Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Parents Refuse to Come Get Kids
Unregistered 08:41 AM 05-01-2014
I told you a day or so about a boy I have who throws extreme temper tantrums and overall disrupts the entire day. Well, today, he screamed/forceful cried, and yelled for his parents to get him for 45 minutes! Then his younger sister decided to copy him and she has now been screaming/crying/yelling mommy, daddy, and her brother's name for about a half an hour.

The day that I posted this situation on here, I told the mother about it and told her that I will have to start sending him home when he throws his tantrum. I told her that when he starts, he just doesn't stop, often going for an hour or more. So I will have to send him home when he does this. She told me that she can not leave work to get him, so I will have to call their father. So today, I tried 4 times to call the father and he is just bitch buttoning me!!! His phone rings once and then gives me a very fast busy signal. That happens when the person you are calling hits the end button instead of answering the phone.

So the mother can't/won't leave work to come get them and the father won't even answer my phone calls!
Reply
dalman 08:47 AM 05-01-2014
There is no way I would put up with this behavior, from the parents, not the kids. They were warned what would happen if they don't get THEIR children under control. Tonight when they pick up, I would be handing them their term papers. They are soooo disrespectful of you and your rules. It blows me away. What if something were wrong and their child was on the way to the hospital in an ambulance? Not answer the phone? Are you kidding me? See ya. I have no time for people like this. No wonder the kids are out of control - the parents are out of control.
Reply
Unregistered 08:48 AM 05-01-2014
and if it was an emergency?

I would gather all belongings and print out an immediate termination notice to have ready once a parent picks up.

You should be able to contact a parent at all times.
Reply
childcaremom 08:50 AM 05-01-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
and if it was an emergency?

I would gather all belongings and print out an immediate termination notice to have ready once a parent picks up.

You should be able to contact a parent at all times.

Reply
Maria2013 08:51 AM 05-01-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
and if it was an emergency?

I would gather all belongings and print out an immediate termination notice to have ready once a parent picks up.

You should be able to contact a parent at all times.

Reply
drseuss 08:52 AM 05-01-2014
Hasta la BYE BYE at pick up today. Sorry about your situation.
Reply
midaycare 08:59 AM 05-01-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
he is just bitch buttoning me!!! His phone rings once and then gives me a very fast busy signal. That happens when the person you are calling hits the end button instead of answering the phone.
Heh, heh. I've never heard it stated that way, but I suppose I'm guilty of BB'ing a few people. Mostly the mother in law

Term, term, term, term, term, term, term, term.

Sorry about the situation. Stinks.
Reply
KDC 09:17 AM 05-01-2014
I do think it's wrong that he's **bb** your messages. I would be upset that they were making themselves unavailable.

If you tried the wife first and she said No, call Dad... I would have put it back on her, YOU need to make arrangements for your children to be picked up by this time or I'm calling CPS. Gather everything up including a term letter.

However, part of me just wonders if the child is thinking (if I scream, I go home... AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Hee hee, I win!) The sister thinks this is a neat trick. I would nip it in the bud with consequences, and if absolutely nothing I tried worked I would term. **In my opinion...I can't see any of my DCP's thinking I'm a serious child care provider if I called over tantrums. BUT, I'm not in your shoes, and you've already probably tried everything. In this case, I would term.

Good luck!
Reply
snbauser 09:24 AM 05-01-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
and if it was an emergency?

I would gather all belongings and print out an immediate termination notice to have ready once a parent picks up.

You should be able to contact a parent at all times.
This. If you have gotten to the point that nothing else is working and this is what you need to do when the child gets like this, then they either pick up or you terminate. Those are really your only options.
Reply
bklsmum 09:25 AM 05-01-2014
I agree with all above. Term them immediately.
Reply
daycarediva 09:30 AM 05-01-2014
I wouldn't send a child home for a tantrum- imho I would address the issue, give it a date for improvement/resolution and then term at the end of that period.

