I run a home daycare.

I have a new dck that just started. We did a couple "play date" type days before care started because mom was super worried about leaving her 20 month old for the first time. During those times, everything seemed great! The child seemed really easy going and mom kept telling me what an easy child they were. Mom also seemed awesome and it felt like we were on the same page and this was finally going to be a great new childcare relationship!

I also have my own child during daycare hours, who is the same age.

Well, the first day of actual care mom informs me at drop off that she's concerned about nap time. She says the child has never been put to sleep on their own and every nap and bed time, either mom or dad holds them until they fall asleep. This was not mentioned prior and I even have a section in my enrollment form asking for specific details about nap time rituals and requirements.

So if course nap time is a disaster. I put the child in a pnp and they about had a full mental breakdown. Screaming, thrashing, shrieking over and over. I tried a cot and I got slapped, screamed at and then the child just stood there shrieking over and over. No tears, just an absolute high-volume meltdown.

I tried holding the child which worked for a while but if I even so much as shifted my weight, they were back to shrieking (just AHHHHH! AHHHHH!! EEEEEEEE!!!) and trying to claw their way up my body to cling on, nails dug in and legs practically embedded into my rib cage. This obviously will not fly. I have another child who is trying to sleep who I also need to be checking up on and adult things to do. I HAVE to be able to move around. So not only did I get no break, no time to clean and no chance to use the bathroom, eat or fill my water glass for 10 straight hours WHILE being pregnant and exhausted, but my own child didn't get a nap and this shrieking child was so worked up and exhausted, the rest of the day was also just disastrous.

The second day, I had to leave the child to scream in a safe place while I put my child to bed on the other side of the house. I held the shrieking child for a good hour and a half but it was more of the same if I shifted or even turned my head to cough. I gave up and just started their snack early.

So at pickup I explain our situation and mom tells me I have to find a different room in my house for the child to sleep in, the toy room is too distracting, and I need to "hold and cuddle" the child for their whole nap! She suggested I should do it on the couch in front of the TV, like they do at home.

1. I have designated daycare spots in my house. We do not use my family space for daycare and I am not willing to bring this child into my family space. (It's MY space and plus, with or without covid, I don't want another room to clean at the end of the day - this child is a hardcore dumper and dumps toys and books and anything else the second they walk into a room - then just screams if they step on or trip over something before I can pick it up then shrieks to be picked up and cuddled).

2. I don't think it's reasonable to expect me to give up my entire break time to coddle one child and completely disregard my own (I tried to joke to mom that my kid was getting jealous of her's being held all the time and she didn't even blink. More on this in a sec) AS WELL AS my own personal needs

3. I don't WANT to spend two straight hours on my butt in front of the TV, let alone holding and snuggling a child who constantly uses volume and pain against me.

So this is where my issue really is. Mom seemed so reasonable initially but now I'm just shocked. How could anyone think this is a reasonable request when they KNOW I have another child in my care? Even asking it of a nanny seems over the top for me. I'm human and I deserve a break and a chance to go to the bathroom. This is NOT typical for a nearly 2 year old to not be able to lie down alone (plus some of the other stuff I'm not even getting into) or to self soothe.

And the disappointment deepens.

I thought I noticed a few things during our initial playdates but I just brushed it off. Now I'm really starting to stew in it though. If my child brings this DCM a toy or book, she'll toss it aside and move away from them. At least in front of me DCM will say something like "maybe later" but I'm pretty sure I saw her irritatedly grab a toy my child held out to her and push it hard across the floor then turn her back to them once when I ran to wash my hands.

I get it, not everyone likes other people's kids but come on. My child is super friendly but not overly clingy. I get that I'm the caregiver so it's expected of me to form a bond with her child but it's weird to have had her child climbing all over me during the play dates and I'm expected to hold and cuddle and love up on this child for 10 hours a day but she can't just be polite for the few minutes at pickup. And it's not like I let my child climb all over her. I pull them back and remind them that she is here to get her baby that she missed all day. But then she physically turns away and blocks my child from getting close to her and then thinks it's adorable that her child spends the next few minutes repeatedly yanking on me to try to get me to kiss them goodbye while she coos about what an adorable little kid they are.

Like?? Does she even think that maybe I feel the same about my child? To me, my child is the greatest. To her, her child is the greatest. And while I will be professional and I am trying SO hard to build a bond with this child, she is still as much a stranger to me as my apparently overly obnoxious child is to her - and mine isn't screaming and kicking at her all day because they're not getting what they want!

I'm just so disappointed because daycare parents always seem so unreasonable or unable to see me as a human being. I'm meant to be perfect and completely flexible and willing to bend over backwards to keep everyone perfectly happy. But heaven forbid I have any human qualities like feelings, personal needs or a limit to how much shrieking I can put up with before I no longer feel like "giving a snuggle".

Reply