So if anyone remembers, just recently termed my original DCK, 2 year old for not getting along with my son. Did some soul searching and found my niche is with the babies. 6months-18 months is what I prefer, although I'm not going to advertise that.

So now I have an open spot to fill for full-time. This DCM contacted me when I first opened a year ago and said she was about to have a baby and she needed childcare. Didn't know what arrangements would be yet, would keep in touch. Now her baby is a year old and she is *really* wanting to put him in my home daycare. I guess grandmas have been watching him back and forth for the year and now mom wants consistency.

Perfect age, perfect hours.

Potential DCM? Oh good lord!!!

She is a nervous wreck and we haven't even met face to face yet. She says her baby is attached to her hip and would crawl back into the womb if he could. She's mentioning things like 'I have a pit in my stomach even thinking about it' and 'not that I'm nervous about your care, I'm nervous he's going to think I am abandoning him'. I have found a couple parents feel this way and once their child hits my floor with all those new toys, then its " mom who?! " She also wants her mom, dad and husbands mother to come to the interview. I can already feel my armpits sweating with how awkward that one would be!

At first I was reassuring her that I do have play cams that she could check in on her son any time of day, I use an app to log diaper changes, feeding etc..All that good stuff. I initially thought she was a crazy mom but then turned negative thoughts into positive and tried to see it as a challenge. My thoughts were, "See it as a challenge to give this mom peace of mind. After a few weeks of your care, she'll trust you and be an awesome DCP".

My DH calls me a little after this and I told him my thought process. Happy for myself I tried to see the positive in it, instead of immediately going, NOPE! Crazy mom! Don't want that nonsense in my daycare. Fiance says *absolutely* NOT! He thinks she would be the kind of person to go ape S*$@ the second her son got a bruise or a bump.

So I'm stewing on it. The kicker is, she just sent me another email explaining that the entire year he's been on earth, both g-ma's hold him his *entire* nap. I definitely would not do that in a million years.

I'm pretty sure I'm going with my fiance on this one!!

Thoughts?!

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I would pass on this. I think when we have to go so far overboard just to get them to start, we are asking for trouble. In my experience, these people just don't seem to ever tone it down.

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I got as far a the part about crawling back into the womb....

Step outside for a minute and listen.

You should be able to hear me screaming NOOOOOOOOOO RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!" from there.

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I would meet with them if it were me. I would get a feel for how they interact with me and their kid. I can' t tell a whole lot by how they "act" over emails etc. Some parents put up a good front and then two weeks later they barely care what the kid is doing with you! My current mom was just like this....pretended to be super stressed and worried but then tried to skip transition because she didn't want to pay for it, she also dismisses any concerns I have...essentially is super fake Look for attachement issues with this child. It sounds like he may already have some. Those can be difficult to deal with. Most neurotic moms are not able to provide emotionally for their children so the child gets erratic care from them.

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I think I'd have to pass. I'm so done with drama llamas. I don't need another one.

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Was that you?!

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I can deal with nervous moms. I look at it the same way you were trying to look at it -- a challenge to be overcome; she'll get to know and trust me with time.

The nap thing would be the deal breaker for me, though. I can't and won't hold a child for an entire nap time. As much as I love cuddling with "my" babies and could use an excuse to just sit, rock and relax for 2 hours, it's not healthy for the baby and it's unrealistic to expect me to be able to do that every afternoon when I have other kids in my care.

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I may be the most easygoing provider on the planet, and even I think you should pass on this one.

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Run. Now. Do not look back. If you look back you may trip and she will catch you and shove you back up in her womb...


Sorry...that is the weirdest thing I have ever heard...can't get past it

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Yep! That was me...

When a parent is trying to downplay their behaviors or is mentioning this type of thing BEFORE hand....its almost always a sign for 10000000000% high maintenance and in a way I believe these types of mom's really dont want to work and be away from their babies (can't blame them) so they kind of do things to self-sabotage things...kwim?