I WOULD term immediately for being unavailable and failing to contact me.
Reply
drseuss 09:35 AM 05-01-2014
If you don't want to term *immediately* over their unavailability, you could let them know when they do pick up today that from now on, you expect a response within xxx minutes, and if you do not get one you will call the emergency backup person. And let that be their one and only warning.
Reply
Unregistered 09:44 AM 05-01-2014
I have tried everything I know. I've been in daycare for over 20 years. I have only sent 2 kids home in 20 years. I am usually able to get the children to behave properly. However, I fully believe this child has special needs. Even though I have worked with plenty of special needs kids, this child, I can't figure out a way to get him to this child to calm down. When he goes into his tantrum, there's no stopping him. He just goes off until he wears himself out. And over the past couple of weeks, his sister (just turned 2 years old) has been copying him but I have been able to get her to calm down quickly. Today, I couldn't get her to calm down either and between the two, I just can't keep watching them when he throws a tantrum and especially when she joins in and throws a copy tantrum.

I can't afford to just kick them out. I have to figure out how to handle this until I can replace them. Obviously, the parents are not going to come get them when I need to have them removed from daycare for the day.
Reply
Unregistered 09:51 AM 05-01-2014
Have you tried recording the kids in action during a tantrum so the parents can see the extent of the tantrums.
Reply
jenn 09:55 AM 05-01-2014
I would start looking for replacements ASAP. As soon as you can replace them, terminate.
I would let them know that the next time you call, you will give them 10 minutes to respond, or you will start calling the emergency numbers. What if you were calling about an emergency or illness?! If they fail to answer again and force you to call emergency numbers, I would terminate even without replacements. I understand not being able to afford to terminate, I've been there. However, it becomes a liability to have children in your care if you cannot contact their family while they are in care.
Reply
Annalee 09:56 AM 05-01-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I have tried everything I know. I've been in daycare for over 20 years. I have only sent 2 kids home in 20 years. I am usually able to get the children to behave properly. However, I fully believe this child has special needs. Even though I have worked with plenty of special needs kids, this child, I can't figure out a way to get him to this child to calm down. When he goes into his tantrum, there's no stopping him. He just goes off until he wears himself out. And over the past couple of weeks, his sister (just turned 2 years old) has been copying him but I have been able to get her to calm down quickly. Today, I couldn't get her to calm down either and between the two, I just can't keep watching them when he throws a tantrum and especially when she joins in and throws a copy tantrum.

I can't afford to just kick them out. I have to figure out how to handle this until I can replace them. Obviously, the parents are not going to come get them when I need to have them removed from daycare for the day.
It sounds like a cause and effect issue......the child probably does this at home to get the results he/she wants. Even if the sibling is special needs, it is, more than likely, a learned behavior with the younger sibling. The parents, obviously, know the behavior is there or they would answer their phone. I would not tolerate the parents ignoring me even if i had to call every backup number I had to get to someone, even the police if I had to. Good luck!
Reply
TaylorTots 10:00 AM 05-01-2014
Originally Posted by drseuss:
Hasta la BYE BYE at pick up today. Sorry about your situation.
Agree.
Reply
TaylorTots 10:06 AM 05-01-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I can't afford to just kick them out. I have to figure out how to handle this until I can replace them. Obviously, the parents are not going to come get them when I need to have them removed from daycare for the day.
Ironically, you kicking them out has nothing to do with the tantrums - it is the parent's behavior, not the child's, that is the problem.


Start interviewing now. As soon as you have a family to replace, do so.

I know if I had a parent pull that on me I would be terming and interviewing even if it meant getting into savings money for a couple weeks.

If mom/dad don't have to answer for their actions of ignoring you then they won't change their actions. Other than terming, upping their rate to handle this issue could plausibly make it "worth" it for me to deal with until I found a replacement.
Reply
Unregistered 10:09 AM 05-01-2014
Well, look at that!... I just thought about it and I had a parent that paid me in advance for a couple of months worth. So I have not been used to her income. She has to start paying me again on May 9th. So, I can replace the income that I am used to from the 2 kids that I have been telling you guys about with the income that I will start getting again from the other child that I already have! I will only be $35 short (because of the children's ages and sibling discount) So... I CAN afford to stop watching these two!

I don't want to seem too happy about it. But I really can't handle watching the little boy any longer. And now that his sister is copying his behavior, it's just too much to handle by myself.

Nap time is over and I just told the kids to get up. I am calling them 1 by 1 to get up, put their sleeping bag away, and go to the bathroom. I haven't called this particular boy yet. But he woke up because of the noise of me talking and the others getting up. As soon as he woke up, he immediately started screaming and is repeatedly yelling 'MOMMY". It's just too much every day, all day long.
Reply
GKJNIGMN 10:14 AM 05-01-2014
If you aren't willing to lose the money, there isn't a lot you can do.

