I have a little guy (3 1/2) who is my earliest drop off and latest pick up, so allllll of my daycare parents see him. He has pretty typical kid behavior, until a parent arrives and then all HE** breaks loose. He starts screaming and running, jumping off furniture, throwing toys, asking me for things he knows he can't have at that time, climbing all over me like a monkey, saying that he's hungry/thirsty, etc. It is getting increasingly worse, and it isn't like his Mom can help/do much. His speech (and honestly EVERYTHING is slightly delayed but Mom doesn't recognize this) so I have concerns with what he is comprehending. I have tried planning a fun activity for drop offs and pick ups (like special busy bags that he would only get then, playdoh, etc) and had a chat with him at every drop off and pick up to no avail. I am at my wits end because it makes my otherwise controlled home look like chaos.

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Honestly if he is ONLY doing this when a daycare parents arrive, he knows FULL well what he is doing and comprehension is NOT the problem. The problem is he nows you are preoccupied with something else and sees this as a perfect opportunity to run amok.

Is he like this at any other time?

If not, then what I would do in your shoes is the second a parent arrives, I would go over and place the child in a chair within your immediate sight and have him stay put there until the parent leaves.

Explain to him that he is NOT necessarily being punished but more that you can't trust him to behave when you aren't directly supervising him so in order to maintain his safety and the well being of your furniture, he must sit there whenever a parent is present.

Try working towards little goals such as letting him up a few moments before a parent has actually left and keep doing that until he can understand that he must behave the same way when a parent is there as he does when parents are there.

He'll get it....he just kows right now that it is a free for all when you have your eyes elsewhere.

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If I have the right idea about this child, there's no way in heck that he would stay in that chair!! He'll get up the second that other parent comes in.

He's playing you. He knows you won't be as strong on your discipline while "others" are present. He sees this as his time to do whatever the heck he wants, knowing he'll get away with it. I'm not insinuating that you don't ask him to behave, or that you don't correct him while the other parent is there, but he knows that you are distracted and that your criticisms are not as harsh in front of others.

I've actually had this problem too. What I've done, and this kinda sucks, is I hold the kid while the other parent is there. It's sorta of a punishment to them if you think about it. And maybe it will make him WANT to behave better so that he doesn't have to be held. He'll probably be squirming and wanting down, but just tell him you can't let him down because he gets naughty when you let him down while other parents are here.

Just my opinion.

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Oh, I don't mean in a chair somewhere away from the provider. I mean in a chair DIRECTLY in front of the provider. Somewhere she can physically stop him from getting up. If he starts having a fit, then I would let the parents know I have to tend to a child and that I will see them tomorrow.

I also FULLY believe this child knows exactly what he is doing.

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I have this going on right now also. The minute this kids mom comes in, even in the morning at drop off I watch him manipulate his mother he starts acting off from the rest of his day. Doing stuff I don't let him do. Now it has become a monkey see monkey do thing. My child would not sit on a chair like that, he would get off and still keep at it...... As I was reading the Op's post, I was forming my response with the same thing as BC... he is capable of understanding and knowing what he is doing.

I am looking forward to more responses to this, as I have kids that do this too. I also have kids that if they know something drives me nuts or it is something they should not do they will keep testing me with it. Like picking at the foam tiles and pulling them apart from the floor, little things..... amazing they can pick this up at two and under.

one idea is a high chair, but I don't want my parents walking in to seeing a kid in a high chair every day either, not sure if my idea is good or not.

bumping for more ideas...

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May seem counter productive because in those moments you want to pull your hair out but is it possible he really does need you in those moments?

It's always hard to assess if you're not right there but from what you write it sounds to me like the coming and going of other kids and parents is making him anxious. Kids often test if they are feeling unsure or overwhelmed with a particular emotion.


I'd be inclined to offer him a hug right before parent walks in and reassurance you'll be free to spend time with him in a minute. If he's got a stuffed animal at your house he really likes maybe try make a game out of validating but rerouting his thoughts. "Hey Johnny, I was thinking, Mr. Cow gets sort of wonky when other kids get dropped off and picked up. It makes him feel (insert whatever emotion you think he's feeling here....nervous, scared, mad it's taking up your time, sad it's not his parents...). Do you think when you see a parent coming up the walkway you could hug Mr. Cow real tight and tell him it'll all be ok? Maybe ask him to sing Mr. Cow a song, read him a book, or play a game with him. If he is indeed struggling with his feelings something like that could help him to cope in a really productive and much more appropriate way.



I would be hesitant to ask a kiddo to sit on a chair for each coming and going, I'd worry parents would think he spent all day there lol! And in the end although it might get an immediate grip on the problem you wouldn't be solving the underlying cause. If it's something like anxiety you could actually end up making it much worse.





(this coming from an adult who as a child in daycare M-F from open to close had a REALLY hard time seeing other kids come and go and acted out similarly....I totally remember what I felt during those times and what worked better than all else....for me my Rainbow Brite doll was always the one needing comforting, she always helped me forget the saddness and anxiety I was feeling, "helping her" definitely helped me....)

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In that case, he would earn himself a time out or loss of a priviledge.

I suggested the chair because his behavior in the presence of parents isn't neccessarily time-out or punishment worthy in my eyes because I think it is more a lack of knowing proper social norms and behaviors that are and aren't acceptable at certain times.

I think we need to teach children when it is ok to behave certain ways and when it isn't and this kid thinks it is ok because he hasn't had a consequence or a detourant to stop doing what he is doing. Right now he is getting attention for his behavior, which is reinforcing the behaviors.

He needs to be DIRECTLY within sight of the provider so she can re-direct him to stay put so that he gradually learns to behave properly in the presence of parents which is why I also suggested having the time he is in the chair be decreased gradually as he learns to behave properly.

