So let's just say that I prepare lunch.
Lunch is Macaroni & Cheese
sliced hot dogs
peas
pears

Most of the dcks will eat atleast 3 of those options.
But what if you have a child that will only eat the pears?

What would you do?

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Honestly, I have several kids that would do this and I don't serve fruit until after they have finished the main items or most of it.

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I care for 11 children plus my own kids (one counts in my numbers). They all don't like the same foods. I send home a menu the week before for the week ahead. My rule is "take a bite, be polite". The kids must take a sufficient bite of each type of food that is on the plate. If they finish it ALL, they may have seconds on any one or all of the foods offered that day. If they do not finish it ALL, they get no seconds. I also do one serving of milk at the meal and if they finish and want more to drink, they get water. I am on the food program and not sure if I actually have to put all of that food in front of them or not but I do because I don't want to get into trouble. I throw tons of food away each day, it is truly a waste. The kids won't starve if they don't finish. Snacks/next meals are not that far apart. Frustrating though isn't it?

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They need to try two bites of each thing whether they like them or not. No seconds unless they try everything, and no seconds of fruit unless they eat everything.

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I never make a child eat, I do encourage them to take a bite of everything, I put out all food, according to the food program, you cannot withhold any food, so I give them all their food and milk, and let them eat what they want, but they may not have seconds on their fruit and stuff unless they eat everything, now if they want seconds on their veggoes I'll happily give them that! otherwise they can be all done, I have one 15 month old boy that rarely touches anything but fruit, he also wont even touch milk, I just leave him their for a little while, hoping hell nibble on other stuff, but once he gets upset I just put him down to play.

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i have achild who will only eat chicken nuggets,fries,chips....junk!

today we had hotdogs,apple slices w/caramel dip , carrots and bread...ONLY thing he ate was the bread...my thing is you will just be hungry. i make NO substitutions. parents have the choice to bring his meals and dont so its his tummy that will hurt. then when snack comes he gets something totally different than the others ie: they get fruit snacks n yogurt..he will get grapes or something.

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if they will only eat the pears, then fine. they only eat pears. that is their choice.

however, before they get more pears, they have to eat the rest of their lunch.

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OK, let me add to the scenerio.

*I always save the fruit - always. No one sees it until they're pretty far into a meal.

*the one child that doesn't like the other three things sits there with his plate in front of him. Not eating any of it at all the entire time. And these things are things I KNOW he doesn't like.

*He just turned two. He refuses to take a bite. There is NO forcing him to "try" anything.

*Other children have finished their lunch - some had seconds - and I bring out the fruit.

*that boy WILL eat the pears.

What do you do?

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Ohhhh. Honestly, I'll be interested to see what responses you get from others on here. I'm not opposed to saying, I have no idea what I would do. :-)

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i don't understand that. if he chooses to starve at lunch - that's fine, but why punish him at snack time too? i'm sure he has no idea you're giving him grapes because he didn't eat lunch - he knows the other kids have a "good" snack and he's the only one with something different, but doesn't know why.

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i agree with that

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then he eats pears and thats it. i dont stress too much over food or make an issue out of it. does it burn me up that food is getting wasted? sure. but you know what, i have more important battles to win so a hot dog and a scoop of mac n cheese went in the trash, so what. so the only thing he ate all day was pears, so what. i did my part by offering healthy well balanced meals. its up to him to choose to eat it.

i have a 3 yr old boy right now, 2x's a week for the last 8 months. you want to know what he has eaten since he's started here? NADA. not one bite of anything. i cant force him to eat it, nor do i want to.

just keep offering healthy choices, put less on his plate to waste, (or better yet, serve it family style) and dont stress over it.

just my opinion, of course.

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Same here. They will just be really hungry at snack time.

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I agree with you. I serve healthy options, following food program guidelines. I don't hesitate to offer seconds, thirds, whatever they want. I'm not going to turn mealtime into a battleground, and have learned over the years that if you just keep offering the good stuff, they eventually widen their tastes. That, and I don't like the idea of someone going hungry because I wouldn't give a second helping.

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My only rule is that they need to eat their firsts before they get seconds! I don't care what, how much or in what order they eat what's in front of them, but everyone gets the same items and portions. And if they want more of something, they need to finish everything on their plate first.

