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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Need help with phrasing to dcf
midaycare 10:01 AM 06-23-2015
Hello everyone! Long time no "see"! 
I have a question for you - I have a dcb here who is here for just the summer. He turned 2 in March. He's with me because a current dcm knows this family, and they needed emergency care. The other place wanted him gone. They didn't term him, but they kept on giving the family reports that he had over the top behavior. Mean behavior.
Eh, I'm not buying it. The dcb is about as sensitive as they come. If you look at him the wrong way, he has a meltdown. I think that is the problem. He's ... um ... a 2 year old major wuss. He cries about everything. I'm pretty sure the other place just wanted him gone because it can get annoying. If his shoe falls off, major crying fit. If he wants his shoes on, major crying fit. He can never just ask for help. It always starts with a cry fit.
I'm working on trying to get him ready for the next daycare. That I don't have a problem with. I've seen worse get better. But how do I mention to the parents that I could use some cooperation? "Um, hi, yeah, little Johnny boy is a major wuss and most of the time he has his ugly cry face on here. I'm pretty sure that is because you give him the attention he must need when he cries. So, can you help me and not cave in to the cry fits?"
As you can see, I lack tact.
And I'm kidding of course. I know he's just 2, I'm not really calling him a wuss, and I don't really think he has ugly cry face (well ...). He is a sweet dcb under all of those tears.
I have a question for you - I have a dcb here who is here for just the summer. He turned 2 in March. He's with me because a current dcm knows this family, and they needed emergency care. The other place wanted him gone. They didn't term him, but they kept on giving the family reports that he had over the top behavior. Mean behavior.
Eh, I'm not buying it. The dcb is about as sensitive as they come. If you look at him the wrong way, he has a meltdown. I think that is the problem. He's ... um ... a 2 year old major wuss. He cries about everything. I'm pretty sure the other place just wanted him gone because it can get annoying. If his shoe falls off, major crying fit. If he wants his shoes on, major crying fit. He can never just ask for help. It always starts with a cry fit.
I'm working on trying to get him ready for the next daycare. That I don't have a problem with. I've seen worse get better. But how do I mention to the parents that I could use some cooperation? "Um, hi, yeah, little Johnny boy is a major wuss and most of the time he has his ugly cry face on here. I'm pretty sure that is because you give him the attention he must need when he cries. So, can you help me and not cave in to the cry fits?"
As you can see, I lack tact.
And I'm kidding of course. I know he's just 2, I'm not really calling him a wuss, and I don't really think he has ugly cry face (well ...). He is a sweet dcb under all of those tears.
daycarediva 10:38 AM 06-23-2015
"I don't see aggressive or developmentally inappropriate behaviors from Johnny in my care. He is kind/sweet/something nice. I do see difficulty with expressing his needs and wants, that leads to frustration and often tears. Do you see that at home as well?"
"I will be working with Johnny here to help reduce his frustration and voice his needs by _____________________. If you could do the same at home, so that we are consistent I am sure he would be much happier. Overall, he is a very sweet guy and I am happy to have him here."
"I will be working with Johnny here to help reduce his frustration and voice his needs by _____________________. If you could do the same at home, so that we are consistent I am sure he would be much happier. Overall, he is a very sweet guy and I am happy to have him here."
midaycare 10:40 AM 06-23-2015
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
"I don't see aggressive or developmentally inappropriate behaviors from Johnny in my care. He is kind/sweet/something nice. I do see difficulty with expressing his needs and wants, that leads to frustration and often tears. Do you see that at home as well?"
"I will be working with Johnny here to help reduce his frustration and voice his needs by _____________________. If you could do the same at home, so that we are consistent I am sure he would be much happier. Overall, he is a very sweet guy and I am happy to have him here."
I knew I came to the right place to ask "I don't see aggressive or developmentally inappropriate behaviors from Johnny in my care. He is kind/sweet/something nice. I do see difficulty with expressing his needs and wants, that leads to frustration and often tears. Do you see that at home as well?"
"I will be working with Johnny here to help reduce his frustration and voice his needs by _____________________. If you could do the same at home, so that we are consistent I am sure he would be much happier. Overall, he is a very sweet guy and I am happy to have him here."
. That is perfect, thank you! Now to write it on my hand so I don't forget ...
heyhun77 10:42 AM 06-23-2015
Has anyone along the way acknowledged his feelings when something upsets him and helped him find words to express his emotions? I have this same kiddo here and the breakthrough with him was when he was upset about something we would say "it makes you sad (angry, frustraited, whatever the case may be) when __________________ happened". And then for things like shoes falling off, blocks not staying stacked, the little things (the "wussy" things) we would say "what could you do to fix this?" or something like that. Putting the power and control in his hands to do something about it. That process only took a matter of a couple weeks and it's like a bulb lit up in him because it has gotten soooooo much better. He still has his moments but now he will react with "I don't like it when you ______" or "It makes me sad when you/when __________" instead of a huge meltdown. He has started to solve his own problems or ask or help rather than sit there and cry.
daycarediva 10:42 AM 06-23-2015
How is his speech? I wonder if he was aggressive at the other place BECAUSE his needs weren't met and his response is now to cry to get attention for his problems?
I had an interview this weekend with a 2yo girl who was termed for aggressive behavior. After speaking to the Mom, I think it's similar. She has 2-3 words, and as soon as she got frustrated, she lost it. Dcd started to tell her not to cry. I intervened. "Dcg, you look upset. Are you sad? (shook head yes) Do you need help with the puzzle? (just looked down) May I help you? Help please! Help please!" (shook head yes) As soon as I started to turn the piece to show her, tears stopped.
