Dkm came in and asked if her 7 yr old had to drink milk at my house. "Really, we don't like milk and she was really upset about it last night. She said you made her drink milk here. Is that true?"

OMG, why do parents fight these stupid battles for their kids? Let your kid learn that life isnt fair and stop hovering over everything that happens to them. This kid is going to end up in jail and mom is going to be the one defending her. "You see it's not really their fault... Her daycare lady used to make her drink milk and ever since then its just really been hard for her......"

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And what does she get at school? A juice box? Tell this mom that its nutritious and the state says you have to serve it. She doesn't have to drink it but you are required to offer it.

Sounds to me like this mom is looking to cancel and using MILK as an excuse! Ridiculous!!!

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This kid also has reading and homework issues and it's because mom doesn't make her do any school work after school. Good Luck in life!

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What is the girl wanting? It'd be milk, or water here. I'm not serving Mountain Dew.

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Milk or water. TOo bad if you don't like it.

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On the food program I am required to serve milk. I serve it... if they don't drink it oh well, but I don't give them an alternative unless they drink all their milk first....then they can have water if they are still thirsty.

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I'd say "No, she doesn't have to drink milk. But if she chooses not to she will be offered water or she will have to go thirsty. It's COMPLETLEY up to her whether she chooses water, milk, or nothing"

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Totally understand what you're saying about this particular situation. Irritating. if she doesn't want to drink milk, I'd save it and serve her water just like the other posters said...but a lot of people don't like milk. A lot of people are allergic/intolerant to milk. Since it's kind of a trigger food, doesn't the food program allow you the option of just serving water, or something else nutritious for the child in its place?

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The food program says you can not serve milk if you have a doctors note for the child but they encourage other sources of calcium

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I guess the whole point of this mom bringing it up to me was just to complain. Yes I serve milk, yes that's all she is going to be offered (just like everyone else) and too bad sooooo sad if she doesnt like it. And please dont undermind me with your child present.... pick your battles lady.... I think there is a term for this mom HELICOPTER parent- the ones who are always around hovering in case something bad happens and never let their kids learn from anything....

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Like I said in another post somewhere....these parents really handicap their kids. They don't get this kind of hand-holding in the school system so why do it in daycare??? HELLOOOOOO...school is the next stop moms!!!

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Can't you serve both water & milk? If it's obvious that she just doesn't care for milk; I would quit giving her both and stick with water. But, do, make milk available to her if she should "change her mind".

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Sounds like you might b the one fighting the silly battle. Who cares if she doesn't drink milk? Let her drink water instead. Water is practically free so if that's not an option its clear there's more than a stubborn child here.

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I'm kinda with QualiT here. She doesn't like milk, give her water.

Water's better for you anyway.

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Tru dat, but I think the problem here is not the actual milk issue, but an issue with the parent being a problem, a nag, possibly a helicopter parent, and just irritating to the provider (OP) so much that when the milk issue came up, it stuck a nerve.

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My DS is very constipated with milk. Its taken a few months to sort this out, and the MD and NP won't write the note until we see the allergist, but no milk=daily movements, 4 servings of milk two days last week and we are still waiting with Miralax. I don't have the note yet, he can't have milk. So - what do I do? Keep him home? The first allergist appointment is just meet and greet, THEN we schedule for testing and discussion on sensitivities. He does not have any other allergies. They had no problem giving us the Miralax, huh.

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OMG parents like this are so irritating.

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Unless you are required by law to give her milk.....
Give her water from here on out.

If you normally give her 2 one cup servings Monday thru Friday of milk that she won't drink then that is over 30 gallons of milk being wasted each year.
Cheers for you...... that mom just gave you a raise!!! Water is practically free!!!

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I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to play Devil's Advocate here. I grew up not liking milk. My brothers drank it by the gallon, but it always made my throat feel like mucous (sp?). I remember at Sunday School they would serve graham crackers and milk, and I asked for water. If the teacher had said "no, you have to drink milk", it would have upset me. I would have been too timid to argue with an authority figure, so I would have had to drink it. The more I envision this scenario, the more it angers me. If that had happened to me, I probably would have cried to mom myself!! Not every kid likes milk. I'm not saying don't offer it to the kids, but if they consistently sip just a little and leave it, or show some kind of signs that they don't like milk, ask the parent about it. I'm in my late 40's and I've never been a milk drinker. Ever.

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Yup....me too.

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I dont see why this was a bad question for a parent to ask, She was not asking if you serve the child milk, she was asking if you force her to drink it, If my child came home and said "Sally was making me drink milk" I would ask also, I never want my child being "made" to eat or drink something he doesn't want, if he didn't want milk, I would hope he would get water. Granted my children love milk, and I only offer Water and milk, and if their thirsty its one or the other at lunch, and only water in between and at snack.

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If the child doesn't like milk, or doesn't want milk, give them the option. If mom says she prefers child not having milk, then give the child water.

My kids always have a choice which they want. Some days they choose milk, some days they choose water.

