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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>New Parent with NO Common Sense
MamaBear 12:50 PM 03-06-2012
A new 5 month old boy started at my daycare yesterday. First day went pretty good. He slept well, ate well and all around had a good first day.
TODAY is another story. I was expecting a sweet baby and he arrived grumpy. I figured he was just sleepy. After the mom left I realized that she brought this brand new Avent bottle and not the bottle he had the day before. Soon later I made him a bottle - which she wants to be 1/2 formula that she brings & 1/2 her breast milk. I made it and he hated it. He was gagging on it and would not latch onto the bottle like he did the other yesterday. An hour or so goes by and he gets worse... he won't take that bottle whatever I try.
I call the mom at work and tell her. She says "Oh, Yeah thats a new bottle and he doesn't really like those kinds. He only likes the other one. And he's never had formula mixed with the breast milk - I was just hoping he wouldn't mind" What the frig??? I told her that I would really need his bottle that he likes and if she could only provide me with what she KNOWS he likes because I can't really be "experimenting" with what he likes here. Because now he is grumpy and really gone over the edge because of being hungry & tired now. She said maybe its just his teething. errrrr...
She says she'll go home & bring me back his bottle. Then she shows up at my house and says she decided she'll just take him home, breastfeed him and bring him back with his bottle. Errrr... Ok. So she picked him up at 11am... Now its 2 hours later and she's not back. So at this point why doesn't she just keep him home the rest of the day?!?!?! By the time she'll get to work, she'll only have 2 hrs of work left before she has to come all the way back. And now she's probably letting him sleep at home before he returns so he won't nap for me at all.
I'm SO irritated. This mom has no common sense. First you bring your baby with a bottle that you know he doesn't like... Then you instruct me to mix his formula & bm in a bottle... but you've never tried that with him before... then you come pick him up to feed him at home? and are really screwing up the flow of my day.
I'm wondering if she'll make it thru this trial period... Errr
TODAY is another story. I was expecting a sweet baby and he arrived grumpy. I figured he was just sleepy. After the mom left I realized that she brought this brand new Avent bottle and not the bottle he had the day before. Soon later I made him a bottle - which she wants to be 1/2 formula that she brings & 1/2 her breast milk. I made it and he hated it. He was gagging on it and would not latch onto the bottle like he did the other yesterday. An hour or so goes by and he gets worse... he won't take that bottle whatever I try.
I call the mom at work and tell her. She says "Oh, Yeah thats a new bottle and he doesn't really like those kinds. He only likes the other one. And he's never had formula mixed with the breast milk - I was just hoping he wouldn't mind" What the frig??? I told her that I would really need his bottle that he likes and if she could only provide me with what she KNOWS he likes because I can't really be "experimenting" with what he likes here. Because now he is grumpy and really gone over the edge because of being hungry & tired now. She said maybe its just his teething. errrrr...
She says she'll go home & bring me back his bottle. Then she shows up at my house and says she decided she'll just take him home, breastfeed him and bring him back with his bottle. Errrr... Ok. So she picked him up at 11am... Now its 2 hours later and she's not back. So at this point why doesn't she just keep him home the rest of the day?!?!?! By the time she'll get to work, she'll only have 2 hrs of work left before she has to come all the way back. And now she's probably letting him sleep at home before he returns so he won't nap for me at all.
I'm SO irritated. This mom has no common sense. First you bring your baby with a bottle that you know he doesn't like... Then you instruct me to mix his formula & bm in a bottle... but you've never tried that with him before... then you come pick him up to feed him at home? and are really screwing up the flow of my day.
I'm wondering if she'll make it thru this trial period... Errr
Heidi 01:08 PM 03-06-2012
lol...not laughing at your...really...
I have one of those mom's too, at least some days she is.
Hey wait, I might be one of those moms on occasion!
I have one of those mom's too, at least some days she is.
Hey wait, I might be one of those moms on occasion!
Angelwings36 01:14 PM 03-06-2012
Nan's Rule: ONE drop off...ONE pick up. In all honesty when I found out the mom was trying to experiment with baby on my time I would have asked for her to pick him up for the day at that point. You did right though, do NOT let her back in without the bottle he prefers and the milk he likes.
MrsB 01:18 PM 03-06-2012
So sorry MommaBear! I think most of us have had those moms too. Hopefully, she just had a crazy first day at work and lost her brain today. I will praying for her to find her common sense tomorrow!
MamaBear 02:01 PM 03-06-2012
Thanks guys. So she brings the baby back and he was sound asleep. She said he was starving and so tired. Well duh! She left back to work which is really dumb since she gets off 2 hrs later anyway. She was being really loud when she came in and I told her I had others napping and she still talked loud. Errr...
Then she calls me from her cell phone like 2 minutes later. She says there were 3 things she needed to tell me... First that she referred me to a friend of hers at work... I said thanks... I knew she was trying to butter me up for something... because then she says, 2nd if I could put more formula in the bottle with the breastmilk because maybe he needs the breast milk taste to disappear? What the heck? Oh and please don't shake the bottle when the breast milk is in there because she says it messes up the breast milk if you do... I've NEVER heard this before. But Okayyyy... And 3rd - If I could please not put his diaper on so tight because when she got home she changed him and his diaper was a little snug and she said left wrinkle marks on his legs. Oh my Lord.
I told her I didn't think I had it on too tight but ok. She said "please just try to do it like I have on him now... very loose". Errrrrrr...
I SHOULD have known this would happen though. This mom had some red flags at the tour. She pulled him from his last daycare just a few days before because she said the daycare lady would just pick his chew toy off the floor and give it back to him.... She asked if I could wash his chew toys EVERY time he drops them - even on the carpet - with hot water and soap. OH BOY! I was in a really good mood that day and said "oh sure". So I should have known she was a high maintenance annoying type mom.
Then she calls me from her cell phone like 2 minutes later. She says there were 3 things she needed to tell me... First that she referred me to a friend of hers at work... I said thanks... I knew she was trying to butter me up for something... because then she says, 2nd if I could put more formula in the bottle with the breastmilk because maybe he needs the breast milk taste to disappear? What the heck? Oh and please don't shake the bottle when the breast milk is in there because she says it messes up the breast milk if you do... I've NEVER heard this before. But Okayyyy... And 3rd - If I could please not put his diaper on so tight because when she got home she changed him and his diaper was a little snug and she said left wrinkle marks on his legs. Oh my Lord.
I told her I didn't think I had it on too tight but ok. She said "please just try to do it like I have on him now... very loose". Errrrrrr...
I SHOULD have known this would happen though. This mom had some red flags at the tour. She pulled him from his last daycare just a few days before because she said the daycare lady would just pick his chew toy off the floor and give it back to him.... She asked if I could wash his chew toys EVERY time he drops them - even on the carpet - with hot water and soap. OH BOY! I was in a really good mood that day and said "oh sure". So I should have known she was a high maintenance annoying type mom.
Blackcat31 02:37 PM 03-06-2012
Ok I am probably going to be the bad guy here but I don't think it is fair that you are making this all the dcm's fault. Sounds to me like you didn't really do a good job communitcating with her so part of this lies with you.
When you saw the red flags during the interview, you should have addressed the issues with her so that you both were completely "schooled" on how what the other expects and how you both do things. Feeding, napping and drop off/pick ups are something I spend a good deal of time discussing so that I can avoid situations like this.
I also think that when the daycare mom said she was going to pick up the child and feed him at home, you should have taken that time to tell her when you expected her back and to not nap him if she planned on returning him to daycare during your nap time.
as far as the bottle, I would have called mom the second I realized he had a different bottle (to see why and to see if he took it ok) and not have waited until he was hungry and needing to be fed. I require parents to bring me two bottles to be left at daycare.
I am sorry that you are stressed about this whole situation and I do feel bad for you so please don't think I am trying to be harsh or rude, I just think the blame does not lie 100% with the parent.
I think as child care providers it is our responsibility to communicate clearly and openly about our expectations before they become frustrations and then vents and then terminations.....kwim?
When you saw the red flags during the interview, you should have addressed the issues with her so that you both were completely "schooled" on how what the other expects and how you both do things. Feeding, napping and drop off/pick ups are something I spend a good deal of time discussing so that I can avoid situations like this.
I also think that when the daycare mom said she was going to pick up the child and feed him at home, you should have taken that time to tell her when you expected her back and to not nap him if she planned on returning him to daycare during your nap time.
as far as the bottle, I would have called mom the second I realized he had a different bottle (to see why and to see if he took it ok) and not have waited until he was hungry and needing to be fed. I require parents to bring me two bottles to be left at daycare.
