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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Parent Won't Let Child Adjust To Center
Bookworm 04:16 PM 07-18-2012
I have a new DKG-4yrs that started two weeks ago and her Dad refuses to let her adjust to being in a center. She has never been in daycare before and was at home with Dad who works nights. Mom felt like it was time for her to be around other children in a learning environment. When they toured, the DCG was so excited about starting. They let her stay for a few minutes while they did paperwork and when they were done she had to carried out kicking and screaming because she wanted to stay.
Flash forward to day 1. Dad brought her in, I went over to greet them and talk to Dad for a minute to reassure him that she will have a great time. DCG turns to tell Dad bye and give him a hug. He hugs her and whispers something in her ear. Cue a 45 minute meltdown screaming to the top of her lung begging him not to leave her here. Finally between me and my Director literally taking her into the class, he leaves. I get her calmed down and we start talking about the days activities. 30 minutes later Dad is back. He never left. He sat in the office all that time watching her on camera. So I just happen to look up and see him standing in the door whispering her name. I went over to him and asked if he needed anything he said no he was taking her home because she wasn't having fun. I told him that she hasn't been here long enough to have fun and asked that he let her stay until after nap. He said no because he didn't feel that she liked it. I said ok packed up DCG things and walked her to her Dad.
Over the next week, she would come one day then miss one. Dad then told us that she will now be part-time to help her adjust. We tried to explain that PT children take longer to adjust because they are not here as much. Then he changed his mind and said she will be a drop-in. Now during the time she has been coming, we've had several fun activities: water day, ice cream man, pizza on a stick etc. He refused to let her participate in any of it even though she knew about them and wanted to participate. She cried every time. I felt especially bad about the ice cream man. I ended up buying her one and saving for the next day.
I have never seen this before in my life. Most parents eventually get over it and move on, but he is doing this on purpose. This not helping her at all. My Director tried and tried to talk to Mom/Dad about this but it goes in one ear and out the other. Mom claims she wants her FT but she can't go against Dad. I am at a loss here. We joked at work saying this is the first time we've begged for a child to come to school. Other than the adjustment issues, is there any other way to appeal to them. Watching that DKG cry when she has to leave is killing me. Sorry for the length but I have been trying to write this for three days because I couldn't get my thoughts straight. Thanks for your advice.
Flash forward to day 1. Dad brought her in, I went over to greet them and talk to Dad for a minute to reassure him that she will have a great time. DCG turns to tell Dad bye and give him a hug. He hugs her and whispers something in her ear. Cue a 45 minute meltdown screaming to the top of her lung begging him not to leave her here. Finally between me and my Director literally taking her into the class, he leaves. I get her calmed down and we start talking about the days activities. 30 minutes later Dad is back. He never left. He sat in the office all that time watching her on camera. So I just happen to look up and see him standing in the door whispering her name. I went over to him and asked if he needed anything he said no he was taking her home because she wasn't having fun. I told him that she hasn't been here long enough to have fun and asked that he let her stay until after nap. He said no because he didn't feel that she liked it. I said ok packed up DCG things and walked her to her Dad.
Over the next week, she would come one day then miss one. Dad then told us that she will now be part-time to help her adjust. We tried to explain that PT children take longer to adjust because they are not here as much. Then he changed his mind and said she will be a drop-in. Now during the time she has been coming, we've had several fun activities: water day, ice cream man, pizza on a stick etc. He refused to let her participate in any of it even though she knew about them and wanted to participate. She cried every time. I felt especially bad about the ice cream man. I ended up buying her one and saving for the next day.
I have never seen this before in my life. Most parents eventually get over it and move on, but he is doing this on purpose. This not helping her at all. My Director tried and tried to talk to Mom/Dad about this but it goes in one ear and out the other. Mom claims she wants her FT but she can't go against Dad. I am at a loss here. We joked at work saying this is the first time we've begged for a child to come to school. Other than the adjustment issues, is there any other way to appeal to them. Watching that DKG cry when she has to leave is killing me. Sorry for the length but I have been trying to write this for three days because I couldn't get my thoughts straight. Thanks for your advice.
Kaddidle Care 04:35 PM 07-18-2012
It sounds like DAD has seperation anxiety and control issues.
dave4him 04:36 PM 07-18-2012
Sounds like an overbearing, controlling, kind of man, i feel sorry for the kid and the mom. At the same time as a stay at home dad i would probably have a hard time letting to... but thats almost on the level of abusive.
Country Kids 04:41 PM 07-18-2012
I think its time for the director to term! This man has some serious issues it sounds like!
DaisyMamma 05:56 PM 07-18-2012
He is just down right mean!
