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Old 05-17-2019, 05:25 AM
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Default Almost 2, "Keep To Yourself"

Dcg, almost 2.
I’ve posted about her before (nap issues).

How can I teach her to keep her hands/feet/body to herself?
She’s not being mean, very rarely do I have any issues with her smacking/pushing and what not... she’s being seeet. She’s constantly trying to hug and kiss others, or rubbing them, like constantly has to be touching someone else.
I keep her two older brothers - they tolerate her touchy-feely stuff (they’re a bit that way too, -kisses on the lips, holding hands, snuggling, always hugging each other- it really seems weird to me - but just with each other, not everyone else -sometimes I can tell that she’s making them uncomfortable and bothering them. It makes my other 2 kiddos SUPER uncomfortable - try to stay away from her, tell her “no hugs” and avoid letting her get close to them.

I’ve stayed on her - “dcg, please don’t touch.” “Hands to yourself” and so on.
I’ve moved her away from the others and talked to her - just repeating that we can’t touch others without asking, others don’t like that...
I don’t want to “punish” her per say, but she can’t be hugging and kissing on kids that want it...
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Old 05-17-2019, 06:34 AM
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I teach "hands to yourself" during daily illness transmission prevention, basic hygiene and handwashing curriculum. Along with a heavy dose of "Get that out of your mouth."

It is better accepted from parents as "let's not pass germs" than "don't keep touching Jimmy because it makes me uncomfortable". Even if both are true.

Appropriate touch will be pushed in pretty soon as she is able to understand, anyway.
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Old 05-17-2019, 09:00 AM
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Just keep repeating! I always say “listen to her words, she said no” and instruct the other kids to say NO or STOP in a big voice and push her away if she is not listening. This is what has worked for me and my kisser hugger! Other kids being angry is the real natural consequence for this behavior.
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Old 05-17-2019, 11:19 AM
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I have an issue with boys who are rough and jump on each other and snack hands etc they just can't sit still for a few minutes without touching each other . They are wild.
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Old 05-17-2019, 12:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flowerchild View Post
I have an issue with boys who are rough and jump on each other and snack hands etc they just can't sit still for a few minutes without touching each other . They are wild.
Luckily, she’s not aggressive or mean. But she’s WILD. Tbh, if her brothers weren’t so well behaved, I would have termed her - she’s got an awful attitude, she’s not disciplined at home, she’s “the princess” so when she’s here, I have a hard time getting her to listen, when I tell her no or ask her not to do something, she cuts her eyes at me and grins and does it anyways, she spends a lot of time sitting quietly next to me in “time-out”. If both boys go to school in the fall, I may term - I’ll be expected to put them on the bus and get them off (I’ll still have them about 6 hours a day, but only charge for half a day - my mistake, I won’t agree to half days ever again) and have her all day, and I just won’t be making enough to make it worth my time/effort when I could fill the spots with FT kiddos
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Old 05-28-2019, 11:16 AM
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Bumping this back up...
Same child, more issues.
So. Many issues with this same child.
1) Defiant - I tell her no, ask her not to do anything, she does it anyways. Time outs don’t work - I’ve had her sit next to me for a couple mins, she’s now kicking/smacking pinching and scratching and trying to bite me when I try this. I’ve tried putting her in her booster chair at the table, she just screaming - shrill, ear piercing screeches.
2) Throws her food in the floor/dumps her drink on the table and tries to play in it - I don’t give her much at a time, and immediately take away when this happens and let her mom know she threw her food instead of eating so I didn’t offer more - now mom makes comments about she acted like she was starving when they got home.
3) Naps - posted a thread about this - screaming kicking making all the noise she can, gets everyone else woke up and then wants to nap, resolved shortly (a couple days) by sitting next to her and patting her til she was sleeping, now she’s clawing, pinching, smacking/kicking and trying to bite me.

Honestly, I’m ready to term, but feel like I need to discuss with her mom before taking it that far.
I’m trying to decide how to word what I want to say to mom...she’s aware that dcg is causing issues, but I haven’t discussed with her in-depth.
I want to say something like:
“I know I talked them you a bit last week about girls behavior, but I want to let you know that I’m at a loss as to how to handle her. We’ve discussed her throwing her food in the floor as well as disobeying and telling me “no”, but lately she has begun trying to hit/kick, bite and claw me when I have her sit next to me in time out and her constant squealing and shrieking is very disruptive and upsetting to the others, especially during nap time. Her behavior is becoming too much for me to handle, it’s taking away time and attention from the other kids and stressing me out. We really need to put a stop to her negative behavior, I’m open to suggestions if you have a trick that works for you, but if we can’t get her under control soon, I will have to terminate our agreement.”

Thoughts/advice on wording?
Helpful input appreciated!
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Old 05-28-2019, 05:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daycaremomma01 View Post
Bumping this back up...
We really need to put a stop to her negative behavior, I’m open to suggestions if you have a trick that works for you, but if we can’t get her under control soon, I will have to terminate our agreement.”

Thoughts/advice on wording?
Helpful input appreciated!
TOO vauge! Tell her you need a meeting, then set out a plan with measurable goals and a time limit.
example
Nap-
X will sit quietly on her cot at nap and look at books. This goal will be reached by __(insert what your going to do to help and what mom will do). This goal must be met by (insert date).

