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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>15 Minute Timeout?! For Something That Happened At Home?!
CrayolaKids 05:00 AM 05-17-2012
Dcm comes in this morning and first thing out of her mouth is little johnny needs to sit in timeout for 15 minutes. I just looked at her, never really acknowledged her request at all (or not really a request but demand from the way she said it). Then after dcb got his shoes off and came upstairs dcm says Miss M will tell you where to go sit. I then ask what he did to deserve a timeout from me, and she responds with "he peed his pants". OK he is 4, so accidents WILL happen and he has ONLY ever done this at their house and never for me. I did not give him a timeout because I don't see the point in ME giving him a timeout for something that happened at home and making him sit there for FIFTEEN minutes?! So at pick-up today, I need to figure out how to tell her that she cannot tell me to give him a timeout-and I will NOT do it- for behavior that is happening at home and not at daycare. This mom is somewhat of a bully and for some reason I can't find the way to stand up to her. What would you do in this situation? Would you have given the timeout?
B Lou 05:38 AM 05-17-2012
I tell my parents that the punishment need to be dished out at home for what happens at home and daycare time outs happen at daycare. It's not fair that she expects you to deal with the punishment for something that DCB did with her.
Creek 05:41 AM 05-17-2012
There's no way that I would have had DCB sit out for 15 mins for having an accident at home. I deal with what happens here at my house, nowhere else. I would have simply said "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that he had an accident but I do not carry out punishment that doesn't occur here just as you would not carry out a punishment at home that occured while DCB is in my care."
Not that I agree with punishing a child for an accident either though.
Also "For DCB to relate the action with the punishment, the action would have to take place at the time, not this far after."
At this point he's already dealt with his mom probably upset the entire time at home, and in the car on the way over to your house threatening him that he's going to be sitting out when he got there. Sad! Don't let her bully you.
Not that I agree with punishing a child for an accident either though.
Also "For DCB to relate the action with the punishment, the action would have to take place at the time, not this far after."
At this point he's already dealt with his mom probably upset the entire time at home, and in the car on the way over to your house threatening him that he's going to be sitting out when he got there. Sad! Don't let her bully you.
Kaddidle Care 05:44 AM 05-17-2012
4 years old = 4 minute time out at HER house. You should have nothing to do with that but at 4 he's going to rat you out if you don't so be prepared to have a little chat with Mom at pick up.Besides.. I don't believe in punishing for toileting accidents. If he did it on purpose to get back at HER, then she can punish him.
I can see now that you're going to have a whopper of a day with him. When it starts out bad, the rest of the day usually follows in suit.
cheerfuldom 07:06 AM 05-17-2012
Do you have a policy about potty training? Mine says that I do not punish for accidents and so would not give him a timeout.
CrayolaKids 07:51 AM 05-17-2012
I do not punish them for accidents and also don't agree with it, however I know she does it a lot at home. I don't have it in my handbook specifically, but I guess I will have to add that. I'm just not sure how to exactly tell her that #1 he didn't have a timeout & #2 I won't punish him for something that happened at home. I just need to find the guts to tell her lol
sharlan 07:56 AM 05-17-2012
Home is home, daycare is daycare.
I don't deal with home issues here. I will not punish/time out a child for what happens at home.
I do expect parents to back me up for things that happen here, but I do not expect them to punish the child for them.
I don't deal with home issues here. I will not punish/time out a child for what happens at home.
I do expect parents to back me up for things that happen here, but I do not expect them to punish the child for them.
Heidi 08:15 AM 05-17-2012
Boy, in our regs it says a child may never sit in time out for more than 5 minutes, and that a child will never be punished for lapses in toilet training.
Check you regs, and if there is a similar statement, show it to her. Give her the "I'm so sorry I wasn't ready to show you this this morning, but I was caught off gaurd. Just so you know....here is the reg"......or " here is my policy..."
Bullies like to feel like your kissing up a bit, so do that...but still make your point.
My dad was a bully when he was drinking, so I am pretty good at manipulating that sort of behavior with sweet. Great life skill, eh?
Check you regs, and if there is a similar statement, show it to her. Give her the "I'm so sorry I wasn't ready to show you this this morning, but I was caught off gaurd. Just so you know....here is the reg"......or " here is my policy..."
