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MotherNature 09:25 AM 05-23-2014
We've long known our 3 yr old was a different one. He fits the high needs/spirited profile to a T. Just ran across a term called active/alert that makes even more sense. We were looking for some discipline techniques that would actually work with him. We don't spank, and feel like constantly taking stuff away ( which is what he'd been doing) is a cheap way out and isn't doing anything to curb problem behaviour. Time-outs just don't work with him. I ordered a book about AA kids. Has anyone dealt with them and have any good pointers to try? Link below to explain..

http://www.nurturingourfamilies.com/.../exptdefn.html
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debbiedoeszip 10:16 AM 05-23-2014
Originally Posted by MotherNature:
We've long known our 3 yr old was a different one. He fits the high needs/spirited profile to a T. Just ran across a term called active/alert that makes even more sense. We were looking for some discipline techniques that would actually work with him. We don't spank, and feel like constantly taking stuff away ( which is what he'd been doing) is a cheap way out and isn't doing anything to curb problem behaviour. Time-outs just don't work with him. I ordered a book about AA kids. Has anyone dealt with them and have any good pointers to try? Link below to explain..

http://www.nurturingourfamilies.com/.../exptdefn.html
My DS (now 17) has ADHD along with some other issues (sensory, social, anxiety) and time-outs and loss of privileges didn't work.

What did work was:

-upping supervision - when he was a preschooler, I supervised him like he was a toddler, when he was a young SA, I supervised him like he was a preschooler, and so on

-always giving five minute warnings of activity/schedule transitions; led to far fewer meltdowns

-logical natural consequences vs. punishment

-ignoring backtalk as much as possible (it always turned into a futile power struggle, otherwise; I'd just act like he hadn't spoken at all and it took all his power away)

-talking about feelings when he's angry or frustrated ("you seem very angry. are you angry because ____?"); the rationale being that children who have words to express themselves will use them instead of having a meltdown or otherwise acting out. Especially if expressing themselves verbally is positively reinforced.

-going out of my way to create a "successful" environment for him (scissors, markers, etc, out of reach unless he's being directly supervised with them); I wanted it to be "easy" to be good for the sake of his suffering self-esteem.

-thinking before responding so that my "no" really means no and I won't back down; so many times I'd give an automatic "no" to something and then realize that there was no reason why he couldn't do or have what he wanted. Thinking before responding made it easier to be consistent.

-fewer toys out at a time so that he wouldn't be overwhelmed at tidy-up time.

-and infinite amounts of patience.

-also, keeping him super physically active. Lots and lots of movement and outside time.
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cheerfuldom 10:33 AM 05-23-2014
Originally Posted by debbiedoeszip:
My DS (now 17) has ADHD along with some other issues (sensory, social, anxiety) and time-outs and loss of privileges didn't work.

What did work was:

-upping supervision - when he was a preschooler, I supervised him like he was a toddler, when he was a young SA, I supervised him like he was a preschooler, and so on

-always giving five minute warnings of activity/schedule transitions; led to far fewer meltdowns

-logical natural consequences vs. punishment

-ignoring backtalk as much as possible (it always turned into a futile power struggle, otherwise; I'd just act like he hadn't spoken at all and it took all his power away)

-talking about feelings when he's angry or frustrated ("you seem very angry. are you angry because ____?"); the rationale being that children who have words to express themselves will use them instead of having a meltdown or otherwise acting out. Especially if expressing themselves verbally is positively reinforced.

-going out of my way to create a "successful" environment for him (scissors, markers, etc, out of reach unless he's being directly supervised with them); I wanted it to be "easy" to be good for the sake of his suffering self-esteem.

-thinking before responding so that my "no" really means no and I won't back down; so many times I'd give an automatic "no" to something and then realize that there was no reason why he couldn't do or have what he wanted. Thinking before responding made it easier to be consistent.

-fewer toys out at a time so that he wouldn't be overwhelmed at tidy-up time.

-and infinite amounts of patience.

-also, keeping him super physically active. Lots and lots of movement and outside time.
yup.