I am sorry that you are stressed about this whole situation and I do feel bad for you so please don't think I am trying to be harsh or rude, I just think the blame does not lie 100% with the parent.
I think as child care providers it is our responsibility to communicate clearly and openly about our expectations before they become frustrations and then vents and then terminations.....kwim?
Ariana 02:41 PM 03-06-2012
Just smile and nod....and then do what works for you. As for the BM and formula I could never get my DD to take formula so I would suggest she try it on the weekend or take some time off to get him used to formula on her own time. Then tell her that next time he refuses a bottle and freaks out you'll be calling her to come pick up for the day. Let her know that you don't appreictae what she did to you today. Why is she doing all the talking in this situation?? I'd be telling her a thing or two for sure 
saved4always 03:07 PM 03-06-2012
Originally Posted by MamaBear:
Thanks guys. So she brings the baby back and he was sound asleep. She said he was starving and so tired. Well duh! She left back to work which is really dumb since she gets off 2 hrs later anyway. She was being really loud when she came in and I told her I had others napping and she still talked loud. Errr...
Then she calls me from her cell phone like 2 minutes later. She says there were 3 things she needed to tell me... First that she referred me to a friend of hers at work... I said thanks... I knew she was trying to butter me up for something... because then she says, 2nd if I could put more formula in the bottle with the breastmilk because maybe he needs the breast milk taste to disappear? What the heck? Oh and please don't shake the bottle when the breast milk is in there because she says it messes up the breast milk if you do... I've NEVER heard this before. But Okayyyy... And 3rd - If I could please not put his diaper on so tight because when she got home she changed him and his diaper was a little snug and she said left wrinkle marks on his legs. Oh my Lord.
I told her I didn't think I had it on too tight but ok. She said "please just try to do it like I have on him now... very loose". Errrrrrr...
I SHOULD have known this would happen though. This mom had some red flags at the tour. She pulled him from his last daycare just a few days before because she said the daycare lady would just pick his chew toy off the floor and give it back to him.... She asked if I could wash his chew toys EVERY time he drops them - even on the carpet - with hot water and soap. OH BOY! I was in a really good mood that day and said "oh sure". So I should have known she was a high maintenance annoying type mom.
I breastfed my youngest and never heard of not shaking the breast milk. Does that mean I should not have jumped around too much before feeding her??? Thanks guys. So she brings the baby back and he was sound asleep. She said he was starving and so tired. Well duh! She left back to work which is really dumb since she gets off 2 hrs later anyway. She was being really loud when she came in and I told her I had others napping and she still talked loud. Errr...
Then she calls me from her cell phone like 2 minutes later. She says there were 3 things she needed to tell me... First that she referred me to a friend of hers at work... I said thanks... I knew she was trying to butter me up for something... because then she says, 2nd if I could put more formula in the bottle with the breastmilk because maybe he needs the breast milk taste to disappear? What the heck? Oh and please don't shake the bottle when the breast milk is in there because she says it messes up the breast milk if you do... I've NEVER heard this before. But Okayyyy... And 3rd - If I could please not put his diaper on so tight because when she got home she changed him and his diaper was a little snug and she said left wrinkle marks on his legs. Oh my Lord.
I told her I didn't think I had it on too tight but ok. She said "please just try to do it like I have on him now... very loose". Errrrrrr...
I SHOULD have known this would happen though. This mom had some red flags at the tour. She pulled him from his last daycare just a few days before because she said the daycare lady would just pick his chew toy off the floor and give it back to him.... She asked if I could wash his chew toys EVERY time he drops them - even on the carpet - with hot water and soap. OH BOY! I was in a really good mood that day and said "oh sure". So I should have known she was a high maintenance annoying type mom.
I would put the diaper on correctly...if she puts it on too loose, you are going to have a mess. And...you need to make it clear that mom needs to "experiment" at home. New bottles, new formula, new foods all need to be used AT HOME first. What if this kid is allergic to something in the future? I would not want to be the one to find out! I am sorry that this mom is aggravating you. Hopefully she will settle down over time.
Heidi 03:21 PM 03-06-2012
Mamabear-
get in your head exactly what and how you want to say it, and call her tongiht. Tell her you were thinking about the things that happened today, and you just don't want to start off on the wrong foot.
Then tell her very kindly those policies that you need to enforce (the nap in and out thing and the changing bottles and foods suddenly thing stand out to me, I'd just ignore the whole diaper conversation). Say something nice, first, like you are really enjoying getting to know little dcb, and you are sure that this is going to be a good fit, but....
I'm one of those first-the-good-news people..it softens the blow...then put the hammer down, woman!
get in your head exactly what and how you want to say it, and call her tongiht. Tell her you were thinking about the things that happened today, and you just don't want to start off on the wrong foot.
Then tell her very kindly those policies that you need to enforce (the nap in and out thing and the changing bottles and foods suddenly thing stand out to me, I'd just ignore the whole diaper conversation). Say something nice, first, like you are really enjoying getting to know little dcb, and you are sure that this is going to be a good fit, but....
I'm one of those first-the-good-news people..it softens the blow...then put the hammer down, woman!
Soupyszoo 03:22 PM 03-06-2012
I think we all learn a lot as we go. In situations like this where you can pin point the red flags in your interview... I bet next time you interview you'll be a lot quicker to speak up! I know I can see red flags in some of my past interviews and each interview afterwards gets more and more clear and I stick up for my program more each time. I was VERY "accommodating" in the beginning!! Now when I meet a new family I tell them how it is and if they don't like it, it's better to know up front then the second day! It's so true that if you give special treatment even once they think they deserve it on a regular basis! Is this her first child?
Soupyszoo 03:27 PM 03-06-2012
Originally Posted by saved4always:
I breastfed my youngest and never heard of not shaking the breast milk. Does that mean I should not have jumped around too much before feeding her??? I would put the diaper on correctly...if she puts it on too loose, you are going to have a mess. And...you need to make it clear that mom needs to "experiment" at home. New bottles, new formula, new foods all need to be used AT HOME first. What if this kid is allergic to something in the future? I would not want to be the one to find out! I am sorry that this mom is aggravating you. Hopefully she will settle down over time.
I've heard about not shaking breast milk before. I've also heard not to microwave it. But then I've also heard the opposite to those as well! So shake it? Don't shake it? Microwave? Don't microwave? I breastfed my youngest and never heard of not shaking the breast milk. Does that mean I should not have jumped around too much before feeding her???
I would put the diaper on correctly...if she puts it on too loose, you are going to have a mess. And...you need to make it clear that mom needs to "experiment" at home. New bottles, new formula, new foods all need to be used AT HOME first. What if this kid is allergic to something in the future? I would not want to be the one to find out! I am sorry that this mom is aggravating you. Hopefully she will settle down over time.
who knows what's really real sometimes. Something about destroying the cells in the breast milk if you shake it. But like I said I've also heard and read it doesn't matter. Oh! I also heard it goes bad after an hour, and then heard its good all day... Go figure that one! So maybe a shaken bottle of microwaved breastmilk that has been out 4.5 hours should be used... Or not... Wait what?! Lol
cheerfuldom 03:32 PM 03-06-2012
oh boy....you should have used those red flags to NOT accept him in the first place. If you aren't ready for the daily baby drama, then you really should just let him go. Plus once you start accepting the discussions on things like the diaper being too tight, that will have her amp up the micro managing so likely, things will get worse.
MamaBear 05:33 PM 03-06-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Ok I am probably going to be the bad guy here but I don't think it is fair that you are making this all the dcm's fault. Sounds to me like you didn't really do a good job communitcating with her so part of this lies with you.
When you saw the red flags during the interview, you should have addressed the issues with her so that you both were completely "schooled" on how what the other expects and how you both do things. Feeding, napping and drop off/pick ups are something I spend a good deal of time discussing so that I can avoid situations like this.
I also think that when the daycare mom said she was going to pick up the child and feed him at home, you should have taken that time to tell her when you expected her back and to not nap him if she planned on returning him to daycare during your nap time.
as far as the bottle, I would have called mom the second I realized he had a different bottle (to see why and to see if he took it ok) and not have waited until he was hungry and needing to be fed. I require parents to bring me two bottles to be left at daycare.
I am sorry that you are stressed about this whole situation and I do feel bad for you so please don't think I am trying to be harsh or rude, I just think the blame does not lie 100% with the parent.
I think as child care providers it is our responsibility to communicate clearly and openly about our expectations before they become frustrations and then vents and then terminations.....kwim?
