I have a job opportunity outside the home that just came about and I'm so conflicted. I'm in the process of getting licensed right now (probably have another 6 months) so I only have one dcb right now. If I took the job AND paid for daycare for my daughter, I would still be making $1050 more per month than I am right now.

BUT once I get licensed later this year, I could make the same as the outside the home job if I took just 2 more kids. And way more if I took 3 or 4 more kids.

I'm conflicted. Almost every job I've had since I was 15 was with kids (babysitting, nanny, infant room teacher, now daycare) and because I often felt like I was raising someone else's child, it's SUPER hard for me to justify sending my daughter to spend the majority of her day with someone else. Let's face it, we see kids, in a day, more than their parents do and that would drive me CRAZY.

However, I paid a TON of money for my college degree and this job is in the exact field I always saw myself being in (before I had a child). It would be nice to not have my home in chaos and feel like I'm using my hard earned degree. Plus, I'm scared that if I want to get into the workforce in a few years, I will have been out of it for so long and have a hard time even getting a job. BUT (HUUUUUGE BUT), I want to cry at the thought of putting my own daughter in daycare. I don't know why. I'm sure I could find someone trustworthy, as obviously people have trusted me with their precious kids. I feel crazy for feeling like I can't put her in daycare when I do daycare! Parents have to put their kids in daycare ALL the time, why should I be any different? But I am good with kids and CAN do daycare (not everyone can).

I'm sure plenty of you have been faced with this dilemma. What made you swing one way or the other?

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Only you can decide which is more important....

That college degree/dipolma ( a piece of paper), or Your daughter and what and from whom she will be learning from the next few years........

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How old is your daughter??? Personally, I regret having started doing daycare when my kids were younger as I now feel stuck in doing it. While yes it is nice to be home when my kids get home from school, I sometimes wish I would have stuck with my college plans and went to work outside of the home. Some things to consider in your decision..what is the daycare situation in your area like?? Do you know of other providers with whom you would be comfortable leaving your daughter with? What would your work schedule be like? Once your daughter is in school, would there be somewhere for her to go after school, summers, what about when she is sick? Is the job you are considering family friendly that they would understand if you had to take time off for her illness. Will you be comfortable with her being home alone after school when she ages out of daycare? It is very hard to find somewhere for kids over 10 to go. You have to strongly consider what is important to your family. Make a list of your reasons for wanting to do daycare and your reasons for wanting to work outside of the home. Look at the future and take into consideration care for your daughter as she gets older. As far as getting a job later, I think the fact that you have a degree would be a bonus. Sorry, kind of rambled, but bottom line, you have to strongly consider your priorities as a family and go from there.

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You have two wonderful opportunities here...1. Stay home with your daughter while making a living, or 2. Do a job you were planning for using your education and skills, keeping home and work separate.
Think of yourself 5 years from now. Since you can't do both, which opportunity will you regret having passed up?
HTH & good luck with whatever you decide.

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My daughter just turned 2, so a couple more years before she would be in school all day.

I know of one provider in the area that I would completely trust, but she doesn't have any openings. So, I'd be starting from scratch in finding child care.

The job would be family friendly and my mom has a very lenient work schedule if my daughter was sick or anything came up with daycare, so I'm not worried about that. And I'm not worried about after school care in a few years because my mom gets done with work early enough that she could take care of her after school.

Bottom line, I'm getting licensed for daycare because I want to be home with my daughter. I know most parents feel this way, but nobody can take care of your child and teach them better than yourself. You find a daycare provider that you trust, but no one is better than you. I want that for her, but I also want my life too. I do want an identity outside of my children and I want my daughter to see that I worked hard to get a degree and get a job.

I also think back on my own life. I was in daycare when I was a child and I don't think my relationship with my parents was any less because of it. Honestly, I don't really remember much about being in daycare, good or bad. My mom and I are very close and I'm sure my daughter and I will be regardless of whether I stay home with her or send her to daycare.

So, I don't know. I've made lists; they each have their pluses and minuses.

In a way, I feel like it's kind of selfish on my part staying home. I cherish the time I have with her at home and love being a part of the new things she sees and does each day. But, truth is, 15 years from now, she won't remember or care that mommy stayed home with her when she was 2.