I had a similar situation of a parent refusing to pick up. I was given the advice and followed it of calling the police. I explained that a parent was refusing to pick their child up, the police went to the mother's home, banged on the door, and told her to come get her kids. I was fully prepared to lose the income but surprisingly she showed back up and it didn't happen again. I still have the kids in care.

Late fees didn't bother this DCM. Warnings did nothing. She signed paperwork at every incident.

For a parent to say that they will not pick their kids up, no matter the reason they are being sent home, means they are really calling your bluff. They have no respect for you. If the situation ever came up again I would just terminate without regard for the money.
Reply
Second Home 10:20 AM 05-01-2014
Sorry you are having a bad day with those 2 .

I don't think I would tolerate the parents attitude , no big surprise why the kids are that way .
Reply
Unregistered 10:23 AM 05-01-2014
Awesome that the $$$ works out that you can term. Picture the calm and weight off your shoulders tomorrow. You and the children in your care deserve a less frantic environment, and you deserve clients that respect you.

Time to get advertising. To save a few extra dollars maybe get creative with what remains in your cupboards & freezer. Check out couponing and sales. See if you can get a better rate on any services you are signed up for etc. I would cut back on anything I could before I would accept them back into care tomorrow.
Reply
My3cents 10:26 AM 05-01-2014
I read through this time........yea!!!

I agree with you need to be able to control the kids, but honestly after 20 years of doing daycare I believe you are at your wits end with this. Understandable! but.......you can't let money get in the way of you keeping this going. It could end up costing you in the long run more. Your other families are going to catch onto this and not want to bring their kids around that. Your peace of mind is worth more then any $$$. I imagine these kids are wearing you out, let them go and then you will be able to catch your breath and find new clients that will respect you and not pull this. I don't care if the Mom told me that I couldn't call her, if I had tried everything possible with child and behavior didn't stop, and Dad wouldn't pick up his phone, she would be getting a call to come and get her child ASAP- If she didn't pick up her emergency contact would be called. I wish you the best. When I worked in a Center we had one like this and it was first the tantrum and then the out of control tantrum that nothing worked so Mom was called to come get him, then when we stopped calling Mom the child became violent and would punch us in the stomach- big huge kid, toddler that looked like he was in middle school. Knocked the wind out of me and it was either the kid or me that was going home. We had tried EVERYTHING!!! This kiddo and the sibling were babied at home to no end. They both knew how to manipulate!

I wish you the best, but your best bet is to take the advice and run with it and let them go-
Reply
jgcp 10:27 AM 05-01-2014
I have a dcg that did this for so long. Talking to her mom is like talking to a wall and dad said " just spank her" ha ya and go to jail no thanks. FINALLY the state came in and said put her in a seperate room and shut the door ( really??? OK dont have to tell me twice) It helped and now i have no issues except the normal 2yr old behaviour. State said as long as i can hear her and put her in a playpen she is safe to scream her head off and not in my face!! Im sorry but most DCP just suck! Glad you can finally do something about it. I would have termed also but couldnt either so i feel your pain, hang in there!!
Reply
Unregistered 11:01 AM 05-01-2014
Lookie there! I just received my food program check!!! Yep, that makes up for a couple of weeks of not having these kids' income. I am going to tell their father tonight (this afternoon actually) when he picks up that this coming Friday will be their last day. First I am going to tell him that I tried to call him and couldn't get through. Then I'm going to give him notice. For the rest of the time that the kids are here, I will do like you guys suggested and I will call the father, then the mother, then, if neither of them answer or come to get the children, I will call the emergency contacts. I have NEVER bothered emergency contacts for behavioral problems, but today, I got the worst headache from the two of them screaming. I refuse to go subject my other daycare kids or myself to their screaming any longer.

