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  #1  
Old 03-24-2015, 05:19 PM
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Default Pissy Parent and the Poopy Playdoh

I'm here with another dilema that I can not solve on my own so please offer me any advise you all may have.

So 2 months ago I enrolled a 2 yr old little girl her Mom seems so nice and I was told by someone she was a good person so I thought great because I never get to have a reference on new clients! Well my first realization she wasn't that great was on payday the 1st week. She is a subsidized client so she only pays a portion which I allow, as I do everyone else, to pay at the end of the week. Well she ignores the receipt 3 times so I finally hand it to her and ask for payment. She then tells me she can only pay at the end of the month because that's how she is paid. Now we went over this at the interview and she agreed to pay at the end of the week we even entered her total and signed the contract. Being that 75% of the payment will come from state I overlooked it and just noted it in memory because I highly doubt she is being honest, she works 2 jobs no way they both happen to pay monthly.

Next problem is she dresses her child in skinny jeans which I have to pry off many times a day and tug back on. Even worse is she has this 2 yr old in Pull ups so I have to totally remove the tight pants to get a new pull up on. She is not potty training her until she is 3 but that is in 2 months. No way will DGC be able to get these pants off! Pull ups have to be worn she says because DGC will take the diaper off and it will move around under her pants. UGH!

Last and major problem is this child pulls poop out of her diaper and plays with it like play-doh!! I try to get to her as fast as I can but now it has become a game because the other children are grossed out and run away making her want to chase them with it. The first time she did it was during nap. She woke up and was lying there watching my bird play in it's cage. Finally I noticed a smell asked her if she pooped and she said yeah and pulled her hand out from under the blanket and had molded poop in her palm! She got it on the kids couch and blanket. She has long nails so it was shoved up under her nails and the smell made me gag until I threw up when I was trying to clean her up! I have been changing kids diapers for decades and never got sick or gagged like this. I couldn't get it all out from under her nails because she won't let me. She has done this 3 times now, about once a week maybe. As if that wasn't disgusting enough, when I confronted the Mother after this first time she laughed at me because I was still gagging as it had just happened 10 minutes before she came. My teen yelled at her saying it's not funny (he is already a germaphobe) which made her laugh harder! I then spoke up and said I don't find this funny I find it disgusting and a risk to everyones health. She laughed some more and said "Oh I forgot to tell you she does that we call it show and tell" OMG!!! REALLY?????

So I calm down and tell her it's unacceptable and can't happen again. She then sniffs DCGs fingers and says yep show and tell.
I said I couldn't get it all out she will need to soak in a tub maybe clip her nails to help. DCM says it's fine it will come out in the shower tomorrow morning she showers with me. TOMORROW??? GAG!! This poor child will eat dinner with poop under her nails?? So then DCG says she pooped Mom looks and sees nothing so she shoved her hand down in DCGs diaper FAR then looks at her fingers and said no she didn't WTH is wrong with this woman?? My son then hands her a clorox wipe she declines so he hands her a baby wipe she again declines. He said but you just had your fingers in her butt. DCM said yeah but there's no poop so it's fine besides I have been changing diapers for 14 years I'm not afraid of a little poop. Saddest part now is that this woman works in the food indusrty prepping and cooking meals!!! if she doesn't care to wash her hands after being in a child butt crack then Lord only knows what else is on her hands.

Usually she has other people drop off and pick up so I only see her once or twice a week thank God but now I wonder what is on DCGs hands every day at arrival. Did she play with poop that morning or the night before and not been cleaned? What do I do to stop her from playing with her poop since DCM doesn't find it offensive at all?
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Old 03-24-2015, 05:38 PM
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"DCM, I feel like this daycare situation is not a good fit for either of us, so I am terminating care effective immediately".
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Old 03-24-2015, 05:45 PM
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I couldn't even finish reading because it completely grossed me out. Tell the dcm she needs footed one piece pajamas one size up and the child needs to wear those backwards every day. This will also resolve the skinny jeans/pull up issue. If your contract stated that payment is due on Fridays then turn her away Monday morning if she doesn't have the payment with late charge.
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Old 03-24-2015, 05:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Heidi View Post
"DCM, I feel like this daycare situation is not a good fit for either of us, so I am terminating care effective immediately".