I know milk is important for their bones and stuff, but there is other ways of getting calcium other than milk.

I HATE milk. Very rarely i drink it, once in a while I will have a glass with ice, but even in cereal, I only put enough to moisten my cereal, not soak it.

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Yeah - you just have to offer it. Sometimes the confusion comes in when the child is telling the parent they are "making" me drink milk. When really you are just putting milk in front of them. The parents may have rules about dinner at home like not letting the child get up until they eat - so the child sees milk at daycare and thinks I "have" to drink it.

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The reason I have a problem with this is because if my parents dont trust me with their kids, why have me as their provider? I would hope that the parents trust me and know that I would never force something on them. I have a parent right now Im dealing with like this. She likes to say things like this to me and it irritates the crap out of me because I feel like she thinks I would do something on purpose to upset or hurt her child when if thats the case, why is your child coming to my home every day?? I dont know. This kinda hit home for me because Im dealing with a parent with similar issues.

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When my daughter was in daycare, I was told either she drank (or ate) what they provided, or I was to bring my own. Daycare isn't a fast food restaurant.

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I have a dcb who refuses to drink milk and that's fine by me. I won't make him drink it, but I won't give him juice instead either. If he doesn't want the milk, then water is what he gets. I serve juice with snack and then he can have juice. His parents know that he won't drink milk ( he doesn't drink it at home either ), and they don't have a problem with me giving him water instead of milk. I always offer the milk, but he never drinks it.

I think that if I would put chocolate milk or strawberry milk mix in it, he would drink it, but I won't do that.

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Yes parents should trust you, but they HAVE to listen to their children, I fully trusted our old daycare, but if my son came home, saying "daycare sally made me drink my milk when I didn't want to" I would then find it necessary to pose the question "Billy Says you make him drink his milk when he doesn't want it, just needed to see if this was true?" Using the Statement they should trust you, does not mean they shouldn't question you if their child says something. As a Parent I would question that, A parent needs to listen to their children.

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I don't make kids drink anything nor do I offer an alternative. We have regular milk, water and occasionally juice. It is annoying that parents pick, pick, pick about the tiniest things and you have to come up with a rule about EVERYTHING. Now if the parents send something specific and I know this kid will just be crying for food or drink later, then yes, I do have them sit until the meal is gone.

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She never said the parent was upset they were offered milk, she said the kid said she was making her drink it, as in forcing her to drink the milk, and as a parent if my child told me that, I would think they were be given milk, made to drink without be offered water as an alternative, so again I would ask the same question.

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i agree. if you're unwilling to offer WATER as an alternative then it's not the child nor the parent who has issues, it's YOU. nobody is saying if a kid doesn't want milk that you have to waste a glass of milk, give them kool aid, or let them drink coke. but you CAN save your milk by NOT pouring it if you know they won't drink it (or by pouring a veeery small amount if you MUST) and then offering water as an alternative. it's WATER. i would love to know the reasoning behind not allowing a child WATER instead of a more expensive drink. amuse me.

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This makes sense...but when you're on the food program you have to offer 6 oz of milk for preschoolers, and have water available all day. We have a dcb who won't drink milk (he used to throw a fit if our menu had something else besides milk on it, meaning we didn't offer milk at that snack. But then all of a sudden, he's switched it and doesn't want to drink milk, will only drink juice, or once in a great while, water. so we asked our food program people about it, thinking why waste the milk if he won't even drink it? But they said "offer it" meant actually having it (the full amount) poured in their cup and sitting in front of them. So dcb comes in with juice filled to the brim in his sippy cup, and drinks it until a snack or meal comes up. If the snack includes juice, great. He gets to drink juice. But with meals we have to offer milk, meaning we have to waste it each and everyday, each and every time we sit down for breakfast or lunch. It's not us, the providers, being stubborn over it. We're just following the rules of the food program, and wishing we didn't have to waste so much food and milk when we KNOW the child won't eat or drink a certain item.

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you can't have it on the table for them to pour themselves? i've seen programs do family style dining who were on the food program. preschoolers are capable of pouring a cup of milk, water, etc. and that way if they don't want it they don't have to pour it - but it was offered simply by being there.

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I am on the food program, and I'm sorry but I can not imagine my food program lady getting up and inspecting each cup of the childrens and what goes in it, She just looking to see whats out there, I have a child who does not drink milk, So I never give him a cup, he gets water and thats all the parents give him also, he wont even look at a cup with white stuff, And I really can't imagine this being a problem even on a drop in visit, what are they going to do, Food program: "This child does not have milk, why not?"
Me: I OFFERED but he cries at the sight, so I gave him water" Food program :" Oh thats it, I must write you up immidiately!, expect a certified letter in the mail talking about you disqualification" LOL sorry but really, every child has milk but one or two, like they are going to get into that, and anyways once my children finish their milk, they get water, if she came in during that, she wouldn't see anyone with milk.

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so, company comes over to my house in the evening, there's a pot of coffee I've made in case someone wants....

1) do I pour everyone a cup and then hand it to them?

