Okay, I'm not sure if it is just the day I've been having, if this parent is just a little clueless, or if she is being downright rude, but something is really rubbing me the wrong way. I want to get your opinion about it.

Here's the back story that you need to understand. My DH is a very wonderful man. He is very respectful, has a quiet demeanor, and is extremely involved with my daycare. He cooks all of the food in the morning (every thing is homemade, too) before he goes to work and either puts lunch in a crock pot or gets it ready so that I only have to reheat it, stick it in the oven, etc. Then, he serves breakfast before he goes to work. He is also my emergency back up, so he is willing to take off of work to watch the kids if I have to be gone for any reason. He loves the kids, and greets each one by name in the morning (the kids usually arrive before he leaves for work). He's also great with the parents. The kids and parents all look forward to seeing Mr. "DH" in the morning. Then DH goes to work and gets back right at the same time that I close each night. Since most of my kids leave right at closing time, he is often there to say goodbye to them in the evening as well. Also, my daycare is in my basement, and I rarely even go upstairs at all during the day, except to get the food from the kitchen at the top of the stairs, which only takes a second because DH gets it all prepared for me.

Okay, so here's the deal. I have one parent who leaves my front door open every time she comes in or out. Wide open. I live in the Midwest, so most of the year it's either cold enough for the furnace or hot enough for the a/c. Also, I never go upstairs during the day, so sometimes it is wide open for half a day or more before I even notice! Not only does it affect the heating/cooling, but it is just UNSAFE! It's bad enough that I usually leave my door unlocked during the day for the parents (I don't like to leave the kids at all...I have a lot of littles and prefer to be within sight of everyone at every moment if I can), but I don't really need to leave it wide open to invite anyone inside. So, not that anyone should have to tell an adult to close a door, but DH asked her if she would please remember to close the door for the comfort and the safety of the kids. I'm sure he asked nicely, I can't imagine he would ask any other way, but she totally scoffed at him. The next time she did it, he just went and closed it, but she was still in the driveway so she saw him. She said, "I guess I do leave that open, don't I?" So, he figured the problem was solved. Well, today, she came in and left it wide open again. He was leaving for work, so he came down to say goodbye to my kids. He looked right at her and said in a nice but direct tone, "Are you going to remember to close the door when you leave or should I teach DCG2 (her daughter) to remind you?" She looked right at him and said, "What's the difference, I'm leaving in like 2 minutes!!! Why shouldn't I leave it open while I'm here?!?" She was ticked! I was proud of DH.

Same parent, different day. Okay. all of my kids leave at 5:30, which is when I close. I'm not kidding, I have all of my kids except 1 until at least 5:27 every day. Since DH parks in the driveway, he could never get in his spot when he got home, so I just put a quick blurb in the newsletter to park on the opposite side for pickups after 5:15. Perfect, no one had a problem with it, except this parent. She parks there every day. I know she read the newsletter because she asked a question about something else in the same blurb, but she kept doing it. Finally, one day, I asked her to park on the other side. She asked why, and I told her DH needed to be able to get in the driveway, and she said she didn't understand why it was a big deal but said she would. A few days later, she was still doing it every day. DH came in, got a goofy silly look on his face, and said in a silly voice, "Why you parking in my spot?" The parent looked at him and said, "It's NOT YOUR spot!" He said, "Ahhh, you see, it is my spot because it's my house and I pay the mortgage." He wasn't rude, but he wasn't silly anymore either. She said, "Well, it's just a driveway, it's not YOUR spot." That started a battle I guess, because she still parks there EVERY day when she comes at 5:30 on the nose. She also lets her daughter run around our yard/driveway for about 15 minutes because "she doesn't want to get in her carseat," so she is there until at least 5:45-5:50 every single night. As far as DH, he just pretends it doesn't bother him at all and parks in the street every night.

I'm getting mad! Is it just me? This is ridiculous! She follows "the rules" in other regards (payment, illness policy, etc.) so I don't get it. I think she is just trying, for whatever reason, to disagree with everything DH says. What would you do? Should I let it go? Should I say something else? What? Has this happened to anyone else?