The mom brings the baby's baby bag each day "refreshed" she says. So I didn't see the different bottle in the bottom of her bag until she left. I would have felt a little odd digging thru it in front of her at her drop off - nor would I have time to while she's quick to leave. BUT if I did see it, I would definitely have asked her - so I agree with you on that. But with it being deep in the bag, I had no idea until it was... well too late. Ok I am probably going to be the bad guy here but I don't think it is fair that you are making this all the dcm's fault. Sounds to me like you didn't really do a good job communitcating with her so part of this lies with you.
When you saw the red flags during the interview, you should have addressed the issues with her so that you both were completely "schooled" on how what the other expects and how you both do things. Feeding, napping and drop off/pick ups are something I spend a good deal of time discussing so that I can avoid situations like this.
I also think that when the daycare mom said she was going to pick up the child and feed him at home, you should have taken that time to tell her when you expected her back and to not nap him if she planned on returning him to daycare during your nap time.
as far as the bottle, I would have called mom the second I realized he had a different bottle (to see why and to see if he took it ok) and not have waited until he was hungry and needing to be fed. I require parents to bring me two bottles to be left at daycare.
I am sorry that you are stressed about this whole situation and I do feel bad for you so please don't think I am trying to be harsh or rude, I just think the blame does not lie 100% with the parent.
I think as child care providers it is our responsibility to communicate clearly and openly about our expectations before they become frustrations and then vents and then terminations.....kwim?
I never would think that a mom would bring a bottle for a baby that he didn't like. It's just setting up for disaster, so I'm not sure why that would be my fault at all. We had communicated quite a bit during the tour and we talked about how he really liked this one type of bottle she would bring because she was going to stop breastfeeding soon. So I would not expect her to change it up on his second day or experiment with formulas with me either.
She came to pick up today and I had a talk with her. Basically told her to PLEASE just bring that one bottle since now we know its the only one he likes. She apologized and said she knew he would have a hard time with it, but hoped he would like it with me... Not sure why he would but whatever. I really do have great communication with my parents, but with new ones there are always going to be bumps. Just upset me that it was big bumps because baby couldn't eat... which caused baby to be very unhappy... causing me to be very irritated with the mom.
This is a temporary family - only for 2 months of care. I did see red flags at the tour with her high maintenance issues of why she left her other daycare, but since she was short term, I let it slide. I'll decide to either deal with her or terminate if I have any other problems. We'll see.
Thank you everyone for your kind advice. I sent him home with a VERY loose diaper by the way
I hope he makes a big messy poo for his mama! haha
saved4always 05:36 PM 03-06-2012
Originally Posted by Soupyszoo:
I've heard about not shaking breast milk before. I've also heard not to microwave it. But then I've also heard the opposite to those as well! So shake it? Don't shake it? Microwave? Don't microwave? who knows what's really real sometimes. Something about destroying the cells in the breast milk if you shake it. But like I said I've also heard and read it doesn't matter. Oh! I also heard it goes bad after an hour, and then heard its good all day... Go figure that one! So maybe a shaken bottle of microwaved breastmilk that has been out 4.5 hours should be used... Or not... Wait what?! Lol
ROTFL!!!!! I've heard about not shaking breast milk before. I've also heard not to microwave it. But then I've also heard the opposite to those as well! So shake it? Don't shake it? Microwave? Don't microwave?
who knows what's really real sometimes. Something about destroying the cells in the breast milk if you shake it. But like I said I've also heard and read it doesn't matter. Oh! I also heard it goes bad after an hour, and then heard its good all day... Go figure that one! So maybe a shaken bottle of microwaved breastmilk that has been out 4.5 hours should be used... Or not... Wait what?! Lol
saved4always 05:41 PM 03-06-2012
Originally Posted by MamaBear:
The mom brings the baby's baby bag each day "refreshed" she says. So I didn't see the different bottle in the bottom of her bag until she left. I would have felt a little odd digging thru it in front of her at her drop off - nor would I have time to while she's quick to leave. BUT if I did see it, I would definitely have asked her - so I agree with you on that. But with it being deep in the bag, I had no idea until it was... well too late.
I never would think that a mom would bring a bottle for a baby that he didn't like. It's just setting up for disaster, so I'm not sure why that would be my fault at all. We had communicated quite a bit during the tour and we talked about how he really liked this one type of bottle she would bring because she was going to stop breastfeeding soon. So I would not expect her to change it up on his second day or experiment with formulas with me either.
She came to pick up today and I had a talk with her. Basically told her to PLEASE just bring that one bottle since now we know its the only one he likes. She apologized and said she knew he would have a hard time with it, but hoped he would like it with me... Not sure why he would but whatever. I really do have great communication with my parents, but with new ones there are always going to be bumps. Just upset me that it was big bumps because baby couldn't eat... which caused baby to be very unhappy... causing me to be very irritated with the mom.
This is a temporary family - only for 2 months of care. I did see red flags at the tour with her high maintenance issues of why she left her other daycare, but since she was short term, I let it slide. I'll decide to either deal with her or terminate if I have any other problems. We'll see.
Thank you everyone for your kind advice. I sent him home with a VERY loose diaper by the way I hope he makes a big messy poo for his mama! haha
The mom brings the baby's baby bag each day "refreshed" she says. So I didn't see the different bottle in the bottom of her bag until she left. I would have felt a little odd digging thru it in front of her at her drop off - nor would I have time to while she's quick to leave. BUT if I did see it, I would definitely have asked her - so I agree with you on that. But with it being deep in the bag, I had no idea until it was... well too late.
I never would think that a mom would bring a bottle for a baby that he didn't like. It's just setting up for disaster, so I'm not sure why that would be my fault at all. We had communicated quite a bit during the tour and we talked about how he really liked this one type of bottle she would bring because she was going to stop breastfeeding soon. So I would not expect her to change it up on his second day or experiment with formulas with me either.
She came to pick up today and I had a talk with her. Basically told her to PLEASE just bring that one bottle since now we know its the only one he likes. She apologized and said she knew he would have a hard time with it, but hoped he would like it with me... Not sure why he would but whatever. I really do have great communication with my parents, but with new ones there are always going to be bumps. Just upset me that it was big bumps because baby couldn't eat... which caused baby to be very unhappy... causing me to be very irritated with the mom.
This is a temporary family - only for 2 months of care. I did see red flags at the tour with her high maintenance issues of why she left her other daycare, but since she was short term, I let it slide. I'll decide to either deal with her or terminate if I have any other problems. We'll see.
Thank you everyone for your kind advice. I sent him home with a VERY loose diaper by the way
I hope he makes a big messy poo for his mama! haha Well...if he has a messy poo, maybe she will re-think that loose diaper, huh??!!! I hope that is the end of the bumps for you.
MamaBear 06:14 PM 03-06-2012
Thank You -I hope so too! lol
cheerfuldom 08:10 PM 03-06-2012
oh she doesn't want to leave any supplies there? She's probably counting diapers and checking up on what you have used during the day. Not necessarily a bad thing but just something to keep in mind.
MamaBear 08:41 PM 03-06-2012
Yeah she probably is counting the diapers. She also wants to take his bottle and his "personal chew toys" (she calls them) home to disinfect each day. And the huge can of formula - probably so she can calculate if I gave him what I said... AND she brings 2 fresh bottles of Dasani water for his bottles... another way for her to measure me. OYE! She's going to drive me crazy during this temporary situation. 
cheeseheadmama 08:47 PM 03-06-2012
Originally Posted by MamaBear:
Yeah she probably is counting the diapers. She also wants to take his bottle and his "personal chew toys" (she calls them) home to disinfect each day. And the huge can of formula - probably so she can calculate if I gave him what I said... AND she brings 2 fresh bottles of Dasani water for his bottles... another way for her to measure me. OYE! She's going to drive me crazy during this temporary situation.
I know she is a new mom, but if she doesn't trust you this much then she is just going to be driving both of you crazy. You will never be able to satisfy her. I would start counting the days now if I were you.....Yeah she probably is counting the diapers. She also wants to take his bottle and his "personal chew toys" (she calls them) home to disinfect each day. And the huge can of formula - probably so she can calculate if I gave him what I said... AND she brings 2 fresh bottles of Dasani water for his bottles... another way for her to measure me. OYE! She's going to drive me crazy during this temporary situation.
MamaBear 09:51 PM 03-06-2012
Originally Posted by cheeseheadmama:
I know she is a new mom, but if she doesn't trust you this much then she is just going to be driving both of you crazy. You will never be able to satisfy her. I would start counting the days now if I were you.....
I so agree!I know she is a new mom, but if she doesn't trust you this much then she is just going to be driving both of you crazy. You will never be able to satisfy her. I would start counting the days now if I were you.....
