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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Screeching Baby Ques.
WBee 06:58 AM 09-29-2015
I've had this 4month old BF dcb for a month who actually screeches, not a typical cry, every time he's put down. I've tried a playmat, infant play seat, boppy,etc. He is fed(I even had dcm up his breastmilk oz. to 4oz in the am and 8oz for lunch which satifies him) changed, burped, napped,etc. He was doing better after a couple of weeks but this week he's back to screaming blood curdling screeches. I've spoken with parents regarding not holding him all of the time. They say he's not like this at home. (They're both very nice and in the childhood profession themselves.) This is their first baby however. As soon as he is picked up, he stops crying. Amazing! I always let gim CIO at this point but yesterday while others were trying to sleep, he cried for 2 hours! Honestly, he is so cute but the screeches male my ears feel like they're bleeding! Any suggestions? Also, how long would you stick it out before calling it quits?
Blackcat31 07:11 AM 09-29-2015
Originally Posted by WBee:
I've had this 4month old BF dcb for a month who actually screeches, not a typical cry, every time he's put down. I've tried a playmat, infant play seat, boppy,etc. He is fed(I even had dcm up his breastmilk oz. to 4oz in the am and 8oz for lunch which satifies him) changed, burped, napped,etc. He was doing better after a couple of weeks but this week he's back to screaming blood curdling screeches. I've spoken with parents regarding not holding him all of the time. They say he's not like this at home. (They're both very nice and in the childhood profession themselves.) This is their first baby however. As soon as he is picked up, he stops crying. Amazing! I always let gim CIO at this point but yesterday while others were trying to sleep, he cried for 2 hours! Honestly, he is so cute but the screeches male my ears feel like they're bleeding! Any suggestions? Also, how long would you stick it out before calling it quits?
I am sure others will have some advice or atleast an idea of how long you should continue trying but me personally, I give a baby 30 days to adjust. If they have not improved within that 30 days, I term. I've had this 4month old BF dcb for a month who actually screeches, not a typical cry, every time he's put down. I've tried a playmat, infant play seat, boppy,etc. He is fed(I even had dcm up his breastmilk oz. to 4oz in the am and 8oz for lunch which satifies him) changed, burped, napped,etc. He was doing better after a couple of weeks but this week he's back to screaming blood curdling screeches. I've spoken with parents regarding not holding him all of the time. They say he's not like this at home. (They're both very nice and in the childhood profession themselves.) This is their first baby however. As soon as he is picked up, he stops crying. Amazing! I always let gim CIO at this point but yesterday while others were trying to sleep, he cried for 2 hours! Honestly, he is so cute but the screeches male my ears feel like they're bleeding! Any suggestions? Also, how long would you stick it out before calling it quits?
I just can't do a screaming crying baby all day. I used to be able to but never again.
Now my rule is if an infant will not sleep and cries for more than 2 continuous hours I call for pick up. It's not fair for the baby, the provider or the other kids to have to listen to that. It's way too stressful and the worst part is you don't even realize how bad it really is until the child or the behavior is gone.
I am sure the baby gets tons of attention at home and I bet the parents aren't even aware of how often they do pick up their child or how long they hold him. Also, it really doesn't matter if he is like that at home. He IS tough at daycare and that is what's important.
If he stresses you out, then you need to set a time line and decide how long he will be allowed to scream and cry without sleeping before you call for pick up (don't just feel like you have to deal with it...you don't. ) and put a star on your calendar and if you don't see improvement by that date, term.
Unless you are being paid nanny wages, you don't have to continue dealing with a screaming baby. Some kids are not cut out for group care and sometimes it just isn't working. It has NOTHING to do with you.
Sometimes it just doesn't work.
