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Old 05-24-2019, 08:23 AM
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Default Is This Anxiety?

I have a 3 1/2 year old who I have had in care since she was a little over a year old. She has definitely had her days where she has cried a lot. Other days she is completely fine. She tells mom and dad she cries because she misses them. The days she cries it can be anywhere from an hour to all morning. Sometimes it is whimpering/crying and days like this morning was screaming/crying. I can deal with the whimper/crying, but the other is beyond distracting. I try to give her a quiet space to lay and cuddle with her blanket when she does this, but this morning, she was so loud there was no place I could put her where she wasnít a huge distraction to the others. I was about to text for pick up when she changed to whimpering after about an hour of screaming. I have two younger ones who nap in the morning and they were struggling to fall asleep because of her crying.
I have noticed there is a pattern with her crying though recently. She likes to play with a couple kids who are part time. When they are here, she is fine. When they are not, she cries most of the morning. I donít know a lot about anxiety. Is this anxiety if she only does this when they are not here? Is it possible they are a big enough distraction that she only misses mom and dad when they arenít here?
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Old 05-24-2019, 09:20 AM
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We have a little girl that does the exact same thing. She does it from the time she comes in until she leaves (which is after nap about 2:00). She doesn't whimper but cries constantly and her teacher which is also the administrator has told her to be quiet and to stop crying which does NOTHING. She always wants to know when the other parent is coming or that she doesn't want to go outside or do any other activity, we have no where within the classroom to seperate her because we are in a gym with school age and the pre k children in there together. Does anyone here have any advice?
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Old 05-24-2019, 09:25 AM
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I don't think it's anxiety. Anxiety is worrying about the future/unknown. She is just unhappy. I think she likes those kids and when they aren't there to distract she thinks about her 2 other favorite people, mom and dad. Have you tried reminding her that parents always come back. They have always come back and picked up so there isn't a worry about that. There is a good Daniel Tigers Neighborhood about that.
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Old 05-24-2019, 10:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bubblegum View Post
I don't think it's anxiety. Anxiety is worrying about the future/unknown. She is just unhappy. I think she likes those kids and when they aren't there to distract she thinks about her 2 other favorite people, mom and dad. Have you tried reminding her that parents always come back. They have always come back and picked up so there isn't a worry about that. There is a good Daniel Tigers Neighborhood about that.
Yes, I know she watches that at home. Every morning when she comes in and starts crying, mom reminds her of the show and tells her she or dad will always come back to pick her up. I also remind her mom and dad will come back to pick her up when they are done working. Talking to her, just seems to make the crying worse though.
I understood it more when she first started, was so little and didnít know me as well. Is it strange that after being in my care for over two years, knows the routine/schedule, is older and can understand that parents come back, that she still continues to do this? Her afternoons are fine, but I think it is because she knows that they pick up soon after nap.
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Old 05-24-2019, 11:50 AM
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Kids with anxiety do have a tendency to get into a routine with behaviours and this is what this sounds like to me. So crying on the days her friends are not there is her routine. The best thing you can do is try to break that routine by getting her into a different one on the days her friends are not there. Could be something like a special craft or activity that starts as soon as she gets there or anything else you think might work. I have two siblings with anxiety and these routines happen a lot so when I notice it happening I do the special activity and try and get then pumped about it at the door, then I ignore their whining and then get them engaged, within a few days the routine is reset.
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Old 05-24-2019, 01:13 PM
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Anxiety definitely manifests as rigidity and rage/terror. But what can you do about that? I put up with a child like this for months and it only got worse. I came up with a behavioral plan, read books, interacted differently with the child. Ultimately it turned out to be, I think, a combination of personality and parental indifference. The parents were never onboard with taking her misery seriously or helping her, and it was never going to get better.
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3 year old, 3 years old, anxiety, developmental milestones, manipulative behavior, tantrums

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