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Parents and Guardians Forum>Am I Being Unreasonable
lovemykidstoo 04:43 AM 11-15-2012
I have a family that just seems to get under my craw. Twice this week they have had grandma pick up johnny boy. That's fine. The first day they told me she was coming. They normally pick up at 4:30/5:00. She came at 3:00 right in the middle of naptime. He was still sleeping, so I had to go and get him and she stood there and talked very loud and I talked back in a whisper and told her it was not time for the other ones to get up yet.
Yesterday the other grandma came and got him. I was not told that grandma was coming. My thoughts are that I should be told who is picking him up and when. How am I supposed to know that mom and dad said it was okay for her to pick up.
Gonna have a chat this morning and clear that up. Am I being unreasonable or should it not matter because they are on the pickup list?
Yesterday the other grandma came and got him. I was not told that grandma was coming. My thoughts are that I should be told who is picking him up and when. How am I supposed to know that mom and dad said it was okay for her to pick up.
Gonna have a chat this morning and clear that up. Am I being unreasonable or should it not matter because they are on the pickup list?
HappyHearts 06:33 AM 11-15-2012
No. You are not being unreasonable. I require a phone call ahead of time by the custodial parent informing me if someone other then them is picking up that day. Doesn't matter if they are on the approved pick-up list, I still require a phone call.
Blackcat31 06:38 AM 11-15-2012
Ooo, this is one of those issues that I am SUPER strict on. My parents all know that just because I know or recognize someone as a DCK's extended family member or family friend does NOT mean they can come pick up the DCK whenever they want.
My rules are that I must speak verbally, preferrable face to face but on the phone is ok too, (NO texts or e-mails or voicemails) that someone other than the parent is picking up.
I also make sure the parent tells me EXACTLY when that person is arriving.
I do this for safety reasons as I have had some doozy custody battles and custody issues happen here and I refuse to ever get in the middle or make the "mistake" of assuming a pick up person other than the custodial parent is ok to remove or take the child.
NO WAY would I be ok with what "could" or "might" happen due to a judgement call I made.
If I were you I would talk with the parents and explain to them why you can't just let Grandma Betty show up and take little Johnny and I would also make sure you let them know that if Grandma continues to be disruptive during pick up that she will no longer be allowed to do so.
My rules are that I must speak verbally, preferrable face to face but on the phone is ok too, (NO texts or e-mails or voicemails) that someone other than the parent is picking up.
I also make sure the parent tells me EXACTLY when that person is arriving.
I do this for safety reasons as I have had some doozy custody battles and custody issues happen here and I refuse to ever get in the middle or make the "mistake" of assuming a pick up person other than the custodial parent is ok to remove or take the child.
NO WAY would I be ok with what "could" or "might" happen due to a judgement call I made.
If I were you I would talk with the parents and explain to them why you can't just let Grandma Betty show up and take little Johnny and I would also make sure you let them know that if Grandma continues to be disruptive during pick up that she will no longer be allowed to do so.
kitykids3 06:43 AM 11-15-2012
If someone other than mom or dad are picking up, then parents have to let me know. It is not unreasonable to expect them to let you know when someone else is picking up, and right down to it, it is best for the child's safety.
We can't assume that grandma, or auntie, or whoever, can pick up whenever without us being told. You never know what kind of weird family conflicts can happen nowadays, with children being pawns.
I require parents to inform me if someone different is picking up for the day, or the child doesn't go, even if on authorized list, I need to hear it from mom/dad/guardian first.
We can't assume that grandma, or auntie, or whoever, can pick up whenever without us being told. You never know what kind of weird family conflicts can happen nowadays, with children being pawns.
I require parents to inform me if someone different is picking up for the day, or the child doesn't go, even if on authorized list, I need to hear it from mom/dad/guardian first.
lovemykidstoo 07:01 AM 11-15-2012
I talked to dad about it this morning. Told him that I don't know what the family dynamics are and that I need to be told and what time to be picked up also. He said that he thought that his wife texted me. Well, she didn't. Do you guys think that I should send her an email also or see if he talks to her about it.
Country Kids 07:26 AM 11-15-2012
We have the boys/girls club here and ANYONE can pick your child up. As long as the child knows them, they can pick them up. I find that soooooo scary. I asked a friend of mine if I went to pick their child up, they could go with me-yes, they said. I asked if I had to be on a list-NOPE=
.
Even at schools you have to be on a list!
.Even at schools you have to be on a list!
SunshineMama 07:27 AM 11-15-2012
My policy states that unless I have it in writing, or if the person is on the designated pick up list, they can't get the child. And, even if the child is on the pick up list, I will not release the child without verbal confirmation from the parents. I approach it from a safety viewpoint. I don't know the grandmas, and even if I did, how do I know that grandma and mom and dad didn't har a falling out and she is coming to take the child? Always get confirmation first or don't release the child.