KIDZRMYBIZ 07:34 AM 09-29-2015
I have seen this with all the babies I've enrolled for about the last 3 1/2 years. It seems to get a lot better once they start crawling, but it can be a long and torturous journey till then! With my most recent baby, now 7 months, I told the parents this:
At home she has 2 loving adults to dote on just 1 baby. Here, she has only me to share with 7 other babies or very young kiddos. The reality of group care is I can only hold her once in about every four times she wants me to. To make her days more enjoyable at daycare, I suggest making her wait at least 10 full minutes before you pick her up. You will be surprised how she can learn to self-sooth and play independently for a short time!
I will be sharing this truth of what group care is really like with all my new parents. I think it helped them understand how things really are.
At home she has 2 loving adults to dote on just 1 baby. Here, she has only me to share with 7 other babies or very young kiddos. The reality of group care is I can only hold her once in about every four times she wants me to. To make her days more enjoyable at daycare, I suggest making her wait at least 10 full minutes before you pick her up. You will be surprised how she can learn to self-sooth and play independently for a short time!
I will be sharing this truth of what group care is really like with all my new parents. I think it helped them understand how things really are.
BabyMonkeys 08:28 AM 09-29-2015
Originally Posted by WBee:
I've had this 4month old BF dcb for a month who actually screeches, not a typical cry, every time he's put down. I've tried a playmat, infant play seat, boppy,etc. He is fed(I even had dcm up his breastmilk oz. to 4oz in the am and 8oz for lunch which satifies him) changed, burped, napped,etc. He was doing better after a couple of weeks but this week he's back to screaming blood curdling screeches. I've spoken with parents regarding not holding him all of the time. They say he's not like this at home. (They're both very nice and in the childhood profession themselves.) This is their first baby however. As soon as he is picked up, he stops crying. Amazing! I always let gim CIO at this point but yesterday while others were trying to sleep, he cried for 2 hours! Honestly, he is so cute but the screeches male my ears feel like they're bleeding! Any suggestions? Also, how long would you stick it out before calling it quits?
Allowing a 4m infant to cry it out for 2 hours borders on abuse. You need to term him immediately.I've had this 4month old BF dcb for a month who actually screeches, not a typical cry, every time he's put down. I've tried a playmat, infant play seat, boppy,etc. He is fed(I even had dcm up his breastmilk oz. to 4oz in the am and 8oz for lunch which satifies him) changed, burped, napped,etc. He was doing better after a couple of weeks but this week he's back to screaming blood curdling screeches. I've spoken with parents regarding not holding him all of the time. They say he's not like this at home. (They're both very nice and in the childhood profession themselves.) This is their first baby however. As soon as he is picked up, he stops crying. Amazing! I always let gim CIO at this point but yesterday while others were trying to sleep, he cried for 2 hours! Honestly, he is so cute but the screeches male my ears feel like they're bleeding! Any suggestions? Also, how long would you stick it out before calling it quits?
Blackcat31 08:45 AM 09-29-2015
Originally Posted by angelw2babies:
Allowing a 4m infant to cry it out for 2 hours borders on abuse. You need to term him immediately.
Okay, that is a little harsh...Allowing a 4m infant to cry it out for 2 hours borders on abuse. You need to term him immediately.
I understand that there are many ways to care for an infant and although most studies suggest not using CIO or to not use it until a certain age, there are simply times in which a baby can not be consoled or does not adjust well to group care but to imply that the provider is abusing the child is a bit over the top in my opinion and instead of saying it is borderline abuse, perhaps a suggestion or some methods of managing the behavior would be a bit more productive....
Heidi 11:26 AM 09-29-2015
Originally Posted by angelw2babies:
Allowing a 4m infant to cry it out for 2 hours borders on abuse. You need to term him immediately.
Allowing a 4m infant to cry it out for 2 hours borders on abuse. You need to term him immediately.
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Okay, that is a little harsh...
I understand that there are many ways to care for an infant and although most studies suggest not using CIO or to not use it until a certain age, there are simply times in which a baby can not be consoled or does not adjust well to group care but to imply that the provider is abusing the child is a bit over the top in my opinion and instead of saying it is borderline abuse, perhaps a suggestion or some methods of managing the behavior would be a bit more productive....
