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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Birthday Party With No Gifts Request
sahm1225 08:29 AM 10-15-2018
Is it rude if I still Want to get the kids a small gift like a book?

Have you ever put that on an invitation? The family is very well off so Iím thinking maybe they just donít want toys. But itís a 2 year old and 4 year old, it just feels weird to not have some type of gift.
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Indoorvoice 08:35 AM 10-15-2018
I don't think it's rude, but they probably really don't want anything. I've been getting more invitations like this and I've been giving movie passes with a card.
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LittleExplorers 08:59 AM 10-15-2018
Do you have kids? If so, I would have them make a card. I would not do a gift. They are asking for a reason. It may or may not be due to their financial status. I think as a society we are sometimes too focused on things, but it's just my opinion. I remember looking around when my two boys were little one day and wondered how on earth we accumulated so many things, most that were played with short term then set aside.
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rosieteddy 09:04 AM 10-15-2018
I think its kindof lousy.Obviously the 2 yr old wouldn't care.The 4 yr old gets it.Teach them to accept gifts .Maybe ask for age appropriate books.Then after the party donate already read books.Ask for something small .This is a teaching moment everybody knows you get gifts for birthdays and special occasions.Why not teach them to donate after the party.
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Jiminycrickets 09:13 AM 10-15-2018
I always ask for no gifts for my kids' birthday parties. They get plenty of gifts from us, family, and close friends. It's just too much.
I generally respect when the family asks for no gifts at a party. If I am close to the child or really just want to give them something for whatever reason, I give it a different time or have it sent to their house.
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Blackcat31 09:32 AM 10-15-2018
Originally Posted by sahm1225:
Is it rude if I still Want to get the kids a small gift like a book?

Have you ever put that on an invitation? The family is very well off so Iím thinking maybe they just donít want toys. But itís a 2 year old and 4 year old, it just feels weird to not have some type of gift.
Why not get a book or some other small gift and donate it to the library or the children's floor of a local hospital in the child's name? That way you are honoring the family's wish of no gifts but still fulfilling your need to get one.
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boy_mom 10:00 AM 10-15-2018
Personally we always do no gifts and my kids have learned that a party is spending time with friends and family and celebrating! They get gifts from us on their actual birthday and get to pick a special dinner as well. It's never been an issue for them

At first people still showed up with small gifts, but quickly realized we really do mean it! Our kids have plenty of toys and we always end up donating a lot of what people buy them. I doubt the family would have put it in the invite if they didnt mean it!!
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hwichlaz 10:25 AM 10-15-2018
I agree. The kids know that a party is for visiting and having fun and food with friends if that's what their parents have taught them. If you do bring a gift, please do not expect it to be opened at the party. The parents may stash and donate without the kid ever seeing it.
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sahm1225 11:21 AM 10-15-2018
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Why not get a book or some other small gift and donate it to the library or the children's floor of a local hospital in the child's name? That way you are honoring the family's wish of no gifts but still fulfilling your need to get one.
Thatís what I was thinking of doing. But I was hoping to get them a book as a gift from the daycare. We always do a little party at daycare and I get them a small gift. Now Iím
Wondering if they want me to skip that too.
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sahm1225 11:22 AM 10-15-2018
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
I agree. The kids know that a party is for visiting and having fun and food with friends if that's what their parents have taught them. If you do bring a gift, please do not expect it to be opened at the party. The parents may stash and donate without the kid ever seeing it.
I would not expect them to open the gift at the party. I actually really dislike that tradition. Kids get too hyper and donít appreciate their gifts in public. We always take gifts home and open them the next day after dinner
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Jupadia 11:55 AM 10-15-2018
I've seen it on invites and still have given a gift, but we made sure to give a book and movie tickets. It was a friend of the family and my husband talked to the dad who told us they put it there cause they just had to much stuff already and no room for more. What we truly hated on a invite for a kids party was a line saying no boxed gifts so we gave a bag gift then, was not doing cash.
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Meeko 12:14 PM 10-15-2018
I always did no gift parties for my own children. They received plenty from family and close friends.

Parties were for celebration and fun and sharing....not getting.

People mentioned that we always got a good turn out for parties. I am sure it is because of the no gift policy. Not everyone is able to afford to buy gift after gift as their child does the round of numerous neighborhood/school parties....so they make excuses why their child cannot attend.

I also wanted to my children to learn that not every celebration was about them "getting stuff".
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Ariana 12:39 PM 10-15-2018
I felt like a moron when I showed up to a Ďno giftí party and was the only one who didnít bring a gift
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lovemykidstoo 02:38 PM 10-15-2018
Originally Posted by Ariana:
I felt like a moron when I showed up to a Ďno giftí party and was the only one who didnít bring a gift
I was just going to write something along these lines. Make sure others are not bringing gifts. My nephew and his wife had their sons 3rd birthday and said no gifts. I knew dang well that people would bring presents, so I bought something. Thank God I did, I would have been the only one without a gift.
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MarinaVanessa 03:06 PM 10-15-2018
If that's what it says then I'd honor it. I know for me I used to have my kids make a specific wishlist that people could view online. I know it sounds weird but I'd have my kids pick which items they wanted and we'd go through and talk about each one. I'd remove items that are cheap (like toys that seem cool but when you have them in your hand they're made of cheap materials that break easily) or that are inappropriate (way too many pieces that I know my kids won't pick up, too expensive, too advanced for their age, safety hazard, too violent etc).