2) do I "OFFER" to pour them a cup?


Seems stupid that anyone would expect the milk to be poured into the cup simply to be thrown away.

Offering means just that, OFFERING to pour them some milk if they want some.

My kids HATED water for so long, because I rarely ever offered it to them. I hate water my self, so I didn't really think about it. NOW they drink it like it's going out of fashion. It's amazing how much they choose water over sweet drinks. Take them to 7-11 and they choose a bottle of water instead of slurpee (usually). OR they choose chocolate milk over slurpee anyday.

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My food program lady would totally look in the cups. She showed up once and I had made lunch early so she looked in my garbage to verify my menu.

If you have a kid who doesn't want milk, you should just get a note from Mom and Dad and stick it in the file.

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Actually milk is required on the food program so NO I can't and NO I won't offer her water simply because she doesn't like it.

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I agree. If they don't trust me enough to know (its in my policies for god sake) that I'm not forcing them to drink it then they should take their child elsewhere. Seriously, if you want to come run my daycare then you are more than welcome to do so but since you choose to send your child to my house then trust what happens here is appropriate and in the nest interest of EVERYONE!

I did term someone (with NO NOTICE) when they came in my house 3 days in row questioning everything their 2.5 yr old daughter told them about their days at daycare. After the 3rd day (drop off and pick up) of interrogation I politely told her that it sounded like she didn't trust me and would need to take ____ somewhere else immediately. This lady was upsetting the kids and another parent mentioned it made her uncomfortable. The mom I termed was pissed but honestly have you heard the make believe stories kids tell all day, don't you think they do that about daycare too. Come on people.

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Wow won't offer water?? Are you the original poster? Because I'm thinking this parent was correct in questioning you........thats un freaking believable, will not Offer water, how mean can you be. Theres a word for you I would like to use.

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Out of curiosity may I ask why?

(Also, I realize that there is at least one poster here who is being rude as usual, but that isn't my intention, I'm genuinely curious.)

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These parents do not spend days with us, they meet us a few times, and then drop their kids off, to pretty much a stranger, hoping they will be safe, but in reality, they have no idea what happens when they leave. They don't know that their daughter is being forced to drink milk at lunch, without the offer of even water. I'm sure there are plenty of parents right now, thinking they trust their provider when they probably shouldn't, Think TATA, I'm not comparing you to her, but I bet they all trusted her, How can you trust someone 100% with your child after only meeting them a couple times, do you ask for their life story? you just get a feeling and think she seems like she'll be great and care for my child, she has a nice clean home and what seems like a great program, lots of stuff for the kids to do..... and then you hope to hell that your intuition was right.

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Do you have your own children? How would you feel if your child was in a daycare home and was being forced to drink something he/she hated, or go thirsty? It's simple. "so and so, would you like some milk? No? Okay, here is some water." You offered. It seems to me like you are hiding behind the "food program" excuse and just trying to control this child. The food programs are there to help ensure that kids get healthy food, not force them to go hungry or thirsty because they don't like one thing. Sheesh.

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My question is does this child even drink water? Everyone is saying offer water but what if she doesn't drink that. I know of MANY children that if it isn't juice or chocolate milk they won't touch it. Many years ago my mom offered a little boy water to drink and he didn't even know what it was! So by saying offer water isn't correct because she may not even drink it. Also in my state you have to offer/pour milk for the child to drink. It is up to them if they want to drink it or not.

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the OP hasn't said that she won't offer water because the child won't drink it. she pretty much just says, "i'm not offering her water just because she doesn't like milk."

seriously? you have to pick your battles and trying to control a child to the point that you won't let them drink WATER is not a battle i'd choose. it's not like she's wanting coke or kool aid instead of milk. you won't offer her WATER. i agree - the parent was right in questioning why.

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I don't know how everyone else's food programs are, and maybe it's just according to the individual in that food program that you ask, but we specifically asked our food program lady about what if a child doesn't like the milk, or food being offered, and we KNOW they won't eat it/drink it, and they've already told us they won't, can we just set it out so they can serve themselves what they want? They told us no, that because of the portion sizes required of each item, we have to serve it ourselves to make sure they get the full amount "offered" to them, on their plate in front of them (Or in their cup sitting in front of them). So all we are allowed to do about meal times and children not wanting milk is to waste it. Pour it into their cup and sit it in front of them. Only after the meal is over can we give them water instead. We can, of course, give them water AFTER they've already drank the required amount of milk. Just not before. Dumb I think, but I understand why the op wasn't too happy with being questioned about something out of her control anyway. I believe, too, that we shouldn't cater to the children just because they're picky. If they don't want to eat any of the food offered on their plate, that's up to them. But I'm not making a whole other meal, or even one food, just because they don't like anything offered. And I won't give several helpings of one particular food, to fill them up just because they won't eat anything else on their plate. It's their choice to eat and get filled up on what's offered. Otherwise they can wait a couple hours and eat the next meal/snack. They certainly won't go hungry or thirsty when we eat every couple of hours! and have water available at anytime throughout the day.

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