Thanks for your help on this guys!
Reply
Blackcat31 11:04 AM 05-01-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Lookie there! I just received my food program check!!! Yep, that makes up for a couple of weeks of not having these kids' income. I am going to tell their father tonight (this afternoon actually) when he picks up that this coming Friday will be their last day. First I am going to tell him that I tried to call him and couldn't get through. Then I'm going to give him notice. For the rest of the time that the kids are here, I will do like you guys suggested and I will call the father, then the mother, then, if neither of them answer or come to get the children, I will call the emergency contacts. I have NEVER bothered emergency contacts for behavioral problems, but today, I got the worst headache from the two of them screaming. I refuse to go subject my other daycare kids or myself to their screaming any longer.

Thanks for your help on this guys!
Personally, I would term effective immediately. I wouldn't give them the courtesy of a few more days when they couldn't be respectful enough to you about THEIR children's issues.

When I can not reach a parent, I view that as seriously disrespectful and NOT behavior I am willing to work with for ANY amount of days.
Reply
sharlan 11:07 AM 05-01-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Lookie there! I just received my food program check!!! Yep, that makes up for a couple of weeks of not having these kids' income. I am going to tell their father tonight (this afternoon actually) when he picks up that this coming Friday will be their last day. First I am going to tell him that I tried to call him and couldn't get through. Then I'm going to give him notice. For the rest of the time that the kids are here, I will do like you guys suggested and I will call the father, then the mother, then, if neither of them answer or come to get the children, I will call the emergency contacts. I have NEVER bothered emergency contacts for behavioral problems, but today, I got the worst headache from the two of them screaming. I refuse to go subject my other daycare kids or myself to their screaming any longer.

Thanks for your help on this guys!
NOPE, NOPE, NOPE! Hand dad a term notice effective immediately upon pick-up. Hand him all of the kids' belonging and call it a day. DO NOT get into a war of words with the parents tonight. Their kids = their problem.
Reply
Unregistered 11:15 AM 05-01-2014
$$$ is showing up all over letting you know you do not need to do this one more day!

If they disrespect you and their children this much when they think the have secured care, do you really want to know their true colours when they get hit with a term notice?

What they did is grounds for immediate termination.

Just a quick pull of the bandaid & it's all done!
Reply
EntropyControlSpecialist 11:39 AM 05-01-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Lookie there! I just received my food program check!!! Yep, that makes up for a couple of weeks of not having these kids' income. I am going to tell their father tonight (this afternoon actually) when he picks up that this coming Friday will be their last day. First I am going to tell him that I tried to call him and couldn't get through. Then I'm going to give him notice. For the rest of the time that the kids are here, I will do like you guys suggested and I will call the father, then the mother, then, if neither of them answer or come to get the children, I will call the emergency contacts. I have NEVER bothered emergency contacts for behavioral problems, but today, I got the worst headache from the two of them screaming. I refuse to go subject my other daycare kids or myself to their screaming any longer.

Thanks for your help on this guys!
What if little Johnny is playing and cuts his forehead open tomorrow or little baby sister is tantruming and harms herself? The parents are obviously unreachable and you will be in QUITE the pickle. I would not accept them back into care another day. These are NOT your kids and you are NOT required to be a hostage to their out of control tantrums simply because mom and dad can't be bothered to come and get THEIR kids.
Reply
Unregistered 12:00 PM 05-01-2014
Their dad just picked the kids up. I told him that I tried to call him 4 times today and it didn't go through. He said he has a new cell phone number but doesn't know the number and kept patting his empty pockets and glancing out to the car as if the phone is in the car so he can't look the number up right now. He said he will have his wife give me his cell phone number tomorrow morning. I told him that next Friday, the 9th, will have to be the children's last day here. He didn't get upset. He just said alright. I did suggest that they go to a center so the teachers can bop him around from room to room (including the office) when he gets to be too much for the one teacher. I also told him that by going to a center, the sister will be in a different classroom and will not be able to copy his behavior throughout the day.
Reply
saved4always 12:12 PM 05-01-2014
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I wouldn't send a child home for a tantrum- imho I would address the issue, give it a date for improvement/resolution and then term at the end of that period.

I WOULD term immediately for being unavailable and failing to contact me.

