the school so sometimes we walk sometimes I drive. (just trying to paint a picture for you of my frustration). The mother has only made it home by 6 twice since I have been watching her. Otherwise she usually strolls through the door between 7:30-8:30 pm.. I have told her I would like for her to make an honest effort to be there by the agreed upon time because its not fair to all parties involved when she doesnt..
So her daughter is a bit mouthy, constantly talking back, throwing tantrums when redirected, refusing to listen, tells her mom what to do, hits and kicks her mom, and the list goes on and on. In her home I have established a time out space that we call the thinking corner. She knows the rules and for the most part it works. She does little things on purpose though like: will say shes thirsty and take her open cup and drop it on the floor when shes done rather than set it on the table, wipes her nose and throws the tissues on the floor, stand in the bathroom and demand you to pull her clothes up or down and if you insist on her doing it she will say "well I'm gonna pee my pants then since you wont" then she will yell "get over here and pull my pants down and put me on the potty right now!!! " I have spoken to her mom about it all and told her that if it continues I will not watch her and she will have to find other arrangements. Her response is "yep thats Susie, you have to pick your battles with her or you will be fussing with a 3 yr old " and then she laughs. But its not funny by far. I told her shes going to have to start coming home to get her because shes not correcting the behavior. So yesterday she tells her daughter shes going somewhere fun at work today ( shes a teacher). The little girl says no your not you are gonna be home with me or you better take me with you. Mom just laughs. This morning the little girl stood in the bathroom and urinated on herself. Then she tells me that she wants to go on the trip with her mom. I called her mom and told her what "susie" has done and shes like oh she will be fine just clean her up and send her to time out. I told her No, she needs to come home and deal with it and that if she thinks its fine she needs to start looking for other daycare arrangements. This was at 7:30 this morning. She said she would be home shortly, but did not show up until 12:50. Am I wrong for feeling like the mom doesnt respect me and that this family is not the right fit for me.. Please be honest with me and tell me if I am wrong or how I should handle this situation, because I feel like Im being petty to be upset that it took her this long to come home, but then i think if she was sick would she have come straight home, seriously doubt it.
Okay so heres the situation. The little girl I watch is 3. I also have 3 kids of my own (3, 6, and 10). I have been coming to her home to watch her since January. I provide preschool activities, crafts, field trips, prepare meals, do her hair, tidy the house, do laundry and prepare dinner. I arrive at 6:30 and the agreement was that she would be home by 6:00 in the evenings at the latest. I have my children with me in the morning and drop my oldest 2 off to school and also pick them up from school at the end of the day. She is walking distance from the school so sometimes we walk sometimes I drive. (just trying to paint a picture for you of my frustration). The mother has only made it home by 6 twice since I have been watching her. Otherwise she usually strolls through the door between 7:30-8:30 pm.. I have told her I would like for her to make an honest effort to be there by the agreed upon time because its not fair to all parties involved when she doesnt..
So her daughter is a bit mouthy, constantly talking back, throwing tantrums when redirected, refusing to listen, tells her mom what to do, hits and kicks her mom, and the list goes on and on. In her home I have established a time out space that we call the thinking corner. She knows the rules and for the most part it works. She does little things on purpose though like: will say shes thirsty and take her open cup and drop it on the floor when shes done rather than set it on the table, wipes her nose and throws the tissues on the floor, stand in the bathroom and demand you to pull her clothes up or down and if you insist on her doing it she will say "well I'm gonna pee my pants then since you wont" then she will yell "get over here and pull my pants down and put me on the potty right now!!! " I have spoken to her mom about it all and told her that if it continues I will not watch her and she will have to find other arrangements. Her response is "yep thats Susie, you have to pick your battles with her or you will be fussing with a 3 yr old " and then she laughs. But its not funny by far. I told her shes going to have to start coming home to get her because shes not correcting the behavior. So yesterday she tells her daughter shes going somewhere fun at work today ( shes a teacher). The little girl says no your not you are gonna be home with me or you better take me with you. Mom just laughs. This morning the little girl stood in the bathroom and urinated on herself. Then she tells me that she wants to go on the trip with her mom. I called her mom and told her what "susie" has done and shes like oh she will be fine just clean her up and send her to time out. I told her No, she needs to come home and deal with it and that if she thinks its fine she needs to start looking for other daycare arrangements. This was at 7:30 this morning. She said she would be home shortly, but did not show up until 12:50. Am I wrong for feeling like the mom doesnt respect me and that this family is not the right fit for me.. Please be honest with me and tell me if I am wrong or how I should handle this situation, because I feel like Im being petty to be upset that it took her this long to come home, but then i think if she was sick would she have come straight home, seriously doubt it.
