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Old 03-16-2010, 05:06 PM
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Default Whining.....Some Tips ?

I was wondering if anyone can maybe give me some tips on how to handle this. I have a dcb who is 4 he has been getting very whiny over everything, I mean everything, he also has been getting very bossy always watching out what the others are doing, basically policing everyone, he even sometimes teases for instance if someone leaves something on the floor and he knows they were just playing with it he'll pick it up and then call another child to come and get it, totally in a way that is not being nice, the whining is really getting to me, its been like alot lately, I keep reminding him that whining isn't ok that he needs to use his words when he doesn't like something someone is doing or whatever but he just keeps resulting to this whining and crying. Today he got here very early so I put him down for an ealier nap and since he's been up it started again, any tips on what I can do to stop this? He's been with me for a long time since 8 mo. thanks
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Old 03-16-2010, 05:10 PM
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I usually get down to their level and say calmly, "I can't hear you with that voice. Can you tell me with your calm voice? ...... I'm sorry. I still can't hear you. Why don't you sit down over here until you are calm so we can talk." Then no matter what, and I mean, NO MATTER WHAT, do not acknowledge anything in a whine. When they get the hint what you will respond to, it only takes a couple of reminders. (Of course on Monday morning you have to start over with some of them....thanks a lot, parents...)
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Old 03-16-2010, 05:33 PM
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I usually get down to their level and say calmly, "I can't hear you with that voice. Can you tell me with your calm voice? ...... I'm sorry. I still can't hear you. Why don't you sit down over here until you are calm so we can talk." Then no matter what, and I mean, NO MATTER WHAT, do not acknowledge anything in a whine. When they get the hint what you will respond to, it only takes a couple of reminders. (Of course on Monday morning you have to start over with some of them....thanks a lot, parents...)
Yes, this was going to be my suggestion as well. After telling them nicely I would refuse to acknowledge the whiney request.
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Old 03-16-2010, 05:34 PM
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thanks missniki, that's kind of what I do, I get down to his level and tell him he needs to use his words and not whining, I have been having him sit out until he can talk using his words but it just doesn't seem to be working, it just starts over. I talked to his mom about it and she said he's been like that at home too and she said she noticed this last weekend how much of a tattle tale he is and I told her again the things he's been doing here, she doesn't know if it's the move they just did or lack of sleep or both. I just don't know what else to try.
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Old 03-16-2010, 05:39 PM
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He's not necessarily whining to me he's whining when he doesn't get his way with the kids, he doesn't come to me he just sits there and cries and whines, then the other kids say I dont' want to hear him, I try to ignore it hoping it will stop but then after the kids start complaining I have to intervene and I have him come aside and get to his level and tell him whining isn't ok that he needs to use his words but then sometimes it makes it worse he'll just full blown start to cry then he can't even hear me so I have him sit down until he's done then I finish telling him he needs to use his words not whining.
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Old 03-16-2010, 05:43 PM
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If it starts over, he should be spending some time away from the group. Stick to your guns!!! Remember to model and reinforce the good...and complement any small effort on his part. As far as the tattle tale thing, I might try the old "And what did you say when you saw/heard that? Why don't you see if you can be a good friend and ask him to stop." If you can, redirect him to talk it out instead of running to you and complaining every time.
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Old 03-16-2010, 05:51 PM
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that's what I have all the kids do, before "tattling" to me they need to ask the other child to stop whatever it is they are doing and if they don't then they can come talk to me, it works with every one else but this one. It's getting very frustrating, so each time I have him sit out is it for the normal you would for a timeout or until they can come and tell me why they are whining but I feel as though if he's whining even if he had something first he shouldn't get it back if he can't ask for it nicely, I have done timeouts and each time it gets a little longer and with today since he was here so early I had him go down for an early nap since he'd already been whining the majority of the morning and timeouts weren't working.
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Old 03-16-2010, 05:51 PM
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I just read the last one. I get it.
Well, I guess I would tell him firmly to go sit in the calm area until he's ready. Then he won't of course, then you pick him up and put him there and keep putting him there until he is calm. When he is calm, you go to him and tell him "When you are calm, I can help you. If you are going to be loud again, then you come back here. Are you ready to go play?" He'll let you know.
It may take a lot of tries, but with most kids teaching the good behaviors takes repetition and most of all patience.
Sometimes it just feels like we are unravelling what knots the parents put them in over the weekend.
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Old 03-16-2010, 05:53 PM
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Just keep your calm, and keep him away from the others until he's calm. It may be all day long.
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Old 03-16-2010, 05:55 PM
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I do praise the kids whenever I see them being kind and sharing, sometimes I even will give them an m&m if everyone is playing nicely. Thanks I'll just keep doing it, so when he whines would you have him sit out for the same as a time out then each time make it a little longer?
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Old 03-16-2010, 05:59 PM
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Quote:
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that's what I have all the kids do, before "tattling" to me they need to ask the other child to stop whatever it is they are doing and if they don't then they can come talk to me, it works with every one else but this one. It's getting very frustrating, so each time I have him sit out is it for the normal you would for a timeout or until they can come and tell me why they are whining but I feel as though if he's whining even if he had something first he shouldn't get it back if he can't ask for it nicely, I have done timeouts and each time it gets a little longer and with today since he was here so early I had him go down for an early nap since he'd already been whining the majority of the morning and timeouts weren't working.