Ugh, still confused. Just seeing what others have done in this situation.

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Sometimes, life happens..Things change, plans change..I worked PT nights making $30,000/yr when my DS was born, and was very involved with his school, field trips, etc.

I now still have regrets that I didn't do enough. I quit my $30,000/yr PT job to stay home with my family, even though he was then 12..I was able to still be home to take him places in the summer, go to school activities & field trips, pick up from school because the late bus takes sooo long to get home (1 hr) and now he is 14, and I'm still doing the same things. It was nice to be on vacation Christmas break week to do stuff with him, bowling, out to lunch, etc.

To me, moments with my kids are more important than $$. Jobs will always be around, but my kids are growing up and my time with them is running out.

So think about what you may regret down the road, and let your heart lead you.

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Funny story. Some of my daughters fondest memories from being little where when I closed because I had appt's I had to take care of and she got to go to a different daycare!! She thought that was great. Of course she is a little oddball, so I don't think that's probably typical! Maybe I'm just no fun to be around Legomom's post made me think about something. Will you have freedom to attend your daughters school functions if you do your daycare? My numbers don't allow me to be a part of anything at my children's school's unless I close. They still need to ride the bus, I don't make it to class parties or programs during the day. That is a choice I made however in the fact of the amount of children I take and that I prefer not to transport children. I just don't like the liability of it. Good luck with your decision. It certainly isn't an easy one, and chances are no matter what choice you make, you'll probably always wonder if it was the right one.

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disagree,.. totally, while she wont remember being with you every day, the first 5 years are the most important formative years in a childs life as to the final outcome of the adult you raise.

think of this,.. the next few years spent doing something you love, that you feel is important, and that will make a huge impact not only on your child, but yourself deep in your heart.

Or go out and follow the job aspect, knowing each day when you drop her off that she is spending that time with someone else.

neither is better, neither is right,... both are possible,.. both will still produce a healthy happy child and a healthy happy mom,.. but which is more important to you? forming her,.... and taking the chance that there will be other jobs,.. or letting someone else form her and taking this one?

just remember, you WILL get a do over in the job,.. kids are only young once.... =-) Good luck,... I do not envy your decision.

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for me it was easy I knew I wanted a big family and could never afford to work outside the home and pay daycare #1 and since I loved kids and wanted a big family I wanted to be the one to raise them. I did get my big family I have five sons and while when they were younger doing daycare was alot harder I'm glad I have stuck with for 15 years my boys are all now in school and I'm still here for them when they get home or if they get sick down the road I may choose something else but I love what I do and the extra money is a big help to my family

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These are all helpful points.

About the thinking ahead to 5 years, I'm sure I will never regret staying home with my daughter. I just wouldn't.

But it's too hard to say if I'd regret not taking a job in the career I wanted. If 5 years from now comes and I can't find a job, who knows, I might kick myself for not taking this job now.

I agree, my kids are WAY more important than $$, but I also need to support them. Thus, daycare. I can make good money doing daycare. And if I knew that I can do daycare for the next 5 years or so and make good money AND be with my daughter, that's easy.

But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried that I won't find a job when I do want to go "back to" work. I say back to with quotes because I've never had a "real" job. I got pregnant the last semester of my Bachelor's degree, graduated, and have stayed home since my daughter came home from the hospital. I tried to get a job for a while, but couldn't find anything, so then started the daycare process. I've never had a job in my field and I'm worried that "Daycare Provider for 7 years" 7 years from now won't help me get a job doing what I want to do. I've heard of quite a few providers who only intended to do daycare until their kids got to school and they are still doing it 25 years later. I'm not so sure I want that to be my life. Not saying there's anything wrong with it and I love what I do since my kids are a part of it, but if I didn't have young kids, daycare would not even make the list of jobs I would want to pursue.

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This makes me want to cry, lol! I know, in my heart, I want to be with her. Not everyone is capable of taking care of a lot of kids, and I know I am. I just feel like this is an opportunity I would have KILLED for 3 years ago and it's now dangling in my face, and I feel like an idiot passing it up. Especially if it might help me get ahead in my field and make a better life for my family down the line.

But you are right, they are only young once. Maybe if I write down something each day that happened or she said that I wouldn't have seen/heard had I been at work, that will help me feel better.

