Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Boys Will Be Boys
TwinMama 06:43 AM 03-17-2017
Ok...so I have a mom that thinks that boys will be boys, and that they can wrestle and act like crazy people.

I took away some toy trucks because her son just can't calm down. He's five. I tried to get him to fill the trucks with blocks and build stuff, but instead he wants to run through my house and slide on his knees. She told her son that I don't understand that some day my little almost 3 year old boy will act that way too.

She literally said, "Boys like to beat the crap out of each other, but girls aren't like that."

When he's not here the other kids don't act that way and they're able to play nice. Am I completely out of line to think that any kid shouldn't be running and screaming while sliding on their knees in my house?
Reply
Blackcat31 06:54 AM 03-17-2017
Originally Posted by TwinMama:
Ok...so I have a mom that thinks that boys will be boys, and that they can wrestle and act like crazy people.

I took away some toy trucks because her son just can't calm down. He's five. I tried to get him to fill the trucks with blocks and build stuff, but instead he wants to run through my house and slide on his knees. She told her son that I don't understand that some day my little almost 3 year old boy will act that way too.

She literally said, "Boys like to beat the crap out of each other, but girls aren't like that."

When he's not here the other kids don't act that way and they're able to play nice. Am I completely out of line to think that any kid shouldn't be running and screaming while sliding on their knees in my house?
He can be a boy on HER watch.

I'd tell her exactly that.

If he harms another child (accidentally or on purpose) it isn't just a "boy thing", it becomes a liability issue and depending on who's watch it is....it could become a legal issue....so whatever she thinks it is boys are suppose to do or like to do is something she can decide when SHE is the one taking responsibility but when its your time, your butt and your livelihood on the line, I would expect that he follow your rules and behave without touching anyone else and without rough housing... If he can't do that, then I'd term him.

I refuse to take kids that put my business at risk; especially those kids that have parents that "support" that kind of behavior.
Reply
Cat Herder 07:02 AM 03-17-2017
"She told her son that I don't understand that some day my little almost 3 year old boy will act that way too."

I'd serve mom a big No and send her on her way.

Clearly, she is going to be a problem.

Public school will eat her alive.
Reply
TwinMama 07:11 AM 03-17-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
He can be a boy on HER watch.

I'd tell her exactly that.

If he harms another child (accidentally or on purpose) it isn't just a "boy thing", it becomes a liability issue and depending on who's watch it is....it could become a legal issue....so whatever she thinks it is boys are suppose to do or like to do is something she can decide when SHE is the one taking responsibility but when its your time, your butt and your livelihood on the line, I would expect that he follow your rules and behave without touching anyone else and without rough housing... If he can't do that, then I'd term him.

I refuse to take kids that put my business at risk; especially those kids that have parents that "support" that kind of behavior.
Thank you!!! Yeh, he was being too wild acting like a crazy person and he accidentally kicked another girl in the face.

I told him that this is why I ask him to calm down, because he needs to respect the people around him.
Reply
TwinMama 07:12 AM 03-17-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
"She told her son that I don't understand that some day my little almost 3 year old boy will act that way too."

I'd serve mom a big No and send her on her way.

Clearly, she is going to be a problem.

Public school will eat her alive.
Thank you!!! Yeh...he already gets in trouble at school and on the bus for personal space issues.
Reply
Second Home 07:20 AM 03-17-2017
That is just an excuse for not having to set rules for her child . I have a son ( who is now 13) , yes he sometimes got wild as did my daughter but they learned the time and place to be wild and when not to . They knew early on that if they were told to stop being crazy they needed to stop , no exceptions .
Reply
Blackcat31 07:34 AM 03-17-2017
Interesting article:

https://www.littlethings.com/we-must...-will-be-boys/

In response to her telling her child that your son will eventually act that way too:


Reply
TwinMama 07:43 AM 03-17-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Interesting article:

https://www.littlethings.com/we-must...-will-be-boys/

In response to her telling her child that your son will eventually act that way too:

Love, love, love this!!!!!
Reply
Cat Herder 07:53 AM 03-17-2017
I like that poster, too. I love the one that edits it to "kids will be kids/adult".