I could get really stressed about the whole eating issue, so I have to choose not to worry about it . Like somebody said before, this isn't the hill I want to die on, there are more important battles.

In this case, I would much rather the child ate the pears than nothing at all. And, I'd rather the kids see fruit as a regular part of the meal, rather than the dessert (which we don't have anyway around here) -- I think it teaches them to make fruit part of their normal diet rather than an occasional treat, as they get older and start making their own meals. Just my two cents

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well, thats fine if he doesn't want anything but you aint going to get the pears. I don't understand this logic, why should all the children have to eat their meal to get the "dessert" while a child who chooses not to eat can still eat "dessert" how unfair is that.
also, thats fine and dandy that they get to eat snack but then they eat twice as much at snack time than the other kids (I have kids who steal food) so again what are teaching them, bad eating habits.
My own children know that you need to eat something-even if its a couple of bites otherwise, you don't get a snack or dessert. And if its something I know they don't like I only put a tablespoon on their plate, enough for 1 bite. Also, they need to sit at the table to eat.
I also think, we as providers are having meal issues with children because at home, its all about rushing and providing junk and letting kids do what they want at dinner. I have a mom who complains all the time that the 2yr old doesn't sit at the table, I asked her why does he feel the need to raom, and she said that its too stressful to make him sit and eat, ha, he sits and eats here.

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I should mention also, that I do have some fruit monsters here, that they would eat fruit till their bellies couldn't take it anymore so they would be filling up on fruit (not that I want to deal with diarrhea) so then they would learn that eating fruit for meals instead of anything else would be fine.

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I also think it is totally unfair to give the child something different, punishing them at snack time, that would make me furious If I were that childs parent! Thats just mean......sorry.

I dont personally think you should withhold anything, and if your on the food program their guidelines state that nothing should be withheld, I agree mealtime should not be a battle, And there is no sense in forcing children to eat, while I wont give seconds for fruit unless they eat everything else, I think it should be offered, fruit is still nutritious, and if thats all their going to eat, oh well.

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You can't force him to eat and obviously you don't want him to go hungry. Normally the idea of having them eat all their firsts before they get seconds is a good one to encourage them to try new things and eat a variety of food. It seems like it's not working with this child, so I say, who cares if he eats an entire pear for lunch? I don't see anything wrong with that. Fruit is healthy for us and sure, it certainly doesn't include all we need for a healthy diet, but he's not eating anything else anyways and this way he won't get hungry.

Honestly, I would do what you're doing, serve the rest of the food to everyone first, encourage everyone to eat, when they're almost done, bring out the fruit and I would allow him to get 2nds and 3rds of the fruit if he wants it. He won't only eat fruit for the rest of his life, soon enough this will pass...

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So he eats pears. I have that with my group (all are under 3, most under 2). A couple of kids will only eat the fruit, or only cracker-like things, or whatever. I serve them, they sit there not eating and watching the others eat the stuff, and I hope that eventually they figure out that it's good to eat and try it. I also eat lunch at the same time (sometimes) and if I do then it's the same food and I stress how yummy everything is; that has made a few of them take bites.

Personally I serve the fruit at the same time as everything else and I have a rule that you have to eat a significant (I look at your plate and KNOW you've eaten) amount of at least the main dish--but I use this based on their ability to understand this.

Case in point: today lunch was lunchmeat sandwiches and banana (yeah, no veggie, which was unusual, but I only felt like doing baby carrots and none of them today can eat the baby carrots, so I didn't bother; I'm not on the food program). One ate liked a starving woman (she's been sick and not eating so I'm not surprised, although she doesn't normally eat), one just ate banana, one ate nothing. I did give more banana to both who ate it, because they're too young/nonverbal to understand. Plus, bananas are cheap.

