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  #1  
Old 11-10-2010, 11:40 AM
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Default Please Help Before I Completely Lose My Sanity!!

Okay, it's my turn. Weeks ago I was the one giving advice regarding non-napping children. Now I need help. I'm seriously going to go insane if this doesn't get better. I AM NOT enjoying my job at all and am ready to quit all together because of this one child.

Here it is: dcb turned 1 last month. He WILL NOT nap in the afternoon - just screams....like someone is beating him screaming. Waking everyone else up. He's fine, just won't sleep. He's got a full belly, clean diaper, VERY TIRED but won't stop screaming! He's not sick in any way, just went to doctor yesterday for re-check from pneumonia that he had 2 weeks ago and is declared to be "healthy". No teeth coming in.

I've tried everything. I've shortened his morning nap (which doesn't work because then he's cranky the rest of the morning from being woke up and still won't sleep in afternoon). I've done away with morning nap (he can't go that long between naps and just whines all morning without it). I've gotten him up when he starts screaming (doesn't work cuz he's tired and is cranky the rest of afternoon). I make sure he's not hungry, change diapers right before nap, between lunch and nap they play for a little while to tire them out even more. I've tried pushing nap back a little later. NOTHING IS WORKING!!

If he wakes the others up (which he does) then everyone is cranky the rest of the afternoon. Including me. I have nowhere else to put him, except in the entryway with the dog. That might be my next step.

From what I understand, mom will go get him up when he cries (instead of trying to get him on a nap schedule) which probably isn't helping, but really, I have him 5 days, she has him 2 - he should know by now the routine and be more used to napping in the pm rather than being up. Mom is willing to work with me to try to solve any issues that come up, usually, but I just don't know what she could possibly do differently to help him sleep when he's here.

I've had him since I opened my dc and really can't afford to term him, although if things were different, I wouldn't think twice about it. He's never been the happiest baby, but he's gotten a LOT worse in the last few months. We are moving out of the area in the next several months, but we don't know when. We bought a fixer upper and have been spending weekends there fixing it up. Right now it's not even livable, but it will probably be ready by spring. Originally we were shooting for first of the year move, so I have not been advertising for more kids for a few months now, knowing we'd be moving, that wouldn't be fair to anyone, especially any kids I ended up getting. So, I can't term him because I can't replace him. But he is making my days miserable!! I homeschool my kids and we do school at nap time. Wanna guess how that's working out for us?!?

Oh, I should add that I have soft soothing music playing, and it's the same as it has been since he was an infant. Back when he would nap once in a while....but really, nap issues have always (almost always) been an issue with this one.

If anyone has any insight at all, anything that I can do, just to get me through this, I would so greatly appreciate it!!
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Old 11-10-2010, 11:44 AM
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Just a question for now...so he IS sleeping in the morning?
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Old 11-10-2010, 11:44 AM
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Wow! I feel for you! I had one similiar until she grew out of it. Fortunately I had another room to put her in and let her cry it out. Is there somewhere else you can out him and close the door to let him cry it out? Even maybe put him down a little earlier to try and get the crying over with before the others lay down? Its very difficult when parents arent on the same page at home! Makes our days horrible! Good Luck!
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Old 11-10-2010, 11:50 AM
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Well, we've reversed rolls this time, lol! I was just asking for nap advice on Monday - and my problem napper has actually napped two days in a row now! *whew* I too was losing my mind!

Where is dcb napping? Is he in a pnp in a room by himself or out with other kids? I had a dcb (1.5) who would scream until he vomited when I tried to nap him in a pnp. It went on for nearly a week before I moved him to the living room couch. He's napped like a perfect angel there ever since (he's 2.5 now).

Maybe change his environment (location, blanket, sippy of water, lovey, fan, soft music, cover the window) - try changing things to see if anything helps or makes it worse. Hang in there - he IS tired, he just needs to learn to calm that little body down!

And don't forget to take care of yourself. Do something calming, even if you have to just step out of the front door for a minute to not hear the screaming. I know how nerve-wracking and draining it can be to fight this battle day after day! Good luck!
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Old 11-10-2010, 11:56 AM
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Here every napper has his own sleeping room. Here I would let him cry it out.
A few days of that and he will be the best lil napper ever....crying it out seems harsh in the short run .....but in the long run it is best for baby and me. Afternoon nap is absolutely sacred. I call it "nap" but as long as they are safe in their pnp during nap time I don't really care if they sleep or not......
I have never had to retrain a child to nap after 1 week or so of the cry it out sessions. They have learned that nap time is nap time period. A 13 month old is the perfect age for this method.....I promise it works.
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Old 11-10-2010, 12:00 PM
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Yes, he is sleeping in the morning, if I let him. But he needs his afternoon nap also. He can't physically go all morning OR all afternoon without a nap. Otherwise he is CRANKY all day long. So just letting him have his normal morning nap (as his only nap) doesn't work. If he doesn't get both, he's tired and cranky.