Bullies like to feel like your kissing up a bit, so do that...but still make your point.
My dad was a bully when he was drinking, so I am pretty good at manipulating that sort of behavior with sweet. Great life skill, eh?
SunshineMama 08:18 AM 05-17-2012
Originally Posted by CrayolaKids:
Dcm comes in this morning and first thing out of her mouth is little johnny needs to sit in timeout for 15 minutes. I just looked at her, never really acknowledged her request at all (or not really a request but demand from the way she said it). Then after dcb got his shoes off and came upstairs dcm says Miss M will tell you where to go sit. I then ask what he did to deserve a timeout from me, and she responds with "he peed his pants". OK he is 4, so accidents WILL happen and he has ONLY ever done this at their house and never for me. I did not give him a timeout because I don't see the point in ME giving him a timeout for something that happened at home and making him sit there for FIFTEEN minutes?! So at pick-up today, I need to figure out how to tell her that she cannot tell me to give him a timeout-and I will NOT do it- for behavior that is happening at home and not at daycare. This mom is somewhat of a bully and for some reason I can't find the way to stand up to her. What would you do in this situation? Would you have given the timeout?
Dont get me started on how wrong it is to put a child in time out for a potty accident...Dcm comes in this morning and first thing out of her mouth is little johnny needs to sit in timeout for 15 minutes. I just looked at her, never really acknowledged her request at all (or not really a request but demand from the way she said it). Then after dcb got his shoes off and came upstairs dcm says Miss M will tell you where to go sit. I then ask what he did to deserve a timeout from me, and she responds with "he peed his pants". OK he is 4, so accidents WILL happen and he has ONLY ever done this at their house and never for me. I did not give him a timeout because I don't see the point in ME giving him a timeout for something that happened at home and making him sit there for FIFTEEN minutes?! So at pick-up today, I need to figure out how to tell her that she cannot tell me to give him a timeout-and I will NOT do it- for behavior that is happening at home and not at daycare. This mom is somewhat of a bully and for some reason I can't find the way to stand up to her. What would you do in this situation? Would you have given the timeout?
I would absolutely not put him in time out at your house, that is inappropriate. You need to tell mom, (not in front of the child) that you do not discipline children for things done at home, as doing so would disrupt the other children, who would not understand why the child was placed in a time out (or something to that effect).
I'm sorry
What a terrible position to put you in.
MarinaVanessa 08:23 AM 05-17-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
Do you have a policy about potty training? Mine says that I do not punish for accidents and so would not give him a timeout.
I have this policy also. I also have a policy that says that I don't expect children to be punished at home for mishaps that occur and are handled at DC and so I won't punich children at DC for mishaps that occur at home.Do you have a policy about potty training? Mine says that I do not punish for accidents and so would not give him a timeout.
In any case 15 minutes in time out for a 4yo is way overboard. Punishing a child for a toileting accident is counter productive. It teaches them shame. Maybe you can print out a time-out recommendations sheet and a toilet training recommendation sheet to give to her at the end of the day. You can approach it by saying
"Hey Sally, I know that this morning you suggested (using it loosely here
) that I give DCB a time-out for his potty accident, however I would like to let you know that I did not do so. Let me explain why. I follow these recommended time-out time limits and also these potty training recommendations (hand her the handouts). You of course can use whichever method you wish because you are his parent however it's against my personal/business policy to follow your suggestions, but you understand right?" and smile 
This way when you give her the handouts you are showing her the way that YOU do things and she won't feel attacked if you hand her handouts which encourage smaller time increments for time-out and discourage punishment after a toileting accident. I would also go as far as to add that you don't punish at DC for icidents that happen at home and vice versa. Good luck.
daycare 08:35 AM 05-17-2012
what is the rules in your area about time out...Here in CA it is one minute per age of the child. YOu can tell the mom what others have said about what happens at home stays at home line, but add that to it.
I would be telling the mom that we as providers are never allowed to or would ever discipline a child for accidents in their pants. For all she knows, he could have a bladder infection.
I agree with others, you tell her that if its her rule, then she needs to carry it out. Would she like for you to call her evcery time DCB needs a timeout there so that she can come and do it? Yeah I don't think so.
You don't do her dirty work and she does not do yours...plain and simple
I would be telling the mom that we as providers are never allowed to or would ever discipline a child for accidents in their pants. For all she knows, he could have a bladder infection.
