Ok, so today I made the biggest mistake ever. I have a new mom that is very over protective. To where the child hasn't even started yet but she calls and text several times during the day because she is worried about the baby being scared or because she read something online about daycares. Anyways, I was getting really offended by her lack of trust and was honestly getting really annoyed. She is a acquaintance of a friend so I basically dealt with it for my friend, because I was going to tell her last week that this would not work out.

Well today I wanted to take the children on a field trip as I was low on numbers and it would be a nice treat since they were off from school. The mom did not want me to and called and was not so pleasant with me wanting to go. She even said herself she didn't mean to be
B*t(hy. So, I meant to send my co-worker a message saying that this mom was being a b*t(h and accidentally sent it to the mom. The mom came in crying and I just felt awful. I apologized and said it was wrong to do but I can't express enough how terrible I feel. Then to make things worse, her sister came to pick up the child and she began a confrontation with me witching me out. I told her it was a mistake and I didn't mean for it to happen and apologized but she just kept on going. I didn't feel it was appropriate behavior in front of the children and told her so but she kept on going. I didn't know what to do so I just shut the door in her face and she left.

It's no excuse for my behavior but this is MY business. They know how I run it before they start and I pay for all field trips so I don't expect someone to tell me I can't go. So I was angry about that and offended that she didn't trust me. Yes my issues, and I shouldn't have called her that for loving her child.

She wants to start over and forget it happened. She is a much more forgiving person than I, but I am grateful.

I feel like I have to keep apologizing though.

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OMG! That sucks big time! But hey, sh*t happens.

Was there a reason she didn't want you to go on a trip? How old is her child?

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The baby is 3 months old. She didn't want me to go because she thought he would be scared. I tried to explain a 3 month old would not be scared and would either sleep or watch the children play. She then said she didn't like not knowing exactly where he is.

I tried telling her nicely that my other children were not going to suffer because she doesn't trust me. It's not fair that 7 children have to stay home because one parent is over protective. My co-worker was going as well and her child is 5 months. We went a couple of months ago when her child was 3 months, it was like we were still at home, no difference. We had the double stroller ready for the two of them. I personally didn't see the big deal.

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Ouch. That's a tough one! Maybe it'd be better all around if you just went ahead and told the Mom that it isn't going to work out. That way you don't have to apologize any more! It sounds like this won't be the first drama you'll have to deal with when it comes to her.

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Sorry that happened, but I don't feel texts belong in our business.

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Things happen for a reason. Maybe your subconscious is taking over and telling you this isn't going to work out. You apologized more than once, that's more than enough, stop beatin a dead horse.

I have had parents in childcare before that didn't want me taking their child off the property. I just tell them that if they are a member of my daycare then they are treated like one of the family and if I would go with my children somewhere then I will go with their child. If this isn't what they want then finding another daycare is their option.

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OUCH! It's nice that she wants to forgive and start over though. If the baby isn't giving you any trouble then I would give it another go and not terminate just yet. Let her know that you will not punish the other kids and cancel your field trips but on the days that she doesn't want him to go she will need to make alternate childcare arrangemements at her OWN expense.

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Stop apologinzing, you were pushed into a corner by her behavior and no you shouldnt have sent that text or email BUT hopefully it was a wake up call for mom, personally no way would i keep her as a client,way to much drama from her and it will get worse, think ahead to the future when the baby starts crawling! good grief if he happened to get a scratch in your care watch out! Tell her that with her being so overprotective that you dont feel your business is the right fit and she should try a smaller group setting. Good Luck
Kiddiecare

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I agree with this. Make sure you tell her in advance field trip days and tell her that she has to pay you for the day/but also find alternate childcare for the day.
Also I have to agree that txts dont belong in business.

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Thats a great solution. Other families expect and look forward to the outings. If this mom isn't comfortable with that yet... and, lets face it, new mom, 3 mo old newborn, new daycare that even you admit has barely even started- driving in winter- That baby is the most precious thing in her life. At least she shows it, unlike many moms out there. Maybe give her the option of not participating on those days, at her own cost, gradually as she sees your bond w/ her baby grow and spends more time etc she may outgrow some of that overprotectiveness. The whole text deal- big snafu- and you should definately be more careful. It will be harder now to establish that mutual respect that is needed with you calling her a %@#^& in the back of her mind.