Reply
saved4always 12:15 PM 05-01-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Their dad just picked the kids up. I told him that I tried to call him 4 times today and it didn't go through. He said he has a new cell phone number but doesn't know the number and kept patting his empty pockets and glancing out to the car as if the phone is in the car so he can't look the number up right now. He said he will have his wife give me his cell phone number tomorrow morning. I told him that next Friday, the 9th, will have to be the children's last day here. He didn't get upset. He just said alright. I did suggest that they go to a center so the teachers can bop him around from room to room (including the office) when he gets to be too much for the one teacher. I also told him that by going to a center, the sister will be in a different classroom and will not be able to copy his behavior throughout the day.
Apparently DCD must know his kids are a handful since he didn't seem upset about this. I think you did the right thing. And a center does sound like a better place for them for the reasons you told him.
Reply
kitykids3 12:23 PM 05-01-2014
So you're giving them a little over a week to stay? So what happens next week when you try to contact them and can't get a hold of them?

Personally I would not allow the mom to be telling me I can't contact her to pick up her child if need be and then dad be ignoring my calls. That would be immediate term. Parents need to be available for emergency. I had a kiddo have a seizure and go to the hospital about a year ago. I couldn't imagine if I wasn't able to have gotten a hold of mom.
Reply
Kabob 12:27 PM 05-01-2014
Not updating you with phone numbers is also cause for termination. That's just poor planning that puts their kids at risk. Clearly he doesn't care. So clearly he wouldn't mind if you changed the termination to be effective immediately.
Reply
TaylorTots 01:07 PM 05-01-2014
Glad to hear about the payment picking back up for the paid in advance kids and the food program check.

Let us know how the termination tonight goes!
Reply
Unregistered 01:10 PM 05-01-2014
I have mom's work number and cell number. I believe that if I call her and it's a true emergency (such as one of her children going to the hospital) she will leave work. But I don't believe she will leave work for behavioral problems or anything other than extreme emergency. I can make myself deal with him screaming for one more week. I plan to ask mom tomorrow morning for dad's cell phone number. I don't know if I will get that though. But I will call mom, dad (if I get his number), then call the friends and family members' numbers that I have. I have 3 other people's numbers. I think I'll make it one more week. If not, I will reimburse them throughout the week for the remainder of the week and tell them that I simply can't finish out the week.
Reply
sharlan 01:13 PM 05-01-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Their dad just picked the kids up. I told him that I tried to call him 4 times today and it didn't go through. He said he has a new cell phone number but doesn't know the number and kept patting his empty pockets and glancing out to the car as if the phone is in the car so he can't look the number up right now. He said he will have his wife give me his cell phone number tomorrow morning. I told him that next Friday, the 9th, will have to be the children's last day here. He didn't get upset. He just said alright. I did suggest that they go to a center so the teachers can bop him around from room to room (including the office) when he gets to be too much for the one teacher. I also told him that by going to a center, the sister will be in a different classroom and will not be able to copy his behavior throughout the day.
What were you thinking??????????? I would have handed him a term letter on the spot. There is no way I would tolerate that behavior for another week.
Reply
TaylorTots 01:32 PM 05-01-2014
I'm surprised as well (I hadn't refreshed the thread so I missed the update about pick up). I would seriously reconsider terminating them effective immediately.
Reply
Unregistered 04:11 AM 05-02-2014
Mom came in this morning and gave me dad's cell phone number. She told me that she knows her son can be a handful and that he's a bit much for her AND her husband to handle together so she's sure he's too much for one person (me). She said that today would be their last day. Then she gave her son a big speech about behaving here. I did say that the parents have been working with me to get him to behave. I just honestly think he has special needs and simply can not control himself when he gets upset.

She said that centers are too expensive and mentioned the children's uncle (I guess they will start being watched by their uncle).

Since today is their last day, next week should be much calmer and I can get my daycare back on track.
Reply
coolconfidentme 04:29 AM 05-02-2014
Originally Posted by KDC:
I do think it's wrong that he's **bb** your messages. I would be upset that they were making themselves unavailable.

If you tried the wife first and she said No, call Dad... I would have put it back on her, YOU need to make arrangements for your children to be picked up by this time or I'm calling CPS. Gather everything up including a term letter.

However, part of me just wonders if the child is thinking (if I scream, I go home... AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Hee hee, I win!) The sister thinks this is a neat trick. I would nip it in the bud with consequences, and if absolutely nothing I tried worked I would term. **In my opinion...I can't see any of my DCP's thinking I'm a serious child care provider if I called over tantrums. BUT, I'm not in your shoes, and you've already probably tried everything. In this case, I would term.