It's the self-admitting that I can't get past.
That is MORE than a red flag...

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Darn, I just filled the slot! But thank you for your interest in my childcare. All the best........

Next!

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Ok, I almost cried I laughed so hard about all the shoving-into-womb stuff. But seriously, here's some wisdom:


“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”


― Maya Angelou

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I also got you these...

because I'm worried about you and because finding them was more fun than entering my food program stuff

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I got cross-eyed reading that. I wouldn't enroll them. I don't do high maintenance well.

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I blame you for the child I just woke up with "head on desk" laughter.

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blame accepted

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Old school here. I was thinking of the episode of Inliving Color when Jimmy Carrey (when he used to be known as the "white guy" LOL) is the son of a lady. He's like 21 and she refused to cut the cord. As punishment, she put him back inside of her. My husband used to laugh at it, but I thought it was so disturbing.

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Ditto! LOL Haven't had a good laugh today!

I had a family who was like this but even worse they hid it well until DCB started. Mom did everything in her power to limit his time here, he was 10 months, so he never adapted to care. She wanted to 'socialize' him. I even opened for them early, worst mistake ever, my days were miserable with the few hours he was here with the screaming and scaring all the other kids. Every week they would find a way to shorten his days here. Finally, after 2 months they termed, Gramma was moving in to take care of DCB. I was honest and let them know it didn't really seem like they wanted him here and I don't know why they chose me to provide care, since they never really truly seemed to trust me. It was a blessing in disguise, every little bump and bruise was questioned and I was always asked if he had a concussion, broken something, on and on and on.
This family sounds like them, especially since grandparents already are in the picture.
Like everyone said RUN and DON'T look back!

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Mom has got to change her intro.....
Providers will be lacing up their Nikes everywhere.

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Oh my lordy you all had me cracking up!! I was pretty set on saying no waaaaay after the first couple comments. Now I'm feeling so silly for even considering it. You're all right -- the womb comment IS really weird. My son is 2 and I love his independence he is gaining more and more of everyday. I think she would be nothing but problems. TY

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Nope. NO!

I would be honest with her though "I do not think he is ready for group care. He would be one of # children here, the state ratio is 1 to #. Realistically no licensed provider with other children in care will be able to hold him for the duration of naps. I recommend a nanny."

I had this mom. I was crying daily by the time the kid was 4 months old. I stuck it out. I termed at 9m. The more the child grew, the less I could meet his CONSTANT demands for attention. Let alone deal with Moms craziness. I answered her 3rd phone call of the day and the baby was crying in my arms. She started freaking out! "OH MY GOD WHY IS HE CRYING?!" and I had to say "BECAUSE YOUR PHONE CALL WOKE HIM UP, SINCE HE WON'T SLEEP ANYWHERE OUTSIDE MY ARMS!"

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I had a family with nearly this exact situation! And I would say NOOOOOO.....the experience with them was awful DCB would NOT nap unless I carried him, would NOT eat unless I spoon fed him every bite (he was 15m), would not play with toys unless I was sitting with him in my lap. If I didn't do these things he shrieked persistently...one time it was for the entire hour my Food Program lady was in, she was amazed at his lung capacity. Mommy was a total nut-case, she wanted me to text/send photos of everything he was doing every hour...she would actually text me asking if everything was OK if I went for too long without sending something, I have the same app you describe and she STILL wasn't satisfied! Needless to say....after only 3 months I gave up, couldn't take it anymore.

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Maybe I just like a challenge, maybe I just look at the positive side in everything ... maybe I just like self-torture ... in any case I'm open to give almost any situation a chance (hence my 2-week trial).

With that being said however, I would address and openly talk about every concern with the DCM. And I mean everything ... naps, holding him, separation anxiety, falls and bruises, uncontrollable crying etc.