Solandia 12:02 PM 11-15-2012
I also have it in my policy that I must know if someone other than a parent is picking up the child. Th parent only needs to call if they are already on the approved pickup list. I am extremely clear on this from the beginning with all the parents & very anal about it.
So.....The pickup person MUST be on the "list" of people allowed to sign out the child. It is a list that is signed by the parents. If they want to add a person for a one-time instance, not a blanket statement, then it would be a SIGNED note, dated, stating that C.L Smith will be picking up Susie on 11/11/2011. It stays in the file. Also, I require a photo ID if I do not know or recognize the pickup person. All I need is a phone call if the person is on the list already. For last minute, panicky changes in pick-up person...adding a new pickup person verbally will not happen.
There have been 3 times I refused to release a child. Once, I didnt have written permission, nor did I even know that a friend was picking up...mom was pissed b/c she ended up with $25 in late fees. The other 2 times, the parents were grateful I followed the policy, even though it was an inconvenience to them.
So.....The pickup person MUST be on the "list" of people allowed to sign out the child. It is a list that is signed by the parents. If they want to add a person for a one-time instance, not a blanket statement, then it would be a SIGNED note, dated, stating that C.L Smith will be picking up Susie on 11/11/2011. It stays in the file. Also, I require a photo ID if I do not know or recognize the pickup person. All I need is a phone call if the person is on the list already. For last minute, panicky changes in pick-up person...adding a new pickup person verbally will not happen.
There have been 3 times I refused to release a child. Once, I didnt have written permission, nor did I even know that a friend was picking up...mom was pissed b/c she ended up with $25 in late fees. The other 2 times, the parents were grateful I followed the policy, even though it was an inconvenience to them.
lovemykidstoo 06:10 PM 11-15-2012
Originally Posted by SunshineMama:
My policy states that unless I have it in writing, or if the person is on the designated pick up list, they can't get the child. And, even if the child is on the pick up list, I will not release the child without verbal confirmation from the parents. I approach it from a safety viewpoint. I don't know the grandmas, and even if I did, how do I know that grandma and mom and dad didn't har a falling out and she is coming to take the child? Always get confirmation first or don't release the child.
That is exactly what I told her today when she picked up. Told her I don't know the family dynamics and I don't care to know. All I need is a call from her. She apologized profusely and said that she did send me a text, but I didnt' get it. I told her that if she sends me a text and I don't acknowledge it, then assume I didn't get it. I still haven't gotten it. She also told me that she told the other grandma that she wasn't supposed to pick up during naptime and she was mad about that. She said that she would make it clear to whomever is picking up that that is not to happen again. Nice talk all in all and I don't expect anymore problems. Thanks all for the advice!My policy states that unless I have it in writing, or if the person is on the designated pick up list, they can't get the child. And, even if the child is on the pick up list, I will not release the child without verbal confirmation from the parents. I approach it from a safety viewpoint. I don't know the grandmas, and even if I did, how do I know that grandma and mom and dad didn't har a falling out and she is coming to take the child? Always get confirmation first or don't release the child.
Angelsj 07:39 PM 11-15-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Ooo, this is one of those issues that I am SUPER strict on. My parents all know that just because I know or recognize someone as a DCK's extended family member or family friend does NOT mean they can come pick up the DCK whenever they want.
My rules are that I must speak verbally, preferrable face to face but on the phone is ok too, (NO texts or e-mails or voicemails) that someone other than the parent is picking up.
I also make sure the parent tells me EXACTLY when that person is arriving.
I do this for safety reasons as I have had some doozy custody battles and custody issues happen here and I refuse to ever get in the middle or make the "mistake" of assuming a pick up person other than the custodial parent is ok to remove or take the child.
NO WAY would I be ok with what "could" or "might" happen due to a judgement call I made.
If I were you I would talk with the parents and explain to them why you can't just let Grandma Betty show up and take little Johnny and I would also make sure you let them know that if Grandma continues to be disruptive during pick up that she will no longer be allowed to do so.
Ooo, this is one of those issues that I am SUPER strict on. My parents all know that just because I know or recognize someone as a DCK's extended family member or family friend does NOT mean they can come pick up the DCK whenever they want.
My rules are that I must speak verbally, preferrable face to face but on the phone is ok too, (NO texts or e-mails or voicemails) that someone other than the parent is picking up.
I also make sure the parent tells me EXACTLY when that person is arriving.
I do this for safety reasons as I have had some doozy custody battles and custody issues happen here and I refuse to ever get in the middle or make the "mistake" of assuming a pick up person other than the custodial parent is ok to remove or take the child.
NO WAY would I be ok with what "could" or "might" happen due to a judgement call I made.