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I could never have put my own kids in daycare...........
you will have to make this decision for yourself though.
I am way over educated to be doing daycare for a living but it suits my temperament and it suits my own children's schedules too!
I am fortunate that my hubby is still self employed in the field I am trained for so I can join him when I want to.
I was blessed with the opportunity to stay home with my kids from birth through first grade. I didn't start doing daycare until my youngest twins were in school all day.
I am sure this is a difficult decision for you.
Good luck!

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I would be able to attend most school functions if I wanted to, but that's a good point. My mom has a super flexible work schedule, so she could always come do daycare for me while I went to a school thing. More important to me than the school things during the day though, would be being home after school. I went home by myself once I was in 3rd grade and there are some days it would have been nice to have my mom home before 5:30 when everything got busy with dinner, homework, etc.

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These are my 2 biggest conflicts.

1. It bugs me that I didn't need a degree to do daycare, if this is what I'm going to be doing for the long haul. So I had to laugh at your "I am way over educated to be doing daycare"

2. Putting my own kids in daycare does not sit well with me.

What is up with that? Why is it so hard for someone who does daycare to put their own kids in daycare?

Just because we see how much parents miss? I don't know, but the thought of it is unbearable to me!

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I didnt aim to make you cry,...
I can tell you, I did this before I had kids,.. Ive done it every year since as well. I started 22 years ago. My son is now in college, he brings his friends over and lays on the floor with the daycare kids crawling over him saying, play with me Bubby,.. Play with me bubby,...
my 17 yr old and her boyfriend hang out here all the time, they play games with the kids, her favorite thing is coloring and drawing, his is baking,...
my 12 yr old thinks its cool that Im here when she gets home, she has a live in audience for her trumpet,.. they always tell her she is amazing,... my 9 yr old is the same with her guitar and uke. I have to make them STOP playing with the babies to get their homework done. lol.

I have no doubt I may have had a more traditional career if I had chosen not to be in ece. I have no doubt I could have made more money. Lived in a cleaner home, had more lenient hours and benefits. But my life pretty much rocks. I pull in a higher than average income for my area. I benefit from tax breaks, time spent with my kids, my dog, (yes that is important to me) , my husband,.. I wouldnt change the last 22 years for anything.,..... it is definately worth it to me. I see myself doing this until I turn 65, which is still a long way off. =-)

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Seriously? She isn't choosing between her daughter and piece of paper! The point of this is to be supportive, not make her feel like a bad mother if she works outside the home!!! Good grief!

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Something else to consider. What is the daycare climate in your area? Do providers have numerous openings or are parents fighting for available spots? While you could potentially make more if you filled a couple of spots, how hard will it be to fill those spots, with clients you enjoy working for?
I have been toying with the idea of closing my daycare for sometime now, so I constantly have these thoughts in my head! It is certainly not an easy decision to make. And I certainly don't think you should feel any guilt over considering working outside the home.

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I'm a first ring suburb and in a pretty sought after city. There's only a handful of other licensed daycares in my city compared with 15-20 in surrounding cities. I'm also priced $25 below the average per week for the city I live in. So I'm pretty confident I could get at least 3 more kids, which is what I would need for daycare to make sense for my family, financially. In fact, I already have 1 family who is waiting for me to get licensed and will bring their son to me. They like their current daycare, but I'm in a more convenient location.

I know providers who are looking to fill up are hurting in my area, but I'm not looking to be at max (10 kids).. I want to stay at 5 preferably (6 max).

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A job, is a job, is a job. There will ALWAYS be another job.

Your Child is your child ALWAYS, but they are only under school age for 5 years. You CAN'T get those 5 years back with your child, but you can always get another job.

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I was in daycare as a kid.....that is the reason I don't want my kids in daycare. The daycare family was really nice but.... The daycare provider's kids always got preferential treatment and I functioned but always missed my mom. I wanted better for my own kids. I told my hubby before we got married that I would be a stay at home mom.

Now that I provide childcare myself I see so many firsts that the parents miss. I love, love, love my dckiddies but not with the depth I LOVE my own kids.
Everyone needs to decide what is best for them. Some parents plain and simple can afford to stay home and don't want to....whatever....not my choice.