absolutely 100% term, effective immediately. No amount of money is worth that. Sorry, I'm not sorry.
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Old 03-24-2015, 06:10 PM
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I thought about terming but really can't afford it. I just termed a boy a while back for aggression issues, some of you may recall. I can't keep terming kids, I'm a single income struggling already so I have to find ways to work around things. There are lots of daycares in my area competing for clients as it is. I'm still not full yet. A lady down the street is only charging $10 per day! CRAZY but she is always full and has a husband with an income so she can do it.

The PJ idea is fabulous!!! Going to see if she will do that! Thank you all for the advise it is all appreciated!
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Old 03-24-2015, 06:18 PM
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Originally Posted by PitterPatter View Post
I thought about terming but really can't afford it. I just termed a boy a while back for aggression issues, some of you may recall. I can't keep terming kids, I'm a single income struggling already so I have to find ways to work around things. There are lots of daycares in my area competing for clients as it is. I'm still not full yet. A lady down the street is only charging $10 per day! CRAZY but she is always full and has a husband with an income so she can do it.

The PJ idea is fabulous!!! Going to see if she will do that! Thank you all for the advise it is all appreciated!
I can't take credit. Nannyde has a video of it on youtube i think. Look it up. She has some really helpful tips if you watch her videos.
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Old 03-24-2015, 06:19 PM
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I would start interviewing and as soon as I found someone term. That is just beyond gross.
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Old 03-24-2015, 06:28 PM
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I would start interviewing and as soon as I found someone term. That is just beyond gross.
It is funny how often we all post and discuss poop each day. But this takes the cake!
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Old 03-24-2015, 06:32 PM
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It is funny how often we all post and discuss poop each day. But this takes the cake!
Discussing it I can handle, playing with it I have an issue with, and someone dealing with it the way this mom does well... just no.
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Old 03-24-2015, 06:33 PM
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I would bathe her on arrival and search for replacement.
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Old 03-24-2015, 07:22 PM
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Girl, I thought that I had all of the crazies.....you win...I could not even read all of it I was so grossed out.

Seriously I don't understand why this DCM thinks this is funny.

I would be looking to replace this child, but in the mean time i would tell dcm.
You child needs to come in the footed PJ like previous poster suggest or a onesie. Stool in a daycare environment is EXTREMELY UNSAFE.

I would type up a new contract stating that for health and safety issues your child must be dressed in clothing that does not allow them to have access to their feces. failure to comply with this will result in immediate termination of care without refund.
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Old 03-24-2015, 08:54 PM
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It sounds like the reactions she is getting are the reason she is doing is. Negative attention is still attention and if that (getting out her poop) is a method that works to get attention at home, she will try it with you too.

I agree with the others that preventing access is your best bet but, if she does do it again, you should not react. Your reaction and the kids reaction to her "poop antics" are the fun part for her. Separate her from the other kids immediately, don't speak to her except to say "I am going to clean you up now," and move on with your day like you don't care. Remove what is fun for her and the behavior should go away at your house.
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Old 03-25-2015, 02:31 AM
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The PJs is a great idea, and would make changing easier too. But you also need to get paid her share on time. Stand firm and make her pay what she owes you now. If you don't stand firm, you can probably kiss whatever she owes you goodbye and just earn the 75% that's paid by the state.
Wow> Just wow. She's a piece of work isn't she?
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Old 03-25-2015, 04:05 AM
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"DCM, I feel like this daycare situation is not a good fit for either of us, so I am terminating care effective immediately".


This is so gross! That mother....ugh! She's not going to change.
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Old 03-25-2015, 04:08 AM
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Here is what I would do.

2 week probation and the following has to change effective immediately.

DIAPERS. No more pullups. Backwards footed pj's.

PAYMENT on TIME, EVERY TIME.

If that didn't change, or at any time she failed to do that in the next two weeks, I would term effective immediately and take her to court for the balance.