Blackcat31 08:18 AM 03-07-2012
Originally Posted by MamaBear:
The mom brings the baby's baby bag each day "refreshed" she says. So I didn't see the different bottle in the bottom of her bag until she left. I would have felt a little odd digging thru it in front of her at her drop off - nor would I have time to while she's quick to leave. BUT if I did see it, I would definitely have asked her - so I agree with you on that.
I can completely see how the mis-understanding happened then. I guess I didn't really think ahead that providers aren't all the same and some parents do bring diaper bags back and forth each day.
But with it being deep in the bag, I had no idea until it was... well too late. I never would think that a mom would bring a bottle for a baby that he didn't like. It's just setting up for disaster, so I'm not sure why that would be my fault at all.
I definitely didn't mean the whole situation was your fault.
because yes, you had no way of knowing a mom would do something like that. I just meant that I would have discussed bottles and what kinds/types and changes are allowed pretty indepthly during the interview so that things like htat can't happen.
We had communicated quite a bit during the tour and we talked about how he really liked this one type of bottle she would bring because she was going to stop breastfeeding soon. So I would not expect her to change it up on his second day or experiment with formulas with me either.
Yeah, that was a bit odd of her to do that and then not say anything to you about bringing a different one. That was all on her.
She came to pick up today and I had a talk with her. Basically told her to PLEASE just bring that one bottle since now we know its the only one he likes. She apologized and said she knew he would have a hard time with it, but hoped he would like it with me... Not sure why he would but whatever. I really do have great communication with my parents, but with new ones there are always going to be bumps. Just upset me that it was big bumps because baby couldn't eat... which caused baby to be very unhappy... causing me to be very irritated with the mom.
You are right, there is always bumps with any new family and every experience teaches us what to not do or what to do differently in the next situation so rest assured we all have learning experiences.
This is a temporary family - only for 2 months of care. I did see red flags at the tour with her high maintenance issues of why she left her other daycare, but since she was short term, I let it slide. I'll decide to either deal with her or terminate if I have any other problems. We'll see.
Thank you everyone for your kind advice. I sent him home with a VERY loose diaper by the way I hope he makes a big messy poo for his mama! haha
I answered in bold above. The mom brings the baby's baby bag each day "refreshed" she says. So I didn't see the different bottle in the bottom of her bag until she left. I would have felt a little odd digging thru it in front of her at her drop off - nor would I have time to while she's quick to leave. BUT if I did see it, I would definitely have asked her - so I agree with you on that.
I can completely see how the mis-understanding happened then. I guess I didn't really think ahead that providers aren't all the same and some parents do bring diaper bags back and forth each day.
But with it being deep in the bag, I had no idea until it was... well too late. I never would think that a mom would bring a bottle for a baby that he didn't like. It's just setting up for disaster, so I'm not sure why that would be my fault at all.
I definitely didn't mean the whole situation was your fault.
because yes, you had no way of knowing a mom would do something like that. I just meant that I would have discussed bottles and what kinds/types and changes are allowed pretty indepthly during the interview so that things like htat can't happen. We had communicated quite a bit during the tour and we talked about how he really liked this one type of bottle she would bring because she was going to stop breastfeeding soon. So I would not expect her to change it up on his second day or experiment with formulas with me either.
Yeah, that was a bit odd of her to do that and then not say anything to you about bringing a different one. That was all on her.
She came to pick up today and I had a talk with her. Basically told her to PLEASE just bring that one bottle since now we know its the only one he likes. She apologized and said she knew he would have a hard time with it, but hoped he would like it with me... Not sure why he would but whatever. I really do have great communication with my parents, but with new ones there are always going to be bumps. Just upset me that it was big bumps because baby couldn't eat... which caused baby to be very unhappy... causing me to be very irritated with the mom.
You are right, there is always bumps with any new family and every experience teaches us what to not do or what to do differently in the next situation so rest assured we all have learning experiences.
This is a temporary family - only for 2 months of care. I did see red flags at the tour with her high maintenance issues of why she left her other daycare, but since she was short term, I let it slide. I'll decide to either deal with her or terminate if I have any other problems. We'll see.
Thank you everyone for your kind advice. I sent him home with a VERY loose diaper by the way
I hope he makes a big messy poo for his mama! haha I apologize if I offended you, it was just that the way you told the story led me to think that there was room for a lot more conversation that could have happened that would have eliminated the situation or atleast not made it so bad. For example, when the mom came to get the child, I would have discussed with her how long she was keeping him, if he would nap with her or back at daycare etc, doing that AT the time of pick up would have eliminated the issues that you had when she returned him.....that's the part where I said further communication would have been good.
Anyways, I am glad it worked out ok and that you were able to talk more with mom so that this kind of a situation can be avoided next time.
Soupyszoo 08:25 AM 03-07-2012
Originally Posted by MamaBear:
Yeah she probably is counting the diapers. She also wants to take his bottle and his "personal chew toys" (she calls them) home to disinfect each day. And the huge can of formula - probably so she can calculate if I gave him what I said... AND she brings 2 fresh bottles of Dasani water for his bottles... another way for her to measure me. OYE! She's going to drive me crazy during this temporary situation.
Oh MY GOSH! Get out now while she's new. This sounds like nothing but trouble! Seriously, save yourself some time and start looking to fill the spot with someone new Yeah she probably is counting the diapers. She also wants to take his bottle and his "personal chew toys" (she calls them) home to disinfect each day. And the huge can of formula - probably so she can calculate if I gave him what I said... AND she brings 2 fresh bottles of Dasani water for his bottles... another way for her to measure me. OYE! She's going to drive me crazy during this temporary situation.
MamaBear 09:04 AM 03-07-2012
No biggie Blackcat. I know what you meant. I really do appreciate the advice.
Besides that ~ I reaaaaally want to terminate this situation. The mom brought baby this morning and she was being really condescending with me. I figured out that she talks to me like she's my boss vs her childcare provider with all her controlling instructions. What really got me this morning though is when she said "I felt so bad that I brought him to his babysitter this morning with socks too big"... She was referring to me as a babysitter
Errrr I hate that.
I'm really not feeling this arrangement with her and its exhausting me. She irritates me from day one (literally). The baby was really good the first day but now is just a hot mess for me. He always wants to be held and if not, he's crying. He didn't do this the first day. I have all toddlers besides this 5 month old and I can't seem to figure out how to balance the two ages.
Today is Wednesday... She already paid for the whole week. I already know I want to terminate for sure. Should I tell her today or wait it out till Friday and then tell her at pick up? It only gives her a weekend to find a new daycare, but its just not working.
These are reasons I could tell her...
* Every day I have to walk my daycare kids to my sons school twice a day in the daycare wagon (she knows this), but he cries non stop from here to there (this is 30 minutes of crying by the way).
* It's hard for me to balance him with the older kids.
* He demands a lot of attention (cries all the time)
* I'm not feeling he's a good fit with the daycare (her especially! haha)
Should I just stick with the reason of the walks and him crying because that is the hardest part? I hate terminating families so soon on, but I just don't like the way she makes me feel and I don't like this controlling type feeling she gives me. Also the baby is a lot of work in addition to my other kids. I know I want to end it. Plus I'm getting calls from people who need "permanent long term" care and she's just a 2 month temp situation. Any advice is appreciated!!! Thanks
Besides that ~ I reaaaaally want to terminate this situation. The mom brought baby this morning and she was being really condescending with me. I figured out that she talks to me like she's my boss vs her childcare provider with all her controlling instructions. What really got me this morning though is when she said "I felt so bad that I brought him to his babysitter this morning with socks too big"... She was referring to me as a babysitter
Errrr I hate that.I'm really not feeling this arrangement with her and its exhausting me. She irritates me from day one (literally). The baby was really good the first day but now is just a hot mess for me. He always wants to be held and if not, he's crying. He didn't do this the first day. I have all toddlers besides this 5 month old and I can't seem to figure out how to balance the two ages.
Today is Wednesday... She already paid for the whole week. I already know I want to terminate for sure. Should I tell her today or wait it out till Friday and then tell her at pick up? It only gives her a weekend to find a new daycare, but its just not working.
These are reasons I could tell her...
* Every day I have to walk my daycare kids to my sons school twice a day in the daycare wagon (she knows this), but he cries non stop from here to there (this is 30 minutes of crying by the way).
* It's hard for me to balance him with the older kids.
