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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>In a Rut
slorey 07:12 AM 03-28-2013
Hi! Looking for some advice from all you seasoned providers. I am stuck in a rut. I have not enjoyed this job for the last 2 years, since my youngest (and last) was born. I hate that I feel this way! I am wondering a couple of things. First, at what point will I know it is time for me to call it quits? I can't imagine working at a job outside of the home again but need the second income to make ends meet (otherwise I would just be a SAHM, like I would really like). Is it possible to get myself out of this rut I have been in for 2 years and if so, how do I go about doing that? Has anyone else had this experience? I feel too tired to devote the time to my own family at the end of the day, I hate that I have to miss important functions at school for my older 2 kids, I hate devoting 10-plus hours a day to a job I get hardly anything out of (my income last year before any tax deductions was only about 15,000). I guess at this point, I would like to know if anyone else has felt this way and managed to get through it and how. I already changed my program to follow the school calendar, so I get a lot of time off in the year and it hasn't helped much (really looking forward to the time off this summer though). I also don't think the inability for me to have a designated daycare space separate from our living space helps the situation either, but that is not an option in my house. Advice?
AmyKidsCo 08:44 AM 03-28-2013
I've been there too. What helped me was shortening my hours a little and making sure to take time off. Ate you a member of any support groups or early childhood associations? Going to conferences and just being with other providers helps "charge my batteries too" as long as things stay positive. Sometimes these groups turn into giant gripe sessions, which makes me feel worse.
Evansmom 08:53 AM 03-28-2013
Hi there!
It sounds like you're getting burned out and I can understand. I've hit a wall in this job many times in the 17 years I've been working with kids. In my experience it is possible to work it out.
Here are some things I did recently to help me get over a slump.
One thing I did that has helped tremendously is take my house back. I used to have the playroom in my dining room with the living room attached for more play area. After awhile I just couldn't take living in a daycare anymore! My husband built us a beautiful dining table and I move all the toys upstairs. Now the kids and I go up and choose sets to bring down and then we pick them up when we are finished and take them back upstairs. My house looks like a house on weekends and it also stays picked up throughout the day at a more manageable level. This has helped me so much mentally!
I am also working on being more communicative with my husband about when I need a break from my own kids/household. I just get in the car by myself and drive. Sometimes I go to the thrift store and browse around for things we can use for crafts or wooden toys on the cheap. Still does an errand for the daycare but I get some much needed alone time. Also now when DH goes on errands he takes the kids so I can be in a quiet house
. What a small luxury!
It sounds like you already have a lot of time off so maybe try some new things with the kids? Build an outdoor play kitchen? Or some of those cool inspiring outdoor areas that were being talked about in this website yesterday? Start a garden with the daycare kids? Process art? Or just whatever you like that fills you up. All my DCK's know about broadway musicals bc my son and I like them so we watch YouTube videos of scenes and sing and dance . It helps brighten my day.
Hope some of that helps and I also hope you can work through your rut!
It sounds like you're getting burned out and I can understand. I've hit a wall in this job many times in the 17 years I've been working with kids. In my experience it is possible to work it out.
Here are some things I did recently to help me get over a slump.
One thing I did that has helped tremendously is take my house back. I used to have the playroom in my dining room with the living room attached for more play area. After awhile I just couldn't take living in a daycare anymore! My husband built us a beautiful dining table and I move all the toys upstairs. Now the kids and I go up and choose sets to bring down and then we pick them up when we are finished and take them back upstairs. My house looks like a house on weekends and it also stays picked up throughout the day at a more manageable level. This has helped me so much mentally!
I am also working on being more communicative with my husband about when I need a break from my own kids/household. I just get in the car by myself and drive. Sometimes I go to the thrift store and browse around for things we can use for crafts or wooden toys on the cheap. Still does an errand for the daycare but I get some much needed alone time. Also now when DH goes on errands he takes the kids so I can be in a quiet house
. What a small luxury! It sounds like you already have a lot of time off so maybe try some new things with the kids? Build an outdoor play kitchen? Or some of those cool inspiring outdoor areas that were being talked about in this website yesterday? Start a garden with the daycare kids? Process art? Or just whatever you like that fills you up. All my DCK's know about broadway musicals bc my son and I like them
so we watch YouTube videos of scenes and sing and dance . It helps brighten my day.Hope some of that helps and I also hope you can work through your rut!
ksmith 10:03 AM 03-28-2013
I had this happen. It really helped to cut back on some of my hours as well as how many kids I took. Also not having any babies made a big difference as well. Make sure you are taking time off to help with the burn out!
cheerfuldom 10:09 AM 03-28-2013
I absolutely understand what you are saying. I really think that if you are having so much time off and still really unhappy with the situation, there is not a whole lot more you can change. What are your options for working outside the home? i think its time to start exploring all your options
EntropyControlSpecialist 10:41 AM 03-28-2013
Would it be possible to work part-time (evenings/weekend even) to make the same amount of income and still allow you to be home with your youngest during the day?
lolaland 11:10 AM 03-28-2013
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I absolutely understand what you are saying. I really think that if you are having so much time off and still really unhappy with the situation, there is not a whole lot more you can change. What are your options for working outside the home? i think its time to start exploring all your options
I agree with this quote. I too tried many different changes in different times while attempting to improve the relation daycare/my-family... But the result was always the same. I admire the ones that manage this balance but I got burnout attempting it! I accepted that for now I need a job with less hours and more freedom in schedulles to attend my daughter's needs. Good luck in your jorney to find the best solution I absolutely understand what you are saying. I really think that if you are having so much time off and still really unhappy with the situation, there is not a whole lot more you can change. What are your options for working outside the home? i think its time to start exploring all your options
MrsSteinel'sHouse 11:17 AM 03-28-2013
Reorganizing the kids stuff... I always find things I have forgotten about.