Also- NO WAY would I want to PT this child, easy on/off clothing will just mean more poop digging. YUCK!
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Old 03-25-2015, 05:08 AM
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Any time you allow a family to hold you financially hostage you are at their mercy.

I think there are lots of things you could probably do to make the situation easier for you, but at the same time it would be completely enabling this mother to be in charge.

I'm sorry but it's just not something I would be willing to put up with.

Not for ANY amount of money.
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Old 03-25-2015, 07:00 AM
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Any time you allow a family to hold you financially hostage you are at their mercy.

I think there are lots of things you could probably do to make the situation easier for you, but at the same time it would be completely enabling this mother to be in charge.

I'm sorry but it's just not something I would be willing to put up with.

Not for ANY amount of money.
I kno you're a single mom and it's hard. Been there myself but I would call your creditors. Let them know payments will be late because you are terminating care and tell them why. NO PERSON , other than dcm, will think this is ok. And the creditors will make notes in your file. Just get back to full pymnts asap and term this lady. Gives me the heebie jeebies thinking about everything she's touched at your home. I shudder thinking about HER HOME!!
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Old 03-25-2015, 07:45 AM
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Yucky!
Keeping her because you need the money is totally understandable.....as long as you actually get paid.
If you are only going to get 75% from the state, your not even getting what you deserve....and then some....for this disgusting poop situation that you are having to deal with.
Doesn't sound like mom is going to change.
I'd get the footsie pj myself and just put her in it myself while in care.
And like pp, wouldn't provide care until payment was up to date.
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Old 03-25-2015, 07:54 AM
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I feel sorry for this child
I would want to help the child learn this is not ok...but I would want to term because of the parent.
I single too and know of the money issues....it is scarey
I have no answers for you
but I sure would not eat where she worked EVER ....
and I would not let this child touch a thing in and am tell washed ...ugh
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Old 03-25-2015, 08:39 AM
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I would pick up a couple pair of the footie pj's at a local thrift store and change the child into them upon arrival every single morning. I would change her back into her clothes just before pick up. There is no way that I would tolerate that behavior from mother or child.

I would also wash the child's hands with antibacterial soap upon arrival every single day.
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Old 03-25-2015, 08:53 AM
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I know you need the money, but you arent' even getting the full amount! I wouldn't want to deal with this, and especially not if mom isn't paying me. She works at a restaurant. I have worked in several restaurants and they do not pay monthly. Maybe she is talking about her monthly assistance check? I have never had a parent that get paid monthly, so the chances that she has TWO jobs that pay monthly are quite slim.

If you want to keep her, which it sounds like you do, then put your foot down! The poop thing is just gross and unsanitary and needs to stop. Her paying monthly needs to stop. That gives her the opportunity to skip out on you without paying you (even 25% makes a difference and you worked for it)

I would tell her effective immediately she needs to abide by the contract she signed and pay weekly.

Also, Dcg will be in backward pj's until she no longer digs in her diaper. Wash dcg's hands when she arrives with soap and water before she plays with anything.
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Old 03-25-2015, 09:00 AM
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Originally Posted by sharlan View Post
I would pick up a couple pair of the footie pj's at a local thrift store and change the child into them upon arrival every single morning. I would change her back into her clothes just before pick up. There is no way that I would tolerate that behavior from mother or child.

I would also wash the child's hands with antibacterial soap upon arrival every single day.
I would do just that!
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Old 03-25-2015, 06:13 PM
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"DCM, I feel like this daycare situation is not a good fit for either of us, so I am terminating care effective immediately".
Like!!!!!
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Old 04-01-2015, 08:14 AM
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Well DCM took offense to the suggestion of PJs, not even going into the convo here, and I can not afford to term. My gas bill alone for this month is $325. I struggle now pay check to pay check. I tried explaining to the Gas co but they don't care, they and the other utilities will just shut me off. Rent can be worked with a bit but not much. So here is what I have done.