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My best advice if you go with doing daycare: do not be the cheapest in your area. In fact I try to be the most expensive in my area. You don't want to feel like you are not getting payed what you are worth especially over the long haul.

Something else to think about is if you are planning on having any more children. The job outside the home may pay enough to put your dd in daycare but will it pay enough of you have more kids? Also once she is in school there are summers and school breaks(Christmas and spring break) to think about as well as after school care.

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Yes, I don't plan on staying the cheapest once I'm licensed. I'm just saying right now what I charge for the toddler I watch is $25 less than licensed daycares in my city. I would be adjusting my rates to be more in line with what everyone else is charging around me.

And very good point. We are undecided as to whether we want more kids. I have my daughter and my 2 "step-sons"...we aren't married yet. I would like another, but had a very bad/scary pregnancy and my daughter was born 3 months early, so not sure I want to risk anything again. But that's a whole other story.

You are right, if we have another one, I would almost have to do daycare because 2 in daycare would be breaking even unless I got a huge raise by then, which is unlikely

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EXACTLY what I was going to say....a job will come around - there are jobs out there...you dont HAVE to do daycare forever. You will never get that time back with your daughter. I worked outside of the home for the first two years of my daughters life and do not remember her as a baby because she was in daycare 10 hours a day. When I had my son, I was done, I KNEW I did NOT have kids to send them to daycare all day and barely get to spend time with them. I left a 6 figure paying job to be with them and have ZERO regrets - I do however regret not leaving my old job when my daughter was born instead of waiting 2 yrs.

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While it's true that the first 5 years are the most formative, and every mother out there probably wants to stay at home with their kids, in this economy daycare isn't always as great as it seems! Especially starting out.

It took me almost a year to get full, and with daycare things can change so quickly. You are depending on EVERYONE ELSE's job security, and in a lot of areas, nobody is safe anymore right now.

Financially, daycare isn't always so great.

I was searching for work outside the home for a while there. I was in a serious daycare slump and got REALLY excited about the prospect of going to work every day.

Yes, I absolutely treasure being able to kiss my daughter goodnight at naptime, cuddle her when she's sick or tired or just feeling cuddly (doesn't happen much these days - she's an incredibly independent 2 year old!). But there have been LONG stretches where the money I bring in with daycare simply isn't enough, and like you, I have spent lots of money on a shiny university degree hanging on my wall which is not really being used per se.

I think, while it's nice to think of the mushy lovey things with daycare and our kids, we also do have to look at the numbers and do what's going to be best financially for us too. Think about what happens if it takes you a while to fill up to your idea number. Think of what happens if one of your families unexpectedly gets laid off. On the flip side, what happens if YOU get laid off from this job you take?

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For me it is simple. At my funeral NOBODY is going to care what I did for a living or what degrees I bought. The only people who matter will, hopefully, be the ones seated in the front pew.

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Thank you, I needed to hear this.

Good point. I think I'm leaning towards continuing with daycare. We are financially okay right now even with just the one daycare child, so if it takes me a while to get to an ideal number, that is fine.

I think I need to look at it like this: I know I'll never regret staying home with my daughter. But it's possible that I would regret NOT staying home with her. Since we are ok financially right now and I don't NEED to take this job, I think I'm going to stick with my gut and keep staying home with my baby! Thank you ladies; it really does help to have insight from people doing the same thing as you.

Love this. Well said!

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I love your attitude towards this job! While I don't currently share your enthusiasm, I'm hoping to lean towards your perspective rather then my current one!!!

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easy dont do it for the money......taking care of kids comes from the heart and it is out of love that you would do this business......
dont look at it from a finincal standpoint.....
think about whats best for your daughter
you raising them or you paying someone else to do it so you can make a few bucks......

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One thing I know for sure: ALWAYS go with your gut!!!