More outside time
Planning our day, if I have Allan the day flies by. As much as I don't like to totally plan, when I am not "into it" it helps me if I know we are going to paint or whatever.
Looking at other providers' facebook/ pages.
More outside time
Planning our day, if I have Allan the day flies by. As much as I don't like to totally plan, when I am not "into it" it helps me if I know we are going to paint or whatever.
Looking at other providers' facebook/ pages.
MNMum 11:41 AM 03-28-2013
Not a seasoned provider, but I have felt this way already! What has helped immensely is hiring an assistant. My mom and husband were my substitutes, but I only used them if it was totally necessary. I hired an assistant that comes 2 mornings per week (Tue/Thurs). It has taken 3 months for her to really take control when she is here and feel comfortable. She's not cheap, and she has had to go through all the steps to become a co-provider(which I have paid for). But now, I can leave during daycare hours and take care of my appointments, go shopping, etc. She's really not much more than hiring a babysitter (which if I were a SAHM I would need to do to get alone time). She also gives me another adult to talk to if we are both home together. Now I really enjoy both the days she is here, and the days she is not, for different reasons.
Terming that one child that is making your day stressful or longer. Today is my problem kids last day. She is adorable, she is fun. But she doesn't sleep well, screams bloody murder as soon as she awakens. And she has had issues with biting and all around aggressiveness. She was also dropped of 45 minutes before everyone else. If you have one of these, it may make your days smoother to have them move on.
Sit down and make a list of pros and cons of daycare vs. pros/cons of getting a PT job outside the home.
Terming that one child that is making your day stressful or longer. Today is my problem kids last day. She is adorable, she is fun. But she doesn't sleep well, screams bloody murder as soon as she awakens. And she has had issues with biting and all around aggressiveness. She was also dropped of 45 minutes before everyone else. If you have one of these, it may make your days smoother to have them move on.
Sit down and make a list of pros and cons of daycare vs. pros/cons of getting a PT job outside the home.
lolaland 04:37 PM 03-28-2013
Now with more time I'm coming back to this thread only because this post completely reflects me 1 year ago. I even came to this forum at that time and did some of the stuff that are being advised to you...
I was in your shoes and honestly, don't matter how you arrange your daycare, organize your stuff, buy new outdoor toys, change your routine, take 1 week break twice a year, term some families! Doing all that you will only be investing more money (that you need) and time/energy (they you already feel you don't have) and after a few weeks of feeling good about the illusion of “improvements”, you will be back to feeling miserable again. And you know why? Because you already clearly identify what is your problem and you will only really feel better when you solve that head-on - “I feel (1)too tired to devote the time to my own family at the end of the day, I hate that I have to (2)miss important functions at school for my older 2 kids, I hate (3)devoting 10-plus hours a day to a job I get hardly anything out of (my (4)income last year before any tax deductions was only about 15,000)”.
These are the reasons why you are starting to feel resentful and not enjoying this job anymore:
1- too tired for your family
2 – missing out on your children's life events
3 – long hours
4 – low income do not compensate all you are giving in exchange
So, do not go ahead and spend more time and money in the things that are not the problem. I did that mistake and that cost me too much money and too much energy and it did not solve a thing (but it sure increased my burnout situation) !!!! Try instead to solve some of the issues that you already identified.
I hope I don't sound harsh... This is what I wish I had told myself 1 year ago!
I was in your shoes and honestly, don't matter how you arrange your daycare, organize your stuff, buy new outdoor toys, change your routine, take 1 week break twice a year, term some families! Doing all that you will only be investing more money (that you need) and time/energy (they you already feel you don't have) and after a few weeks of feeling good about the illusion of “improvements”, you will be back to feeling miserable again. And you know why? Because you already clearly identify what is your problem and you will only really feel better when you solve that head-on - “I feel (1)too tired to devote the time to my own family at the end of the day, I hate that I have to (2)miss important functions at school for my older 2 kids, I hate (3)devoting 10-plus hours a day to a job I get hardly anything out of (my (4)income last year before any tax deductions was only about 15,000)”.
These are the reasons why you are starting to feel resentful and not enjoying this job anymore:
1- too tired for your family
2 – missing out on your children's life events
3 – long hours
4 – low income do not compensate all you are giving in exchange
So, do not go ahead and spend more time and money in the things that are not the problem. I did that mistake and that cost me too much money and too much energy and it did not solve a thing (but it sure increased my burnout situation) !!!! Try instead to solve some of the issues that you already identified.
I hope I don't sound harsh... This is what I wish I had told myself 1 year ago!
slorey 06:22 PM 03-28-2013
Thanks everyone for the responses. Looks like I need to do some thinking and figuring things out. While I know there is no one magical solution that works for everyone I do appreciate all opinions and help. Hopefully I can work through this soon!
butterfly 12:56 PM 03-29-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
Would it be possible to work part-time (evenings/weekend even) to make the same amount of income and still allow you to be home with your youngest during the day?
I was pretty much thinking this too. I bet you could earn what you are now with a part time job. Maybe just the getting out of the house with other adults would be good for the mental health too. (I know I need that!!) and you wouldn't be tied down with all the daycare kids.Would it be possible to work part-time (evenings/weekend even) to make the same amount of income and still allow you to be home with your youngest during the day?