* He demands a lot of attention (cries all the time)
* I'm not feeling he's a good fit with the daycare (her especially! haha)
Should I just stick with the reason of the walks and him crying because that is the hardest part? I hate terminating families so soon on, but I just don't like the way she makes me feel and I don't like this controlling type feeling she gives me. Also the baby is a lot of work in addition to my other kids. I know I want to end it. Plus I'm getting calls from people who need "permanent long term" care and she's just a 2 month temp situation. Any advice is appreciated!!! Thanks
Soupyszoo 09:10 AM 03-07-2012
Originally Posted by MamaBear:
No biggie Blackcat. I know what you meant. I really do appreciate the advice.
Besides that ~ I reaaaaally want to terminate this situation. The mom brought baby this morning and she was being really condescending with me. I figured out that she talks to me like she's my boss vs her childcare provider with all her controlling instructions. What really got me this morning though is when she said "I felt so bad that I brought him to his babysitter this morning with socks too big"... She was referring to me as a babysitter Errrr I hate that.
I'm really not feeling this arrangement with her and its exhausting me. She irritates me from day one (literally). The baby was really good the first day but now is just a hot mess for me. He always wants to be held and if not, he's crying. He didn't do this the first day. I have all toddlers besides this 5 month old and I can't seem to figure out how to balance the two ages.
Today is Wednesday... She already paid for the whole week. I already know I want to terminate for sure. Should I tell her today or wait it out till Friday and then tell her at pick up? It only gives her a weekend to find a new daycare, but its just not working.
These are reasons I could tell her...
* Every day I have to walk my daycare kids to my sons school twice a day in the daycare wagon (she knows this), but he cries non stop from here to there (this is 30 minutes of crying by the way).
* It's hard for me to balance him with the older kids.
* He demands a lot of attention (cries all the time)
* I'm not feeling he's a good fit with the daycare (her especially! haha)
Should I just stick with the reason of the walks and him crying because that is the hardest part? I hate terminating families so soon on, but I just don't like the way she makes me feel and I don't like this controlling type feeling she gives me. Also the baby is a lot of work in addition to my other kids. I know I want to end it. Plus I'm getting calls from people who need "permanent long term" care and she's just a 2 month temp situation. Any advice is appreciated!!! Thanks
GIRL!! Let her go! I would tell her the cold hard truth. "your baby is too much work and is not a good fit for our situation!" if she gets into it then go on to say shes condescending and you don't like her either. Don't feel bad! I would want long term permanent kids! Find a good fit and you'll be so happy No biggie Blackcat. I know what you meant. I really do appreciate the advice.
Besides that ~ I reaaaaally want to terminate this situation. The mom brought baby this morning and she was being really condescending with me. I figured out that she talks to me like she's my boss vs her childcare provider with all her controlling instructions. What really got me this morning though is when she said "I felt so bad that I brought him to his babysitter this morning with socks too big"... She was referring to me as a babysitter
Errrr I hate that.I'm really not feeling this arrangement with her and its exhausting me. She irritates me from day one (literally). The baby was really good the first day but now is just a hot mess for me. He always wants to be held and if not, he's crying. He didn't do this the first day. I have all toddlers besides this 5 month old and I can't seem to figure out how to balance the two ages.
Today is Wednesday... She already paid for the whole week. I already know I want to terminate for sure. Should I tell her today or wait it out till Friday and then tell her at pick up? It only gives her a weekend to find a new daycare, but its just not working.
These are reasons I could tell her...
* Every day I have to walk my daycare kids to my sons school twice a day in the daycare wagon (she knows this), but he cries non stop from here to there (this is 30 minutes of crying by the way).
* It's hard for me to balance him with the older kids.
* He demands a lot of attention (cries all the time)
* I'm not feeling he's a good fit with the daycare (her especially! haha)
Should I just stick with the reason of the walks and him crying because that is the hardest part? I hate terminating families so soon on, but I just don't like the way she makes me feel and I don't like this controlling type feeling she gives me. Also the baby is a lot of work in addition to my other kids. I know I want to end it. Plus I'm getting calls from people who need "permanent long term" care and she's just a 2 month temp situation. Any advice is appreciated!!! Thanks
Blackcat31 09:11 AM 03-07-2012
I would simply say that after providing care for xx amount of days, it has become evident that he is just not a good fit for wha tyou have going on. I wouldn't necessarily tell her it is because of her or her actions because unless you know it will help her change, it will do no good.
Just tell her tonight at pick up that it isn't working and you wish her the best and even give her the number of the local CCR&R. I wouldn't wait until Friday because that is just adding more days to having to care for him and deal with her....kwim?
Is she still in her two week trial period? You siad she was temporary, so what agreement do you have in place for giving notice? If possible, I would stop caring for him as soon as you are able to do so and let her issues be her issues.
Just tell her tonight at pick up that it isn't working and you wish her the best and even give her the number of the local CCR&R. I wouldn't wait until Friday because that is just adding more days to having to care for him and deal with her....kwim?
Is she still in her two week trial period? You siad she was temporary, so what agreement do you have in place for giving notice? If possible, I would stop caring for him as soon as you are able to do so and let her issues be her issues.
Greenplasticwateringcans 09:17 AM 03-07-2012
If she had paid until the end of the week I would let her know today that you will no longer be able to provide care after Friday. It will be her choice to bring baby tomorrow/Friday and I'm betting she won't.
Most people here will tell you you do not have to give a term reason and I don't disagree with that. However, I would have something short and very thought out to say when she asks why.
Best of luck!
Most people here will tell you you do not have to give a term reason and I don't disagree with that. However, I would have something short and very thought out to say when she asks why.
Best of luck!
MrsB 09:20 AM 03-07-2012
I would just say its not a good fit. You dont have to justify yourself to anyone, her or yourself! If it were me, I wouldnt ever get into a debate or put in a situation where you have to name all the reasons why. I would just followup with he is not a good fit and you are interviewing to fill the position long term. Don't feel bad or let her get to you. You are doing a great job!
We have all had our "learning" families. Make sure you right down all the things you will want to make sure and discuss with any new prospective parents regarding "baby rearing" for lack of a better term.
I have had a few families along the way that I had to suggest that they have a nanny come in as their employee if they want their baby cared for in certain way. Here I do it the way that works best for me and the group I already have.
We have all had our "learning" families. Make sure you right down all the things you will want to make sure and discuss with any new prospective parents regarding "baby rearing" for lack of a better term.
I have had a few families along the way that I had to suggest that they have a nanny come in as their employee if they want their baby cared for in certain way. Here I do it the way that works best for me and the group I already have.
My3cents 09:43 AM 03-07-2012
Originally Posted by Greenplasticwateringcans:
If she had paid until the end of the week I would let her know today that you will no longer be able to provide care after Friday. It will be her choice to bring baby tomorrow/Friday and I'm betting she won't.
Most people here will tell you you do not have to give a term reason and I don't disagree with that. However, I would have something short and very thought out to say when she asks why.
Best of luck!
No- I don't feel you have to go into a long reason of why. I wouldn't. The more you say, the more she has to go and run her mouth with. Have her leave on good terms if possible. I would just tell her it's not working out, maybe give her a list of other providers you know of that may be able to help her, or a referral service that can direct her in the right direction. If she ask you more...... just tell her I am finding out that he is not a good fit for the group as a whole. It was a pleasure working with you and I wish you good luck.If she had paid until the end of the week I would let her know today that you will no longer be able to provide care after Friday. It will be her choice to bring baby tomorrow/Friday and I'm betting she won't.
Most people here will tell you you do not have to give a term reason and I don't disagree with that. However, I would have something short and very thought out to say when she asks why.
Best of luck!
If you do want to keep her on, then tell her she can't be micro managing you and that it makes you feel that she feels you are incompetent. Speak up for what you believe in and do. Have your policy/handbook ready to show her how you do things.
I plan to put in my pb, that due to lack of space, please bring your childs items in and no diaper bags, car seats, or strollers to be left at my home.
Best-
Crazy8 09:58 AM 03-07-2012
I would absolutely have a little something typed up by pick up tonight saying that you will no longer be able to care for him after Friday. Keep it short and simple, I wouldn't go into detailed explainations. Since she paid for the week I'd leave it up to her if she wants to bring him the next 2 days - but they should be non-refundable if she decides not to.
I dealt with one of these parents for a very long 2.5 years and now have them knocking on my door to come back with their new baby and I just don't want to deal with it again.
I dealt with one of these parents for a very long 2.5 years and now have them knocking on my door to come back with their new baby and I just don't want to deal with it again.
wdmmom 10:04 AM 03-07-2012
I would type up a short and sweet little note and stick it in her diaper bag tonight.
I woudl tell her today that the last day is Friday (since she is paid up til then). If she doesn't come back Thursday or Friday, that's on her.