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Next time she parks in the driveway, he should block her in.

Leaving the door open is just a red flag--all kinds of things could happen--you never know.

I'd term.

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she may have forgotten at first but now she is doing it on purpose.

My dh would have had enough and pull in behind her and then go in the house. He would be too busy to move the car.

I guess the drive can now be off limits to everyone because of her. say after 5:15 with a fine.

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If someone disrespected my home, myself, my family, my property, my neighbors, the would be told, very straight forward, "this is my home first, and a daycare second. You WILL respect me, my family, my property, my neighbors, or you WILL find other care." Disrespect, blatant disrespect like that would land her notice, with the promise that even ONE more incident would result in IMMEDIATE termination of care.

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I agree that she may have forgotten the first time or two but now it is blatantly on purpose and downright rude.

I would absolutely address it and tell her the requests are no longer requests but rules and if she cannot follow the rules, she WILL be terminated. That is so disrespectful of her.....I am so surprised at the non-caring attitude by grown people now days.

I could think of a million ways to play the same game but that would eb stooping to her level and I like to think I am somewhat mature so I would say something VERY firm and VERY direct to her about this and REQUIRE that she comply from now on. period!


Oh, and as for the things your DH does for the kids and you (in regards to his cooking and interactions with everyone)....tell him that I think he absolutely ROCKS!!!!!

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She's being a rude little child! My husband would just block her in and then go inside to take a shower and leave her to deal with it!

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1. your dh is AWESOME!
2. That lady needs a foot up her butt.

I would have her (yes just her) sign a statement saying that she read the 'rules' and agreed to abide by them. I would even add something about the child's safety in the front of your house!

My dh would have been NOT SO NICE and probably would have resulted in my terming her immediately.

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agree with all the other ladies. she has found a way to assert herself and this has become a control issue. there is no other option but to lay down the law with no more chances for her to forget....you could also attach inconvenience fees to leaving the door open and parking in the incorrect spaces. she is rude to the max and you are not asking for anything unreasonable.

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Seems you already Told her the rules and she is choosing not to follow them. I can put up in reguards to me but if a parent chooses to be rude to my husband I would draw the line. I Mam like you Missani, this would really Tick me off! I am willing to bet your sweet hubby doesn't want you to term or cause you stress since he is being so kind about it.
I think if some changes didn't happen yesterday I would tell her she was OUT!
Not dealing with the stress and drama would be so worth it!
Best of luck to ya and please let us know how it turns out.
She may be jealous of your wonderful husband

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Though I would be tempted to leave the door locked and not be able to "hear the doorbell" and have DH block her car in, I'm sure I'd opt for BlackCat's approach in the end.

Oh, and your DH should get a really big gold star (at the least) for being such a great guy and supporting your business wholeheartedly!

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not clueless but extremely rude bordering on biotch status!

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What about a "private parking" sign at the end of the driveway attached to a chair or something big enough that she can't run over.

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Or a cone!!



She is sooo rude!! Your DH sounds amazing!

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This really has me feeling outraged for your husband. I could not tolerate any rudeness to my husband by a day care parent. If anyone treated my husband like this in his own home, he/she would be gone, no second chances. There is no way I would allow this to go on. My daycare income in no way has ever come close to paying our mortgage so my husband's income truly does pay it and ALL the spots in HIS driveway belong to HIM (and to me cuz everything of his is mine ). This woman is not clueless...she knows exactly what she is doing and she is being ridiculously rude. I would give her notice. She does not respect you, your husband or your home. Your husband sounds like an awesome person and he deserves respect in his own home.

Wow...this really got me mad....probably cuz my dh is also an awesome guy and I would be so upset if one of my parents ever was rude to him.

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I would give one final written warning on BOTH rules of the house - the door and the driveway - and let her know failure to follow them will result in termination. I don't take terminating care lightly at all but you can mess with ME all you want, but don't mess with my kids OR my DH or there will be trouble!!!

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I'm mad at this crazy woman for your husband too !

I would give a second chance for most things as I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, but a client disrespecting my husband like that would be gone immediately!

