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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Cleanliness Policy In The Handbook
PitterPatter 08:28 AM 05-12-2011
I usually post unregistered for these kinds of issues but I am just fed up and done with neglectful parents! I don't care if they see this and start making connections. So I am posting as is.

I have stated before that I have some very unclean children in care and I keep them because I feel bad for them I refuse to just push them away to someone else who may not care that they are dirty. What if they grow up thinking this is normal? Not only are they usually un bathed and in smelly dirty clothing but they are lacking so much basic knowledge I decided to kind of take them under my wing and prepare them so that they won't be behind when starting school. They can barely talk and 1 will be 4 yrs old come summer! There's enough kids tormented for issues these days so I try to help any way I can.

I am starting with the cleanliness issue. I have already bought them each a few outfits for here and thier coats I wash once a week. It's the long fingernails filled with black crud and poopy diapers upon arrival have just put me over the edge today! I drop hints everytime 1 arrives with a poopy diaper and the DCM just ignores it and rushes out the door. In a way I am glad because it stops the lingering issues I have with her. But now I am just sick of it! It's just rude and neglectful and she needs to take reponsibility for her children! I took advise from here before on the nail issue and started filling a tub with warm soapy water and toys every morning to soak and clean these nails. We play find the letter, number, color, animal etc. Even after soaking for 15 minutes of play sometimes they still don't come clean! I have to sit there and dig out the black dirt and they don't like it. It also took me 10 minutes to brush this poor little girls long hair this morning because it was so matted! It is NEVER brushed unless I brush it! When she arrives in the morning I just want to cry and yell at the Mom! How can she allow her sweet children to leave the house like this? I have decided I need to put a stronger entry in my handbook regarding cleanliness. Maybe if it is in black and white the parents will step up. If not then it was worth a try at least. I think I should keep it in there in case of future clients who may have the same neglectful issues.

So here is my old handbook entry vs my new one for the cleanliness part of Arrival and departure section. Is it too much, not enough, should I change wording? Any and all opinions are welcome! Thank u so much!

This is what I currently have in my handbook:
Please send your child clean and dressed for the day. ......and it goes on to explain the arrival / departure policy.

This is what I have changed it to:
Please send your child clean bathed and dressed for the day in clean clothing, including a fresh diaper (if applicable). I send children home in a clean diaper, I expect them to arrive in a clean diaper. If a child arrives in a soiled diaper you will be asked to change it before you leave. Please make sure their hair is combed/brushed and their fingernails are trimmed and clean. .......then the rest of the policy.
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Michelle 08:36 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by PitterPatter:
I usually post unregistered for these kinds of issues but I am just fed up and done with neglectful parents! I don't care if they see this and start making connections. So I am posting as is.

I have stated before that I have some very unclean children in care and I keep them because I feel bad for them I refuse to just push them away to someone else who may not care that they are dirty. What if they grow up thinking this is normal? Not only are they usually un bathed and in smelly dirty clothing but they are lacking so much basic knowledge I decided to kind of take them under my wing and prepare them so that they won't be behind when starting school. They can barely talk and 1 will be 4 yrs old come summer! There's enough kids tormented for issues these days so I try to help any way I can.

I am starting with the cleanliness issue. I have already bought them each a few outfits for here and thier coats I wash once a week. It's the long fingernails filled with black crud and poopy diapers upon arrival have just put me over the edge today! I drop hints everytime 1 arrives with a poopy diaper and the DCM just ignores it and rushes out the door. In a way I am glad because it stops the lingering issues I have with her. But now I am just sick of it! It's just rude and neglectful and she needs to take reponsibility for her children! I took advise from here before on the nail issue and started filling a tub with warm soapy water and toys every morning to soak and clean these nails. We play find the letter, number, color, animal etc. Even after soaking for 15 minutes of play sometimes they still don't come clean! I have to sit there and dig out the black dirt and they don't like it. It also took me 10 minutes to brush this poor little girls long hair this morning because it was so matted! It is NEVER brushed unless I brush it! When she arrives in the morning I just want to cry and yell at the Mom! How can she allow her sweet children to leave the house like this? I have decided I need to put a stronger entry in my handbook regarding cleanliness. Maybe if it is in black and white the parents will step up. If not then it was worth a try at least. I think I should keep it in there in case of future clients who may have the same neglectful issues.