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I am not on any food program and my four families send in their child's lunch so I don't have to worry about throwing away food that I have paid for and prepared. I think that would irritate me honestly. here the kids get their protein and veggies first, then fruit, then salty crackers or anything that I consider borderline junk. I have never met a kid who will choose veggies over fruit. I don't even let them see their fruit until they are done with the veggies and protein!! they are all good little eaters and I can't remember a meal when they didn't get their fruit. it is nonnegotiable here....you want your blueberries, strawberries or watermelon? Eat your protein and veggie. I guess I am willing to die on this hill over food!.....the parents all say the kids eat so good here at your house...why? Because I don't negotiate with two year olds! You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. here it is normal for each kid to have something different for snack. I have only had this happen once before and I told the parents about it but one lil fella refused to eat veggie and protein at lunch...I suspect he had seen mom pack grapes- his favorite. I never gave him his fruit for lunch of course. at snack I gave him his untouched veggie and protein and he goggles it right down....never had that problem again. he is a great eater now.

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I put the food on their plates and they decide whether to eat it or not. I encourage them to try different foods but I won't force or punish if they choose not to. If a child chooses to eat only one food on his plate, I do give seconds/thirds if he asks for it as long as there is enough for the other kids to also have seconds when they're ready. Once everyone else has had a chance for seconds, I'll give him more at that point if he still wants it. I don't serve desserts so I don't have to worry about who gets one and who doesn't. Snack is a separate meal from lunch. I offer everyone the same snack and if a child is hungry because he didn't eat lunch, I give him what he needs so long as there is enough available and it doesn't take away from what the other kids in the group need.

I look at it this way: there are foods I don't like as an adult. Since I'm buying the food and serving it, I have a choice and make foods I like. I don't make food I don't like. Kids don't have that luxury.

There are foods I have never tried. Lobster looks like a big red ant to me and although I've heard it's wonderful, I have absolutely no desire to try it or to get past my revulsion toward it. lol I can't imagine being forced to eat it or even to take a taste of it. If it were being served for dinner, I'd choose to eat whatever else may be offered and I'd eat more of that food. I think most adults would handle food dislikes this way. Why do we expect kids to eat what they don't like and then punish them when they don't when most of us adults would never force ourselves to eat something we didn't like?

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This is exactly what I do. They get a small portion of everything, and they must eat everything to get seconds.

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I agree with you. A child must eat the main part of their lunch before they get the dessert, or whatever you want to call it. I also only give very small portions if I don't think a child will like what I am serving. It is a big deal if I throw out a hot dog and mac and cheese, that is like ripping money up and throwing it in the trash. No wonder there are so many problems with kids and what they will eat and their poor eating habits. I think a lot of these eating issues and how some providers think this or that is ok or not, depends on how they were brought up. As a kid at our home, you ate what was placed in front of you or you went without. Period. I raised my own kids this way, and they have never been picky eaters.

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so - when he wants 2nds on pears.. and 3rds.. and 4ths.. because he is super hungry but pears is all that he'll eat... at what point do you say enough?

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Pears isn't all he will eat .......
guaranteed.
No second serving of fruit unless he has eaten the protein and veggie period.
if he is truly hungry he will eat the protein and veggies.... If not he is teaching you to be a short order cook instead of you teaching him to be a good lil eater.
Really...this will work....try it for a week or two. I am not fooling.

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We have a foster daughter who is 22 months. She has been with us 2 months and she will sit there for HOURS and won't take a bite of food if she doesn't like it. If you put a bite in her mouth for her to try she won't chew it or swallow, instead she will sit there and just drool so she doesn't have to swallow it. If you give her something she likes and she eats it all and you won't give her more she will do the same thing with any food left on her plate that she doesn't like.

We just keep offering it to her. If she hasn't ate by the time everyone else is done (4 other kids) she gets down and waits until the next meal. You can't force a child to eat it. Just let the parents know what was given and what he ate, let them feed him at dinner.

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i stop at seconds. food program requires there to be enough for seconds, and i have to give it to them if they want it. after that, you either eat the rest of whats on your plate, or you wait for the next meal. now, if they have eaten everything else on thier plate, and then want thirds, O.K.

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I do not give the fruit or dessert until the very end. If the child eats the main course and veg. then I offer the fruit and/or dessert. I have done this now for about 5 yrs. and it has worked very well!!! It has the children eating everything, and not wasting a whole bunch of food! I do not force a child to eat anything, but if they don't eat, they do not receive anything else. When they see what I have to offer, they sometimes rethink and eat stuff, they wouldn't normally eat. I do not cook anything I wouldn't eat myself!!