Your dh has already shown admirable restraint, and that is something I totally respect. But in my opinion, you've got to get his back on this one and term this woman asap!

In my case, there is NO way I would want my husband to be disrespected in his own house, and potentially in front of his children. Just my opinion of course!

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Yes, she is being rude and disrespectful. I'm not good at passive-aggressive beating around the bush so I would tell her we are done with the door and driveway issues. She can respect my home and family or she can take her show on the road. I don't have the time or inclination to deal with such foolishness. BTW, high five to your hubby!

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She's not clueless; she's being incredibly disrespectful. I would speak to her one more time, letting her know this would be the last time I would address the problem with her. If she did either (leave the door open or park in his spot) again, I would terminate on the spot. I don't take termination lightly. I've only terminated one client in almost 17 years but I would do it in a heart beat for this woman.

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Send out another newsletter:

"Please park in the area designated to you after 5:15. My husband's space is to be made available to him. Violators will be towed."

First time she parks there, pick up the phone and dial. Simple as that. I would not tolerate that foolishness.

As for the door, it might hit home with her more once you start stating the obvious, too. Only, don't be as nice. Offer this suggestion: can't close the door? Don't let it hit you on the way out...you have no room for any unsafe behaviours in your day care and you would appreciate her either complying with the rules of the house or not returning.

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First of all I have to say that your husband is a gem.

Leaving the door open is a safety issue and I would question why on earth any mother would risk the safety of her own child, no less anyone else's.

The parking issue is just sort of the icing on the cake as far as disrespecting you and your husband. I don't know what this woman's issue is (jealousy perhaps?)but it's time for a sit down with her to find out why, let her know how serious you are about your rules and hand her a termination warning in writing.

One more infraction on either of these two items, terminate.

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I would directly state what you want one more time and term if she refuses to comply with your rules.

I would not block her in. She sounds immature and might just drive on your lawn to get around your husband's car. That might make him more upset.

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Two words:
Orange
Cones


Yeah, kind of passive aggressive I know. But if those cones moved 1l centimeter, i'd term for the utter disrespect.
Two more words;
Awesome
Husband

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Absolutely rude and disrespectful. At this point, it seems she's doing it to be passive-aggressive and spiteful. I would do a chain and "No Parking" sign, or orange cones, like others have suggested. I also think a verbal and written final warning should be issued- be upfront with her about it. She's being rude and childish.

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I hate confrontation so I usually deal with this stuff in a passive-agressive manner. I would put a sign on the door saying to keep it closed for safety reasons and I would also do the private parking with a chair or cone thing. Give her a taste of her own medicine! LOL

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I'm in the orange cone, chair, saw horses, whatever camp for the driveway. I, too, like to avoid confrontation when I can.

As for the door being open, I would treat her like a child. I would remind her every.single.time until she gets it. If she left it open when she came in I would make her go back and shut it or ask her to shut it as she leaves IMMEDIATELY. You've done enough explaining. If she pays on time and you get along well with her children, I'd be very hesitant to term in this day and age. It's hard to find good kids and clients.

If all else failed, I'd also try a fine. "Anyone leaving the door open buys a box of juice" for, example. You can always use more juice. Add it to her bill if she doesn't bring them by Friday.

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I think it's time to look in in the eye and tell her very directly that she is being incredibly disrespectful to your dh, and it will no longer be tolerated. Passive/Aggressive behavior needs to be met with direct, assertive behavior.

You can start by saying that your glad that you've always had a good working relationship, but the things that have been happening lately are unacceptable, and absolutley cannot continue. If she can't agree that it will stop, she will need to find another daycare arrangment.

As for your hubby...he's awesome!

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Im actually surprised at the number of people telling the OP to do passive aggressive things like block her in, etc. That doesn't address the real issue - which is this DCM's disrespect and carelessness toward the OPs husband, home and business. Blocking the driveway will only solve that problem; she will start with something else.

DCM needs, on no uncertain terms, to understand that she will not leave the door open, speak to anyone in the home rudely, block the driveway or anything else disrespectful, or she will have to find other care. I think only a frank discussion with termination mentioned will get through to her, because right now she's convinced she runs the show.