The remainder of their wishlist would be posted online with links to make it easier for people to purchase them. I'd politely mention that my kids have a lot already and that if they didn't want to get a specific item on their list that one was not necessary or they could donate the amount they were going to spend to a cause of their choice under my kids name. People didn't follow the wishlist and I ALWAYS had to either throw newly opened toys that broke within the same day away or had a ton of toys to return because they have them already. I felt bad returning stuff but there was no point in keeping them. I'd give the gift cards/merchandise credit back to my kids and later they used that to buy themselves whatever they wanted.

Now I just put on the invites that a gift is welcomed but not necessary and that my kids prefer gift cards to Amazon, Walmart or Target (because that where we shop and what we have) but people always get them clothes (that my kids won't wear because they aren't the styles they want) or toys that they already have or that they aren't interested in. Then I have to go around town trying to figure out where to return the toys and if I can't then I try to sell them in FB buy/sell/trade groups (my kids get the money) or I have to donate them if I can't get rid of them.

It sounds super rude of me to do this and ungrateful but in all honesty I genuinely prefer that people not get my kids anything. And my kids don't care, none of them. They literally have what they want. They do chores and work for neighbors, recycle cans and bottles etc and save up for what they want and buy them all year long so when their birthday and Christmas comes around there's nothing on their wishlist. We go to Target every weekend and always go down the toy aisle and through the clothes. They spend a good 30 minutes looking at and playing with the toys and usually leave with nothing even though they each have money to afford anything there. This happens with all 4 of my kids usually (13, 7, 5 & 2).

When I put "gifts not necessary" I really do mean it. When my kids get something anyway it's usually a hassle for me afterward even though I think it's sweet. My kids just want a party and to celebrate with friends and family. I'm lucky.
Just some thoughts from a momma who asks for no gifts (except for my 2 year old, all of my kids tell me they don't want anything).
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hwichlaz 03:44 PM 10-15-2018
Originally Posted by sahm1225:
I would not expect them to open the gift at the party. I actually really dislike that tradition. Kids get too hyper and donít appreciate their gifts in public. We always take gifts home and open them the next day after dinner
See to me, that's mean. I'd feel tortured as a kid knowing my parents were holding my gifts for another day. My behavior would have totally melted down.
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sahm1225 08:28 PM 10-15-2018
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
See to me, that's mean. I'd feel tortured as a kid knowing my parents were holding my gifts for another day. My behavior would have totally melted down.
Oh that did sound mean, oops. Iím not holding the gifts hostage

By the time we finish the party and head home (usually i bring home my nieceís & nephews or a friend home with us), they play and then everyone goes home or spends the night. Itís not like Iím Holding the gifts saying you canít open them, they just usually end up getting opened the next day. This year my 11 year old made sure he told his cousins that we would see them later that night, so no one came home with us and he opened them up right away.
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Cat Herder 04:33 AM 10-16-2018
I'd probably just skip the party and mail a Birthday card with some cash or a gift card inside.

An adult party for a child's Birthday seems awkward.

"Come to our BBQ that also happens to be our Timmy's 5th Birthday, but don't bring him a gift because he has too much already" would feel off to me. I have a hard time believing Timmy feels the same. You only get so many kid parties in a lifetime.

That said if the party is the gift, like a child and a few of his friends going to race go-carts or to a solarium and 3-D movie, and the adults there are more supervisory, that sounds fun. I'd probably still hand the kids Dad an envelope for my kids' share of the costs under the table.
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Miss A 10:42 AM 10-16-2018
We did a no gift party for our 2 year old this year. He still ended up with a mountain of gifts, and cards with cash for his savings account.

We chose to do this because we do not want to teach our son that birthdays and holidays are all about gifts. I want him to feel like he is being celebrated on his special day with friends and family who love him, and not think that he can only feel special based on the gifts given to him.

We also did this because we have SO. MUCH. STUFF. He has 2 toy boxes that are his alone. As well as a toy room, and all the daycare toys to choose from. An entire bookcase, as well as 2 large baskets full of books available to him, and until I went through and purged, 6 boxes packed away to rotate. He has totes and totes of clothes all the way up to size 4T, an entire closet, and 2 dressers full of clothes. We have a big family, who have all made sure he is well taken care of. We did not need to add to it.

If someone wants to give him a gift, we prefer it to be a gift to help him grow his savings account. That $20 toy gifted to him will only be played with for a few months, but a $20 contribution to his savings will gain interest for the next 16 years and help him enter adulthood with a sizable nest egg.
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CityGarden 12:57 PM 10-16-2018
Originally Posted by Indoorvoice:
I don't think it's rude, but they probably really don't want anything. I've been getting more invitations like this and I've been giving movie passes with a card.
Yes we give a card (often homemade by my dd) and movie passes, passes to the local museum or passes to the local botanical garden. I tend to like gifting experiences over possessions anyway so this is not out of our norm.
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MarinaVanessa 01:05 PM 10-16-2018
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
"Come to our BBQ that also happens to be our Timmy's 5th Birthday, but don't bring him a gift because he has too much already" would feel off to me. I have a hard time believing Timmy feels the same. You only get so many kid parties in a lifetime.
This is exactly my kids ... all 3 except my 2 yo, she's too young to know yet. We'll see how she is as she gets older.

My kids don't want to/have to wait for their birthday/Christmas for toys/gifts. They see something they like and ask if they have enough saved up. If they do we take them to get it, if they don't they save up for it.

My 7-year-old turns 8 next month and asked us not to throw him a birthday party this year. My 13-year-old turns 14 in December and she did too. Last year both asked for nothing and got a lot of gifts and most of it they donated to Toys for Tots. Some was clothes and that was donated to the shelter (we had the Thomas fire going on in early December). My kids just have specific styles or taste in toys and clothes and I feel like it's a waste for people to gift them things that my kids don't use. My 13yo likes punk and black ... people always buy her pink to wear
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Tags:birthday - no gift, birthday gift, birthday party
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