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That is what I've been doing.
I give him the meal like anyone else.
I encourage them to try everything.
I always make sure at least ONE thing on his plate he will eat.
I give him 2nds and that is all. I just say "all gone"
and he sits there and stares at his plate for a long time.
then when everyone is done - he gets down too.

Then he tries to make up for it at snack time.
So just seconds of snack is acceptable as well?
I feel like he barely eats anything here....LOL

i can NOT wait until 1/1 when I am not longer serving bfast and lunch

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i have to respectfully disagree.

first, how i see it is, whether they eat it or i throw it away, its still costing me money to buy the food. is it a waste? yes, but forcing a child to eat whats on his plate does not stop hunger in third world countries, despite what our parents told us.

second, i came from the "clean your plate club" my mother strickly monitored what we ate, when we ate, and how we ate. nothing was allowed to be wasted. as soon as i was on my own, it became a free for all, and ive struggled with my weight ever since.

third, 9 times out of 10, a childs poor eating habits come from THEIR home life, not because providers allow them to throw their food out. i serve homemade healthy meals to my DC. the reason they won't eat it, is because they eat crap at home.

i do agree with you on this: my DC kids eat what i serve, or they wait until the next meal. i am NOT a short order cook. i just choose not to turn meal times into a power struggle.

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you're so right. a kid that never gets to eat oreos or drink coke at home will go NUTS and eat/drink til they make themselves sick if ever given the chance. my mom was the same way as yours - she'd hide anything that wasn't healthy and i struggled with weight after i left home too.

i let my own kids eat whatever they want for the most part and they pick healthy foods almost every time. they don't know of any food being a "bad food." they just know they eat when they're hungry and so far i've had no reason to stop or limit a certain food group. kids haven't been screwed up yet with their idea about food so they eat what their body is craving. of course, if a kid eats sugar or processed foods all the time at home - that may be what they're craving. i just know when it comes to dc kids - you're not going to change their eating habits so why stress yourself about it. i'd let a kid eat an entire can of pears as long as all the other kids were finished eating and there were leftovers.

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I agree with Melskids, wholeheartedly.

And, a question for those who think that the children should eat what is served, regardless of if they like it or not. Do YOU eat foods you do not like? If you don't, then WHY should a child have to eat foods they don't like? The only difference that I can see, is that as adults we can choose what goes on our plate, as a child, they are at the will of the parent/provider.

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And, btw, Pears are healthy. So, in the OP's case, if the child only wanted the pears, I'd let him eat as many as he wanted, so long as the other children got their fair share and until I ran out of the amount I had prepared to serve.

Pears, IMO, are NOT dessert.

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same here.

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I couldn't have said this any better. There have been studies that have shown that if you just serve a variety of healthy foods, children will actually balance their own diets over time. I obviously don't control what they get at home, but here they get a variety of healthy foods and are allowed to choose what they will (or won't) eat. I don't force, I don't argue, and I don't give anything between regularly scheduled meals or snacks. There are plenty of opportunities to eat throughout the day, and I have not lost anyone to starvation yet.

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Pears are not dessert here either. The only reason I hold them back is in hopes of him trying something else on his plate before he jumps for the stand by.

I also have to limit how much pears because any large quantity of fruit and he gets really bad diapers.
This child has rashes with every poop and the worst the diaper the worse the rash: (

So mom has actually asked me not to serve too much fruit. normal portions are fine but not too much.

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I agree with you 100% its like a game they like to play.

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I do the same thing, its amazing how fast many will eat when they see what else I have. I too don't make anything my own children wouldn't eat.

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I agree 100% with Crystal and Melskids.

However, if he is getting diaper rash with a lot of fruit, then I would say that you need to talk to mom. What does mom do when he won't eat what he's given ( I assume of course she makes something else). Obviously, making a separate meal for him is not something you are going to do. I would then suggest that mom bring in a lunch for him everyday. Do you think mom would be willing to do that? What does she think you should do?