I had a 3 1/2 yr. old come on non preschool days so tired!! Preschool days he wouldn't get a nap at all- I finally put a stop to it, and told him if this continued to be a problem, time out after time out, crying, etc. he would have to take a nap with the young ones in the am. It stopped after a couple of times doing that!!
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Old 03-16-2010, 06:03 PM
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Sorry I keep posting at the same time haha. He usually will stop the crying but he'll sit there and whine but when he stops I guess I don't know if I should let him up right at that moment or do the same as a time out? Like give him until he's done then 4 min then a little more each time?
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Old 03-16-2010, 06:08 PM
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Well I suppose I don't consider it a formal time out. It is simply having him sit out of an activity until he can participate successfully. It is no fun for him to sit and calm down, but it is not fair to the others that he should get to carry on and stay around. What message would they learn in that case? I just think of it as ensuring that the calm kids have a worry-free play experience and the upset child has a place to unwind. If you think it will last over a couple of hours, I guess then you call the paretns. It's not fair to him, you or the kids that he's so miserable.
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Old 03-16-2010, 06:08 PM
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today I did put him down an hour early for his nap because he was here very early this morning, his schedule isn't very consistant which I think doens't help the situation much, but it didn't work, after his nap about 30 min he was already back to the whining and not playing nice, I told him again that he needed to use his words not whining to tell his friend what he wants or needs, so he did but he didn't like that his friend didnt' want to do what he wanted so he started whining again, I then told him that we can't make our friends play what we want them to play and whining isn't going to make him play with him,he needed to sit out until he could stop whining, he sat out for 4 min then he got up, but that's where I don't know if I should just keep making it longer each time because 4 min each time doens't seem to be doing it.
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Old 03-16-2010, 06:10 PM
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Sorry I keep posting at the same time haha. He usually will stop the crying but he'll sit there and whine but when he stops I guess I don't know if I should let him up right at that moment or do the same as a time out? Like give him until he's done then 4 min then a little more each time?
I guess I would see if he's truly ready to get up by talking to him about it. Ask him to say sorry to whoever he yelled at, and then he can go play. If it happens again, he'll figure out that you won't budge soon enough.
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Old 03-16-2010, 06:12 PM
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thanks I again posted when you did, I dont' think each one would last a couple hours but he just seems to keep going back to the whining like it's a habit now for him, so he'll go sit out like you said I don't call it a time out but I have him sit out but it seems like within a little while he's back to it, sometimes it can be an hour or 2 or 20 min. After mom said he's been doing it alot at home and it's been recent this started It agree that maybe he's tired or something with their move but he seemed excited about their move, nothing was interrupted other than moving from one place to another, he stayed here the normal so I don't know what else it could be, I've never had another 4 yr old be like this.
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Old 03-16-2010, 06:12 PM
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thank you so much.....
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Old 03-16-2010, 06:36 PM
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No prob. Good luck!
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Old 03-17-2010, 04:08 AM
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I have a just turned 3 yr old. He is a whiner, and we too all get sick of hearing it. He tends to have a lot of time outs also. I started putting him on a "naughty mat", which consist of a small blanket folded about 2 x 3 and put off away from the others, yet still in the area, and I give him an activity and that is where is has to sit and play......alone. He is not allowed to get off, or the naughty mat will be moved to another location way off alone.
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Old 03-17-2010, 06:26 AM
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I have also took a fun activity away from children that are whining and crying, etc. this seemed to help as well at first. Then I started the lay down in the am along with the babies, this seemed to help more!! It only took 2 times of this, and all I had to do is mention it to the little boy, would you like to take a nap now?
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Old 03-17-2010, 06:55 AM
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I agree sometimes I think the whining is from simply being tired.
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Last edited by mac60; 03-17-2010 at 07:31 AM.
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Old 03-17-2010, 12:41 PM
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Thanks I do think that alot of his behaviour stems from being tired, his schedule seems to not be very consistant, but then some of it like his bossiness and constant policing the other children and tattling is something else, I don't know I guess some kids are this way maybe???? I know from helping in my kids classes in elementary school there seemed to always be one or 2 that constantly whined and tattled but it's so annoying, I always try to get him to work it out before tattling and telling the other kids what to do, I always remind him it's my job to do this and I have placed him in time out for it alot. It just gets so annoying
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Old 03-18-2010, 03:43 PM
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Thanks I do think that alot of his behaviour stems from being tired, his schedule seems to not be very consistant, but then some of it like his bossiness and constant policing the other children and tattling is something else, I don't know I guess some kids are this way maybe???? I know from helping in my kids classes in elementary school there seemed to always be one or 2 that constantly whined and tattled but it's so annoying, I always try to get him to work it out before tattling and telling the other kids what to do, I always remind him it's my job to do this and I have placed him in time out for it alot. It just gets so annoying
bossiness/policing/tattling are all behaviors that are completely normal for the summer before K.

As for the whining...could he find he's getting attention for it? Remember that negative attention is the same to a child as positive attention. Tell him - on a calm day - that from now on you will IGNORE him, and his requests when he whines. Then respond immediately when he uses his big boy voice, and thank him for *using your big boy voice*.
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