Good luck!
I had a DCB3 scream loud & hard. I sent him to the nap time room until he calmed down...., he never did. I texted mom repeatedly to pickup & she ignored my texts. I went down her list of contact & nobody replied! I called her employer & they gave her a message. (I called back & they verified she received it.) 4.5 hours later DCB still screaming, my neighbor comes over to ask if everything is ok! I texted DCM saying I will call CPS in 15 minutes if she doesn't pickup. She showed up in 10 minutes. I handed her a term paper as she walked in. She begged me for another chance. I told I don't do business with grownups who behave like children. DCB was smirking the whole time they walked out the door.
Reply
countrymom 06:08 AM 05-02-2014
when kids become like this over and over again, it leads me to believe that they do this at home to get attention. I would have picked him up and put him in the naughty spot away from the kids. And I would not put up with this. I think the problem is that he doesn't know what true consequences are. As for the uncle, he aint going to take their nonsense, I can see a spanking coming their way lol!
Reply
NightOwl 06:30 AM 05-02-2014
Ok is it just me? I'm reading this and thinking, let him CIO, even if it's all friggin day. I feel like this child is screaming because he's expecting a result: going home. And sending him home shows him that it worked and he should do it again tomorrow. It seems very counterproductive. If you have a room where he can do his screaming, put him there. He can come out when he stops. If he stays up again, back to the room you go because no one wants to listen to that mess all day long. It sounds like a war of the wills and he won. Maybe I'm missing something? Is it not possible for you to separate? Neighbors complaining about noise? Does he get violent with his fits?
However, the parents ignoring your attempts to contact them is completely unacceptable, no matter the reason you're trying to reach them for. That's grounds for termination right there. I'm glad their moving on, but I'm sure the next dcp will have the same experience.
Reply
NightOwl 06:30 AM 05-02-2014
Originally Posted by countrymom:
when kids become like this over and over again, it leads me to believe that they do this at home to get attention. I would have picked him up and put him in the naughty spot away from the kids. And I would not put up with this. I think the problem is that he doesn't know what true consequences are. As for the uncle, he aint going to take their nonsense, I can see a spanking coming their way lol!
This!
Reply
Unregistered 06:58 AM 05-02-2014
I have put him in time out NUMEROUS times and told him he can't get up until he stops crying and is quiet for a while. I have demanded to him that he is NOT ALLOWED to scream here. I have put him in the other daycare room by himself and told him that he can come into the room with the kids and play after he stops crying and is quiet for a while. I have sent him to the bathroom and told him that he can come back into the daycare room after he calms himself down. I have made him lay down and told him he can't get up until he stops crying and is quiet for a while. Some days his parents tell him about different consequences he will get at home if they are told that he misbehaves here, so I have told him about those consequences when he starts throwing his fits. I have tried to not reprimand him and instead, get him interested in a fun activity. I have tried ignoring him and continuing on with whatever we were doing ( after a while of him screaming, all of the kids just plug their ears and I huge headache, so we really can't continue through his fits). I have tried putting the television on to distract him from his fit (we almost NEVER watch television). I have tried to logically explain to him that he is hurting everyone's ears, he is making it so the other kids can't do their schoolwork, etc.

I have tried EVERYTHING that I can think of and nothing makes him stop until he wears himself out.

I recently learned that at home, when he throws his fits, his parents simply tell him to go to his room and they let him scream until he decides to stop screaming. I told them that all that is doing is TEACHING him to basically tell them off (and any other authority that reprimands him or tells him anything he doesn't like to hear) by screaming at them. And by letting him continue to scream in his room until he feels like stopping, they are TEACHING him that he's allowed to scream and throw his fit as long as he wants. I told them that this behavior won't be accepted at any daycare home, with any babysitter, at any daycare center, or at any school once he starts kindergarten. I told them that when he starts to scream at them, they need to IMMEDIATELY reprimand him for screaming at them and teach him that he is NEVER allowed to scream at them or any adult that is in charge of him. I suggested that they correct him by telling him what he is doing wrong, why it is wrong, and what he should do instead and follow up by saying, "Do you understand me?" and demand that he calmly and respectfully respond by saying 'yes ma'am or yes sir". That is they way that I reprimand children here. But for him, as soon as I say something to him, he just screams at me and continues screaming until he's worn out.