Dcb is in a pnp in my bedroom (just off the living room) with 1-2 other children. The other children are in no way keeping him up - they fall right to sleep and only wake up because dcb is screaming. The room is not completely dark, but it never has been, and he sleeps just fine in the morning. I have calming music on low. He uses the same pnp every day, every nap. It's in the same position as it always is. If he NEVER slept, I would think about trying mixing things up a bit (moving pnp, etc) but he does fine in the a.m. Not that i don't appreciate the suggestions, because I absolutely do!! The more brainstorming, the better the chance that I'll find something that will work! So thank you for your ideas
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Old 11-10-2010, 12:06 PM
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One thing that has worked for some of mine that age is a white noise machine (the favorite is the static sound) and also I use a mobile with a projector in it that puts lighted images on the ceiling. I also have a remote that I can turn it back on from outside the room if it shuts off. They watch it and go to sleep. Might be worth looking into. I am lucky enough that i have three different bedrooms that I use for sleeping the kids. The fussy ones get their own room. I will sit in the room, not make eye contact, not say anything, just sit there and soon they go to sleep. I don't do this every day, just days when they are fighting sleep. Good luck. Nothing is worse than sleep issues!
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Old 11-10-2010, 12:14 PM
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with the almost 10 mo. old I have that I needed help with, well I took the advise from others on here and since he is up about 5 5:30am I put him down every day at 8:30 no matter what, he stays in there at least an 1 1/2, whether he sleeps, screams, plays he stays there, then he goes down again for his second nap at 1:00 no matter what and same thing except he stays there for 2 hours and by golly, he's now actually sleeping most if not all of these times, sometimes he'll wake up a little before but he's not fussy in there, it's been so much better. Maybe keeping him on the same schedule????I just now started putting him in the room with the kids at second nap and it's so far been fine. But before there was no way with all the crying and whining. I did put a few toys in there and he'll kind of play with them when he wakes up not before going to sleep and that has helped too, he'll play a bit before crying to get up and he's been so much less fussy. I'm not sure if I really gave much help but this is what others here suggested and it now is working (now watch today it will change).
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Old 11-10-2010, 12:14 PM
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Have you tried loud white noise like a fan on high? Sometimes screaming kids need to be over done. I'd also try laying him down a little earlier to make sure he's not laying down overly tired or a little later after a few more books and hugs to fully calm him down. Other than that I would go in every 5 minutes and lay him down then walk out not making any eye contact and not saying anything after the first two times. The first two times just say the same thing you say when you lay him down the first time. I've done this method for many kids and it has worked on all of them within 3 days. The one kid it didn't work for responded well to the loud fan. As for the other two kids can you move them somewhere else so they are not disturbed by his crying?
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Old 11-10-2010, 12:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marniewon View Post
Yes, he is sleeping in the morning, if I let him. But he needs his afternoon nap also. He can't physically go all morning OR all afternoon without a nap. Otherwise he is CRANKY all day long. So just letting him have his normal morning nap (as his only nap) doesn't work. If he doesn't get both, he's tired and cranky.