The payments I told DCM that she can pay monthy but she will have to pay in advance and if there are any days she doesn't attend care I will credit her.
I bought 5 footed PJs. I don't tell DCM that I put them on her and she can't talk so she wont tell lol. I plan on leaving the PJs on her for a couple weeks then trying her normal clothing to see if she broke the habit. With warm weather coming she can't be running around in the yard like that, we have lots of passers by. So hoepfully she will stop. DCM and DCD said they haven't had any problems at home with it. I don't trust them so when she arrives I immediately take her to play in her own little basin of soapy water so that it gets under her nails in case anything is there. She is happy to soak/play with they toys in the "bubble" water lol We make a game of it find the yellow flower, find the green turtle... Working well for now. The other kids have another basin so everyone thinks we are just sharing a new activity.

Thank you everyone for all the suggestions and advise!
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Old 04-01-2015, 08:23 AM
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Originally Posted by PitterPatter View Post
Well DCM took offense to the suggestion of PJs, not even going into the convo here, and I can not afford to term. My gas bill alone for this month is $325. I struggle now pay check to pay check. I tried explaining to the Gas co but they don't care, they and the other utilities will just shut me off. Rent can be worked with a bit but not much. So here is what I have done.

The payments I told DCM that she can pay monthy but she will have to pay in advance and if there are any days she doesn't attend care I will credit her.
I bought 5 footed PJs. I don't tell DCM that I put them on her and she can't talk so she wont tell lol. I plan on leaving the PJs on her for a couple weeks then trying her normal clothing to see if she broke the habit. With warm weather coming she can't be running around in the yard like that, we have lots of passers by. So hoepfully she will stop. DCM and DCD said they haven't had any problems at home with it. I don't trust them so when she arrives I immediately take her to play in her own little basin of soapy water so that it gets under her nails in case anything is there. She is happy to soak/play with they toys in the "bubble" water lol We make a game of it find the yellow flower, find the green turtle... Working well for now. The other kids have another basin so everyone thinks we are just sharing a new activity.

Thank you everyone for all the suggestions and advise!
I'm sorry but that is a dangerous thing to do.

Doing something with a child (especially when a parent directly said no) without the parents permission can eventually cost you more than just losing the family.

I understand and sympathize with you about needing the income but I can't condone a provider going directly against a parents wishes just because you cant afford to term.

Actions like that always start out with the best intentions and usually up badly.

I'm sorry you feel you are between a rock and a hard place but please reconsider.

Parents can be very vindictive. Especially those who feel you have no respect for them or their parenting wishes.

This is their child and they have every right to say yes or no to certain things and you have every right to say you cannot meet that need but I don't think you have the right to just do it behind their back.

I'm sorry but it's just not okay.
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Old 04-01-2015, 08:32 AM
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What about asking for the child to be dressed in a onesie with pants over it instead of the pjs?
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Old 04-01-2015, 08:42 AM
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I'm sorry but that is a dangerous thing to do.

Doing something with a child (especially when a parent directly said no) without the parents permission can eventually cost you more than just losing the family.

I understand and sympathize with you about needing the income but I can't condone a provider going directly against a parents wishes just because you cant afford to term.

Actions like that always start out with the best intentions and usually up badly.

I'm sorry you feel you are between a rock and a hard place but please reconsider.

Parents can be very vindictive. Especially those who feel you have no respect for them or their parenting wishes.

This is their child and they have every right to say yes or no to certain things and you have every right to say you cannot meet that need but I don't think you have the right to just do it behind their back.

I'm sorry but it's just not okay.
The only reason she didn't want her in them is because she "shouldn't have to buy pajamas for daycare that's rediculous" I suggested 2nd hand Pjs and she flipped at the thought of her child wearing someone elses PJs then she went into all of her financial obligations which is where I hit her with what about the obligation to me for child care... So I thought before she can give another excuse I will buy them myself. I don't see how this could cause a problem if her complaint was buying them and I solved it. I should have suggested I purchase them but was too afraid she would have another excuse. She doesn't think poop is a big deal AT ALL, she thinks it's funny!. She has no respect for me or my home and I am only doing what I can to protect everyone even if it means slightly disrespecting her. As soon as I can get another child on board I will let her know about the PJs and if she doesn't approve she will be given notice. I thought I had covered all bases but in this situation I think it's impossible to have everything work out for everyone.
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Old 04-01-2015, 09:03 AM
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I couldn't even finish reading because it completely grossed me out. Tell the dcm she needs footed one piece pajamas one size up and the child needs to wear those backwards every day. This will also resolve the skinny jeans/pull up issue. If your contract stated that payment is due on Fridays then turn her away Monday morning if she doesn't have the payment with late charge.
This is exactly what I was going to say! In my state if they are
behind on co pay we notify the county and they send out a notice threatening their benefits.
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Old 04-01-2015, 09:15 AM
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I'm sorry but that is a dangerous thing to do.