I would agree that 2 hours is too long for a 4 month old to cry. I'm a pretty tough cookie, and am not opposed to sleep training or CIO, depending on their age. However, I think that 2 hours does sound awfully long for such ayoung child.Okay, that is a little harsh...
I understand that there are many ways to care for an infant and although most studies suggest not using CIO or to not use it until a certain age, there are simply times in which a baby can not be consoled or does not adjust well to group care but to imply that the provider is abusing the child is a bit over the top in my opinion and instead of saying it is borderline abuse, perhaps a suggestion or some methods of managing the behavior would be a bit more productive....
Heidi 11:32 AM 09-29-2015
My advice would be that both the provider and the parents learn to do the least to help the baby, but always supporting him.
For example, if you put him down and he cries (and you know basic needs are met), you can go talk to him. You can make eye contact, talk softly, sing. If that doesn't work, then touch him. Again, soothing tones, rub belly or head. If that doesn't work, then you pick him up. Start with the least, work your way up.
If a 4 month old is tired, even if you did let him CIO, he'd fall asleep within 5-7 minutes. If he hasn't he's probably not tired. Talk to him, sooth him, and then pick him up. Try again later.
While it would be nice that he's on everyone else's schedule, it's not common. What you can do, however, is gently teach him to start entertaining himself, soothing himself, etc. If he can go to sleep on his own, but on his OWN schedule, then you've got something to build on. Plus, if he's well rested, he's less likely to be cranky when awake. KWIM?
For example, if you put him down and he cries (and you know basic needs are met), you can go talk to him. You can make eye contact, talk softly, sing. If that doesn't work, then touch him. Again, soothing tones, rub belly or head. If that doesn't work, then you pick him up. Start with the least, work your way up.
If a 4 month old is tired, even if you did let him CIO, he'd fall asleep within 5-7 minutes. If he hasn't he's probably not tired. Talk to him, sooth him, and then pick him up. Try again later.
While it would be nice that he's on everyone else's schedule, it's not common. What you can do, however, is gently teach him to start entertaining himself, soothing himself, etc. If he can go to sleep on his own, but on his OWN schedule, then you've got something to build on. Plus, if he's well rested, he's less likely to be cranky when awake. KWIM?
mommyneedsadayoff 11:46 AM 09-29-2015
At four months, it can be tough, because they are not int he newborn stage, and not in the older infant stage, so I have found this age to be a prime time for crying it out. It can take them awhile to adjust and especially with sleeping, I have had many who take well over an hour to REALLY settle down into a productive sleep. Consistency! It is all you can do. I would lay him down at the same times each day, let him cry if he needs. As long as you are sure there are not other needs that he may have (poopy diaper, still hungry, sick, ect), the crying wouldn't bother me. I doubt you let him scream bloody murder for a full two hours, so don't let others think you are abusing the child
Even if you did, I have had some babies who would scream whether I was holding them or not, so it is sometimes best to just let them work it out in a dark room with a fan. Some babies just take more time. My little guy is exactly what you are describing and it took us well over a month to get him adjusted, but he points to his room and is ready for his quiet time now. Consistency and do your best to stay calm, as they can sense that stress. Let them feel that you are not concerned and that their bed is quiet, sweet sanctuary for them to have downtime. If you seem worried, they will think there is something to worry about and 4 month olds are very aware of the mood of the caregiver! If you feel like you don't want to wait it out, then I would move on, because it can be very stressful and only YOU know what your limits are and what you can handle.
Even if you did, I have had some babies who would scream whether I was holding them or not, so it is sometimes best to just let them work it out in a dark room with a fan. Some babies just take more time. My little guy is exactly what you are describing and it took us well over a month to get him adjusted, but he points to his room and is ready for his quiet time now. Consistency and do your best to stay calm, as they can sense that stress. Let them feel that you are not concerned and that their bed is quiet, sweet sanctuary for them to have downtime. If you seem worried, they will think there is something to worry about and 4 month olds are very aware of the mood of the caregiver! If you feel like you don't want to wait it out, then I would move on, because it can be very stressful and only YOU know what your limits are and what you can handle.