Then let her know and put in their that if the goals arnt met by the said date you will give termination notice. I would also figure out how many of the goals must be met, or if all must be met or termination will occur. Be firm with this, then have mom sign the bottom on your meeting date, and send her with a copy
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Old 05-29-2019, 04:05 AM
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For me it would depend on how determined I was to solve the problem or if I really wanted to term. If I just wanted to term I would say exactly what you said in a face to face discussion and then give it a week to sink in/improve before termination.

Very rarely in my experience are parents able to curb behavior that is happening at daycare so unless you solve the problem it’s not going away. This kid seems to have a lot of problems which is really sad.
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Old 05-29-2019, 04:40 AM
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I also need to discuss potty training with dcm. She came in Tuesday morning telling me how girl used the potty all weekend. I know the only way girl used the potty was if mom took her ever few mins because she doesn’t talk, the only things she’s ever said with me are “no”, “mama” and “dada”. How can I add that I won’t allow girl to be in panties until she consistently communicates her need to potty and stays 100% accident free at my house for 3 weeks before I’ll allow her to be in underwear; that I’m not going to train her, but if she tells me she needs to go, I’ll take her...?


I don’t want to just term, I would like to see her improve and be able to continue to watch her and her brothers. Finally have resolved the parent issues (contract and sticking to it helped QUICKLY, but I already see that I need to add in a behavior and potty section!) but her behavior is stressing me out, making me dread her even being here. My own DD and another dcb are picking up her behavior because they are seeing her do it so now I am spending 70% of my day getting onto her and then and the other 30% cleaning up her unnecessary messes (food/snack in the floor, books/movies she decided to throw and what not)
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Old 05-29-2019, 06:59 AM
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Start with the physical aggression towards you.

Talk to mom about that type of behavior NEVER being tolerated and how it must stop NOW. (or you will be forced to term)

I have a similar child. Older brothers, she's the princess.
Very naughty.... but thankfully has pulled herself together over the last few months and is an enjoyable polite child but ONLY because mom/dad got on board immediately and realized they were creating a monster.

As for the potty training...... I always respond to "she is trained at home" with:

"That's great!!! I haven't seen that ability from her here but daycare is a different environment than home I guess.

However, since I am required by licensing to maintain a sanitary environment for everyone and I have not seen the success you have seen at home I will need to require a $300 deposit if you are going to send her wear underwear.

If she remains dry like you say for two FULL weeks I will return the deposit in full but if she has any accidents I will need to use the money for professional carpet cleaning.

So totally up to you how you want to proceed."


I've never ever ever had a parent be confident enough in their words to put their money where their mouth is. Most usually back peddle and start yapping on about how i am right that the daycare environment is so much different than home etc etc.....
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Old 05-29-2019, 08:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Start with the physical aggression towards you.

Talk to mom about that type of behavior NEVER being tolerated and how it must stop NOW. (or you will be forced to term)

I have a similar child. Older brothers, she's the princess.
Very naughty.... but thankfully has pulled herself together over the last few months and is an enjoyable polite child but ONLY because mom/dad got on board immediately and realized they were creating a monster.

As for the potty training...... I always respond to "she is trained at home" with:

"That's great!!! I haven't seen that ability from her here but daycare is a different environment than home I guess.

However, since I am required by licensing to maintain a sanitary environment for everyone and I have not seen the success you have seen at home I will need to require a $300 deposit if you are going to send her wear underwear.

If she remains dry like you say for two FULL weeks I will return the deposit in full but if she has any accidents I will need to use the money for professional carpet cleaning.

So totally up to you how you want to proceed."


I've never ever ever had a parent be confident enough in their words to put their money where their mouth is. Most usually back peddle and start yapping on about how i am right that the daycare environment is so much different than home etc etc.....
Thank you! I have hard Wood throughout my house, but brand new furniture (and mom is aware - she was dropping off with food/sippys and I explained that I didn’t allow food/drinks away from the table - even for my own children simply because we just bought brand new furniture through the house) so I’ll definitely tel her I will require a deposit! - another thing I’ll be adding to my contract!
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Old 05-31-2019, 07:22 PM
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Update.
Talked to mom about girls behavior at pickup on Wednesday- we agreed to brainstorm and try to come up with some things to try to help.
Ffw to today - asks if I have a minute to talk, she thinks she has a solution. Her solution? Putting the girl with someone else, starting next week. THEN she says she’s hoping to keep the boys with me, but will have to talk it over more with dad, and see if they can work it out due to time/commute logistics. And THEN she asked if she moved the boys also if I would take them back in the fall so that I can put them on and get them off the school bus.
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Old 06-01-2019, 01:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daycaremomma01 View Post
Update.
Talked to mom about girls behavior at pickup on Wednesday- we agreed to brainstorm and try to come up with some things to try to help.
Ffw to today - asks if I have a minute to talk, she thinks she has a solution. Her solution? Putting the girl with someone else, starting next week. THEN she says she’s hoping to keep the boys with me, but will have to talk it over more with dad, and see if they can work it out due to time/commute logistics. And THEN she asked if she moved the boys also if I would take them back in the fall so that I can put them on and get them off the school bus.
I believe that translates to: We feel it is easier to move her, then believe there are issues that need working on. We are also looking for care for the boys, but have not yet secured alternative care. Please keep them until we can find someone else. Wow, before and after care is looking crazy challenging to find. So, should we pull all 3 as we are attempting to do, please hold 2 spots open for them for in the fall.
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2 year old, hand foot and mouth, hand washing, handsy, hugging - too much, kissing kids, termination - behavioral, touching

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