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First let me say that after the birth of my 1st dd, it KILLED me to leave her and go back to work. I am a nurse and worked for an oral surgeon in his clinic. I worked a 4 day work week (although long hours) and got awesome benefits and bonuses, but that did not make me feel better being away from her. We had a college student that was our "nanny", so at least IF I got a lunch break I could rush home and see dd for a few minutes. I just really felt like I was missing out on so much though and finally when dd was 2 years old, I took a pay cut and went to work at a family practice 3 days/week so I could be home with her more often. I got pg with dd #2 one month after I started my new job and I just went through the motions until I had her. Again, after my maternity leave was up, it was torture to return to work. At this point we had started taking my girls to an in home daycare. I loved the provider but hated not being with them. I became unexpectedly pg again and had my son 14 months after my 2nd daughter was born and at that point we honestly couldnt afford part-time daycare for 3 children with what I was making. So, I quit and started a daycare. I honestly wish I would have done this after my 1st was born. I really did miss out on sooooo much. And, I can tell you these years fly by. It seems like yesterday that she was born and I sent her off to kindergarten this year. I feel fortunate to know that I still have almost 3 years left with my younger daughter and my son just turned 2 in November, so I've got awhile before he goes to school. I sometimes "struggle" with daycare as it can be really draining at times, but there is nothing better than going into my younger daughter's room in the morning and seeing her big smile. It lights up my life I look at it like life is too short to not spend as much time as possible with those that you love. When my kids are all in school, I will reevaluate my situation and decide whether I want to continue in childcare or go back to the healthcare field or even another field. Good luck, it is a hard decision to make and I feel bad that you are having to make the decision.

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Wow, you are getting lots of good advice! I was shocked to see how long this thread was and had to keep reading and reading.....lol.

What brought about this job opportunity that you are qualified for from your degree? Have you been searching for jobs outside the home? You probably have been just to see what is out there. You need to remember to think of yourself too. YES, children are only young for so long, but YOU only have one life to live. It's not required to stay home with your children before they begin school. I'm sure you could find a daycare provider you trust.

Some other things you didn't mention. Does this job opportunity have benefits? Did you already factor in the average cost of daycare while figuring out the income difference if you took this potential job? If you did take this potential job and still decided to have another child, you may be covered by work insurance for all the new bills with a newborn and then decide to go back to your daycare business again without a problem.

You should write down reasons why you should consider a different field of work. Maybe a few years down the road the child care field will be more respected too, so if you stay in the daycare field now and try to work outside the home later you just might "wow" a new job opportunity then. You never know. Whatever your decision is though, neither will be wrong. You CAN change your mind because it's YOUR life.

I think writing down on a piece of paper "reasons to keep my daycare open" and on another sheet of paper "reasons to take this opportunity". In the end, always go with your gut. You may just have a dream about it and wake up knowing exactly what to do to!

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I am glad you are staying home.

I was home with my daughter when she was young. She started school and I went to work part time. I am now working full time in a center. She is a teenager and still has told me "Mom, I wish you were still home, this may sound funny but I like coming home and going to school knowing you are home." This bothers me so much. (My husband wants me working 40 hours. This is a different topic all together.)

I am considering doing daycare in my home.

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@broncomom... I hear a lot of this from people who wish they started daycare sooner with their child. I guess I haven't had the chance to feel that way since I've been home with her from the beginning. I'm sure if she had been in daycare until now and I was just starting up, I would also feel like I wish I had started it sooner! I'm sure it's just the whole "grass is greener" thing that gets me going sometimes. Because it is draining sometimes; it is exhausting. So every so often, I wonder if this is what I really want to do. I'm sure it also has to do with the fact that I wouldn't just pick to start daycare for the heck of it. If I could stay home with my daughter and not have to worry about money, it'd be a no brainer. But it's just a fact that if I want to stay home with my daughter, I HAVE TO do daycare to help support us. It's just as much about the $$$ as it is about loving to work with kids.

@abigail... I actually wasn't looking at all. I got emailed by someone I worked for before who had a position come up and knew that was the specialty I wanted to work in. And even putting this position out of the question, I have wondered the last few months If I really want to do daycare, so this opportunity just made me think more seriously about it.

I've made the lists, I've cost compared (including having to pay for childcare myself), benefits, etc. but it still doesn't give me a for sure feeling either way.

I just know that I won't regret staying home with her. I might regret it if I don't. Then I would lose the daycare family I have (and LOVE!) and be starting out at scratch. I just needed to hear from others that what I'm feeling is normal and valid, so thank you all!!!