AfterSchoolMom 11:29 AM 02-22-2013
Oh my gosh, are you gone yet? Why not? I wouldn't put up with any of that for one more minute. This woman is not your friend, or she wouldn't treat you with such disrespect. Do you have a contract with her? What kind of notice do you give? I don't often suggest that someone just quit with no notice, but in this case, if there's no contract, I definitely would.
momofboys 11:35 AM 02-22-2013
One question, if this parent is a teacher why does she get home so late????
Luvnmykidz 11:41 AM 02-22-2013
We dont have a contract yet and at this point Im not interested in creating one. I told her when she finally decided to come home that I think it is best that she start looking for other arrangements because I am no longer happy with the situation. She started to cry and said please dont quit on me, but Im not moved. I told her she has two weeks to find care for her daughter. I just needed to know that Im not being petty, and that its clear she is no friend..We grew up together (since 2nd grade) but that doesnt matter apparently to her.
Blackcat31 11:44 AM 02-22-2013
Run!!!!
I would run as far away from this situation as possible!!
The mother has made it perfectly clear to you that she isn't going to support, help or change anything so if I were you, I'd cut my losses and focus on getting your own child care business off the ground and do not let any of your future clients treat you like this woman does/has.
I would run as far away from this situation as possible!!
The mother has made it perfectly clear to you that she isn't going to support, help or change anything so if I were you, I'd cut my losses and focus on getting your own child care business off the ground and do not let any of your future clients treat you like this woman does/has.
NeedaVaca 11:47 AM 02-22-2013
Whoa! This is seriously out of hand...First, the hours are ridiculous, you aren't getting time with your own children if you are there until 7:30-8:30 and the mom isn't spending time with her DD either which would probably explain why the child is acting out so badly. Second, you signed on for this to provide childcare, how did doing their laundry get started?? Do you have a contract?
This family is using you, you need to lay down some serious ground rules or just be done with this altogether...Is it possible for you to provide care for children in your home while you wait to be licensed (legally unlicensed)? If so, I would advertise for that asap! If this was me, I wouldn't do this for even one more day...
This family is using you, you need to lay down some serious ground rules or just be done with this altogether...Is it possible for you to provide care for children in your home while you wait to be licensed (legally unlicensed)? If so, I would advertise for that asap! If this was me, I wouldn't do this for even one more day...
Luvnmykidz 11:48 AM 02-22-2013
Great question..I have asked the same as well and her excuses are, "well I needed to go grocery shopping and its so hard to do with her, or I needed to go get a pedicure because my toe nails were too long." I feel dumb for putting up with it for so long. I read the threads up here and would love to have a backbone like the providers up here. Sure it comes with experience. I also have told her to please come home at her agreed upon time and if there are things she needs to do then get her daughter and go do them. She also claims they dont leave school until 4:30 and traffic is so bad or she has so much work to do before leaving. As far as I am concerned they are all excuses and she would benefit from a daycare center that has a set time to close so that she has no choice but to come get her. I get the feeling she doesnt want to deal with her more than a few hours a day...thats sad
butterfly 11:50 AM 02-22-2013
Originally Posted by Luvnmykidz:
We dont have a contract yet and at this point Im not interested in creating one. I told her when she finally decided to come home that I think it is best that she start looking for other arrangements because I am no longer happy with the situation. She started to cry and said please dont quit on me, but Im not moved. I told her she has two weeks to find care for her daughter. I just needed to know that Im not being petty, and that its clear she is no friend..We grew up together (since 2nd grade) but that doesnt matter apparently to her.