So here is my old handbook entry vs my new one for the cleanliness part of Arrival and departure section. Is it too much, not enough, should I change wording? Any and all opinions are welcome! Thank u so much!

This is what I currently have in my handbook:
Please send your child clean and dressed for the day. ......and it goes on to explain the arrival / departure policy.

This is what I have changed it to:
Please send your child clean bathed and dressed for the day in clean clothing, including a fresh diaper (if applicable). I send children home in a clean diaper, I expect them to arrive in a clean diaper. If a child arrives in a soiled diaper you will be asked to change it before you leave. Please make sure their hair is combed/brushed and their fingernails are trimmed and clean. .......then the rest of the policy.
wow I can't believe you would have to write all that! These parents are ridiculous!
are the parents clean and groomed?
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ChaserT27 08:39 AM 05-12-2011
Pitter, OMG I feel for you. On a rare occasion I have this issue and not only do I feel bad for the little ones..it sometimes has gotten to the point where I was gagging at the site.
I had one that each and every morning would come covered in god only knows what (head,face,hair,hands etc.) Another that had this nasty...nasty blanky he carried around. (I bleached it EVERY day!!) oh it was so gross and even after I would wash it..next day again it came back disgusting!

I agree that maybe you need to be specific in your hand book, however it has been my experience that only 1 out of every 6 actually pays attention to what they just signed off on in the handbook :0(

I have however when needed either sent letters home or sent emails with ALL clients on it reminding them of a particular policy if one has begun to neglect the policy itself. I do not want to seem like I am pointing the finger at anyone so I am sure to not even address it to any one in particular. :0)
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missnikki 08:44 AM 05-12-2011
I don't think it should be written out like that, because you aren't willing to term if it isn't carried out.

I would have a very frank and honest discussion with mom (and dad?) about the hygeine of children, and the necessary daily care that they need to grow up healthy and strong. Tell them you are concerned for their health, and you have done all you can do without making it an issue, but that they are growing up quick and they will become at best very self-conscious and at worst very ill... They may give excuses but you need to be the one to ask, or it can only get worse as they grow up.

Poor kids. You are a blessing in their life.
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PitterPatter 08:49 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by Michelle:
wow I can't believe you would have to write all that! These parents are ridiculous!
are the parents clean and groomed?
The parents sometimes have unbrushed hair and they have the yellow crusty teeth too but their clothing is usually cleaner and they bite their nails (gag) so no dirt there. The Mom has a uniform so it has to be clean. The Dad's jeans and such are stained but he work outdoors a lot so it's understandable.

It's these diapers that really really has me POed and is the icing on this whole neglect cake! Even when she does change them before coming there is always poop left in the crease of the legs and up in the crack of the rear. It's just disgusting and I'm about to say something I will regret so I am trying every other option in the meantime hoping something works. I shouldn't have to change diapers every day at drop off before we even serve breakfast. So, again Any opinions are welcome!
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missnikki 08:51 AM 05-12-2011
You have to talk with her. Not AT her, but work with her. It's an embarassing thing to talk about, so that's how I would approach it:

"This is as frustrating for me as it is embarassing for you, but we need to talk."
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PitterPatter 08:53 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by missnikki:
I don't think it should be written out like that, because you aren't willing to term if it isn't carried out.

I would have a very frank and honest discussion with mom (and dad?) about the hygeine of children, and the necessary daily care that they need to grow up healthy and strong. Tell them you are concerned for their health, and you have done all you can do without making it an issue, but that they are growing up quick and they will become at best very self-conscious and at worst very ill... They may give excuses but you need to be the one to ask, or it can only get worse as they grow up.

Poor kids. You are a blessing in their life.
Thanks Missnikkii! How do I start a conversation though? What do I say? If it was about education and new ideas there it would be easy but I am going to have to basiclly sit her down and point out that her kids are dirty and she is neglecting them. NO parent would want to hear that let alone be told to their face.