If she confronts you or makes you uncomfortable in ANY way, TERM IMMEDIATELY!!!
I woudl tell her today that the last day is Friday (since she is paid up til then). If she doesn't come back Thursday or Friday, that's on her.
If she confronts you or makes you uncomfortable in ANY way, TERM IMMEDIATELY!!!
saved4always 12:38 PM 03-07-2012
Just tell her tonight that you have decided that your daycare is not a good fit for the baby and last day of care will be Friday. No need for explanations, especially if this was a trial period. Then give a big sigh of relief that you can relax and enjoy your toddlers.
Greenplasticwateringcans 01:57 PM 03-07-2012
[quote=My3cents;205087]No- I don't feel you have to go into a long reason of why. I wouldn't. The more you say, the more she has to go and run her mouth with. Have her leave on good terms if possible. I would just tell her it's not working out, maybe give her a list of other providers you know of that may be able to help her, or a referral service that can direct her in the right direction. If she ask you more...... just tell her I am finding out that he is not a good fit for the group as a whole. It was a pleasure working with you and I wish you good luck.
If you do want to keep her on, then tell her she can't be micro managing you and that it makes you feel that she feels you are incompetent. Speak up for what you believe in and do. Have your policy/handbook ready to show her how you do things.
I plan to put in my pb, that due to lack of space, please bring your childs items in and no diaper bags, car seats, or strollers to be left at my home.
Best-[/
Are you disagreeing with me or just quoted me by accident?
I still think she does not have to give a reason but might want to have a short and firm responce to "buuttttt whyyy?".
Good luck OP
If you do want to keep her on, then tell her she can't be micro managing you and that it makes you feel that she feels you are incompetent. Speak up for what you believe in and do. Have your policy/handbook ready to show her how you do things.
I plan to put in my pb, that due to lack of space, please bring your childs items in and no diaper bags, car seats, or strollers to be left at my home.
Best-[/
Are you disagreeing with me or just quoted me by accident?
I still think she does not have to give a reason but might want to have a short and firm responce to "buuttttt whyyy?".
Good luck OP
MamaBear 08:00 PM 03-07-2012
Wow... the rest of my day today was rough. The baby cried a loooot. He cried to & from the school and then again in the afternoon's wagon ride. It was embarrassing because all the parents were looking at the poor crying baby in the wagon. It was pretty stressful.
When the mom came to pick up, I basically told her that today was a tough day and all that happened... She said that he's usually a happy baby and not sure why he's been so fussy during the walks, etc etc. I said "Yeah about that... I need to let you know that this situation is just not working out. I'm going to have to make Friday his last day here, since you paid till then. He is having a really hard time during the walks, and those walks are not really optional for me here. So I'm really sorry but its just not going to work out".
She looked at me with a smile like she really thought I was joking and then all of a sudden I could see her face turning really red! I wasn't sure if she was getting pissed off or what. She said "really? are you serious?" I said (as nice as I possibly could), "yeah unfortunately I am. I'm really sorry. I was hoping this temporary situation would work out, but I feel like he would be better off with a daycare provider OR a babysitter (like how I threw that in? teehee) that doesn't have to do 2 daily walks & not interrupting his nap time for that too".
She said she is off work Friday and she would think tonight about what to do. I was a little confused by that because I just told her his last day would be Friday so I'm assuming she just meant she had to think about if she'd bring him to me tomorrow (Thursday) or not. I think she is because she doesn't have anything else set up yet.
Anyway, I felt way better after she left. I hate those confrontational moments. I've termed before but it never gets easier for me. I didn't get a chance to read all of your guys advice until now! I got busy with the baby crying so much and didn't get a chance to log in. You all had great advice. I didn't even think about not giving her a reason because I knew she would ask why anyway. I just knew I needed to get this done before the week was over because she was talking about paying me for a whole month come Monday.
So glad thats over! We'll see what happens tomorrow - if she brings him or not. I'll let you know!
When the mom came to pick up, I basically told her that today was a tough day and all that happened... She said that he's usually a happy baby and not sure why he's been so fussy during the walks, etc etc. I said "Yeah about that... I need to let you know that this situation is just not working out. I'm going to have to make Friday his last day here, since you paid till then. He is having a really hard time during the walks, and those walks are not really optional for me here. So I'm really sorry but its just not going to work out".
She looked at me with a smile like she really thought I was joking and then all of a sudden I could see her face turning really red! I wasn't sure if she was getting pissed off or what. She said "really? are you serious?" I said (as nice as I possibly could), "yeah unfortunately I am. I'm really sorry. I was hoping this temporary situation would work out, but I feel like he would be better off with a daycare provider OR a babysitter (like how I threw that in? teehee) that doesn't have to do 2 daily walks & not interrupting his nap time for that too".
She said she is off work Friday and she would think tonight about what to do. I was a little confused by that because I just told her his last day would be Friday so I'm assuming she just meant she had to think about if she'd bring him to me tomorrow (Thursday) or not. I think she is because she doesn't have anything else set up yet.
Anyway, I felt way better after she left. I hate those confrontational moments. I've termed before but it never gets easier for me. I didn't get a chance to read all of your guys advice until now! I got busy with the baby crying so much and didn't get a chance to log in. You all had great advice. I didn't even think about not giving her a reason because I knew she would ask why anyway. I just knew I needed to get this done before the week was over because she was talking about paying me for a whole month come Monday.
So glad thats over! We'll see what happens tomorrow - if she brings him or not. I'll let you know!
cheerfuldom 05:59 AM 03-08-2012
Sounds like you did the right thing and FYI, terming doesnt really get easier for anyway. But at least it is done now.
Blackcat31 06:12 AM 03-08-2012
Well, atleast the hardest part is over with and you have a light at the end of the tunnel now.
Sometimes kids just aren't the right fit and it is hard to have to term anyone even if it is for the right reasons.
Sometimes kids just aren't the right fit and it is hard to have to term anyone even if it is for the right reasons.
MrsB 06:19 AM 03-08-2012
So sorry it was a stressful day. But I am glad you followed through with the terming!
I dont really think it gets easier. IME you just get better at weeding out the issues before enrollment, so the terming is less. You'll get there!
It took me along time to realize but remind yourself:
Just because a child is not a good fit doesnt mean that you are incompetent or couldn't handle it.
I dont really think it gets easier. IME you just get better at weeding out the issues before enrollment, so the terming is less. You'll get there!
It took me along time to realize but remind yourself:
Just because a child is not a good fit doesnt mean that you are incompetent or couldn't handle it.
MamaBear 08:53 AM 03-08-2012
So I was feeling good last night looking forward to this arrangement being over. I was kind of hoping the mom would call this morning and say she was keeping him home or something. But she shows up and OMG... she was on a roll.
She comes in and says that she thought long & hard last night about how he's doing here & how confused she is because he's always SUCH a happy baby (don't they all say that??) and that she made a list of things to "instruct" me on how to care for him to see if it will help. Instruct me???? Oh boy.
So I said "okaaaay... lets hear it" basically. She pulls out her iPhone with this huge list!!! Then it begins... She asks me again how I heat up his bottle. I do it the old school way like I told her before --- heat it up in a hot pot of water... well she brought this bottle warmer for me because she said maybe he doesn't like the temperature of the bottle I'm giving him. Is it hot, warm or cold. DUH lady - warm. Oh okay she says. And am I giving him the same bottle all day because maybe its giving him an upset stomach? I was in shock that she was telling me these things like I'm an idiot. I tell her again how I heat up the bottle and that of course I make him a fresh bottle every time.
Then she proceeds to tell me that she wants to demonstrate to me the best baby holding techniques for when he is upset. Oh my Lord. I wanted to just kick her out at this point. I already terminated you woman! Why are you doing this? (thats what I SHOULD have said). She sits on my couch and shows me the ways he likes to be held. YES I tell her i've tried that... and that... and that. The funny thing is that he was crying the whole time she was doing it! lol
Then she goes on with how I have him in the wagon... Because he doesn't like to lay down she says. Well he's not laying down - he's propped up with the Boppy but he moves all around and like I've told her - I am constantly re propping him and he's having such a fit that its nearly impossible to get him in there right for long. Then she asks if I can give him his pacifier or a toy in the wagon and maybe that would help. Done that!
She then instructs me HOW to rock him to sleep. I don't do the "rocking to sleep" thing here. And then she tells me if he cries to be held to just say "no". Really? egads.
I'm not sure what she was trying to do besides just REALLY trying not to be terminated. Like maybe she was hoping I'd try longer to make it work. It's not going to make a difference to me now because she really was pushing it this morning beyond the point of no return. I felt like she was instructing me like I was a 16 yr old kid babysitting for the first time. Soooo annoying.