Girl, there is no way I would put up with that garbage for 2 weeks more. I don't know how you've dealt with this for this long! I would be done effective immediately!!We dont have a contract yet and at this point Im not interested in creating one. I told her when she finally decided to come home that I think it is best that she start looking for other arrangements because I am no longer happy with the situation. She started to cry and said please dont quit on me, but Im not moved. I told her she has two weeks to find care for her daughter. I just needed to know that Im not being petty, and that its clear she is no friend..We grew up together (since 2nd grade) but that doesnt matter apparently to her.
Luvnmykidz 11:56 AM 02-22-2013
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
Whoa! This is seriously out of hand...First, the hours are ridiculous, you aren't getting time with your own children if you are there until 7:30-8:30 and the mom isn't spending time with her DD either which would probably explain why the child is acting out so badly. Second, you signed on for this to provide childcare, how did doing their laundry get started?? Do you have a contract?
This family is using you, you need to lay down some serious ground rules or just be done with this altogether...Is it possible for you to provide care for children in your home while you wait to be licensed (legally unlicensed)? If so, I would advertise for that asap! If this was me, I wouldn't do this for even one more day...
My Point exactly!! I am a single parent, but I enjoy every moment I spend with my 3 kids. They are my life and it bothers me that she doesnt feel that same way for her DD. I ended up doing laundry (the 3 yr olds) because she seemed to never have clean clothes to wear during the week, thought it was a one time thing, but hasnt been. Unfortunately I dont think that I can be legally unlicensed here, which is why I watch her in her home. No child for more than 20 hrs a month was what I was told. I will have to double check on that or if anyone up here knows for sure.. I live in Maryland.Whoa! This is seriously out of hand...First, the hours are ridiculous, you aren't getting time with your own children if you are there until 7:30-8:30 and the mom isn't spending time with her DD either which would probably explain why the child is acting out so badly. Second, you signed on for this to provide childcare, how did doing their laundry get started?? Do you have a contract?
This family is using you, you need to lay down some serious ground rules or just be done with this altogether...Is it possible for you to provide care for children in your home while you wait to be licensed (legally unlicensed)? If so, I would advertise for that asap! If this was me, I wouldn't do this for even one more day...
Luvnmykidz 12:06 PM 02-22-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Run!!!!
I would run as far away from this situation as possible!!
The mother has made it perfectly clear to you that she isn't going to support, help or change anything so if I were you, I'd cut my losses and focus on getting your own child care business off the ground and do not let any of your future clients treat you like this woman does/has.
I definately do not want to deal with future clients like this... Which is why I agree 100% with you all. She doesnt deserve another 2 weeks of my time. Me gettting my center up and running and spending quality time with my kids should be my priority. Guess this was my test to see if I was ready, and I stumbled a bit but I think I did ok.. I just called her mother and told her that daycares in this area are open until 6 or 6:30 and that gives her time to tour and secure a spot for her daughter. Effective today I will not be returning to provide care. Run!!!!
I would run as far away from this situation as possible!!
The mother has made it perfectly clear to you that she isn't going to support, help or change anything so if I were you, I'd cut my losses and focus on getting your own child care business off the ground and do not let any of your future clients treat you like this woman does/has.
I feel much better already, like a load has been lifted off of my shoulders.. sigh.. what a relief... Thank you all
EntropyControlSpecialist 12:12 PM 02-22-2013
Holy nightmare! What a bratty child and an even brattier Mom! 
I am so glad you will not be working in that situation anymore.
http://www.msde.maryland.gov/MSDE/di...g_branch/ofcch
I am so glad you will not be working in that situation anymore.http://www.msde.maryland.gov/MSDE/di...g_branch/ofcch
bunnyslippers 12:22 PM 02-22-2013
You need to get the heck out of there, and immediately. I wouldn't even give her two minutes notice. When she gets home tonight from living her child-free life, I would let her know that you will NOT be back, for any reason.
My best friend used to watch my son before I opened my child care. I was never even a minute late. I adored her AND my son, and would never disrespect her that way.