Sometimes it's just environment/caregivers.
I had an interview this weekend with a 2yo girl who was termed for aggressive behavior. After speaking to the Mom, I think it's similar. She has 2-3 words, and as soon as she got frustrated, she lost it. Dcd started to tell her not to cry. I intervened. "Dcg, you look upset. Are you sad? (shook head yes) Do you need help with the puzzle? (just looked down) May I help you? Help please! Help please!" (shook head yes) As soon as I started to turn the piece to show her, tears stopped.
Sometimes it's just environment/caregivers.
midaycare 10:48 AM 06-23-2015
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
How is his speech? I wonder if he was aggressive at the other place BECAUSE his needs weren't met and his response is now to cry to get attention for his problems?
I had an interview this weekend with a 2yo girl who was termed for aggressive behavior. After speaking to the Mom, I think it's similar. She has 2-3 words, and as soon as she got frustrated, she lost it. Dcd started to tell her not to cry. I intervened. "Dcg, you look upset. Are you sad? (shook head yes) Do you need help with the puzzle? (just looked down) May I help you? Help please! Help please!" (shook head yes) As soon as I started to turn the piece to show her, tears stopped.
Sometimes it's just environment/caregivers.
I definitely don't want to discount that he could have been aggressive - but so far he just chooses to have meltdowns here. The vocab is pretty normal. He is missing some enunciation, but if you work with kids, you should be able to understand him. He can say, "Shoe off" or "Hungry", he just has a cry fit first. How is his speech? I wonder if he was aggressive at the other place BECAUSE his needs weren't met and his response is now to cry to get attention for his problems?
I had an interview this weekend with a 2yo girl who was termed for aggressive behavior. After speaking to the Mom, I think it's similar. She has 2-3 words, and as soon as she got frustrated, she lost it. Dcd started to tell her not to cry. I intervened. "Dcg, you look upset. Are you sad? (shook head yes) Do you need help with the puzzle? (just looked down) May I help you? Help please! Help please!" (shook head yes) As soon as I started to turn the piece to show her, tears stopped.
Sometimes it's just environment/caregivers.
I follow the same as you do in the example above, but I also can't stop everything for every.single.meltdown. Mostly I want the dcf to know they are not doing him any favors by answering his every cry.
midaycare 10:51 AM 06-23-2015
Originally Posted by heyhun77:
Has anyone along the way acknowledged his feelings when something upsets him and helped him find words to express his emotions? I have this same kiddo here and the breakthrough with him was when he was upset about something we would say "it makes you sad (angry, frustraited, whatever the case may be) when __________________ happened". And then for things like shoes falling off, blocks not staying stacked, the little things (the "wussy" things) we would say "what could you do to fix this?" or something like that. Putting the power and control in his hands to do something about it. That process only took a matter of a couple weeks and it's like a bulb lit up in him because it has gotten soooooo much better. He still has his moments but now he will react with "I don't like it when you ______" or "It makes me sad when you/when __________" instead of a huge meltdown. He has started to solve his own problems or ask or help rather than sit there and cry.
This is what I'm working on. I'm hoping those few weeks go fast! I want his next daycare placement to be a good one. Hopefully at the end of the summer he is using his words more Has anyone along the way acknowledged his feelings when something upsets him and helped him find words to express his emotions? I have this same kiddo here and the breakthrough with him was when he was upset about something we would say "it makes you sad (angry, frustraited, whatever the case may be) when __________________ happened". And then for things like shoes falling off, blocks not staying stacked, the little things (the "wussy" things) we would say "what could you do to fix this?" or something like that. Putting the power and control in his hands to do something about it. That process only took a matter of a couple weeks and it's like a bulb lit up in him because it has gotten soooooo much better. He still has his moments but now he will react with "I don't like it when you ______" or "It makes me sad when you/when __________" instead of a huge meltdown. He has started to solve his own problems or ask or help rather than sit there and cry.
Unregistered 10:57 AM 06-23-2015
I have this in my dcg! She will be two in a month and everything is a major dramatic situation. She spends all day crying about EVERYTHING! She has constant "owies", even though she is not hurt at all, and she wants me to hold her all the time, so I am getting pretty fed up. I feel like I have done everything. I speak to her about her feelings, I get her distracted when she wants up or just to whine, I praise good behavior and using her words to tell me what she needs. I use tough love and try to ignore. Any advice would be great!
midaycare 11:04 AM 06-23-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I have this in my dcg! She will be two in a month and everything is a major dramatic situation. She spends all day crying about EVERYTHING! She has constant "owies", even though she is not hurt at all, and she wants me to hold her all the time, so I am getting pretty fed up. I feel like I have done everything. I speak to her about her feelings, I get her distracted when she wants up or just to whine, I praise good behavior and using her words to tell me what she needs. I use tough love and try to ignore. Any advice would be great!
I do both what daycarediva and heyhun have suggested. It works, but it's not a quick fix. To change behaviors like that, it can take awhile I have this in my dcg! She will be two in a month and everything is a major dramatic situation. She spends all day crying about EVERYTHING! She has constant "owies", even though she is not hurt at all, and she wants me to hold her all the time, so I am getting pretty fed up. I feel like I have done everything. I speak to her about her feelings, I get her distracted when she wants up or just to whine, I praise good behavior and using her words to tell me what she needs. I use tough love and try to ignore. Any advice would be great!
. The key is consistency. These kiddos are so smart, and if they know you will "break", they will push you until you do.