If I were you I would talk with the parents and explain to them why you can't just let Grandma Betty show up and take little Johnny and I would also make sure you let them know that if Grandma continues to be disruptive during pick up that she will no longer be allowed to do so.
Agreed.
I need to know WHEN exactly and WHO exactly and I need an ID until I know the person.
I also have the right to veto, and ask for a later pickup if that person wants to pickup during a nap.
Soccermom 04:27 AM 11-16-2012
I don't allow anyone other than Mom or Dad to pick up a child unless the parent has informed me the day before or the day of pick up.
I had an issue last year when a DCM forgot to tell me that Dad was in town (Parents are divorced) and that Dad would be surprising his girls by picking them up here on a friday afterschool. He had not seen them in over 5 months so I felt sooooo bad telling him that unless I could approve with DCM, he could not take his girls with him
He was sad but he understood. It took me 15 minutes to get ahold of DCM at work...poor Dad just stood there in the entrance with his girls. It was very uncomfortable and kind of ruined the excitement for the girls.
I also had an incident where a Grandmother came to pick up a child a few years ago without the parents telling me that someone other than them would be picking up. I tried to get ahold of DCPS at work and ended up only being able to leave them a message. Grandma was FURIOUS! She kept saying - Well I can't believe you are not going to let me take my own grandchild home!!! Then she kept saying to the DCB - I am Grandma right? And he would laugh and say Yes!!
She pulled out her ID to show me they had the same last name but I still stuck to my guns. She ended up leaving but was very angry about it. Not long after DCM called back to ask why I had not sent DCB with Grandma and I said - Because I have NO idea who she is! So they have the same last name...that doesn't prove anything and what if there was some kind of family dispute or something going on??? Do you want me to just send your child home with any stranger who comes to the door without having talked to you about it first?
After I said that DCM understood and apologized for putting me through all that. Grandma eventually came back and also apologized to me saying she was sorry and was glad that I put the safety of DCB first.
She looked pretty embarassed though...I felt sort of bad for her. But DCM should have told me Grandma was picking up.
I had an issue last year when a DCM forgot to tell me that Dad was in town (Parents are divorced) and that Dad would be surprising his girls by picking them up here on a friday afterschool. He had not seen them in over 5 months so I felt sooooo bad telling him that unless I could approve with DCM, he could not take his girls with him
He was sad but he understood. It took me 15 minutes to get ahold of DCM at work...poor Dad just stood there in the entrance with his girls. It was very uncomfortable and kind of ruined the excitement for the girls.
I also had an incident where a Grandmother came to pick up a child a few years ago without the parents telling me that someone other than them would be picking up. I tried to get ahold of DCPS at work and ended up only being able to leave them a message. Grandma was FURIOUS! She kept saying - Well I can't believe you are not going to let me take my own grandchild home!!! Then she kept saying to the DCB - I am Grandma right? And he would laugh and say Yes!!
She pulled out her ID to show me they had the same last name but I still stuck to my guns. She ended up leaving but was very angry about it. Not long after DCM called back to ask why I had not sent DCB with Grandma and I said - Because I have NO idea who she is! So they have the same last name...that doesn't prove anything and what if there was some kind of family dispute or something going on??? Do you want me to just send your child home with any stranger who comes to the door without having talked to you about it first?
After I said that DCM understood and apologized for putting me through all that. Grandma eventually came back and also apologized to me saying she was sorry and was glad that I put the safety of DCB first.
She looked pretty embarassed though...I felt sort of bad for her. But DCM should have told me Grandma was picking up.
Blackcat31 07:19 AM 11-16-2012
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
That is exactly what I told her today when she picked up. Told her I don't know the family dynamics and I don't care to know. All I need is a call from her. She apologized profusely and said that she did send me a text, but I didnt' get it. I told her that if she sends me a text and I don't acknowledge it, then assume I didn't get it. I still haven't gotten it. She also told me that she told the other grandma that she wasn't supposed to pick up during naptime and she was mad about that. She said that she would make it clear to whomever is picking up that that is not to happen again. Nice talk all in all and I don't expect anymore problems. Thanks all for the advice!
Yah!!! Super glad that it all worked out and the parent was understanding about it. Safety is something I never mess with.That is exactly what I told her today when she picked up. Told her I don't know the family dynamics and I don't care to know. All I need is a call from her. She apologized profusely and said that she did send me a text, but I didnt' get it. I told her that if she sends me a text and I don't acknowledge it, then assume I didn't get it. I still haven't gotten it. She also told me that she told the other grandma that she wasn't supposed to pick up during naptime and she was mad about that. She said that she would make it clear to whomever is picking up that that is not to happen again. Nice talk all in all and I don't expect anymore problems. Thanks all for the advice!