Dcb is in a pnp in my bedroom (just off the living room) with 1-2 other children. The other children are in no way keeping him up - they fall right to sleep and only wake up because dcb is screaming. The room is not completely dark, but it never has been, and he sleeps just fine in the morning. I have calming music on low. He uses the same pnp every day, every nap. It's in the same position as it always is. If he NEVER slept, I would think about trying mixing things up a bit (moving pnp, etc) but he does fine in the a.m. Not that i don't appreciate the suggestions, because I absolutely do!! The more brainstorming, the better the chance that I'll find something that will work! So thank you for your ideas
Is there anything different happening in the morning then in the afternoon? If he's sleeping good in the morning, then it's confusing that he's not in the afternoon.
I had one that had a tough time transitioning out of her morning nap and was an awful sleeper too. I only let her sleep for 15 minutes in the morning-it was enough to keep her from being cranky, and yet short enough that she would be tired in the afternoon. I actually let her sleep right in the playroom for her morning nap and it worked out really well! Could you shorten morning nap at all?
Maybe he's not tired enough for a good afternoon nap?
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Old 11-10-2010, 12:17 PM
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well I would take out his morning nap, he will be cranky for the first while but he will get use to it and then put him down first for a nap. You didn't mention how long you try your techniques, because it usually takes a while before kids get use to it. And as a last resort I would cio, and there is nothing wrong with it. It seems like the child also doesn't know how to soothe themselves to sleep, which is a shame.
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Old 11-10-2010, 12:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sahm2three View Post
One thing that has worked for some of mine that age is a white noise machine (the favorite is the static sound) and also I use a mobile with a projector in it that puts lighted images on the ceiling. I also have a remote that I can turn it back on from outside the room if it shuts off. They watch it and go to sleep. Might be worth looking into. I am lucky enough that i have three different bedrooms that I use for sleeping the kids. The fussy ones get their own room. I will sit in the room, not make eye contact, not say anything, just sit there and soon they go to sleep. I don't do this every day, just days when they are fighting sleep. Good luck. Nothing is worse than sleep issues!
Thanks, I'll try the white noise. I'm not sure how well me sitting in there would help - he stands up in the pnp and won't lay down for anything, unless I put him back down, and then he's right back up again before I can even turn around. My presence there doesn't inspire him to lay down or be quiet at all. With my other ones, if I walk in there during nap time and they are standing up or being noisy, they will lay back down immediately when I walk through the door. This one doesn't, he just screams louder
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Old 11-10-2010, 12:25 PM
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Is there anything different happening in the morning then in the afternoon? If he's sleeping good in the morning, then it's confusing that he's not in the afternoon.
I had one that had a tough time transitioning out of her morning nap and was an awful sleeper too. I only let her sleep for 15 minutes in the morning-it was enough to keep her from being cranky, and yet short enough that she would be tired in the afternoon. I actually let her sleep right in the playroom for her morning nap and it worked out really well! Could you shorten morning nap at all?
Maybe he's not tired enough for a good afternoon nap?
I know - it's very confusing! I've tried waking him after half an hour, and he's cranky. I can try 15 minutes....what can it hurt at this point?

Nothing is really different in the morning...in fact, it's a lot the same as afternoon. He comes in at 7:45, breakfast and bottle at 8:30, then play for half hour, then nap. He will go to sleep anywhere from immediately to within half an hour. Never crying in the morning, either goes right to sleep or talks for a few and then goes to sleep. PM, lunch and bottle at noon, half an hour play, nap at 1. Everything is the same, except pm nap doesn't happen. I've tried putting him down later in the pm too, but it doesn't make a difference. Morning nap is anywhere from 1/2-2 hours, if I don't wake him up. Even though I really NEED pm nap to happen for all of them all at once, I would even be willing to keep him up and lose that break if it meant he wasn't screaming.....but he's screaming no matter if he's in the pnp or out here - which tells me he is VERY tired!
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Old 11-10-2010, 12:33 PM
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I would continue to shorten the morning and nap, and if you have everyone nap in the same area, why don't you try putting him there as well. Give him a nap mat like the other kids and lay with him and rub his back and see if he will fall asleep. I have had kids at 1 out of the PNP, it all depends on the kid I guess. Maybe if he is doing the same thing as everyone else, he may go to nap. It is a bit more time consuming, but if he falls asleep it would be totally worth it. I have a guy who is 3, but mentally at about 1 and 1/2 and his first few days nap time was a constant fight, he was talking, rolling around the floor, up and down, till I started laying down by him and rubbing his back. Out like a light in 5 minutes flat.
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Old 11-10-2010, 12:39 PM
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I don't know if this would work but at our center, toddler get lunch at 11am and then a nap right after, with most asleep by 11:30am. That seems to help with the transition out of morning nap. You can try feeding him a quick lunch and putting him to bed before the other kids and hopefully, he can then cry or go to sleep before they go to sleep?
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Old 11-10-2010, 12:40 PM
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It seems like the child also doesn't know how to soothe themselves to sleep, which is a shame.
You hit it right on the head!!! Up until he was 5 months old he was swaddled with one of those swaddlers. That was the ONLY way he could sleep, and if mom forgot it then he wouldn't sleep at all. Then we had to wean him from it and that was hell. I bought a "lovey" to keep here and always give it to him only at naptime. He was sleeping a lot better, and then a few months ago he started fighting it again. Nothing has changed on my end, but I am not sure he does know how to soothe himself to sleep. No idea how to get him to. And he does cio....as long as I know there is nothing wrong with him, he can cio. It's 4pm now and he's up....never stopped screaming, never went to sleep. It's like this every afternoon. He's cranky, but what else can I do?
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Old 11-10-2010, 12:45 PM
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I would continue to shorten the morning and nap, and if you have everyone nap in the same area, why don't you try putting him there as well. Give him a nap mat like the other kids and lay with him and rub his back and see if he will fall asleep. I have had kids at 1 out of the PNP, it all depends on the kid I guess. Maybe if he is doing the same thing as everyone else, he may go to nap. It is a bit more time consuming, but if he falls asleep it would be totally worth it. I have a guy who is 3, but mentally at about 1 and 1/2 and his first few days nap time was a constant fight, he was talking, rolling around the floor, up and down, till I started laying down by him and rubbing his back. Out like a light in 5 minutes flat.
Everyone else is in a pnp too. He's in the same room as the rest of them. He sees them all lay down and go to sleep. No way would I trust him on a nap mat. He wouldn't stay put. And as for rubbing his back - I've tried that too, but he won't lay down long enough to let me do that for him to go to sleep. The only way that would happen is if I restrained him so he didn't get back up. He doesn't like being restrained.....lol.