I'm definitely making today his last day. Period.
She comes in and says that she thought long & hard last night about how he's doing here & how confused she is because he's always SUCH a happy baby (don't they all say that??) and that she made a list of things to "instruct" me on how to care for him to see if it will help. Instruct me???? Oh boy.
So I said "okaaaay... lets hear it" basically. She pulls out her iPhone with this huge list!!! Then it begins... She asks me again how I heat up his bottle. I do it the old school way like I told her before --- heat it up in a hot pot of water... well she brought this bottle warmer for me because she said maybe he doesn't like the temperature of the bottle I'm giving him. Is it hot, warm or cold. DUH lady - warm. Oh okay she says. And am I giving him the same bottle all day because maybe its giving him an upset stomach? I was in shock that she was telling me these things like I'm an idiot. I tell her again how I heat up the bottle and that of course I make him a fresh bottle every time.
Then she proceeds to tell me that she wants to demonstrate to me the best baby holding techniques for when he is upset. Oh my Lord. I wanted to just kick her out at this point. I already terminated you woman! Why are you doing this? (thats what I SHOULD have said). She sits on my couch and shows me the ways he likes to be held. YES I tell her i've tried that... and that... and that. The funny thing is that he was crying the whole time she was doing it! lol
Then she goes on with how I have him in the wagon... Because he doesn't like to lay down she says. Well he's not laying down - he's propped up with the Boppy but he moves all around and like I've told her - I am constantly re propping him and he's having such a fit that its nearly impossible to get him in there right for long. Then she asks if I can give him his pacifier or a toy in the wagon and maybe that would help. Done that!
She then instructs me HOW to rock him to sleep. I don't do the "rocking to sleep" thing here. And then she tells me if he cries to be held to just say "no". Really? egads.
I'm not sure what she was trying to do besides just REALLY trying not to be terminated. Like maybe she was hoping I'd try longer to make it work. It's not going to make a difference to me now because she really was pushing it this morning beyond the point of no return. I felt like she was instructing me like I was a 16 yr old kid babysitting for the first time. Soooo annoying.
I'm definitely making today his last day. Period.
cheerfuldom 09:07 AM 03-08-2012
Does she know that today is his last day for sure?
I think that she is clearly blaming this all on you. After he gets kicked out of multiple daycares, she will either give up and stay home or finally see that her expectations are crazy. This best thing you can do for her at this point is let them go.
I think that she is clearly blaming this all on you. After he gets kicked out of multiple daycares, she will either give up and stay home or finally see that her expectations are crazy. This best thing you can do for her at this point is let them go.
DCMom 09:17 AM 03-08-2012
Wow. Poor you Sorry this has been so difficult.
One word...nanny. And honestly, I would pity that person too. Nothing will ever be right for her.
Sorry this has been so difficult.One word...nanny. And honestly, I would pity that person too. Nothing will ever be right for her.
My3cents 10:42 AM 03-08-2012
[quote=Greenplasticwateringcans;205257]....... I was agreeing that you don't. You shouldn't give a long drawn out reason. Now I even agree with you more. Have a back up for the buttttttt whyyy and make it short and firm
Sorry when I typed this out yesterday I was up and down all day with my littles and their needs. I am a fast skimmer and responder. I have to be.
Anywhoooo I feel your response was right on and I agree and that is how I would try to handle it. Short, sweet and to the point, and as nice as possible.
Originally Posted by My3cents:
No- I don't feel you have to go into a long reason of why. I wouldn't. The more you say, the more she has to go and run her mouth with. Have her leave on good terms if possible. I would just tell her it's not working out, maybe give her a list of other providers you know of that may be able to help her, or a referral service that can direct her in the right direction. If she ask you more...... just tell her I am finding out that he is not a good fit for the group as a whole. It was a pleasure working with you and I wish you good luck.
If you do want to keep her on, then tell her she can't be micro managing you and that it makes you feel that she feels you are incompetent. Speak up for what you believe in and do. Have your policy/handbook ready to show her how you do things.
I plan to put in my pb, that due to lack of space, please bring your childs items in and no diaper bags, car seats, or strollers to be left at my home.
Best-[/
Are you disagreeing with me or just quoted me by accident?
I still think she does not have to give a reason but might want to have a short and firm responce to "buuttttt whyyy?".
Good luck OP
I was agreeing with you but I did read it as most people will tell you that you have to give a reasonNo- I don't feel you have to go into a long reason of why. I wouldn't. The more you say, the more she has to go and run her mouth with. Have her leave on good terms if possible. I would just tell her it's not working out, maybe give her a list of other providers you know of that may be able to help her, or a referral service that can direct her in the right direction. If she ask you more...... just tell her I am finding out that he is not a good fit for the group as a whole. It was a pleasure working with you and I wish you good luck.
If you do want to keep her on, then tell her she can't be micro managing you and that it makes you feel that she feels you are incompetent. Speak up for what you believe in and do. Have your policy/handbook ready to show her how you do things.
I plan to put in my pb, that due to lack of space, please bring your childs items in and no diaper bags, car seats, or strollers to be left at my home.
Best-[/
Are you disagreeing with me or just quoted me by accident?
I still think she does not have to give a reason but might want to have a short and firm responce to "buuttttt whyyy?".
Good luck OP
....... I was agreeing that you don't. You shouldn't give a long drawn out reason. Now I even agree with you more. Have a back up for the buttttttt whyyy and make it short and firmSorry when I typed this out yesterday I was up and down all day with my littles and their needs. I am a fast skimmer and responder. I have to be.
Anywhoooo I feel your response was right on and I agree and that is how I would try to handle it. Short, sweet and to the point, and as nice as possible.
My3cents 10:46 AM 03-08-2012
Originally Posted by MamaBear:
Wow... the rest of my day today was rough. The baby cried a loooot. He cried to & from the school and then again in the afternoon's wagon ride. It was embarrassing because all the parents were looking at the poor crying baby in the wagon. It was pretty stressful.
When the mom came to pick up, I basically told her that today was a tough day and all that happened... She said that he's usually a happy baby and not sure why he's been so fussy during the walks, etc etc. I said "Yeah about that... I need to let you know that this situation is just not working out. I'm going to have to make Friday his last day here, since you paid till then. He is having a really hard time during the walks, and those walks are not really optional for me here. So I'm really sorry but its just not going to work out".
She looked at me with a smile like she really thought I was joking and then all of a sudden I could see her face turning really red! I wasn't sure if she was getting pissed off or what. She said "really? are you serious?" I said (as nice as I possibly could), "yeah unfortunately I am. I'm really sorry. I was hoping this temporary situation would work out, but I feel like he would be better off with a daycare provider OR a babysitter (like how I threw that in? teehee) that doesn't have to do 2 daily walks & not interrupting his nap time for that too".
She said she is off work Friday and she would think tonight about what to do. I was a little confused by that because I just told her his last day would be Friday so I'm assuming she just meant she had to think about if she'd bring him to me tomorrow (Thursday) or not. I think she is because she doesn't have anything else set up yet.
Anyway, I felt way better after she left. I hate those confrontational moments. I've termed before but it never gets easier for me. I didn't get a chance to read all of your guys advice until now! I got busy with the baby crying so much and didn't get a chance to log in. You all had great advice. I didn't even think about not giving her a reason because I knew she would ask why anyway. I just knew I needed to get this done before the week was over because she was talking about paying me for a whole month come Monday.
So glad thats over! We'll see what happens tomorrow - if she brings him or not. I'll let you know!
As hard as that was for you. Wow... the rest of my day today was rough. The baby cried a loooot. He cried to & from the school and then again in the afternoon's wagon ride. It was embarrassing because all the parents were looking at the poor crying baby in the wagon. It was pretty stressful.
When the mom came to pick up, I basically told her that today was a tough day and all that happened... She said that he's usually a happy baby and not sure why he's been so fussy during the walks, etc etc. I said "Yeah about that... I need to let you know that this situation is just not working out. I'm going to have to make Friday his last day here, since you paid till then. He is having a really hard time during the walks, and those walks are not really optional for me here. So I'm really sorry but its just not going to work out".
She looked at me with a smile like she really thought I was joking and then all of a sudden I could see her face turning really red! I wasn't sure if she was getting pissed off or what. She said "really? are you serious?" I said (as nice as I possibly could), "yeah unfortunately I am. I'm really sorry. I was hoping this temporary situation would work out, but I feel like he would be better off with a daycare provider OR a babysitter (like how I threw that in? teehee) that doesn't have to do 2 daily walks & not interrupting his nap time for that too".
