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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>So...We Termed
Hunni Bee 07:49 PM 02-28-2011
I feel like a weight has been lifted...the little guy from a few threads of mine has finally been termed. We stuck it out as long as we could. The child has some obvious behavior issues that need more than discipline...and we were getting nowhere in explaining this to his mother. He displayed very violent behavior in most situations...he doesn't seem to be able to play with children his age (although he does fine with younger children). It bothers him to see other children playing together or involved in activities with me, but he resisted attempts to be included. He wanted to control the dynamics of the classroom (if someone was singing a song he didn't want to hear or playing a game he didn't like, they were in danger of being punched, spit on, etc.) (I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP). He wouldn't eat at mealtimes, but would demand to be fed later...it goes on and on. But his hurting of other children and staff was the most alarming behavior...he started here at 20 months and he bit several children a day, he's now 3 years old...the behavior has escalated to punching, kicking, spitting, choking, tackling and even forcing kisses and "bad touches" on his classmates 
His mother said this morning that she "finds it hard to believe he does something every day". She doesn't know the HALF of what he does all day, because we dont want to unload horror stories on her every afternoon...her solution to his behavior was for us to threaten to call his dad (who lives 8 hours away)
I feel bad because I really want him to get some help and I have the feeling she's just going to take him somewhere else so that she can further avoid the reality that her son needs some help...
Sorry, needed to vent in a way...
His mother said this morning that she "finds it hard to believe he does something every day". She doesn't know the HALF of what he does all day, because we dont want to unload horror stories on her every afternoon...her solution to his behavior was for us to threaten to call his dad (who lives 8 hours away)
I feel bad because I really want him to get some help and I have the feeling she's just going to take him somewhere else so that she can further avoid the reality that her son needs some help...Sorry, needed to vent in a way...
Michael 07:50 PM 02-28-2011
See, we are here for your vent even at this late time. 
Lucy 07:50 PM 02-28-2011
Your days will be so much easier now!! You won't regret it.
Little People 03:30 AM 03-01-2011
You have worked with this little guy and the family and done all you could. Your days will be peaceful now.
Cat Herder 04:54 AM 03-01-2011
Yay!! Your whole group is going to benefit. I know it was a hard decision, but it will be the best choice for you and your family as well...
My4SunshineGirlsNY 05:42 AM 03-01-2011
I support your decision 100%. I just let a boy go that was a little over 2 for hitting/throwing at the other kids on a daily basis..it was VERY stressful on all the kids here not to mention myself. I tried to reach out to his mom to come up with a plan of action but of coarse he's "generally good at home" in her words...yet he slaps mom in the face over and over at pick up @@ and is a complete handful for the grandma. The boy hit me in the face and threw toys at me when I try to redirect him.
Then after terming I'm the worst person in the world and he learned that behavior from my daycare @@ Whatever, I'm better off without him here, it has been soo much better...and you will be better off without the constant battles as well.
I tried to explain to the mom that the boy gets too overwhelmed in a larger group and does require a lot of attention and maybe a small one on one daycare would be better for him, then I get accused of calling him special needs. Some parents just don't get it....daycare is NOT like home, kids have to learn limits and follow rules and some kids just don't do well with all the limits and I'm sorry I can't meet the needs of EVERY child that comes through my door....I'm just glad I put an end to it before it got worse. And it's too bad some moms just don't understand....here put on my shoes for a day!
Then after terming I'm the worst person in the world and he learned that behavior from my daycare @@ Whatever, I'm better off without him here, it has been soo much better...and you will be better off without the constant battles as well.
I tried to explain to the mom that the boy gets too overwhelmed in a larger group and does require a lot of attention and maybe a small one on one daycare would be better for him, then I get accused of calling him special needs. Some parents just don't get it....daycare is NOT like home, kids have to learn limits and follow rules and some kids just don't do well with all the limits and I'm sorry I can't meet the needs of EVERY child that comes through my door....I'm just glad I put an end to it before it got worse. And it's too bad some moms just don't understand....here put on my shoes for a day!
Unregistered 04:18 PM 03-01-2011
What is the right situation now that his behavior has gone on so long? Why was it not addressed or addressable sooner? I am assuming this kid is an only, so behavior with kids in groups is only happening at daycare. Where else can it be addressed?