The director does need to term. Is he allowed to hang around like that?
The director does need to term. Is he allowed to hang around like that?
Bookworm 08:57 PM 07-18-2012
Mom works for company that owns my center so terming is not on the table. It seems like Dad might be jealous because DCG is having fun without him. Do you think that if I explain to him that DCG is not choosing us over him might help? I really can't figure out what to do. Like I said earlier, I have never experienced this before and I can't understand why a parent would do something like this.
Meeko 06:54 AM 07-19-2012
Kinda creepy....Heaven help that kid when she's at dating age.......
Country Kids 07:07 AM 07-19-2012
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
Mom works for company that owns my center so terming is not on the table. It seems like Dad might be jealous because DCG is having fun without him. Do you think that if I explain to him that DCG is not choosing us over him might help? I really can't figure out what to do. Like I said earlier, I have never experienced this before and I can't understand why a parent would do something like this.
Mom works for company that owns my center so terming is not on the table. It seems like Dad might be jealous because DCG is having fun without him. Do you think that if I explain to him that DCG is not choosing us over him might help? I really can't figure out what to do. Like I said earlier, I have never experienced this before and I can't understand why a parent would do something like this.
Well they have you guys right there!!! He knows he can do this and there is nothing that you can do. Oh, I think its time to have the director have a long talk with the parents, put them in their place, and tell the dad unless he has a background check and is employed through the center he can't be hanging around like he does.
cheerfuldom 07:32 AM 07-19-2012
Dad is crazy
Blackcat31 07:59 AM 07-19-2012
Since terming is not an option, how about if the director and the classroom teacher all sat down and had a conference with the parents?
Seems to be they need a bit of "schooling" in child rearing and althoughit is hard to let go of your little one, it IS in the child's best interest. I can't even begin to imagine the nightmare they are in for when their DD becomes schoolage and dad is not allowed to creep around the Kindy classroom.
My brother and his wife are exactly like this father and although I don't really understand it, I do sort of "get it" but I know that there does come a time when we HAVE to allow our children to spread their wings without us.
My brother and his wife homeschool because they couldn't bear to have their DD go off to school without them and are not planning on ever having more children because they just don't think they could ever love another child as much as they love this one.
I told my brother, who is the 6th of 6 children that mom and dad muct not have loved him at all then if that theory is correct....
(fwiw~ he was/is the spoiled child in the family)
Seems to be they need a bit of "schooling" in child rearing and althoughit is hard to let go of your little one, it IS in the child's best interest. I can't even begin to imagine the nightmare they are in for when their DD becomes schoolage and dad is not allowed to creep around the Kindy classroom.
My brother and his wife are exactly like this father and although I don't really understand it, I do sort of "get it" but I know that there does come a time when we HAVE to allow our children to spread their wings without us.
My brother and his wife homeschool because they couldn't bear to have their DD go off to school without them and are not planning on ever having more children because they just don't think they could ever love another child as much as they love this one.
I told my brother, who is the 6th of 6 children that mom and dad muct not have loved him at all then if that theory is correct....
(fwiw~ he was/is the spoiled child in the family)
Countrygal 09:38 AM 07-19-2012
Sounds like my ex. 
But seriously, if terming is not an option, can't you at least suspend until they have this problem worked out among themselves? This is not the daycare's problem, it is theirs. And as much as I feel sorry for the wife - I've been under the thumb of an overcontrolling man, it is still her and her husband's problem. My suggestion is not to let it into the center.
Tell them they are welcome back as soon as they are both on the same page and are willing to stick to it, and make them sign a contract when they do come back.
IMO only.
But seriously, if terming is not an option, can't you at least suspend until they have this problem worked out among themselves? This is not the daycare's problem, it is theirs. And as much as I feel sorry for the wife - I've been under the thumb of an overcontrolling man, it is still her and her husband's problem. My suggestion is not to let it into the center.
Tell them they are welcome back as soon as they are both on the same page and are willing to stick to it, and make them sign a contract when they do come back.
IMO only.
Oneluckymom 10:25 AM 07-19-2012
I agree with all of the above posts, dad has the separation anxiety and is afraid to let go. There isn't a whole lot you can do except let them go. He will probably always have issues letting go.
Bookworm 01:52 PM 07-19-2012
Thanks for the advice. Blackcat, we just scheduled a conference for next week since she's not coming tomorrow. My Director told me this morning that the Big Bosses have gotten involved because he has become such a distraction. There is also talk of having him drop off at the front door and not come back to the room.
Or having Only Mom do drop off.
He's already been told that public school does not allow this type of behavior from parents. His response was that he pays taxes like everyone else and if he wants to stay at school with her he will. Good luck with that. I will update next week after conference. Thanks again.