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Thanks for this little saying! I used it today when one of my 5yr olds looked at lunch and claimed she didn't like it. Instead of engaging in a back and forth conversation, all I had to say was "Be polite, try a bite." She tried a bite of her lunch and decided she liked it without me having to convince and push her.

I find quick and simple sentences are much more effective than my own lengthy rambling. I started saying "You get what you get and you don't get upset." everytime they complained about what they did/didn't receive. It works everytime and the kids are all now using it at home, too, lol.

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Yes, i think most adults eat foods we don't like! If I'm visiting at someones house and they have something with coconut in it (which I cant stand!) I'll eat it anyways. When invited to someones house for dinner, i don't ask what they're having before I accept or not, and I eat whatever meal they serve. It's called being polite I eat broccoli and I don't like it, but my kids do so I make it for them-and i need veggies with dinner too!
I agree that the "clean your plate" thing that a lot of us grew up with is bad and can lead to lots of overweight kids. I don't make the kids eat everything on their plates, but I try to get them to at least try a bite. My usual rule is however old you are is how many bites you take-since that's so logical to them they never argue about it, and often just keep eating until they finish!
Each of my kids is allowed to have ONE meal that they don't have to eat any of, and they can have a sandwich made for them instead. Otherwise they just have to make do with what's served! It's usually not a problem anymore, thenk goodness!

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melskids, qualiticare, and crystal all said it perfectly.

And fruit is NOT dessert in this house!

I do not tend to eat things I don't like, momofsix. I will refuse, politely, but I do NOT like some things, such as seafood of any kind, and to try and force myself to eat it would be impossible. It is possible to politely refuse to eat something. If someone had something with, say, a few mushrooms in it, then I'll eat around them, but if I didn't like coconut and someone served me coconut cake, then why should I eat it when I could just say, "No thank you, it looks wonderful, but I'm watching my weight/too full to eat another bite/I'm not a fan of coconut/whatever"

The idea that you have to eat something you don't like just because it is served by someone else is ridiculous, IMO. As a host, it would NOT offend me in the slightest...and if you, as a host, would be offended by someone choosing not to eat a dish they don't care for, as long as they were polite about it, I have to ask you, why?

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I think the bigger issue I have with it is that these kids don't consider themselves guests in my home. They are here for more meals than they are there own home. I still expect them to be polite and respectful but it i almost like my mother inlaw coming over and expecting to treat her like a visitor and not family. These kids are absolutely my family.

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As a child, we were always told take what you want, but eat what you take. No wasting food. Giving a child a tablespoon of 3 choices of food and trying to get them to eat it, or having the rule you have to eat all 3 foods on your plate before you get pears, cookie, jello, whatever "that" food is, will in no way cause a child to have an eating disorder. As a baby boomer myself, I think the problem lies with the younger generation parents always wanting to be the "friend" and not the adult and they don't want to hurt little Johnny's feelings. Like I said before, I grew up where my mom fixed a healthy supper every night and we were expected to eat what we took, hell, we were grateful we had food to eat. When a child goes to school, they have no choices. You eat what is served in the cafeteria. Once adults start letting a young child dictate their behavior at the dinner table....that is just the beginning of many more obstacles. Of course no one can force a child to eat, and there is simply no way for a provider (imo) to satisfy the eating wants of a group of childen 100% everyday. So, it only makes sense for a child to learn to eat/try different foods. Yes, parents need to learn to pick their battles with children.....but allowing a child to not eat/try the healthy foods on their plate yet giving them that "special" treat/food at the end of them meal, exactly what is that teaching them.......Nothing but poor eating habits.

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mac60, i do agree...

however, i am on the food program. i am not allowed to withhold any one component of a meal in order to get the child to eat the other components. so if a child just wants the pears, then he gets them.

i dont have to worry about dessert items, because they dont get them here anyway during daycare hours. my "snack" choices are always healthy options, that way, if they dont eat their lunch, theyre getting healthy foods at snack, and it also eliminates the worry on my end that they only ate junk that day, or them trying to "one up" me by skipping lunch and trying to get the treats. they know they dont get junk at my house, and they know its their choice to eat what i serve or choose not to. as of right now, (with the exception of one little stubborn guy) they ALL eat EVERYTHING i serve. partially because they know thats what theyre gonna get, so its eat it or wait until you go home, and partially, i believe, is because i dont make a big deal about it and choose my battles.

and with my own kids, yes. they do need to eat their meal before they get dessert. but ive never forced them to eat it or clean their plate. its their choice. and 9 times out of 10, when we go out to eat, my kids will choose a salad and soup over the "kiddy" meals anyway. i totally understand having a child eat his veggies before dessert, but i grew up in a house where i was forced to eat only healthy options, while sitting there watching my father eat his oreos and ice cream in front of us. that, i believe, does cause eating disorders. my sister and i are proof.