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I wanted to give you another way to look at...... I was a big pampered chef customer. I spend $100 a month or at parties. I just called my person to find outI when she had parties and stuff like that. Well one day she asked me to be a consultant. I was like well let me think about it. In the meantime she gave me the consultant box, I didnt want it, I told her I didnt want it. But she gave it to me anyway. She then tells me in an email a couple of days later that I needed to return the box to a town that was 90 miles away. I was like ummmmm well I dont know when I will get there next. that ok she said, just sometime. So in the mean time, she emails me about it everyday.
Finally I was like ya know, if you would host an uppercase living party for me in your area, then I could return the box and blah blah. SHe then replyed to me/and her upline person a very nasty email. When I got that. I told her that I no longer would be her customer, nor purhase pampered chef product. Guess what I havent, that been over a year. Im not willing to do business with a person that is willing to cut me behind my back, this is not high school. Pampered chef has lots a lot.

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Well, not an ideal situation, but accidents happen. You admitted you were wrong but it does sound like lack of trust on her part. In the future it would be more beneficial to just let the parent go instead of building up tension. I have let parents go before because we just don't click and I dont want to feel uncomfortable in my own home.

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I also have let parents go as to not be uncomfortable in my own home......... Amen!

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I can see both sides... and mind you, I've been providing child care for 18 years. Some parents would rather know that their kids are safe at the provider's home... no chance for a car accident. BUT if you told her before she started that you take occasional fieldtrips, she should have found other arrangements for either that particular day or for other child care completely.

I had a parent cuss me out years ago - in front of the other children - for NOT going through an ENTIRE BOX of diapers for her son in THREE DAYS!!!! (When I did the math, that would have been a diaper change for her 10 month old every FIFTEEN MINUTES!). She even brought a huge man for "protection" (I am 4'11''). I had to call the police to have them removed!

I agree with a previous poster. This relationship was sour prior to her even starting your daycare, it's not going to work out. You are going to be stressed every time she walks in the door which will create resentment and you need to love your job! I say, let her go.

Just my two cents.

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Wow!! There are some crazies out there!!

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I suggest having field trips planned in advance so parents that do not want their children to participate can find alternative care for their little one. Then problems such as this can be avoided.

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I tell the parents up front that I go places. I have kids crazy hours sometimes I have one leave at 2pm and 2 show up 5 min later and stay till 10 pm. I let them know I am her 90% of the time but I do have to go places and drop off bills or take my kid to school or we go to lunch on friday. I dont want to keep my son at home 24/7 he needs to get out and learn about the world.

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Things happen and everyone makes mistakes and since you have already apologized then I don't think you should continue to apologize. If this were my circumstance I would do the following:

1) Be careful what you write or say about any clients at any time. This is a business and talking bad about your clients is not a good idea. Little ears can pick up on the strangest things and mistakes like sending the info to the wrong person can happen.

2) Have a form that parents sign about field trips. I have one that they sign that says that they agree that their child can participate in walks and car trips when we go on outings as well as participating in all activities that I have planned. If they don't want their child to participate then they have to pick their child up and pay is still expected. It isn't fair, like you said, for the other children to miss out just because of one other child.

3) Communicate with the parent. Be nice but up front. I find that just saying what's on my mind works best. I would say something like (assuming that this is her first child) "I know this is your first child but right now you are the most difficult parent I have. The baby is fine and is adjusting well and although I understand that you have a feeling of concern your baby is safe and comfortable. If you felt that he was not safe then you would not be leaving him here. As a part of our program we have field trips and outings and if you do not feel comfortable with this then you should consider finding another provider that fits your needs. I would like to continue moving forward with you but it is your choice to do so. If you should decide to continue bringing him I would like you to keep the (texting, calling, checking up on him) to a minimum. I need to keep my attention on the children and when you call and text constantly it makes my job difficult."

4) I would not allow the sister to come by at all. I believe that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should someone feel like their issues are more important that the safety of a child. At no time should someone get loud, aggressive and disrespectful in front of the children. I have a "One strike and you're out rule". I would not allow the sister to be allowed to pick the child up or come by and be around the other children. The problem was not with her to begin with but she felt that she needed to instigate it further? Not the kind of person that I would allow in my home especially when the contract is not with her.

I've had parent's like this too and I find that they don't know they're acting crazy until you tell them. Be blunt and factual but stay calm and neautralized. Pointing out their flaws and how it makes caring for the other children difficult can sometimes alleviate the situation. People care what other people think about them and after all the issue seems to be seperation anxiety on her part and not the child's (you didn't mention that the child was upset or traumatized from being in your care).