I've worked with him for 2 months and all that has happened is that his sister is now copying his behavior. I definitely think it's time to let them go.
Reply
Blackcat31 08:06 AM 05-02-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I have put him in time out NUMEROUS times and told him he can't get up until he stops crying and is quiet for a while. I have demanded to him that he is NOT ALLOWED to scream here. I have put him in the other daycare room by himself and told him that he can come into the room with the kids and play after he stops crying and is quiet for a while. I have sent him to the bathroom and told him that he can come back into the daycare room after he calms himself down. I have made him lay down and told him he can't get up until he stops crying and is quiet for a while. Some days his parents tell him about different consequences he will get at home if they are told that he misbehaves here, so I have told him about those consequences when he starts throwing his fits. I have tried to not reprimand him and instead, get him interested in a fun activity. I have tried ignoring him and continuing on with whatever we were doing ( after a while of him screaming, all of the kids just plug their ears and I huge headache, so we really can't continue through his fits). I have tried putting the television on to distract him from his fit (we almost NEVER watch television). I have tried to logically explain to him that he is hurting everyone's ears, he is making it so the other kids can't do their schoolwork, etc.

I have tried EVERYTHING that I can think of and nothing makes him stop until he wears himself out.

I recently learned that at home, when he throws his fits, his parents simply tell him to go to his room and they let him scream until he decides to stop screaming. I told them that all that is doing is TEACHING him to basically tell them off (and any other authority that reprimands him or tells him anything he doesn't like to hear) by screaming at them. And by letting him continue to scream in his room until he feels like stopping, they are TEACHING him that he's allowed to scream and throw his fit as long as he wants. I told them that this behavior won't be accepted at any daycare home, with any babysitter, at any daycare center, or at any school once he starts kindergarten. I told them that when he starts to scream at them, they need to IMMEDIATELY reprimand him for screaming at them and teach him that he is NEVER allowed to scream at them or any adult that is in charge of him. I suggested that they correct him by telling him what he is doing wrong, why it is wrong, and what he should do instead and follow up by saying, "Do you understand me?" and demand that he calmly and respectfully respond by saying 'yes ma'am or yes sir". That is they way that I reprimand children here. But for him, as soon as I say something to him, he just screams at me and continues screaming until he's worn out.

I've worked with him for 2 months and all that has happened is that his sister is now copying his behavior. I definitely think it's time to let them go.
When a provider has to do MORE work than a parent to curb a behavior, it's time to go for sure.
Reply
countrymom 08:16 AM 05-02-2014
ok, but your inconsistant with your consequences. I have one spot and thats it. I would never put them in a bathroom (omg I'm looking for trouble) by moving him around is sometimes hard to comprehend. Also, I would put him in the naughty spot over and over. The minute they started they would go back. I would get down at their level and tell them that what they did is wrong and that I care for them and that i like when they are nice. Ya its a pain, but usually after 2 days they get the idea quick. Sorry to pick on you, but I'm just pointing it out, incase it helps others.
Reply
Unregistered 12:28 PM 05-04-2014
I was inconsistent because I was constantly trying different things to try to get SOMETHING to work for him. I didn't change consequences daily. I was consistent for weeks until I decided that that method was never going to work for him, so I would try something else. However, because of his special needs as well as special needs behavioral problems, once he gets upset, he doesn't care about ANY consequence. I give myself a lot of credit for working with him as long as I did especially taking in account that I also had 7 other children here and I have never been trained to work with special needs kids.
Reply
CraftyMom 01:43 PM 05-04-2014
You did a great job dealing with that.

I think at some point we've all had a similar situation. I know I have and it is not easy to deal with crying ALL DAY no matter what you try!

Monday will be nice!
Reply
Unregistered 07:04 AM 05-05-2014
Today has been AWESOME!! No crying, no screaming, and I am able to teach the children in a relaxed, enjoyable, learning environment! Yes, today has been so much better!
Reply
Unregistered 07:06 AM 05-05-2014
Thank you CraftyMom.
Reply
Second Home 07:45 AM 05-05-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Today has been AWESOME!! No crying, no screaming, and I am able to teach the children in a relaxed, enjoyable, learning environment! Yes, today has been so much better!

Reply
Reply Up