I keep thinking I can't wait til summer when I can put them in a pool and clean them somewhat at least. It's just getting to me before that time comes.
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PitterPatter 09:04 AM 05-12-2011
[quote=Herbrandm;110662]Pitter, OMG I feel for you. On a rare occasion I have this issue and not only do I feel bad for the little ones..it sometimes has gotten to the point where I was gagging at the site.
I had one that each and every morning would come covered in god only knows what (head,face,hair,hands etc.) Another that had this nasty...nasty blanky he carried around. (I bleached it EVERY day!!) oh it was so gross and even after I would wash it..next day again it came back disgusting!

I agree that maybe you need to be specific in your hand book, however it has been my experience that only 1 out of every 6 actually pays attention to what they just signed off on in the handbook :0(

I have however when needed either sent letters home or sent emails with ALL clients on it reminding them of a particular policy if one has begun to neglect the policy itself. I do not want to seem like I am pointing the finger at anyone so I am sure to not even address it to any one in particular. :0)[/QUOTE]

Oh yeah maybe I can use summer outdoor play as an excuse with the fingernails. Maybe put in the next newsletter to all parents, a reminder about keeping the nails trimmed and clean because they are playing outside more so they may be harder to clean... Something like that? Lord this is just frustrating to have to worry about.

I wish I could just tell her point blank and have it stop with no hard feelings. I have no backbone and really don't want to offend anyone. It would make the relationship awkward I think. Maybe I am just thinking too much.
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morgan24 09:10 AM 05-12-2011
I'm going to have to fess up that I don't have a parent handbook. I have a FYI sheet going over a few things and a contract page covering the hours and pay. I wouldn't put anything about hygiene in one if I did. I don't think putting it in black in white will really make a difference. I had one dcg who's shoes smelled up the whole house, so we started to setting them outside. When dcm asked why that gave me the chance to tell her that they smelled really bad. Dcm got her new shoes. Could you start out by making a comment like Oh my look at how dirty you are, didn't you have time for a bath? Put dcm on the spot, then maybe you can have a conversation about how the dirty clothes, nails and uncombed hair is affecting them. I feel for you having to deal with this, sounds like you care very much for these kids. They are lucky to have you.
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MarinaVanessa 10:11 AM 05-12-2011
From my experience it's better to talk to the parent directly and get to the point. No skirting around the issues, no sugar-coating it, no blaming it on something else or saying that so-and-so needs to such-and-such because of reason-A when in fact it's because of another reason altogether. I find that when I have done this the parent doesn't take me seriously.

I would just point blank sit them down and have a chat with them about the situation and explain that it is just not clean or hygenic for their children and the rest of the children in your care and that it needs to be changed. If you are serious about changing the behavior then I suggest putting it in writing and listing the facts and talking only about what the issues you have written down and having them sign a copy, working out a plan of action and consequense and of course, following through with it.

Are you prepared to check the child as soon as they arrive and require the parent to change them? Will you refuse the child and follow the parent out with their child in tow if they don't? These are things that you should think about before you really decide on whether you want to fight this battle or not. Right now they don't do it because they don't have to, they have you to do it for them. A very wise person on this forum once said "you teach them how to treat you" and another good one is "if you don't follow your policies how do you expect them to" and these are very good points.

Good luck with this issue, it's a very difficult and disturbing thing to have to go through. What do you want? What do you want to do? What are you actually willing to do? and are you willing to risk losing them as a client in the case that they either refuse to follow through or decide they don't want to have to do it and find care elsewhere? Again, good luck. Hugs.
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PitterPatter 10:15 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by morgan24:
I'm going to have to fess up that I don't have a parent handbook. I have a FYI sheet going over a few things and a contract page covering the hours and pay. I wouldn't put anything about hygiene in one if I did. I don't think putting it in black in white will really make a difference. I had one dcg who's shoes smelled up the whole house, so we started to setting them outside. When dcm asked why that gave me the chance to tell her that they smelled really bad. Dcm got her new shoes. Could you start out by making a comment like Oh my look at how dirty you are, didn't you have time for a bath? Put dcm on the spot, then maybe you can have a conversation about how the dirty clothes, nails and uncombed hair is affecting them. I feel for you having to deal with this, sounds like you care very much for these kids. They are lucky to have you.
Thank u Morgan! I did try to bring the hair to attention the other day by mentioning it in a joking way. I said "Oh Chrissy what did u do to your hair today?" she shrugged. I said "did a hat attack u?" she laughed. I said "Did u have a hat on?" She smiled and shook her head no. I said ok well let me help u brush your hair and she hopped away for the brush I keep in the stand for them. The Mom just said to her "u are silly"

I always approach things in a light hearted manner for fear of offending or ticking people off. I don't know about saying look how dirty u are to the child because what if she already feels bad about it. It could hurt her feelings. I am all for adressing the situation verbally but I have to be careful how I do it.

