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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Lying almost 3 year old - Am I wrong?
bunnyslippers 09:08 AM 06-11-2013
So I need some perspective here. I have a child who is almost three, and a bit of a princess. She is very spoiled at home (only child) and I have to admit, she gets on my last nerve lately. So I need some guidance on how I just handled a situation, and am curious what you think.
I was prepping lunch, and one of my very littles (18 months) started crying. Turns out, one of the bigger kids accidently stepped on her foot. NOT a big deal, and I was very neutral. I asked the little group who stepped on her, so we could make sure we hugged it out. The 3 year old looked me straight in the face and said another child did it. All of the other kids told me she did it. It was totally an accident, and I was NOT upset that it happened. I just like for kids to own up to a mistake if they make it. This little 3 year old then proceeded to blame every other kid in the room, despite the fact that every child was telling me it was her and she was standing right there.
She finally owned up to it, and I had her go take a short break in the "think about it" space. I discussed with her after the incident that I was not mad she stepped on someone by mistake, but that I was upset that she blamed other children and didn't tell me the truth.
How would you all have handled this?
I was prepping lunch, and one of my very littles (18 months) started crying. Turns out, one of the bigger kids accidently stepped on her foot. NOT a big deal, and I was very neutral. I asked the little group who stepped on her, so we could make sure we hugged it out. The 3 year old looked me straight in the face and said another child did it. All of the other kids told me she did it. It was totally an accident, and I was NOT upset that it happened. I just like for kids to own up to a mistake if they make it. This little 3 year old then proceeded to blame every other kid in the room, despite the fact that every child was telling me it was her and she was standing right there.
She finally owned up to it, and I had her go take a short break in the "think about it" space. I discussed with her after the incident that I was not mad she stepped on someone by mistake, but that I was upset that she blamed other children and didn't tell me the truth.
How would you all have handled this?
EntropyControlSpecialist 09:14 AM 06-11-2013
3 is the age that children begin to realize that you DON'T know everything and they CAN make up something with the possibility that you will believe it.
I would ask an older child in the future, not a younger child, what happened and get confirmation from one other person. If the 3-year-old lied I would tell her, "No lieing." and send her to sit by herself. If she didn't say anything, I would tell her, "Please go hug your friend. You hurt him when you stepped on his foot."
The less you can actually ASK a younger child if they did something they know they might get in trouble for the better. 3's and 4's have a dramatic increase in the amount they lie due to their brain development. If someone says one of my 3-year-olds did something that sounds very characteristic of them, I will look at that child and say, "Do not throw the toy." and they will nod. Now, if I had asked them if they threw the toy they would tell me no or say someone else did it.
I would ask an older child in the future, not a younger child, what happened and get confirmation from one other person. If the 3-year-old lied I would tell her, "No lieing." and send her to sit by herself. If she didn't say anything, I would tell her, "Please go hug your friend. You hurt him when you stepped on his foot."
The less you can actually ASK a younger child if they did something they know they might get in trouble for the better. 3's and 4's have a dramatic increase in the amount they lie due to their brain development. If someone says one of my 3-year-olds did something that sounds very characteristic of them, I will look at that child and say, "Do not throw the toy." and they will nod. Now, if I had asked them if they threw the toy they would tell me no or say someone else did it.
bunnyslippers 09:33 AM 06-11-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
3 is the age that children begin to realize that you DON'T know everything and they CAN make up something with the possibility that you will believe it.
I would ask an older child in the future, not a younger child, what happened and get confirmation from one other person. If the 3-year-old lied I would tell her, "No lieing." and send her to sit by herself. If she didn't say anything, I would tell her, "Please go hug your friend. You hurt him when you stepped on his foot."
The less you can actually ASK a younger child if they did something they know they might get in trouble for the better. 3's and 4's have a dramatic increase in the amount they lie due to their brain development. If someone says one of my 3-year-olds did something that sounds very characteristic of them, I will look at that child and say, "Do not throw the toy." and they will nod. Now, if I had asked them if they threw the toy they would tell me no or say someone else did it.
I miswrote that - when I said I asked the little group, I didn't mean the young group, I meant the little group that was present when it happened - 3 three year olds and 1 four year old. Thanks for your input. I think I handled it pretty close to your suggestions.3 is the age that children begin to realize that you DON'T know everything and they CAN make up something with the possibility that you will believe it.
I would ask an older child in the future, not a younger child, what happened and get confirmation from one other person. If the 3-year-old lied I would tell her, "No lieing." and send her to sit by herself. If she didn't say anything, I would tell her, "Please go hug your friend. You hurt him when you stepped on his foot."