Blackcat31 12:14 PM 09-29-2015
Originally Posted by Heidi:
I would agree that 2 hours is too long for a 4 month old to cry. I'm a pretty tough cookie, and am not opposed to sleep training or CIO, depending on their age. However, I think that 2 hours does sound awfully long for such ayoung child.
I was not saying that CIO is or isn't an appropriate method... only that saying or implying that someone that is asking for help is basically abusing a child is not very helpful or supportive. I would agree that 2 hours is too long for a 4 month old to cry. I'm a pretty tough cookie, and am not opposed to sleep training or CIO, depending on their age. However, I think that 2 hours does sound awfully long for such ayoung child.
Posting advice on how to help the provider deal with the child is a better approach.
Certain statements can easily make a provider (especially one that is clearly struggling) feel horrible.
It is not my intention to be harsh or rude to either poster
Heidi 12:32 PM 09-29-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I was not saying that CIO is or isn't an appropriate method... only that saying or implying that someone that is asking for help is basically abusing a child is not very helpful or supportive.
Posting advice on how to help the provider deal with the child is a better approach.
Certain statements can easily make a provider (especially one that is clearly struggling) feel horrible.
It is not my intention to be harsh or rude to either poster
I agree completely!I was not saying that CIO is or isn't an appropriate method... only that saying or implying that someone that is asking for help is basically abusing a child is not very helpful or supportive.
Posting advice on how to help the provider deal with the child is a better approach.
Certain statements can easily make a provider (especially one that is clearly struggling) feel horrible.
It is not my intention to be harsh or rude to either poster
In general, we as parents, providers, or teachers tend to hear a lot of "you are doing it wrong" when what we need is "here are some ideas" or "gee, that sounds awful for you!"
mommyneedsadayoff 01:10 PM 09-29-2015
Originally Posted by Heidi:
My advice would be that both the provider and the parents learn to do the least to help the baby, but always supporting him.
For example, if you put him down and he cries (and you know basic needs are met), you can go talk to him. You can make eye contact, talk softly, sing. If that doesn't work, then touch him. Again, soothing tones, rub belly or head. If that doesn't work, then you pick him up. Start with the least, work your way up.
If a 4 month old is tired, even if you did let him CIO, he'd fall asleep within 5-7 minutes. If he hasn't he's probably not tired. Talk to him, sooth him, and then pick him up. Try again later.
While it would be nice that he's on everyone else's schedule, it's not common. What you can do, however, is gently teach him to start entertaining himself, soothing himself, etc. If he can go to sleep on his own, but on his OWN schedule, then you've got something to build on. Plus, if he's well rested, he's less likely to be cranky when awake. KWIM?
I disagree with this part, as I have found it can take babies a lot longer to wind down and if they cry longer, they are probably over tired, versus not tired. As long as you are consistent and you know their needs are met, crying is not something to be afraid of or even something you should get in the way of. I agree with Heidi, though, that at 4 months, his schedule will be different from the others. At that age, I would be doing at least 3 naps per day, if not more, depending on how long he is with you. The only thing I would be a little worried about is taking a full 8 oz bottle. His bottles shoudl be somewhat the same. Maybe a little more for the first feeding, but doubling what he eats in the am would worry me that his tummy is TOO full and he is in discomfort. If he needs more than 4 oz, than maybe spreading it out would be best, like 5-6 ounce bottles and let him eat till he stops and make sure to burp! Plenty of tummy time and let him roll around on the floor and like I said, be consistent on naps. You will start to see his tired signs and know he needs to go down for nap, so that you don't end up waiting too long and having an over stimulated baby who takes a longer to cry it out and settle for sleep.My advice would be that both the provider and the parents learn to do the least to help the baby, but always supporting him.