This DCM has already had issues that needed addressed. From me basically making her take her kid to the Dr. And another where it came out that she lied in paperwork and my supervisor questioned me about it making it come to light. (can't say for privacy reasons but u get the idea.) So it's very touchy right now. I called the office regarding the medical issue and they told me to make her go to the Dr so I did that. I just hate to bug them again with this issue now. So I am bugging u guys
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Unregistered 10:31 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
From my experience it's better to talk to the parent directly and get to the point. No skirting around the issues, no sugar-coating it, no blaming it on something else or saying that so-and-so needs to such-and-such because of reason-A when in fact it's because of another reason altogether. I find that when I have done this the parent doesn't take me seriously.

I would just point blank sit them down and have a chat with them about the situation and explain that it is just not clean or hygenic for their children and the rest of the children in your care and that it needs to be changed. If you are serious about changing the behavior then I suggest putting it in writing and listing the facts and talking only about what the issues you have written down and having them sign a copy, working out a plan of action and consequense and of course, following through with it.

Are you prepared to check the child as soon as they arrive and require the parent to change them? Will you refuse the child and follow the parent out with their child in tow if they don't? These are things that you should think about before you really decide on whether you want to fight this battle or not. Right now they don't do it because they don't have to, they have you to do it for them. A very wise person on this forum once said "you teach them how to treat you" and another good one is "if you don't follow your policies how do you expect them to" and these are very good points.

Good luck with this issue, it's a very difficult and disturbing thing to have to go through. What do you want? What do you want to do? What are you actually willing to do? and are you willing to risk losing them as a client in the case that they either refuse to follow through or decide they don't want to have to do it and find care elsewhere? Again, good luck. Hugs.
I agree. Unless you are ACTUALLY going to say to mom "oh looks like she pooped, go ahead and change her so she is ready for daycare" when she arrives I wouldn't even bother typing the policy. If you arent able to sit down with this mom and say "look here are the issues I am having, lets get this dealt with" then don't bother. And keep scrubbing, wriping, brushing etc. Mom/dad don't do it b/c YOU DO!
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morgan24 10:42 AM 05-12-2011
Do you think that dcm is just to lazy to bathe them or is there some other reason why it's not being done? It really baffles me that they would want bathed kids. I wouldn't want to hurt dcgs feelings either. I would come right out and ask dcm if she could make sure they are bathed and have their hair brushed. She might be one of those who just needs someone to be up front with it, in order for her to do it. If she has already had issues that needed to be addressed maybe this is the same way.
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PitterPatter 10:58 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by morgan24:
Do you think that dcm is just to lazy to bathe them or is there some other reason why it's not being done? It really baffles me that they would want bathed kids. I wouldn't want to hurt dcgs feelings either. I would come right out and ask dcm if she could make sure they are bathed and have their hair brushed. She might be one of those who just needs someone to be up front with it, in order for her to do it. If she has already had issues that needed to be addressed maybe this is the same way.
Oh yeah it's definatley lazy or she just don't care. I think she wipes them down as the skin isn't so filthy but they smell and the hair stinks and is so greasy! And u know about the nails. I also noticed that although they do change clothing they will wear the same socks the entire week. It's odd. I started noticing this 2 months ago. She will put a pair of socks on them on Monday and they are already kinda dirty so maybe it's Sunday who knows. But they have the same socks on every day and they just get dirtier each day until Friday they are hard and filthy! They wear shoes the whole time here except for nap so they are not getting the grime from my home. I bet they get bathed on Saturday and they just leave the socks on to sleep and all. I'm just guessing here but that's how it seems because I have never smelled fresh clean hair.