All great ideas - keep them coming - I know I'll find something (or things) that will help!
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Old 11-10-2010, 01:10 PM
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I do the fan on high as well, it's worse I think if you try staying in the room, I've had a couple kids who will stand up immediately upon laying them down and I could just stand there and keep laying them down for the entire nap but if I left after a little bit of crying they'd fall back down and go to sleep. Hopefully he adjusts, I dread all these changes with the 2 infants I have.
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Old 11-10-2010, 05:35 PM
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Any way that he can have a room to himself? At least that way you can let him cry and he won't wake the others. I have two that will sit or stand the minute I put them down, me standing in the room with them would in no way help matters at all.
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Old 11-11-2010, 05:45 AM
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what do the parents do on the weekend with him when its nap time, i'm wondering if they are doing something and not telling you. I have a tv in my rooms and I turn that on or even a ceiling fan. Oh how about giving him the bottle to hold in bed when he sleeps, I have kids who need their bottles to lay down with, give him half a bottle at lunch and then the other half at bedtime.
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Old 11-11-2010, 06:09 AM
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what do the parents do on the weekend with him when its nap time, i'm wondering if they are doing something and not telling you. I have a tv in my rooms and I turn that on or even a ceiling fan. Oh how about giving him the bottle to hold in bed when he sleeps, I have kids who need their bottles to lay down with, give him half a bottle at lunch and then the other half at bedtime.
From what mom tells me, if he doesn't nap, she gets him up. She says they use music (which I do also).

He has never gone to bed with a bottle, either here or at home, so I'm not sure I would want to start that particular habit. Besides, I'd have to look, but I'm pretty sure it's against licensing regulations.

My thought today was to keep him up for am nap (the thought being that I could put up with crankiness in the morning if I knew I could look forward to a good nap in the pm) but he made it 5 minutes after arriving before he started crying/screaming. He's still up, but cranky. I can't imagine I'm going to be able to make it until 1pm listening to the whining/screaming.
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Old 11-11-2010, 11:15 AM
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Not sure if you're up to this one, but have your tried to lay him on a mat in the room with you after helping him fall asleep? This worked for one of my kiddos--wish I would've known that a year earlier..
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Old 11-11-2010, 11:25 AM
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Not sure if you're up to this one, but have your tried to lay him on a mat in the room with you after helping him fall asleep? This worked for one of my kiddos--wish I would've known that a year earlier..
It might just be all the ringing in my ears from this kid SCREAMING, but I'm not sure exactly what you are suggesting. Like, rock him to sleep and then lay him on a mat after he falls asleep? Or am I completely clueless to what you're saying? (That's been known to happen! LOL).
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Old 11-11-2010, 11:40 AM
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i had a one year old (12-13 months) who i put on a mat at first, but he'd always roll around like crazy while he screamed his head off - so i started putting him in a pnp. i set it up in the living room (where i was) and he would still scream when i put him in there....drove me nuts...but i just TOTALLY ignored him. i let him be there where he could see me, but i didn't look at him - NOTHING. after a few minutes he realized it was doing no good and he would lie down. but if i walked out of the room....up he went and the crying would start. after a week or two he started lying down immediately when i put him in there and wouldn't cry. he was comforted just being able to see me i guess...and once it became a routine he was secure with, he started falling asleep quickly. i just stopped leaving the room until he fell asleep which only took a few minutes after 1-2 weeks and then i could go about my business.
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