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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Spanking
Unregistered 06:48 AM 08-18-2011
Question for you ladies…
I have a 3 year old in daycare, he’s been there for about two years. On the way home yesterday, he asked me to drive on someones lawn (random, I know!) and I said “I can’t do that! The police will get mad at me!” And he said “yeah, they’ll smack you in the butt!”. Well, that’s not normally something I would ever say, let alone do, to my son. So, to kind of figure out where that came from, I asked “who says they will smack you in the butt?”. He said “Miss X. She smacks me in the butt and yells ‘BAD BOY!”. I thought that was pretty interesting.
So I let it go for a while and I asked him later, “so Miss X hits you on the bum, does mommy do that to you?”, then I asked if his grandparents do that, does daddy…his answer was no to everyone except the DC lady.
Now, I know you can’t always trust what comes out of the mouth of a toddler, but I also don’t want to just ignore it, either. Especially where what he said was out of the blue and wasn’t prompted by anything. Has anyone else had experience with anything like this? How would I handle it? I’ve never seen any evidence of abuse….he comes home with bruises all over his legs, but he’s a little boy, and I totally expect that. I would really like to think that she would never hit, but you never know……
I have a 3 year old in daycare, he’s been there for about two years. On the way home yesterday, he asked me to drive on someones lawn (random, I know!) and I said “I can’t do that! The police will get mad at me!” And he said “yeah, they’ll smack you in the butt!”. Well, that’s not normally something I would ever say, let alone do, to my son. So, to kind of figure out where that came from, I asked “who says they will smack you in the butt?”. He said “Miss X. She smacks me in the butt and yells ‘BAD BOY!”. I thought that was pretty interesting.
So I let it go for a while and I asked him later, “so Miss X hits you on the bum, does mommy do that to you?”, then I asked if his grandparents do that, does daddy…his answer was no to everyone except the DC lady.
Now, I know you can’t always trust what comes out of the mouth of a toddler, but I also don’t want to just ignore it, either. Especially where what he said was out of the blue and wasn’t prompted by anything. Has anyone else had experience with anything like this? How would I handle it? I’ve never seen any evidence of abuse….he comes home with bruises all over his legs, but he’s a little boy, and I totally expect that. I would really like to think that she would never hit, but you never know……
Cat Herder 06:55 AM 08-18-2011
Does your provider have her own child mixed in with the daycare kids?
Blackcat31 07:03 AM 08-18-2011
Me, personally? I would have a conversation with my daycare provider. I would do it in a non-accusing manner and just talk with her. I am a pretty good judge of character and feel I would be able to sense if she was being honest with me or not. I would suggest doing this if you have a good relationship with your provider. Try to use words that aren't "fighting" words or words that don't come across as if you are accusing her of actually spanking your child.
I would maybe go with something like, "I know kids say things that aren't always factual, but Timmy mentioned that he may have been smacked on the bum for being a bad boy. I was just curious if I may have misheard him or taken what he is saying out of context." I would then let her tell you her explanation. You should be able to read in between the lines easily enough. Watch her body language and mannerisms as well as eye contact. It isn't always just the words but the motions too that tell us if people are being truthful.
When my own children were young, I used to always say "Do you want me to have to spank your butt?" I would NEVER have spanked my child while at daycare or ever touched a daycare child but I had a daycare kid go home one day and tell their parent that I threatened tospank someone. THat someone of course was my own child but the daycare kid didn't understand that. So when the daycare kid's mom brought it up, I was like
and suddenly saw the error in my ways so to speak. I learned to watch my words as well and actions while wearing my provider hat.
I would maybe go with something like, "I know kids say things that aren't always factual, but Timmy mentioned that he may have been smacked on the bum for being a bad boy. I was just curious if I may have misheard him or taken what he is saying out of context." I would then let her tell you her explanation. You should be able to read in between the lines easily enough. Watch her body language and mannerisms as well as eye contact. It isn't always just the words but the motions too that tell us if people are being truthful.
When my own children were young, I used to always say "Do you want me to have to spank your butt?" I would NEVER have spanked my child while at daycare or ever touched a daycare child but I had a daycare kid go home one day and tell their parent that I threatened tospank someone. THat someone of course was my own child but the daycare kid didn't understand that. So when the daycare kid's mom brought it up, I was like
and suddenly saw the error in my ways so to speak. I learned to watch my words as well and actions while wearing my provider hat.
Unregistered 07:28 AM 08-18-2011
Thank you. I don't want to create unnecessary drama betyween us in case what he said was a fib.
And yes, she has her child there with her too, but hers is little, about 1.