IMHO, The recent push to make girls more aggressive is backfiring into the same dynamic as the old "boys will be boys" era. Both are exclusionary, projecting and unnecessary to child development.
Reply
dreamer 08:35 AM 03-17-2017
The phrase "boys will be boys" makes my blood boil. It's an excuse not to teach boys proper manners, and this kind of thinking is what allows boys to grow up thinking its all fine and dandy to be violent or reckless.
Reply
laundrymom 08:46 AM 03-17-2017
"I'm not raising boys or girls, I'm raising humans who need to learn control and acceptable behavior. It's not alright to be destructive at childcare. The fact of having a penis or vagina has no bearing on behavior. "
Reply
DaveA 09:02 AM 03-17-2017
"You can raise him to be however you want at your house. Here he will do XYZ. That's includes playing in such a matter as to not be safety hazard or disruption to everyone else. If he can't handle that because of what you allow elsewhere you need to find alternate care."

DCPs are going to cause me to go blind from eye rolling.
Reply
hwichlaz 09:07 AM 03-17-2017
Maybe he'll be on the Stanford Swim Team.
Reply
kendallina 04:19 PM 03-17-2017
Originally Posted by TwinMama:
Ok...so I have a mom that thinks that boys will be boys, and that they can wrestle and act like crazy people.

I took away some toy trucks because her son just can't calm down. He's five. I tried to get him to fill the trucks with blocks and build stuff, but instead he wants to run through my house and slide on his knees. She told her son that I don't understand that some day my little almost 3 year old boy will act that way too.

She literally said, "Boys like to beat the crap out of each other, but girls aren't like that."

When he's not here the other kids don't act that way and they're able to play nice. Am I completely out of line to think that any kid shouldn't be running and screaming while sliding on their knees in my house?
I frequently tell my kiddos that wrestling/etc is play that is best for at home, I don't allow it here. Absolutely, there are some kids that just need and want to be more physical. I have had instances where I can allow a little more of it, but generally speaking, we can't do it here. If he can't play with the truck is a more constructive way then he's welcome to find something else to play.

ETA: when I have a child/children in my group that need more physicalness, I try to make sure we get lots and lots of outside time and our circle time is often more active than I would normally do. I've also found that kids like this often enjoy sensory and messy activities and if I provide those, it cuts down on some of the craziness.
Reply
Josiegirl 03:45 AM 03-18-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
I like that poster, too. I love the one that edits it to "kids will be kids/adult".

IMHO, The recent push to make girls more aggressive is backfiring into the same dynamic as the old "boys will be boys" era. Both are exclusionary, projecting and unnecessary to child development.
I completely agree. I have 2 girls that are like this. Driving trucks around and crashing everywhere. I also have 2 other girls that steal toys, then run away like he!! and if caught by the other, there is hair-pulling and screaming. I have a 4 yo dcg who hasn't been here for the past 3 weeks(dad's laid off) and she is the sweetest kindest little lady. All these others are becoming brutes and has tired me right out.
Reply
Mom2Two 03:26 PM 03-18-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Interesting article:

https://www.littlethings.com/we-must...-will-be-boys/

In response to her telling her child that your son will eventually act that way too:

Love it!
Reply
Unregistered 07:13 AM 03-19-2017
Years ago I had a boy who would body slam to the floor and smash toys together. He wouldn't play any other way. He had been kicked out of another family child care home. He always had two cars or other toy in his hand and would smack, snack,smack.....them together.

That was his only play and the skidding/body slamming to the floor. His parents just totally could handle really wild behavior.

My daughter babysat at their home once and his sister (age 7) and he wanted to play "deer hunting", shoved her around and tried shoving her in a closet! LOL! She came home and I said..."ah, never babysit for them again!"

I had two other boys the same age (all 4) I cared for. They played well and eventually he calmed down and was a super nice kid and played like the other kids.

I had to sit down like you did and show him how to build, play with cars, etc. it took about two months (and I'm super firm) but he turned out to be a great kid.

I agree that there is absolutely no reason to be skidding to the floor, etc. in your home! He can run, and jump, and fall, and skid and yell, and roll, and climb OUTSIDE! I'd give him not an inch on it indoors.

I'd set up expectations the minute he came in the door and go over what he CAN do, what he can play with and I'd let him know what will happen each and every time it happens...you will sit and calm down at
the table with table toys every time he get crazy..and immediately!

He grew up to be an incredible young man! So there is hope! Haha!
Reply
Ariana 12:12 PM 03-19-2017
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
"I'm not raising boys or girls, I'm raising humans who need to learn control and acceptable behavior. It's not alright to be destructive at childcare. The fact of having a penis or vagina has no bearing on behavior. "
Perfect! What does genetils have to do with anything! My own girls are rambunctious and fight all the time but they don't get to do it because "girls will be girls". Ugh. Wish this way of thinking would just die already!
Reply
Tags:inappropriate behavior, inappropriate play, innapropriate behaviour, no cry parenting, parent - interaction
Reply Up