What the F*** is wrong with people?!??! What happened to running errands with your kids? I know it is hard, but you know what? My kids know how to behave in public because I take them with me everywhere. People need to start being parents, and stop expecting child care providers and teachers to be the parents! What a shame, and what a rotten first experience for you.
Good Grief, get out of there! Today!!!!!! Shame on her, and good luck to her in finding care for her little monster!
My best friend used to watch my son before I opened my child care. I was never even a minute late. I adored her AND my son, and would never disrespect her that way.
What the F*** is wrong with people?!??! What happened to running errands with your kids? I know it is hard, but you know what? My kids know how to behave in public because I take them with me everywhere. People need to start being parents, and stop expecting child care providers and teachers to be the parents! What a shame, and what a rotten first experience for you.
Good Grief, get out of there! Today!!!!!! Shame on her, and good luck to her in finding care for her little monster!
KDC 12:29 PM 02-22-2013
Originally Posted by butterfly:
Girl, there is no way I would put up with that garbage for 2 weeks more. I don't know how you've dealt with this for this long! I would be done effective immediately!!
Girl, there is no way I would put up with that garbage for 2 weeks more. I don't know how you've dealt with this for this long! I would be done effective immediately!!
RUN! Just explain, the situation is quite a bit different than you pictured, and it's nothing personal, it's just not working out.
cheerfuldom 12:46 PM 02-22-2013
so glad you just left. this whole scenario is a nightmare. please learn from your mistakes. i am glad you put a stop to it but you should have done that from day one. first time she didnt pickup, i would have instituted a late fee and refuse to come back to work till she paid it.
never work without a contract
never work with friends
never work without a contract
never work with friends
melilley 01:30 PM 02-22-2013
Originally Posted by Luvnmykidz:
My Point exactly!! I am a single parent, but I enjoy every moment I spend with my 3 kids. They are my life and it bothers me that she doesnt feel that same way for her DD. I ended up doing laundry (the 3 yr olds) because she seemed to never have clean clothes to wear during the week, thought it was a one time thing, but hasnt been. Unfortunately I dont think that I can be legally unlicensed here, which is why I watch her in her home. No child for more than 20 hrs a month was what I was told. I will have to double check on that or if anyone up here knows for sure.. I live in Maryland.
Exactly! There is no excuse for her not being able to take her child to the store or anywhere else! I can't stand parents who have others take care of their children! I spend any free time that I have with my children and I too don't get parents like that! Don't get me wrong, it's nice to do things without the kids sometimes, but when it's all the time, there is no excuse for that! I'm glad you found your backbone, it's not always easy!My Point exactly!! I am a single parent, but I enjoy every moment I spend with my 3 kids. They are my life and it bothers me that she doesnt feel that same way for her DD. I ended up doing laundry (the 3 yr olds) because she seemed to never have clean clothes to wear during the week, thought it was a one time thing, but hasnt been. Unfortunately I dont think that I can be legally unlicensed here, which is why I watch her in her home. No child for more than 20 hrs a month was what I was told. I will have to double check on that or if anyone up here knows for sure.. I live in Maryland.
Loveyoustinkyface 03:48 PM 02-22-2013
Do you have another Nanny type job lined up till you get licensed?
If money is an issue at this point....could you take the child to your house in the afternoons and have her picked up from there?
At least that way you can do YOUR OWN LAUNDRY and TIDING UP!!
I do hope you're makin' good money for being a personal assisant/nanny!!!!
I'm sorry your "friend" is acting this way
If money is an issue at this point....could you take the child to your house in the afternoons and have her picked up from there?
At least that way you can do YOUR OWN LAUNDRY and TIDING UP!!
I do hope you're makin' good money for being a personal assisant/nanny!!!!
I'm sorry your "friend" is acting this way
youretooloud 03:52 PM 02-22-2013
Those hours alone would be reason enough to walk away from them forever. You and your kids LIVE with this girl. It's not fair to you or them, and most of all not her.
I don't think daycare providers "raise" the kids, but in this case, you are raising this little girl.
Mom can bring her work home...she doesn't HAVE to stay there that long.
I don't think daycare providers "raise" the kids, but in this case, you are raising this little girl.
Mom can bring her work home...she doesn't HAVE to stay there that long.