Doing something with a child (especially when a parent directly said no) without the parents permission can eventually cost you more than just losing the family.

I understand and sympathize with you about needing the income but I can't condone a provider going directly against a parents wishes just because you cant afford to term.

Actions like that always start out with the best intentions and usually up badly.

I'm sorry you feel you are between a rock and a hard place but please reconsider.

Parents can be very vindictive. Especially those who feel you have no respect for them or their parenting wishes.

This is their child and they have every right to say yes or no to certain things and you have every right to say you cannot meet that need but I don't think you have the right to just do it behind their back.

I'm sorry but it's just not okay.
Well I have not been able to stop thinking about this since I last replied. I hate being disrespected and now I have guilt for disrespecting someone else. I'm going to tell DCM that I have purchased some PJs and if she agrees to let her wear them then all will be fine. If not then I will give her a 2 weeks notice. I try so hard to keep everyone safe and happy and I feel bad for kids in certain positions but I have to worry about my other kids and my own family... I guess I'd rather be in collections than have anyone get sick from contamination or lose my license for going against parent's wishes. I thought I had done so well with all of the changes I made but I guess not. Thanks for putting that point of view in my head Cat. I took the Pjs off and just pray she doesn't pull anything out until I can talk to DCM and see where we go from here.
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Old 04-01-2015, 09:39 AM
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Well I have not been able to stop thinking about this since I last replied. I hate being disrespected and now I have guilt for disrespecting someone else. I'm going to tell DCM that I have purchased some PJs and if she agrees to let her wear them then all will be fine. If not then I will give her a 2 weeks notice. I try so hard to keep everyone safe and happy and I feel bad for kids in certain positions but I have to worry about my other kids and my own family... I guess I'd rather be in collections than have anyone get sick from contamination or lose my license for going against parent's wishes. I thought I had done so well with all of the changes I made but I guess not. Thanks for putting that point of view in my head Cat. I took the Pjs off and just pray she doesn't pull anything out until I can talk to DCM and see where we go from here.
good luck. I will be praying for you.
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Old 04-01-2015, 10:08 AM
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Well I have not been able to stop thinking about this since I last replied. I hate being disrespected and now I have guilt for disrespecting someone else. I'm going to tell DCM that I have purchased some PJs and if she agrees to let her wear them then all will be fine. If not then I will give her a 2 weeks notice. I try so hard to keep everyone safe and happy and I feel bad for kids in certain positions but I have to worry about my other kids and my own family... I guess I'd rather be in collections than have anyone get sick from contamination or lose my license for going against parent's wishes. I thought I had done so well with all of the changes I made but I guess not. Thanks for putting that point of view in my head Cat. I took the Pjs off and just pray she doesn't pull anything out until I can talk to DCM and see where we go from here.
Hun, I am so not trying to make you feel bad. You know I am saying what I said with a kind heart. I can only imagine the trouble this parent could make for you if you go against her wishes. kwim?

I think that you should put this back on her and tell her that since she feels poop is not an issue, you will charge her the costs of PROFESSIONAL clean up as well as anything that is tossed out because of the contamination.

Also if DCG plays with any of her poop, DCM will be called and asked to pick up IMMEDIATELY. She will then need to remain out for 24 hours as anything not contained within a diaper is considered unsanitary and diarrhea.

There are ways to put this back on mom that will allow you to keep her as a client. I would also let her know that this type of sensory play is not normal and if she does not address it, you may have to report it as a child playing in feces is unsanitary and very unhealthy.