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I never said I would be offended! I said to be polite, I would eat some things I don't like or care for. I too, could never make myself eat seafood-the face i would make while trying to force it down would be a dead give-a-way that i didn't like it BUT, we have people here talking about kids that won't eat aything that is not their favorite--and that is what I'm referring to as how as adults we (at least I) would still eat something someone served me even if I didn't care for it. No one should be offended if something isn't liked, but feelings could be hurt, and I'd rather just eat something I'm served than risk hurting someone's feelings that worked really hard to make a meal for me. But maybe that's just me!

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Mealtimes used to be a battle for me when I first started daycare but not anymore. I used to stress over wasted food, whether a child was getting enough to eat while in my care, etc. but I now understand that our job as providers (and parents) is to offer them healthy food choices. It's their job to eat it (or not).

I am on the food program and I serve all components of the meal at once. I serve the meals family-style and I put a couple of spoonfuls of each thing on each child's plate. I always allow seconds but not thirds or fourths. If a child chooses to only eat pears then two servings of pears is all he would get until the next mealtime. He will not starve. If he is still truly hungry then he would eat something else on his plate.

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I would personally NEVER eat something I don't like, regardless of who served it. I am very sensitive to textures and I would puke right in front of the person serving certain things to me, and I am not going to do that to "be polite" And, I honestly do not believe that MOST adults would eat something they hated just to be cordial.

I will tell you, one of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when a provider insists that a child eats something they do not like, or even insists that they try everything. The provider is not the parent....it's not the providers place to MAKE a child eat something they don't want or like. Of course, I wouldn't offer cookies if they don't eat their meal, and I won't make a completely separate meal, but I am not going to let it irritate me that a child doesn't want to eat. If they are hungry, they will eat, if they don't eat, simple enough, they wait until the next meal/snack to eat.

Let me ask you something. Is it REALLY worth the added stress, being concerned about SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD eating or not? Does it add to or take away from your productivity? Does it make you feel superior "making" a child eat and refusing to give him more of something that is readily available, just because he doesn't try or eat everything else on his plate?

I say choose your battles.....it's just not worth it to add undue stress on yourself, over something that is really more of a parenting concern than a prvider concern.

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well. said. that was my original point. i'm not going to let it ruin my day, or even take space up in my head...lol i know i'm doing the right thing by serving and offering healthy choices. thats where my obligation ends.

and BTW, there's a difference between me eating something to be polite, and going to a neighbors BBQ and having them fix my plate and making me sit there until i finish it.

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so if they don't eat and their behavior is nasty and mean all day you don't think that it has nothing to do with him not eat proper healthy food. We all see it, kids who eat and are satisified function so much better than kids who don't eat.
and I find it offencive that you think we force children to eat, do you think we strap them down, and stuff food in their mouths, give me a break. I think every one of us, including encourages children to eat their food.
and I'm more of a parent to these children than their own parents, lets see, hmmm 12 hours in my house vs 3 hours with parents, who do you think these kids look for guidence.

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Well said, and I have never been able to "make" a child eat......they have that choice.

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I NEVER said anyone FORCED anyone to eat. I said "make them try everything" or they get nothing else.

Regardless of if they are with you more hours, YOU are STILL not the parent and it's NOT your choice how they are raised. Certainly, we offer and we try, but that is where it ends. Of course I am going to attempt to guide the child to make appropriate choices, but I am not going to withhold a piece of fruit because they won't eat their mac n cheese.

I can honestly say, I have never had a child who was "nasty and mean" because they are hungry. I make sure they have enough of SOMETHING they like so that they do eat, and their tummies are full enough for them to "function" well.

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