And yes, she has her child there with her too, but hers is little, about 1.
countrymom 08:15 AM 08-18-2011
well yesterday I had a 6yr old tell me that my dd (who's 7) spanked his brothers butt (I was sitting on the couch and the kids where playing in my screened in area with the door open, from the couch to the door is 4 feet away-I measured, so I was there listening to the conversation) well I ask the 6 if he's telling me the truth, because like I said I was right there. He just looks at me, so I ask my dd and she's like, no that the brother (he's almost 3) was called them poo face and poo head and the older brother was telling him tell call the kids names. So I asked the older boy why is he lying, does he like to get the kids in trouble, does he think its funny, he ran in another room and hid. My dd was upset and was saying she never did anything (I know because I was there) so he can be making it up too or he heard the other kids say things like this (I know the boys do get spanked) I don't know if I would ask the caregiver because like I said the kids were playing and maybe one of the kids said something too. I should mention that this older boy has been lying alot lately and now is getting his brother to do it too.
Cat Herder 08:23 AM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thank you. I don't want to create unnecessary drama between us in case what he said was a fib.
And yes, she has her child there with her too, but hers is little, about 1.
IMHO, It is very possible that she spanks her own and that is what your child is relating to.Thank you. I don't want to create unnecessary drama between us in case what he said was a fib.
And yes, she has her child there with her too, but hers is little, about 1.
This is especially true if he has never seen it before.
The older kids become protective of the younger kids and take it personally when we discipline them by any means.
Witnessing a spanking would particularly stand out to him on a "baby".
I know, here, it is not uncommon for all 6 of my littles to go sit in the reading corner on their own when I take one over to cool down after a "fight" over toys.
I'll have Mom's ask their two-three year old if they went to time out today.
The child will say "Yes" and I have to explain that No, it was his friend who was sent over to sit in time-out.
Can't have them missing out on something fun because they ratted themselves out for something they did not do...YET
TBird 08:43 AM 08-18-2011
I'm glad you're being careful and not freaking out about it yet. I have a 3 year old "story teller" in my group (his parents are STELLER parents in every way). He's in his "Spiderman" phase...he had a cold sore a couple of weeks ago and just so he knew that I really care about him I said.....
"Awwwww...Johnny, what happened to your lip sweetie???" He gets in his Spiderman stance and says "Mommy hit me, and scratched me, and punched me." (He's doing his Spiderman moves as he's telling me) I said "Really Johnny cause that looks like a cold sore." He says "Okay....then she pinched me and pulled my hair." I said "Really Johnny??? I don't think that's true, ya know why??? CAUSE....YOU.....DON'T....HAVE.....ANY.....HAIR!!!" He says "Oh....." Thwarted by my "Spidey Senses" he shrugged his shoulders and walked away.
Anyhoo, I say all that to say....I hope he's not telling his Spiderman stories with ME as the main character to his mom & dad at home!!!
"Awwwww...Johnny, what happened to your lip sweetie???" He gets in his Spiderman stance and says "Mommy hit me, and scratched me, and punched me." (He's doing his Spiderman moves as he's telling me) I said "Really Johnny cause that looks like a cold sore." He says "Okay....then she pinched me and pulled my hair." I said "Really Johnny??? I don't think that's true, ya know why??? CAUSE....YOU.....DON'T....HAVE.....ANY.....HAIR!!!" He says "Oh....." Thwarted by my "Spidey Senses" he shrugged his shoulders and walked away.
Anyhoo, I say all that to say....I hope he's not telling his Spiderman stories with ME as the main character to his mom & dad at home!!!
blueclouds29 10:08 AM 08-18-2011
I do spank my 2 year old DD cause it seems to be the only thing that works but not often. I have found out that cause i spank her she feels its ok to hit the other kids. So i've stopped spanking her.
laundrymom 10:24 AM 08-18-2011
see I think differently than the others,.. I dont spank the daycare kids,.. but I do pat their bottoms in fun. Like I grab them up hugging them and pat their butts saying,.. Im gonna get youuuuuuu,.. giggling and laughing,.. but I think the "bad boy" is more of an indicator than anything else. Thats what bothers me..... I make a point to NEVER EVER say bad boy bad girl,
I say, Im hurt, or Im upset, It hurst my heart you did that, My friends dont hurt each other,
I think I would investigate more,... I think I would ask if miss x was mad or being silly,...
when she said it
always end the question with the oposite answer, kids answer with the last option given,
you want ketchup or cheese,... cheese
you want cheese or ketchup ?... ketchup.
I say, Im hurt, or Im upset, It hurst my heart you did that, My friends dont hurt each other,
I think I would investigate more,... I think I would ask if miss x was mad or being silly,...
when she said it
always end the question with the oposite answer, kids answer with the last option given,
you want ketchup or cheese,... cheese
you want cheese or ketchup ?... ketchup.