I agree with others, you tell her that if its her rule, then she needs to carry it out. Would she like for you to call her evcery time DCB needs a timeout there so that she can come and do it? Yeah I don't think so.
You don't do her dirty work and she does not do yours...plain and simple
Unregistered 09:53 AM 05-17-2012
responding before reading more then the title---
If it happens at home- take care of it at home. It is not my place to discipline for anything that happened at home. My house- my rules. My daycare-my rules. Sorry parent if you don't like this- do your job, on your time, don't expect me to carry out something that I was not a witness of. Now I will go read and see if my response changes-
If it happens at home- take care of it at home. It is not my place to discipline for anything that happened at home. My house- my rules. My daycare-my rules. Sorry parent if you don't like this- do your job, on your time, don't expect me to carry out something that I was not a witness of. Now I will go read and see if my response changes-
wahmof3 09:54 AM 05-17-2012
Originally Posted by B Lou:
I tell my parents that the punishment need to be dished out at home for what happens at home and daycare time outs happen at daycare. It's not fair that she expects you to deal with the punishment for something that DCB did with her.
So RIGHT ON!!!!!!I tell my parents that the punishment need to be dished out at home for what happens at home and daycare time outs happen at daycare. It's not fair that she expects you to deal with the punishment for something that DCB did with her.
Unregistered 10:02 AM 05-17-2012
I stand on what I said.........what happens at home is to be dealt with at home or on the way to daycare before arrival. Who wants to start a day out like that.....and its just not sensible.
At pick up I would tell her, when she drops off that any issues have to be worked out before arrival. It is not a great way to start the day. You can go on and tell her more like 4 min-not 15, you don't punish for accidents but I would keep it simple and stick to what you believe. Update your policy book also-
For the 4 year old- don't let this be a big deal. He might see this and use it against you, leave no wiggle room for that type of thing.
Def talk with parent- Best-
At pick up I would tell her, when she drops off that any issues have to be worked out before arrival. It is not a great way to start the day. You can go on and tell her more like 4 min-not 15, you don't punish for accidents but I would keep it simple and stick to what you believe. Update your policy book also-
For the 4 year old- don't let this be a big deal. He might see this and use it against you, leave no wiggle room for that type of thing.
Def talk with parent- Best-
CheekyChick 10:17 AM 05-17-2012
I would send her an e-mail that says:
Dear DCM,
After ingesting your request to give Johnny a time-out, I need to express my policy regarding punishment.
I will never give Johnny a time-out for something he did at your home. If I were to give him a time-out for something he did while in my care, it would be a four minute time-out - one minute per year. Lastly, I do not condone punishing children for accidents which are a natural part of childhood.
Thank you for your understanding,
Miss M
Dear DCM,
After ingesting your request to give Johnny a time-out, I need to express my policy regarding punishment.
I will never give Johnny a time-out for something he did at your home. If I were to give him a time-out for something he did while in my care, it would be a four minute time-out - one minute per year. Lastly, I do not condone punishing children for accidents which are a natural part of childhood.
Thank you for your understanding,
Miss M
temom 10:48 AM 05-17-2012
Originally Posted by CheekyChick:
I would send her an e-mail that says:
Dear DCM,
After ingesting your request to give Johnny a time-out, I need to express my policy regarding punishment.
I will never give Johnny a time-out for something he did at your home. If I were to give him a time-out for something he did while in my care, it would be a four minute time-out - one minute per year. Lastly, I do not condone punishing children for accidents which are a natural part of childhood.
Thank you for your understanding,
Miss M
i second this letter I would send her an e-mail that says:
Dear DCM,
After ingesting your request to give Johnny a time-out, I need to express my policy regarding punishment.
I will never give Johnny a time-out for something he did at your home. If I were to give him a time-out for something he did while in my care, it would be a four minute time-out - one minute per year. Lastly, I do not condone punishing children for accidents which are a natural part of childhood.
Thank you for your understanding,
Miss M
daycare 11:16 AM 05-17-2012
I would send the letter and maybe add this.
Dear DCM I understand how frustrating it must be for you and for Johnny when he has an accident in his pant. I know you were upset this morning about the accident Johnny had and maybe didn't have a second to stop and think about your request to put Johnny in time out at my house. Accidents at this age are still normal, as long as they are not happening all of the time.