My second daughter has sensory issues. You might do some research on SPD as well. The key is constant supervision with LOTS of physical play. LOTS. like four times what you would do for any other kids. Keep your expectations reasonable for what his capabilities are. Make his environment one in which it is easy for him to succeed.....so routine oriented, prompts and patience during transition, minimal toys out at a time to keep him from getting over stimulated and overwhelmed, lots of physical play indoors and outdoors.
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Heidi 10:38 AM 05-23-2014
Originally Posted by debbiedoeszip:
My DS (now 17) has ADHD along with some other issues (sensory, social, anxiety) and time-outs and loss of privileges didn't work.

What did work was:

-upping supervision - when he was a preschooler, I supervised him like he was a toddler, when he was a young SA, I supervised him like he was a preschooler, and so on

-always giving five minute warnings of activity/schedule transitions; led to far fewer meltdowns

-logical natural consequences vs. punishment

-ignoring backtalk as much as possible (it always turned into a futile power struggle, otherwise; I'd just act like he hadn't spoken at all and it took all his power away)

-talking about feelings when he's angry or frustrated ("you seem very angry. are you angry because ____?"); the rationale being that children who have words to express themselves will use them instead of having a meltdown or otherwise acting out. Especially if expressing themselves verbally is positively reinforced.

-going out of my way to create a "successful" environment for him (scissors, markers, etc, out of reach unless he's being directly supervised with them); I wanted it to be "easy" to be good for the sake of his suffering self-esteem.

-thinking before responding so that my "no" really means no and I won't back down; so many times I'd give an automatic "no" to something and then realize that there was no reason why he couldn't do or have what he wanted. Thinking before responding made it easier to be consistent.

-fewer toys out at a time so that he wouldn't be overwhelmed at tidy-up time.

-and infinite amounts of patience.

-also, keeping him super physically active. Lots and lots of movement and outside time.


sounds like great advice!

If he were a daycare kid, it would probably be "term"
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craftymissbeth 10:50 AM 05-23-2014
Originally Posted by debbiedoeszip:
My DS (now 17) has ADHD along with some other issues (sensory, social, anxiety) and time-outs and loss of privileges didn't work.

What did work was:

-upping supervision - when he was a preschooler, I supervised him like he was a toddler, when he was a young SA, I supervised him like he was a preschooler, and so on

-always giving five minute warnings of activity/schedule transitions; led to far fewer meltdowns

-logical natural consequences vs. punishment

-ignoring backtalk as much as possible (it always turned into a futile power struggle, otherwise; I'd just act like he hadn't spoken at all and it took all his power away)

-talking about feelings when he's angry or frustrated ("you seem very angry. are you angry because ____?"); the rationale being that children who have words to express themselves will use them instead of having a meltdown or otherwise acting out. Especially if expressing themselves verbally is positively reinforced.

-going out of my way to create a "successful" environment for him (scissors, markers, etc, out of reach unless he's being directly supervised with them); I wanted it to be "easy" to be good for the sake of his suffering self-esteem.

-thinking before responding so that my "no" really means no and I won't back down; so many times I'd give an automatic "no" to something and then realize that there was no reason why he couldn't do or have what he wanted. Thinking before responding made it easier to be consistent.

-fewer toys out at a time so that he wouldn't be overwhelmed at tidy-up time.

-and infinite amounts of patience.

-also, keeping him super physically active. Lots and lots of movement and outside time.
This is very helpful. Thanks!
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MotherNature 10:54 AM 05-23-2014
Oh yeah..That's why I started my own daycare. I knew he'd never fit in at daycare. No one would put up with it. He's actually about to get an evaluation for spd..Most of those are things we're already doing.
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debbiedoeszip 10:59 AM 05-23-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:


sounds like great advice!

If he were a daycare kid, it would probably be "term"
Well, he certainly wasn't an easy kid to parent when he was younger LOL.

We got through, though. and he's a pretty decent teen (never in trouble, does his chores without much fuss, looking for part-time work, etc). One more year of high school and he'll be done with that and on to other pursuits.
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Tags:discipline, high need, hyperactive, parenting, pulling our hair out, spirited
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