Hunni Bee 05:03 PM 03-02-2011
Yes, he's an only child. He has cousins who he plays with on occasion, and mom says he does none of the things that he did here. She says he listens to no music with bad words and doesnt curse around him, but he regularly spouts four-letter words...she says he doesnt look at any wrestling or violent tv, but he wrestles and fights daily...so where does he get it from?
His behavior was addressed to her over and over. My director and I sat down with both of them in a conference. We suggested that she go and have him evaluated (which is a pretty routine thing, VA has a very good mental health system for children) and gave her some resources to check out. She agreed but has done nothing. Her "consequences" for him were inappropriate, "no tv snack" for behaviors such as cutting a staff's hair with scissors...so we were getting nowhere with her. My director did not want to term because we would be losing $500-600 a month....So we just put up with it.
I think a firm authority figure and an environment with only 4-5 other children would be beneficial for him...and I do think he needs some counseling for the aggression issues.
His behavior was addressed to her over and over. My director and I sat down with both of them in a conference. We suggested that she go and have him evaluated (which is a pretty routine thing, VA has a very good mental health system for children) and gave her some resources to check out. She agreed but has done nothing. Her "consequences" for him were inappropriate, "no tv snack" for behaviors such as cutting a staff's hair with scissors...so we were getting nowhere with her. My director did not want to term because we would be losing $500-600 a month....So we just put up with it.
I think a firm authority figure and an environment with only 4-5 other children would be beneficial for him...and I do think he needs some counseling for the aggression issues.
marniewon 09:51 PM 03-02-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
He learned the behavior at your center, was unsupervised with scissors and the behavior was never addressed with him, and now you are dumping him on someone else? Good job
I'm guessing you are the same "unregistered" as the one who posted on the "white poop" thread. And again, you come up lacking. Like parents always tell the truth. "Little Jr NEVER does these things at home, he must have learned them at daycare". So it must be true. I don't work in a center, but can imagine how crazy it could get....let's see, it's craft time. ALL the kids have scissors for craft time. Teacher is working with Suzie when little Jr. comes up behind her and cuts her hair. No, that could never happen, cuz we all have eyes in the backs of our heads, right? You must!!He learned the behavior at your center, was unsupervised with scissors and the behavior was never addressed with him, and now you are dumping him on someone else? Good job
I know Michael has a reason for letting people who are unregistered post. But, other than sensitive issues with a daycare family, I don't really see the benefit of it - not any benefit to the rest of the group. If you are going to be spewing your poison around, to get people riled up or whatever, please have the cajones to own your posts and register and log in. Otherwise, you are just being a troll and trying to stir up trouble.
DCMomOf3 04:51 AM 03-03-2011
Originally Posted by marniewon:
I know Michael has a reason for letting people who are unregistered post. But, other than sensitive issues with a daycare family, I don't really see the benefit of it - not any benefit to the rest of the group.
I let that one in on accident. i apologize.I know Michael has a reason for letting people who are unregistered post. But, other than sensitive issues with a daycare family, I don't really see the benefit of it - not any benefit to the rest of the group.
marniewon 04:59 AM 03-03-2011
Originally Posted by DCMomOf3:
I let that one in on accident. i apologize.
No problem DCMom - you are doing a great job I let that one in on accident. i apologize.
Unregistered 06:43 AM 03-03-2011
Our center does this in a station - no more than five kids with scissors at a time and one adult. There are strict rules - you must be sitting, the scissors never leave the table, and if you don't follow the rules you move to another station.
Also- any behavior (hitting, inappropriate language, etc.) is addressed with an age appropriate time out (when it occurs, with us) and written up for parents. We have a points system that resets after two weeks.
Often, the behaviors we see are only happening here, especially when singles go home to one to one (or two to one) attention.
Being firm with the kiddos and remaining consistent are the keys here, and documenting the behaviors and our response help parents understand. We do not expect parents to discipline much later for incidents here.
Also- any behavior (hitting, inappropriate language, etc.) is addressed with an age appropriate time out (when it occurs, with us) and written up for parents. We have a points system that resets after two weeks.
Often, the behaviors we see are only happening here, especially when singles go home to one to one (or two to one) attention.
Being firm with the kiddos and remaining consistent are the keys here, and documenting the behaviors and our response help parents understand. We do not expect parents to discipline much later for incidents here.