Or having Only Mom do drop off.
He's already been told that public school does not allow this type of behavior from parents. His response was that he pays taxes like everyone else and if he wants to stay at school with her he will. Good luck with that. I will update next week after conference. Thanks again.
cheerfuldom 01:57 PM 07-19-2012
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
Thanks for the advice. Blackcat, we just scheduled a conference for next week since she's not coming tomorrow. My Director told me this morning that the Big Bosses have gotten involved because he has become such a distraction. There is also talk of having him drop off at the front door and not come back to the room.
Or having Only Mom do drop off.
He's already been told that public school does not allow this type of behavior from parents. His response was that he pays taxes like everyone else and if he wants to stay at school with her he will. Good luck with that. I will update next week after conference. Thanks again.
This guy unfortunately sounds like my step dad....who is very controlling and abusive. He thinks the world revolves around him and will never give up on getting what he wants. I think this whole thing is creepy and hope the director puts some strict boundaries on this family. Thanks for the advice. Blackcat, we just scheduled a conference for next week since she's not coming tomorrow. My Director told me this morning that the Big Bosses have gotten involved because he has become such a distraction. There is also talk of having him drop off at the front door and not come back to the room.
Or having Only Mom do drop off.
He's already been told that public school does not allow this type of behavior from parents. His response was that he pays taxes like everyone else and if he wants to stay at school with her he will. Good luck with that. I will update next week after conference. Thanks again.
I understand the need to be involved in a kids life but there is a point where it is just too far. Like Blackcat mentioned, if you really dont trust anyone else or cant let go, then just homeschool....dont be terroizing the local daycare!
Hunni Bee 03:03 PM 07-19-2012
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
Thanks for the advice. Blackcat, we just scheduled a conference for next week since she's not coming tomorrow. My Director told me this morning that the Big Bosses have gotten involved because he has become such a distraction. There is also talk of having him drop off at the front door and not come back to the room.
Or having Only Mom do drop off.
He's already been told that public school does not allow this type of behavior from parents. His response was that he pays taxes like everyone else and if he wants to stay at school with her he will. Good luck with that. I will update next week after conference. Thanks again.
Thanks for the advice. Blackcat, we just scheduled a conference for next week since she's not coming tomorrow. My Director told me this morning that the Big Bosses have gotten involved because he has become such a distraction. There is also talk of having him drop off at the front door and not come back to the room.
Or having Only Mom do drop off.
He's already been told that public school does not allow this type of behavior from parents. His response was that he pays taxes like everyone else and if he wants to stay at school with her he will. Good luck with that. I will update next week after conference. Thanks again.
Seriously?? That's creepy and I personally wouldn't my child's classmates dad hanging around all day staring. This situation is sending up a red flag to me, especially since other members have said he reminds them of controlling, abusive men they know. It seems like he doesn't want her to really get comfortable - and maybe tell something he doesn't want people to find out. Its probably at the Moms insistence that she's still coming at all.
I've found that I'm usually right about these things...
cheerfuldom 03:29 PM 07-19-2012
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
Seriously?? That's creepy and I personally wouldn't my child's classmates dad hanging around all day staring. This situation is sending up a red flag to me, especially since other members have said he reminds them of controlling, abusive men they know. It seems like he doesn't want her to really get comfortable - and maybe tell something he doesn't want people to find out. Its probably at the Moms insistence that she's still coming at all.
I've found that I'm usually right about these things...
AND the mom cant talk any sense into him. thats a red flag to me tooSeriously?? That's creepy and I personally wouldn't my child's classmates dad hanging around all day staring. This situation is sending up a red flag to me, especially since other members have said he reminds them of controlling, abusive men they know. It seems like he doesn't want her to really get comfortable - and maybe tell something he doesn't want people to find out. Its probably at the Moms insistence that she's still coming at all.
I've found that I'm usually right about these things...
Former Teacher 03:36 PM 07-19-2012
I say term them. No sense in going through all that BS just for part time/drop in basis.
Bookworm 04:29 PM 07-19-2012
This is beyond creepy. I just found out from my Director that the reason she is not coming tomorrow is because the activity is about Green Eggs and Ham. He said that she might not like it. I thought that was the point of the book, to try new things and if you don't like it that's ok. I am now officially done with this family. I really hope the Big Boss put his foot down.
KEG123 04:38 PM 07-19-2012
Wow. Crazy much?
SilverSabre25 05:10 PM 07-19-2012
Glad that the director and Big Bosses are getting involved and being proactive. Sounds like things are well in hand. I'm very interested in the update!