I wanted to let you know, that I do not punish the children for their behavioral issues that they have at home, especially potty accidents. I feel that it is important that you enforce your rules and discipline so that your child understands and learn what your rules and consequences are. Just as he has had to learn here.
If you need to talk to me about this further, please contact me during nap time today.
Dear DCM I understand how frustrating it must be for you and for Johnny when he has an accident in his pant. I know you were upset this morning about the accident Johnny had and maybe didn't have a second to stop and think about your request to put Johnny in time out at my house. Accidents at this age are still normal, as long as they are not happening all of the time.
I wanted to let you know, that I do not punish the children for their behavioral issues that they have at home, especially potty accidents. I feel that it is important that you enforce your rules and discipline so that your child understands and learn what your rules and consequences are. Just as he has had to learn here.
If you need to talk to me about this further, please contact me during nap time today.
wdmmom 11:21 AM 05-17-2012
I wouldn't speak another word of it. If she brings it up, I would reply with, ' Sorry, things got super hectic this morning and I forgot all about it. Accidents happen and since this happened at home, I didn't feel it was appropriate for him to miss out on activities.' And leave it at that.
Ariana 12:15 PM 05-17-2012
I wouldn't bring it up at all and just ignore her. If she brings it up I'd just say "no I don't punish children for toilet accidents first of all and I certainly don't punish for things that happened at home...that's your job".
Hunni Bee 02:48 PM 05-17-2012
Originally Posted by Ariana:
I wouldn't bring it up at all and just ignore her. If she brings it up I'd just say "no I don't punish children for toilet accidents first of all and I certainly don't punish for things that happened at home...that's your job".
This. I wouldn't bring it up at all and just ignore her. If she brings it up I'd just say "no I don't punish children for toilet accidents first of all and I certainly don't punish for things that happened at home...that's your job".
Its really a non-issue.
daycare 03:00 PM 05-17-2012
I think that if you ignore it, it will happen again.
EntropyControlSpecialist 04:15 PM 05-17-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
I think that if you ignore it, it will happen again.
I agree. I think that if you ignore it, it will happen again.
CrayolaKids 04:22 PM 05-17-2012
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
This.
Its really a non-issue.
Well it is an issue because this is now the second time she has done this. So yes, if I don't say something now, she will continue to do it. I didn't say anything at pickup today but I know dcb will rat me out tonight so I will have to say something tomorrow morning at drop-off. Either way, there is going to be a letter going home to ALL parents outlining my new policies: 1. I will not discipline children for behaviors occurring outside of daycare 2. The children only receive 1 minute per year of age time-outs, not to exceed 5 minutes 3. I do NOT punish any of the kids for accidents related to potty training.This.
Its really a non-issue.
Magic 01:39 PM 08-13-2013
in my disipline policy I state ..time out only when physical danger to oneself or an other ......
and one min per year of age of child
and of course home is home she shouldnt made you the " bad guy "
and one min per year of age of child
and of course home is home she shouldnt made you the " bad guy "
Play Care 03:14 PM 08-13-2013
When a parent drops hints about how I should be doing things, I can ignore that. When they come out and tell me to do something, that needs to be addressed head on. And *then* it becomes a non-issue because *I* said so
Heidi 03:44 PM 08-13-2013
Originally Posted by CrayolaKids:
I do not punish them for accidents and also don't agree with it, however I know she does it a lot at home. I don't have it in my handbook specifically, but I guess I will have to add that. I'm just not sure how to exactly tell her that #1 he didn't have a timeout & #2 I won't punish him for something that happened at home. I just need to find the guts to tell her lol
Crayola...I do not punish them for accidents and also don't agree with it, however I know she does it a lot at home. I don't have it in my handbook specifically, but I guess I will have to add that. I'm just not sure how to exactly tell her that #1 he didn't have a timeout & #2 I won't punish him for something that happened at home. I just need to find the guts to tell her lol
WI regs SPECIFICALLY forbid punishment for lapses in toilet training. THey also SPECIFICALLY forbid time-outs exceeding 5 minutes.
"I'm sorry, dcm, that is against our childcare regulations here in WI".
THE END
Edited to add:
Hey, I guess this thread was recycled. At least my answers are consistent.