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Since the original poster is listed as 'Unregistered' I'm sure we won't hear back. But I'd love to know what happened with this? Did the child come back?


Anyone not like it that 'Unregistered' guest can post? I've never been on a forum where people can post with out being registered. I wonder if this can be changed?

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I'm unregistered but still post often, regardless of my status my opinion stays the same and I have found helpful and yes sometimes amusing information from the unregistered posts as much as the registered. And unless i misunderstood i believe that Micheal screens all the posts before letting them be accessed by the public so why would it really matter if the poster was registered or not? I thought sights like this were here to be helpfull to everyone and to offer support when needed.
Kiddie Care

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I am the original poster and I wanted to give some more information.

I do have scheduled outings so the parents know ahead of time. This day, I had half my children sick so I thought it would be a good idea.

Also, all of my parents do sign a release that states we do field trips and I have permission to transport. It also states there may be cases where at the last minute we may decide to take a ride to the park or go for a community walk and they may not be notified. So therefore, she was aware of this before she started.

I had tried to express to this parent before that she could not call throughout the day. (Prior to the text). She would call or text me at 8:30pm. I told her this was not appropriate because this was my family time and I valued it. I told her I understood her concerns as this was a new phase in both thier lives and it's ok to express concerns. I encouraged her to write things down and make one phone call or email all of her thoughts and concerns. The child did come back. She continued to call throughout the day, like every hour and after pick up into the evening as well. After 2 more days I told her this was not going to work out and I could no longer care for the child. I explained I loved the little boy, there were no issues with his tempermant or behavior it was that I could not continue to have my attention diverted every hour to answer the phone and I really did not appreciate the after hours calls for non emergencies. She would call because she felt guilty for leaving him, or thought he slept too much after daycare, wanted to know what developmental things he was working on throughout the day. When she called and asked if I liked the child less because of the text message I became offended and terminated care. How could anyone punish a child because the mom needs medication?! I also forgot to mention that she delivers pizza and became angry because I would not call and have a pizza delivered so she would be able to stop and see her baby. This was a 9pm phone call!

Things are great now. No stress and my family time is my time! I am not a bad person, nor do I make a habit of talking about people. I was talking to my assistant because she was attending the field trip as well and it apparently didn't go to the right place. I have amazing references from past and current families, a great reputation, and consistent waiting list. I feel bad for my mistake but it does not define me or my business as my parents and children love me. With her gone I am also able to move on from my mistake and not live every day feeling regretful and ashamed.

Thanks for all the support and advice!

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@Persephone:
This forum is an open forum. It takes a lot more time and effort to monitor and moderate but allows for more voices and some great content by those that are also unregistered.

The Daycare.com forum is read around the world and its content is very beneficial to those professional and unprofessional in the childcare field.

Those that are members can have open/live conversation without moderation. If there is content that is undeserving of the level that we keep this forum please let me know and I will review it further. Judging from the current comments from "unregistered" they appear appropriate for this thread.

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Here's a good reason to be registered.....there is seventy-leven-teen-thousand "unregistered", and what happens is, they all get lumped together as one glop of anonymous-ness.


You begin a back-and-forth discussion with "unregistered", but is that the same "unregistered" responding, or a different "unregistered".

Envision a world where half the people are named Bob.....kinda confusing?

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I agree with you here. What was funny was that before I became a registered guest I posted many times and then finally registered last month. Once I did that I had to wait about four or five days to be able to post lol. Why is it that unregistered guests can post but I as a registered member couldn't lol. I think that only registered members should be able to post and reply.

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The next obvious question would be; when you first visited the forum would you have registered your email information in order to post, or did you need time to decide? BYW, we are also in Ventura County

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Every other forum that I'm on I had to register to post. A person could still view the forums as a guest.

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I personally don't see the big deal. Since there is a parent forum and daycare forum. There needs to be safety for all of us. If we know or suspect a parent uses this forum we can not safely or appropriately complain about this parent. I don't think there is any reason to know who is posting.

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That's great. It's always nice to have someone in the area on this forum. To answer the question: at first I just heard about this forum and tried it out just to see what it was about. I tried other forums but didn't like them. I tried daycare.com for a few days and was hooked. I was literally glued to this forum lol. So many ideas and recommendations that I had to sign up but not because I was able to post. I made that choice just fromreading posts. I posted as un unregistered guest while I waited to be able to to post as a member.

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