"DCM, Snowflake is held every nap for the entire nap. You do realize that I can't do that right? And you realize that he's going to have a REALLY hard time with that the first couple of weeks right? He's going to cry. Especially the first few days, he'll probably cry the whole nap time until he gets used to the new routine. And you do realize that if he continues to be held during nap when he's not here that it'll make his transition here even harder on him right? How do you feel about that?"

Just like she did with you, you need to address all of your concerns with her if you're thinking about saying yes to her. Hit her with the reality of what her son's experience at a daycare is going to be like ... maybe she'll make the decision for you and decide to get a nanny instead

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I wanted to add that I've had two really bad "helicopter" moms that were a lot like how you describe your potential DCM and in both cases it ended up being ok. One DCM was terrible in particular but she's the mom that I grew a backbone with (and the reason why I went from a 2 page contract and no handbook to a 5 page contract and a 25 page handbook front and back) but once I gave them the reality talk of how things were going to be things did work out. Maybe because I had the mentality that if things didn't work out and were too stressful I always had an out (because of my awesome provider no-notice termination policy) and because I was ok with the idea that DCM's could potentially decide to change their minds and keep their kiddo's home. I really didn't care either way. If things worked out GREAT! If they didn't that was ok too.

If you do decide to give them a try talk about every concern you have and don't be afraid to give them a conditional 2-week trial that when the end is reached you can revisit and decide whether to extend another 2 weeks or not etc. and put it in their contract along with every concern you and mom brought up and what you both agreed to ... like how long was ok for her son to cry for before calling her to pick up etc.

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Run fast and run far. Don't look back. Don't pass Go. Don't collect $200.

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Honestly I would probably start by trying to sort out the difference in opinion between your DH and your fiancee. You said what your fiancee thinks but not your husband. (everyone is different I don't judge your lifestyle, just seems like a legit conflict to sort out)

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Left field.....

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...right?

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Probably just an attempt to be funny

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Didn't work out so well

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I had a few similar situations(before I caught on)where the grandparents were at interviews and very involved with the child and the child was "attached at the hip"/had to be held or rocked to sleep/etc. I know a lot of providers here have had very positive experiences in this area, so I am just telling my personal ones.

In all these cases the grandparents absolutely positively adored the child and come to find out(or at least it didn't seem so to me)didn't really want them in another's care, but were so burned out from the child having to be held at all times lest they scream, the child hanging onto their leg as they were trying to cook for their family, etc. and also from the parents taking advantage- leaving them there longer & longer, no respect, no pay, etc.(in other words, and IMHO, they were exhausted & burned out from caring for very demanding and spoiled kids & unappreciative parents)and that's why they were looking for care.

They were all reluctant to pay for their spot and wanted only to pay by the day(or when they actually attended); and as time went on, I understood why- the child would start attending less and less- it was always "they're sick" one day or mom/dad taking the day off but mostly it was "child won't be in today because grandma wants to watch them". There was also a major problem with them always picking up way early or bringing them in way late.

And of course these children cried/screamed when not being held or looked at, never slept and were just very demanding in general(the type that stops crying as soon as you pick them up); they took up the majority of my time and I had to term finally mainly because it wasn't fair to the other children that I had to spend most all my time coddling them.

I don't know why I had so many of these when I first started daycare, but I did lol. I also don't know why they started care in the first place knowing how attached they were to the kid...yes they were probably aggravated but did they honestly think the arrangement would work or what? Anyway, your post reminded me of them so I just thought I'd share . It may turn out entirely different for you. I may end up giving them a chance if it were me, but I'd watch extremely closely, go an extra mile in making my contract clear to them, have a trial period and most importantly I think would be always enforcing your policies from the get go no matter how minor the problem may seem to be. ...Good luck in whatever you decide!

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Haha did Dcm 'get it' then?? Good grief!!!

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Wasn't trying to be funny, sorry if my opinion offended you

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I completely missed the whole dh/fiance reference in the OP but truthfully, none of anyone's business and doesn't come into play with the whole thing.

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