I've had to learn not to be afraid of confrontation because of the work I've done in the past 5 years - with the homeless, with people on the edge of society and the incredibly rude, inconsiderate person I work for now. Some people need it spelled out for them.

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It sounds like one of my parents!!! GRR!!!!!

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I'm the least assertive person I know and even I wouldn't hesitate to speak up to this dcm. My heart would be pounding and I'd be blushing ten shades of red as I spoke with her but I would speak to her directly about this. I would not be playing games with her. She needs to understand her behavior is unacceptable and needs to stop - immediately.

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I think that there are some ideas that may not work. ie. The orange cones. I don't think you would be able to get outside at that time and put out cones to stop this woman from parking in DH's spot. YES, it IS DH's spot and she is completely abusing her position as a parent of a child in your care. Your job is to look after her child, not to put up with her bullsh*t!

In my parents handbook, I state that failure to respect me, my home and my neighbourhood results in immediate termination. I will NOT stand for ill treatment in my home. This is my home first.

Your husband deserves to be able to park in his own driveway that he pays for! If this DC mom can't respect that, out she goes. The same with the door. You pay for your heat/air conditioning and you need to be concerned with all the children's safety. She just doesn't care. The benefit of doubt is gone - she had her reminders and now she is just disrespecting you and your wishes.

I would directly say to her "You are not to park in DH's spot if you are picking up after 5:15pm, this is a daycare rule" if she does it one more time, I would send her packing.

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I have had to put in my contract PARKING. I even drew it out for the parents since we live on a cul de sac. I told them where they could park and that the driveway is totally of limits. Period. She seems like she is trying to pick a fight! I have to say that the disrespect for you and you wonderful hubby is aweful! Maybe you could draw up an add on to your handbook about parking and have everyone sign it?

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absolutely agree. the DCM is being completely rude and passive aggressive...i dont think it is right at all to encourage other passive aggressive actions in return. I have told parents where to park, not to smoke in my driveway, etc, etc. and if they cant follow the rules, out they go. Never had a parent not follow the rules when i put my foot down about it. Havent had to term for this type of behavior either.

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Yes this parent is being rude and disrespectful. IF she is so wrapped up in her own world that she can't "remember" to shut the door and park in the designated spot she is an idiot.

I would tell her that she may no longer park in your driveway EVER. I do not allow anyone to park in my driveway. Everyone parks on the street, walks up the drive and comes in. Safety, plus I don't like crappy cars dripping on my concrete.

I would also lock the door from now on. When she arrives and its locked open it (if she is in the appropriate parking space of course ) and say, since you are having so many issues with the door I have decided to open it and shut it myself.

Do that for a week. She will get the hint. If not, term.

What kind of adult has a full on war of words with someones husband while they are a guest on that person's property? Shaking my head right now.

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I think I would just flat out tell her, close the door and park on the street or find alternative care. I know it's easier "typed" then done. My backbone grows a little bit a at time, but plain disrespect like that and I don't have much problem using it. Good luck.

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Let us all know what happened.

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I was wondering too.

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Have you said anything? Is dcm behaving any better?

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I'd term. Effective immediately. If she were truly a moron she'd be apologizing profusely and feeling embarrassed for her lack of thought. Instead, she's being a passive aggressive snot, plain and simple.


If you can't term start invoicing for the time her child is screwing around in your yard. If they are there until 6 she pays as if you were watching her until 6.

For slow pokes I've been known to let my four dogs out the back door, followed up with an "OMG I'm so sorry!!! I had no idea you were STILL here!!!" (emphasis on STILL). Having dogs, two of them giant, leaping around them and into their vehicle (boy do they love car rides!) is a great motivator to get them in and out the driveway fast.

All else fails walk the child(ren) directly to the car by hand yourself. I have a family I have to do that for right now. It's annoying, but the liability issues aren't something I care to be faced with if/when one of them gets hurt while on my property and farting around taking advantage of their wishy washy parent.


Automatic door closer deals cost around $30 at Home Depot/Lowes

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