The less you can actually ASK a younger child if they did something they know they might get in trouble for the better. 3's and 4's have a dramatic increase in the amount they lie due to their brain development. If someone says one of my 3-year-olds did something that sounds very characteristic of them, I will look at that child and say, "Do not throw the toy." and they will nod. Now, if I had asked them if they threw the toy they would tell me no or say someone else did it.
countrymom 09:56 AM 06-11-2013
I had that same incident happen yesterday. The 4 yr old pushed the 2.5 yr old and then stood their and lied about it. But there was no one else to blame except another 2.5 yr old but he was in another room. As the mom said yesterday, I only have 4 more days with her.
MsLaura529 10:03 AM 06-11-2013
I think you handled it pretty well.
My almost 4 yr old DD is doing this a lot lately. She's figured out how to lie, and I keep telling her "you wouldn't be getting in trouble for this if you had just told me the truth in the first place" ... hopefully one day it will sink it.
My almost 4 yr old DD is doing this a lot lately. She's figured out how to lie, and I keep telling her "you wouldn't be getting in trouble for this if you had just told me the truth in the first place" ... hopefully one day it will sink it.
Play Care 10:06 AM 06-11-2013
I really try to avoid the "who done it?" questions with the kids because they think they are in trouble and will lie. Every. Single. Time. Unless I see it, I would just comfort the person who was hurt. If they insist "Susie stepped on me!" I might say, "I bet it was just an accident because Susie wouldn't want to hurt a friend!"
Now, you better believe I'd be keeping a closer eye on "Susie" and finding jobs for her to help me with when I couldn't supervise directly
Unless I see it, I would just comfort the person who was hurt. If they insist "Susie stepped on me!" I might say, "I bet it was just an accident because Susie wouldn't want to hurt a friend!" Now, you better believe I'd be keeping a closer eye on "Susie" and finding jobs for her to help me with when I couldn't supervise directly
TheGoodLife 11:14 AM 06-11-2013
My own 3 1/2 DD has recently started lying quite a bit. I always explain Im more upset when she lies than what she actually did- she's a very good girl and rarely does anything TOO bad 
. She automatically gets a time out if she lies. My DCM was telling my 5yo DCB at drop off that he should just tell someone he doesn't like when they lie, so Im assuming he's told his mom that she lies. (I caught her trying to blame him once for something, but I knew it was not the truth- DCB never does anything really wrong here )
. She automatically gets a time out if she lies. My DCM was telling my 5yo DCB at drop off that he should just tell someone he doesn't like when they lie, so Im assuming he's told his mom that she lies. (I caught her trying to blame him once for something, but I knew it was not the truth- DCB never does anything really wrong here )
Happy Hearts 01:35 PM 06-11-2013
I have a 3 1/2 yo dcg that lies sometimes about washing her hands after using the rest room. I know she didn't because her hands are dry and she can't reach the paper towel. I told her I have eyes in the back of my head and I can see around corners..... In essence, I am lying to her too.
bunnyslippers 02:14 PM 06-11-2013
Well, once again, I wonder why I even bother to try and teach these little nuggets anything. After I relayed the story to her mom, she responded with her typical, "Awwww, well she is just a baby and probably just got confused. Poor Thing." Insert sad face by mom. She is not a BABY, she is 2 weeks shy of three. Young, yes. Baby that doesn't have any expectations or demands....um, not at my house. I can't wait to watch this mom flounder all summer with this little baby while she is off on break and has to take care of her all day, every day.
e.j. 04:04 PM 06-11-2013
Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
Well, once again, I wonder why I even bother to try and teach these little nuggets anything. After I relayed the story to her mom, she responded with her typical, "Awwww, well she is just a baby and probably just got confused. Poor Thing." Insert sad face by mom. She is not a BABY, she is 2 weeks shy of three. Young, yes. Baby that doesn't have any expectations or demands....um, not at my house. I can't wait to watch this mom flounder all summer with this little baby while she is off on break and has to take care of her all day, every day.
Well, 10 years from now, when dcm is complaining about her lying pre-teen, just pat her on the back and say, "Awwww, she probably just got confused. Poor thing!" Well, once again, I wonder why I even bother to try and teach these little nuggets anything. After I relayed the story to her mom, she responded with her typical, "Awwww, well she is just a baby and probably just got confused. Poor Thing." Insert sad face by mom. She is not a BABY, she is 2 weeks shy of three. Young, yes. Baby that doesn't have any expectations or demands....um, not at my house. I can't wait to watch this mom flounder all summer with this little baby while she is off on break and has to take care of her all day, every day.
Btw, I think you handled the situation well. I would have done the same thing you did.