For example, if you put him down and he cries (and you know basic needs are met), you can go talk to him. You can make eye contact, talk softly, sing. If that doesn't work, then touch him. Again, soothing tones, rub belly or head. If that doesn't work, then you pick him up. Start with the least, work your way up.
If a 4 month old is tired, even if you did let him CIO, he'd fall asleep within 5-7 minutes. If he hasn't he's probably not tired. Talk to him, sooth him, and then pick him up. Try again later.
While it would be nice that he's on everyone else's schedule, it's not common. What you can do, however, is gently teach him to start entertaining himself, soothing himself, etc. If he can go to sleep on his own, but on his OWN schedule, then you've got something to build on. Plus, if he's well rested, he's less likely to be cranky when awake. KWIM?
WBee 11:41 AM 09-30-2015
Thank you all! Everything is consistent, I've tried tummy time (he cries), I've gently rocked the pack-n-play during his 2hr. cries, I've also just asked that dcm add cereal to his diet due to the large difference in feedings. I even fed him a 1/2 hr after dropoff today and he actually drank an ounce more than normal. I'm doing everything in the world I possibly can to help all involved. My other kids have been acting out now because of the stress level here. I don't simply put him in a separate room and shut the door for God sakes! Thanks to all who offered some good advice w/out judging me as a borderline abuser. As though I didn't feel badly enough already! Btw, I'm not letting him CIO for naptime, it's 99%of the time during playtime. That's the issue here.
WBee 11:47 AM 09-30-2015
My issue is not during rest...it's playtime. Cries unless held.
WBee 11:48 AM 09-30-2015
Thank you! The issue isnt during nap...it's playtime! Lol
WBee 11:51 AM 09-30-2015
This is not at naptime. It's during playtime. I cannot hold him all day and do not appreciate the abuse assumption. What would you do?
mommyneedsadayoff 12:12 PM 09-30-2015
What sort of schedule does he follow? If he is crying because he only wants to be held, maybe speak to mom and dad and encourage lots of playtime on the floor (tummy time or maybe a play mat that he can see toys above him). Let them know that you cannot hold him all the time, so if they can be consistent at home, it will help him transition at daycare. Since he is getting so upset, I would suggest a shorter eat/play/sleep schedule. For example, he eats is bottle, you let him play on the floor and interact with him as well, but whether he shows tiredness or fussiness or not, he goes down for nap right at the 45 minute mark from when he last woke up. I assumed when you said he cried for two hours, you meant he was down for nap at that time, so my first suggestion would not to let him be up for two hours. I can only speak from my experience, but ina daycare setting, I have found that a 4 month old lasts about one hour, maybe a bit longer. So if he wakes up at 8, eats bottle, he is back down for nap about 9 or 9:15, sleeps till 10:30-11, wakes, eats bottle, down again at 11:30-12, depending on when he woke, rinse and repeat all day. As he gets older and eats more, he will start being awake for a while longer, but getting ahead of the fussiness can really help and being consistent is also a life saver. Good luck to you!
Unregistered 02:37 PM 09-30-2015
Originally Posted by WBee:
This is not at naptime. It's during playtime. I cannot hold him all day and do not appreciate the abuse assumption. What would you do?
Don't dignify their snotty rude remark. You are doing great!This is not at naptime. It's during playtime. I cannot hold him all day and do not appreciate the abuse assumption. What would you do?
BabyMonkeys 03:26 PM 09-30-2015
Originally Posted by WBee:
Thank you all! Everything is consistent, I've tried tummy time (he cries), I've gently rocked the pack-n-play during his 2hr. cries, I've also just asked that dcm add cereal to his diet due to the large difference in feedings. I even fed him a 1/2 hr after dropoff today and he actually drank an ounce more than normal. I'm doing everything in the world I possibly can to help all involved. My other kids have been acting out now because of the stress level here. I don't simply put him in a separate room and shut the door for God sakes! Thanks to all who offered some good advice w/out judging me as a borderline abuser. As though I didn't feel badly enough already! Btw, I'm not letting him CIO for naptime, it's 99%of the time during playtime. That's the issue here.