I think it's neglect, nothing else. She hasn't taught them anything! Not a single color or letter etc... They don't know anything. They do know cat dog , horse cow, bird etc but they don't know rooster, dolphin, penguin etc. Just giving u an idea here. Most kids know something by the age of 2 even if it's just a couple colors, and she has 2 kids so it's not a learning disability unless they both have it. 1 will be 4 soon. I thought about reporting it but they are fed and seem happy. Plus she already had trouble with welfare and has a caseworker come in once a month so she's being monitored. I just wish they would be surprise visists! DCM will come here and complain about how she has to hurry up and clean her house because the worker is coming the next day. She's been saying she is tired of her telling her how to live and how to raise her kids.
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nannyde 11:19 AM 05-12-2011
Pitter,

It's time to come to Jesus with this Mom.

Tell her the truth.

Tell her that in order for her children to attend your daycare that they have to come completely clean in every way every day.

Tell her what that is:

Body from head to toe freshly bathed
Fingernails trimmed and completely clean
Fresh clean clothes every day that fit properly and don't need any adult involvement to keep on them or adjust them.
Fresh diaper every morning
Diaper area completely clean with no residue of previous bowel movements
Hair completely brushed out.
Teeth brushed

Now make sure when YOU send them home that they are all of the above... every day.
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PitterPatter 11:36 AM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Pitter,

It's time to come to Jesus with this Mom.

Tell her the truth.

Tell her that in order for her children to attend your daycare that they have to come completely clean in every way every day.

Tell her what that is:

Body from head to toe freshly bathed
Fingernails trimmed and completely clean
Fresh clean clothes every day that fit properly and don't need any adult involvement to keep on them or adjust them.
Fresh diaper every morning
Diaper area completely clean with no residue of previous bowel movements
Hair completely brushed out.
Teeth brushed

Now make sure when YOU send them home that they are all of the above... every day.
Thank u Nanny! They are that way when I send home. They are ALWAYS CLEANER when they leave than when they arrive. U think dcm would take a hint. I have even washed the clothing they came in when I have someone to sit with them while I run to the basement (laundry room) I actually style the girls hair and put it in ponytails or pig tails or barretts. It makes the lil girl feel so happy! U should see the extra big smile when I make a fuss over her hair! She will feel her hair and giggle! When I 1st started doing her hair the DCM was not impressed! She said coldly "she will not leave that in" ok thats fine. next day I did the same because the dkg wanted it. Again at pick up I aksed the DCM what she thought and she said "its cute but she doesnt like that so she will take it out" I don't get it! it is clearly obvious the dcg likes it or she wouldn't run to get the brush when I sit down with the basket of hair accessories I bought for her. Even when I come out the knots she flinches a lil and I say I'm sorry and she smiles. I have bought many hair accessories and I never see them again! So I buy more! DCM has let up on the comments and even had dcgs hair in a ponytail 1 day last week. It wasnt brushed but was pulled back in a mass and put in the tail. I complimented them as it was a step and DCM complained saying "she threw a tantrum and almost made us late because she wanted it in". hmmm ok told ya! Didn't say that of course!
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countrymom 11:42 AM 05-12-2011
I have a mom who is a hair dresser, my kids get hair cuts for free because like you, its just something that needs to be done. So maybe mention to the mom the kids need haircuts or get someone to come and do it at your house, this may elimante the crazy hair. Also, I know its hard, but they have you in their life and thats a good thing. Sometimes you just have to suck it up, itsn't that awful but at least they are well taken care of in your home.
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PitterPatter 03:14 PM 05-12-2011
Originally Posted by countrymom:
I have a mom who is a hair dresser, my kids get hair cuts for free because like you, its just something that needs to be done. So maybe mention to the mom the kids need haircuts or get someone to come and do it at your house, this may elimante the crazy hair. Also, I know its hard, but they have you in their life and thats a good thing. Sometimes you just have to suck it up, itsn't that awful but at least they are well taken care of in your home.
I suggested that with the dcb not the girl tho. DCBs hair makes him look like a girl. I thought ok if they got the cut they would have to get washed 1st... no go. DCM said no cuts, neither 1 have ever had a haircut except for dcgs bangs. She doesn't want them cut yet.

Just wait until summer! I have sign off on pool and water play! I will be putting baby bath in the water!

Seriously I have been thinking all day how I am wording this discussion tomorrow at drop off. When she picks up today they are clean and neat but at drop off she won't be able to say what dirt or anything.
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