I in no way meant to make you feel bad at all and I apologize if I did. I truly was looking out for you.

I just get a little bent out of shape when providers go against parents wishes and if providers suggest to one another to just do what you do and lie to the parent. I feel that is never the route to go.

I wont apologize for what I said but absolutely apologize for the delivery and any hurt feelings that resulted in what I said.

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Old 04-01-2015, 01:19 PM
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Thriftylady Thriftylady is offline
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I agree that BC was not trying to be mean to you, but she has seen a lot, and always looks out for us the best she can.

This is just nasty, and unsafe. In Kansas, I had a visit from licensing, because a boy in my care had been diagnosed with salmonella food poisoning. The parents had never said a word to me about it. Even if they had I didn't know how easy it could be transferred but it can be through feces. If DCB went to the bathroom and didn't wash his hands well and touched a toy, every child in care could have gotten salmonella. They went over all my attendance records (and she was very happy I had them I guess many providers don't keep any). She was looking for his absences for when he may have been sick, and other absences so they could send other kids to the doctor. She gave me many compliments on my keeping the others healthy even though I had no idea, but it freaked me out. I guess it freaked me out because I had no idea it could pass that easy.

So this could endanger all the kids in care and your family and cost you a ton to deal with. Perhaps you could print out some kind of handout to give mom to show what a huge deal it is or something.
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Old 04-01-2015, 06:18 PM
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PitterPatter PitterPatter is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Hun, I am so not trying to make you feel bad. You know I am saying what I said with a kind heart. I can only imagine the trouble this parent could make for you if you go against her wishes. kwim?

I think that you should put this back on her and tell her that since she feels poop is not an issue, you will charge her the costs of PROFESSIONAL clean up as well as anything that is tossed out because of the contamination.

Also if DCG plays with any of her poop, DCM will be called and asked to pick up IMMEDIATELY. She will then need to remain out for 24 hours as anything not contained within a diaper is considered unsanitary and diarrhea.

There are ways to put this back on mom that will allow you to keep her as a client. I would also let her know that this type of sensory play is not normal and if she does not address it, you may have to report it as a child playing in feces is unsanitary and very unhealthy.

I in no way meant to make you feel bad at all and I apologize if I did. I truly was looking out for you.

I just get a little bent out of shape when providers go against parents wishes and if providers suggest to one another to just do what you do and lie to the parent. I feel that is never the route to go.

I wont apologize for what I said but absolutely apologize for the delivery and any hurt feelings that resulted in what I said.

Oh no apology needed, I didn't take any offense really, you didn't make me feel guilty I did that to myself. I have trouble lying always have that's why I don't do it often and I'm so bad at it lol This time I just tried to convince myself it was for the good of my family and DCKs.

I appreciate every piece of advise you have given me over the years. I know you have been there done that usually. So no worries you didn't give me guilt I did.

I'm afraid DCG is eventually going to have to go because there are just too many problems. She doesn't talk much but when she does she tells everyone to shut up. She thinks everything is hers. She doesn't like her sippy cup s she sucks it out, spits it in the toys cups then drinks it... She wont eat the healthy foods I serve so she's hungry and takes fruit off of the other kids plates but I'm not filling her up on fruit all day. She wants hot dogs, chips, Ramen noodles, and chicken nuggets. DCM warned me she doesn't have a variety she eats and said just to feed her hot dogs if she wont eta. Well I'm not even allowed to do that with the food prog and I wouldn't feed my own child that crap... just a few to give you an idea. Don't get me wrong she can be very sweet and loving too.

She did well the rest of the day no poop! If it does happen again i will send her home and inform DCM that she will have to be picked up every time she does it. I don't have time to bathe her and I just don't feel a child would be clean enough after doing that without a good soak, especially for those fingernails! GAG

I just hate pushing kids to the next person because I think everyone should get a chance and maybe they just aren'tgetting 1 on 1 time or any attention for that matter. It takes a lot for me to term. I did term the violent boy last year so I tried to hang in there. Not sure that's going to work but I will try as long as I can. Again thank you as always!!
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