I apologize. I made a harsh remark, that was completely unnecessary. The way I read it was that you were putting him in a room and letting him cry it out for 2 hours. I am extremely opinionated, and had you actually been allowing him to cry alone for 2 hours, I would stand by my comment. However, I obviously did not take the time to ask questions and clarify the actual situation. Thank you all! Everything is consistent, I've tried tummy time (he cries), I've gently rocked the pack-n-play during his 2hr. cries, I've also just asked that dcm add cereal to his diet due to the large difference in feedings. I even fed him a 1/2 hr after dropoff today and he actually drank an ounce more than normal. I'm doing everything in the world I possibly can to help all involved. My other kids have been acting out now because of the stress level here. I don't simply put him in a separate room and shut the door for God sakes! Thanks to all who offered some good advice w/out judging me as a borderline abuser. As though I didn't feel badly enough already! Btw, I'm not letting him CIO for naptime, it's 99%of the time during playtime. That's the issue here.
Heidi 05:14 PM 09-30-2015
Originally Posted by angelw2babies:
I apologize. I made a harsh remark, that was completely unnecessary. The way I read it was that you were putting him in a room and letting him cry it out for 2 hours. I am extremely opinionated, and had you actually been allowing him to cry alone for 2 hours, I would stand by my comment. However, I obviously did not take the time to ask questions and clarify the actual situation.
I'm proud of you for apologizing! So often, these discussions spiral very quickly. Pat'in you on the back here... I apologize. I made a harsh remark, that was completely unnecessary. The way I read it was that you were putting him in a room and letting him cry it out for 2 hours. I am extremely opinionated, and had you actually been allowing him to cry alone for 2 hours, I would stand by my comment. However, I obviously did not take the time to ask questions and clarify the actual situation.
littletots 06:21 PM 09-30-2015
Originally Posted by angelw2babies:
I apologize. I made a harsh remark, that was completely unnecessary. The way I read it was that you were putting him in a room and letting him cry it out for 2 hours. I am extremely opinionated, and had you actually been allowing him to cry alone for 2 hours, I would stand by my comment. However, I obviously did not take the time to ask questions and clarify the actual situation.
I apologize. I made a harsh remark, that was completely unnecessary. The way I read it was that you were putting him in a room and letting him cry it out for 2 hours. I am extremely opinionated, and had you actually been allowing him to cry alone for 2 hours, I would stand by my comment. However, I obviously did not take the time to ask questions and clarify the actual situation.
I just want to give you a hug. I've been in similar situations when asked a question and not completely understanding the whole story. We're all here to offer our help, suggestions, advice. I understand where you were concerned.
Blackcat31 07:04 AM 10-01-2015
Originally Posted by angelw2babies:
I apologize. I made a harsh remark, that was completely unnecessary. The way I read it was that you were putting him in a room and letting him cry it out for 2 hours. I am extremely opinionated, and had you actually been allowing him to cry alone for 2 hours, I would stand by my comment. However, I obviously did not take the time to ask questions and clarify the actual situation.
Thank you! I apologize. I made a harsh remark, that was completely unnecessary. The way I read it was that you were putting him in a room and letting him cry it out for 2 hours. I am extremely opinionated, and had you actually been allowing him to cry alone for 2 hours, I would stand by my comment. However, I obviously did not take the time to ask questions and clarify the actual situation.
I am a bit opinionated too
so I understand where you are coming from but one of the most important things I've learned from being part of a forum where there are literally hundreds of ways of doing things and thousands of different personalities, is that perspective is the key....especially when it's considering someone else's perspective. Again, thank you for clarifying your thoughts/words.
I admire and respect those that can do so maturely.
WBee 11:15 AM 10-01-2015
Thank you!