Plus if I do decide to work outside the home in 5 years or so, running your own business HAS GOT to count for something even if it's not in the field you're going back into, right??

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I have to add keep diversity in your clients. Mine was the stable job the past three years while my husband a skilled trade factory worker dealt with layoff and unemployment. He's a Welder fabricator plumber pipefitter. Highly skilled but no matter your skill level, closing factories need no skilled trades. He's been thru 3 factories in 5 years due to closure and cutbacks. My daycare is the stable income. Because I may lose one family from cutbacks but the others stay. That's the best advice I can give. Stay diversified. I have dentist, pediatrician, factory, waitress, bug man, gym manager, farmer, beer man, cell phone guy, teacher, nurse, insurance adjuster, banker, and therapist. I run at licensed capacity though.

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omgosh, I could have written the exact same post. I use to be a nurse, I worked when I had my sdd but that lasted 2 months (we have 1 yr mat leave and then I went back for 2 months after my year was up) and have not regretted. It was hard at first, but I've been a sahm mom for almost 13 yrs but have been running my daycare for 6 yrs.
I have to agree with lego mom about the her kids playing with the daycare kids, my own children love playing with them and its true, they always have a built in audience for clarient practises and dances practises. Even on the weekends my kids ask if the kids are coming over. I also find (yours is young where mine are older) that kids and friends would rather hang out at my house because there is always something going on (it also helps that we have an acre)
I also see myself working till I'm 65, I too make way more money than average and I don't have to leave my house.

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ok, you have to understand something too, if you open a daycare, you can't in a year say that you want to do something else, you have families who depend on you, you also have to remember that you're not going to get families right away, or you may get some crazy parents are you going to be able to handle all that. I see it all the time on this forum and others, everyone wants to open a daycare thinking that they will make tons of money right away, but it doesn't work that way. Then you see posts about how to tell families that your closing after a year.
also, did you factor in other things when you go to work, like gas, clothing, food (will you be home to make meals or will it be more take out) how about cleaning your house, laundry, grocery shopping--when would you do all this stuff. are you going to depend on your mom a bit more.
but I would go with your gut feeling, by the sounds of it, I think you need to stay home, listen I spent money for my nursing degree, I worked for a while in my field, had kids and totally am now doing something else, do I regret it, no.

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I do think everyone should think seriously about starting daycare before they do it and know that there's a lot more to it than just taking care of kids, but with that said, I disagree that if you start a daycare that you "can't in a year say you want to do something else".

No one starting daycare makes parents sign contracts that they will keep them as their provider for 3 years (or whatever the number) under ALL circumstances, so a provider doesn't have an obligation to keep doing daycare if they really decide they want to do something different.

It would be disadvantageous for a person to spend all the money and time it takes to get licensed and then turn around and quit doing daycare. So I think most people that start daycare have plans to stick with it for a while.
But I wouldn't fault anyone who spent their hard earned money and time to start a daycare and found out it wasn't for them.

This is why I've taken a while to actually get licensed and consider all my options. I wanted to make sure it's what I want to do. I know it shouldn't be about what I spent on an expensive college degree, but I would be lying to say it's not. I currently have $800 in monthly student loan payments of which $650 is paying only interest. In 10 months, my payments go up to $1200.

I don't want to start a daycare to only do it for a year. Every job I've had, I've had for years. I want to do it for at least 5 more years. And I could end up LOVING it and doing it the rest of my working life. Now this wouldn't be a bad thing AT ALL, but it will always bug me how much I spent on a degree if I never work in a job where I needed it. So that's where my conflict lies. In the end, I know spending my days with my daughter is more important than using my degree. I just can't help but think of all the things I could have done FOR our family with the money I will now be paying off in student loans.

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I never wanted to put my child in daycare, but if you are comfortable with it and can find someone that you can trust I say go for it.

I treat my kids wonderfully and love them all, but I would never choose this career again if I had the chance. So coming from where you are, I would say take the other job.

Good luck, it is a tough decision!

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I think it's ridiculous to say you have to stick with something simply b/c you have parents depending on you. If you have a daycare that's great but it doesn't mean the parents would be unable to find another provider simply b/c you choose to make a change. I would never stick with something if I found something better or something I wanted to do instead. None of my contracts say I will provide care forever!

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