If he is defiant enough to get up anyways, despite the redirection of the adult, then he is being naughty and needs to be disciplined appropriately for his actions. The behavior now isn't naughty in myeyes, just what he is allowed to get away with because he isn't being taught what to do....kwim?

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A child acting up in front of their own parent is an entirely different animal than acting up in front of others parents IMHO.

If you have a kiddo going bonkers in front of their own mom I'd suggest reading up on Nanny Dee's "Changing of The Guard" bit. Someone offered that to me here when I was struggling with a kiddo, explained everything wonderfully and gave some fantastic ideas on how to cope!

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some kids it is like training a dog. You practic over and over what they are supposed to do. and give them a reward for doing it right. Then you move to keep practicing but he only gets the reward for doing it in real life.

I think I would do this will all the children. maybe it is he walk up and holds your hand quietly..

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Being constant would prevent that scenario entirely.

There is nothing I'd ever do away from the eyes of my daycare parents that I wouldn't do right in front of them, and all of the kids in my care know that.


I don't care who's standing there, if I have a behavior problem I'm going to address it in exactly the same way as I always would.

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yes this, and he is that kid who NEEDS constant attention and redirection. He does it at other times too, when I have to go potty he HAS to sit right outside the door and put one hand (fingers showing) under the door. I have taken a 2 minute pee break to come out to EVERY THING in my daycare room off the shelves and on the floor in a giant pile with him throwing things from the top of the pile into the air.

So no, I don't think he is feeling nervous or upset. We have the same routine, day in and day out and he knows and talks comfortably with the other parents.

If I hold him in my arms, he will start YELLING to get down, or grab both sides of my face and turn it to him repeatedly.

I am going to try putting him on the bench near the cubbies right at the entrance.. I never use it other than for kids coming and going, but it puts him in my direct sight the entire time.

I also don't spend more time than it takes to get each kiddo packed up (shoes on, quick go over of their take home sheets, answer quick questions, under 5 minutes)

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Here are my thoughts.

1. DCK knows he can do this and get away with it. BUT I do not think that is because of you. I have had a dck who has done this to me for 2 years now. I am the most consistent, firm provider around. I have tried everything. He simply get the message everyday at home that he can do as he pleases when adults are around. Over and over again he gets validation that his misbehavior works. It is an impossible cycle to break.

2. I have done the you stay by me trick. He dominated the entire time parents were here, either screaming or touching me physically (because I would try to hold him). Did not work.

3. Tried the you sit in a chair while parents are here trick. Same story. Plus who wants a kid in a chair the entire time during drop and pick.

4. Tried removing him from the enterance and exit completely, both by gates and by putting him down the hall where I could see him/hear him but he had nothing to do (in my bedroom). Same story.

5. I talked to the parents about it and got nowhere.

6. Even did the "If you can't control yourself during drop off you will have to miss out on the next activity..." same story.

I am convinced that since this child gets daily reinforcement of their behavior (at home its accepted) and "special attention" from you becuase you can't ignore it they learn to keep doing it. Kids only do things that are effective. I have no suggestions on how to curb it. I have fought this battle for too long with the one family. They leave in 3 days and my drop offs and pick ups are going to be so much easier.

Good luck. Just wanted you to know that I too have had an extremely difficult one at drop and pick up and it gets really tiring.

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I think it is an age thing for my situation. My kiddo is 27 months. It is hard to teach a child what to do when you are trying to talk with the parents or his parent. He fully understands what he is doing, but he doesn't understand consequences yet, and managing a consequence while being in front of his parent(who I feel should take over at that point, or support me) or other parents coming in. His mom likes to talk and find out about his day. He wants to leave, he has seen all of his friends go home and is ready to go too, he is last. He will get into things I don't allow him to and play in areas that I don't allow him during the day, or stand there and whine. He is not a big talker yet, but he knows what he is saying and is capable of understanding. He just knows how to push my buttons and I do feel like I am on display when parents are here. What if they don't like how I am talking to their child, what if they are jealous of me and the relationship I have with their child, what if my way of doing things is way off from the way they do things, so many what ifs. See if the parent is here, it is the parent that is giving attention to the behaviors, she plays into his whiny voice, by talking to him like he has all the power and decisions of every move made. Do you want to .......blah blah...... Say goodbye to the .........blah blah......fifty million times. Keep in mind she is a great parent, cares and loves her child.
I understand what your saying BC and agree for an older child with more understanding and verbal response.

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Thank you, I could have wrote this. My kiddo get this message the minute mom walks in. She will let me handle him until she leaves, stepping in and out of responsible roll. This child just goes haywire. I am consistent, but I don't want to be the heavy when the parent comes in to pick up because it looks like his day was nothing but haywire day- when this only happens on drop off and pick up. It looks bad.

I love NannyD's changing of the guard, but I don't have it in me to hussle a child out of care when I have a parent who wants to hear about his day, what he did, what he ate, how he slept etc.... that does not seem right to me. I did ask her to hurry drop off time to avoid his anxiety. It was starting to build up in the other children. Now I have another mom that does it. She does better but seems hurt at me for asking this. She believes more in teaching when action is more of what he needs to learn from right now. He can't comprehend his feelings and put them into perspective to self sooth himself yet. Today was throw myself on the ground day and whine to the world, asked Mom if he was doing this at home. Nooo. He was too good at it to not be doing it at home over the weekend. I told him if that is how he wanted to spend his day that he was more then welcome to just sit there. Not the response he wanted but he kept trying a few times. Then again maybe most likely every whim he has is responded with because he is the only child and has Moms attention 100% of the time. I can't do that with group care, nor do I feel it is healthy for him. When he is with mom it works for them and rightfully so. She is a good parent, it just makes it hard for group care. Thanks for listening......and the helps.

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