She said she is off work Friday and she would think tonight about what to do. I was a little confused by that because I just told her his last day would be Friday so I'm assuming she just meant she had to think about if she'd bring him to me tomorrow (Thursday) or not. I think she is because she doesn't have anything else set up yet.
Anyway, I felt way better after she left. I hate those confrontational moments. I've termed before but it never gets easier for me. I didn't get a chance to read all of your guys advice until now! I got busy with the baby crying so much and didn't get a chance to log in. You all had great advice. I didn't even think about not giving her a reason because I knew she would ask why anyway. I just knew I needed to get this done before the week was over because she was talking about paying me for a whole month come Monday.
So glad thats over! We'll see what happens tomorrow - if she brings him or not. I'll let you know!
Bravo- I think you nailed it. Way to go
My3cents 10:53 AM 03-08-2012
Originally Posted by MamaBear:
So I was feeling good last night looking forward to this arrangement being over. I was kind of hoping the mom would call this morning and say she was keeping him home or something. But she shows up and OMG... she was on a roll.
She comes in and says that she thought long & hard last night about how he's doing here & how confused she is because he's always SUCH a happy baby (don't they all say that??) and that she made a list of things to "instruct" me on how to care for him to see if it will help. Instruct me???? Oh boy.
So I said "okaaaay... lets hear it" basically. She pulls out her iPhone with this huge list!!! Then it begins... She asks me again how I heat up his bottle. I do it the old school way like I told her before --- heat it up in a hot pot of water... well she brought this bottle warmer for me because she said maybe he doesn't like the temperature of the bottle I'm giving him. Is it hot, warm or cold. DUH lady - warm. Oh okay she says. And am I giving him the same bottle all day because maybe its giving him an upset stomach? I was in shock that she was telling me these things like I'm an idiot. I tell her again how I heat up the bottle and that of course I make him a fresh bottle every time.
Then she proceeds to tell me that she wants to demonstrate to me the best baby holding techniques for when he is upset. Oh my Lord. I wanted to just kick her out at this point. I already terminated you woman! Why are you doing this? (thats what I SHOULD have said). She sits on my couch and shows me the ways he likes to be held. YES I tell her i've tried that... and that... and that. The funny thing is that he was crying the whole time she was doing it! lol
Then she goes on with how I have him in the wagon... Because he doesn't like to lay down she says. Well he's not laying down - he's propped up with the Boppy but he moves all around and like I've told her - I am constantly re propping him and he's having such a fit that its nearly impossible to get him in there right for long. Then she asks if I can give him his pacifier or a toy in the wagon and maybe that would help. Done that!
She then instructs me HOW to rock him to sleep. I don't do the "rocking to sleep" thing here. And then she tells me if he cries to be held to just say "no". Really? egads.
I'm not sure what she was trying to do besides just REALLY trying not to be terminated. Like maybe she was hoping I'd try longer to make it work. It's not going to make a difference to me now because she really was pushing it this morning beyond the point of no return. I felt like she was instructing me like I was a 16 yr old kid babysitting for the first time. Soooo annoying.
I'm definitely making today his last day. Period.
Wow- How long have you been in business? I think I would have come unglued at this point and told her it's just not going to work out. We are done. Here are his things. A few words of ......I have been in business for blah blah blah....years and I have never had a parent come in and talk to me the way you have. We are done and I am sorry this did not work out. Give the baby back to her and show her to the door. She was rude to you- Ugh!!! Have his stuff packed for pick up and make it known he is doneSo I was feeling good last night looking forward to this arrangement being over. I was kind of hoping the mom would call this morning and say she was keeping him home or something. But she shows up and OMG... she was on a roll.
She comes in and says that she thought long & hard last night about how he's doing here & how confused she is because he's always SUCH a happy baby (don't they all say that??) and that she made a list of things to "instruct" me on how to care for him to see if it will help. Instruct me???? Oh boy.
So I said "okaaaay... lets hear it" basically. She pulls out her iPhone with this huge list!!! Then it begins... She asks me again how I heat up his bottle. I do it the old school way like I told her before --- heat it up in a hot pot of water... well she brought this bottle warmer for me because she said maybe he doesn't like the temperature of the bottle I'm giving him. Is it hot, warm or cold. DUH lady - warm. Oh okay she says. And am I giving him the same bottle all day because maybe its giving him an upset stomach? I was in shock that she was telling me these things like I'm an idiot. I tell her again how I heat up the bottle and that of course I make him a fresh bottle every time.
Then she proceeds to tell me that she wants to demonstrate to me the best baby holding techniques for when he is upset. Oh my Lord. I wanted to just kick her out at this point. I already terminated you woman! Why are you doing this? (thats what I SHOULD have said). She sits on my couch and shows me the ways he likes to be held. YES I tell her i've tried that... and that... and that. The funny thing is that he was crying the whole time she was doing it! lol
Then she goes on with how I have him in the wagon... Because he doesn't like to lay down she says. Well he's not laying down - he's propped up with the Boppy but he moves all around and like I've told her - I am constantly re propping him and he's having such a fit that its nearly impossible to get him in there right for long. Then she asks if I can give him his pacifier or a toy in the wagon and maybe that would help. Done that!
She then instructs me HOW to rock him to sleep. I don't do the "rocking to sleep" thing here. And then she tells me if he cries to be held to just say "no". Really? egads.
I'm not sure what she was trying to do besides just REALLY trying not to be terminated. Like maybe she was hoping I'd try longer to make it work. It's not going to make a difference to me now because she really was pushing it this morning beyond the point of no return. I felt like she was instructing me like I was a 16 yr old kid babysitting for the first time. Soooo annoying.
I'm definitely making today his last day. Period.
Hunni Bee 04:35 PM 03-08-2012
Originally Posted by My3cents:
Wow- How long have you been in business? I think I would have come unglued at this point and told her it's just not going to work out. We are done. Here are his things. A few words of ......I have been in business for blah blah blah....years and I have never had a parent come in and talk to me the way you have. We are done and I am sorry this did not work out. Give the baby back to her and show her to the door. She was rude to you- Ugh!!! Have his stuff packed for pick up and make it known he is done
Yeah me too Wow- How long have you been in business? I think I would have come unglued at this point and told her it's just not going to work out. We are done. Here are his things. A few words of ......I have been in business for blah blah blah....years and I have never had a parent come in and talk to me the way you have. We are done and I am sorry this did not work out. Give the baby back to her and show her to the door. She was rude to you- Ugh!!! Have his stuff packed for pick up and make it known he is done
. I don't think I would have thrown her out that second, but I would have stopped her in her tracks and said "you know, dcm, I appreciate your concern, but really all of this isn't necessary because dck's last day is Friday. I'll do everything possible to make sure he's comfortable til then. See ya at pick-up." I really dislike condescending parents.
MamaBear 06:30 PM 03-08-2012
My3Cents: I've been in business for 6+ years now. I know ~ you'd think I would have just told her off right then after doing daycare for this long. But I think I was just in shock of what she was saying! I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I did tell her that I've been caring for babies for a very long time now and know how to hold them and that I have 3 sons of my own and the oldest is 19 now... so I've got experience and usually can make a fussy baby happy. She said "oh I'm sorry - I don't want you to think I'm telling you what to do but just want to make sure you know how HE likes to be held"... What??? egads
Anyway - What a day... After my "demonstration on how to hold a baby" class with the mom this morning, I was irked all day. The baby still had a hard day and I just couldn't wait to end the last day with him.
She came to pick up and I told her right away that I had all of his personal items in his baby bag along with a receipt and sorry it didn't work out & good luck to you. She just kind of stood there like a weirdoh. She says to me "I'm sorry but could you just demonstrate to me how it is with him in the wagon because I'm having a hard time figuring out whats going wrong with him in it". Really lady? Your terminated... go away! But then I thought this is good - she can see how her son acts like a devil baby in the wagon.
So she looks at the wagon and right away says "oh it is nicely padded and he can't bump his head or anything". Yes I know this I say. Then she says "oh theres a shade so the suns not in his eyes" No theres not I say. I put the baby in the wagon the exact way I do normally with the Boppy around him all sitting up & the baby did exactly what I said he does. He instantly does the back arch tantrum, flips all around screaming & crying. She actually seems shocked. She says "oh my goodness - I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was that bad!" Duh lady. I reminded her that these wagon walks are not optional... this is a mandatory part of my day... twice a day ~ so obviously this is why it won't work out.
Anyway - she took forever to leave and even asked if she didn't find someone else to help her if she could bring him back on Monday!!! I said uhhh no sorry. She then slipped & said something she probably didn't mean to. She says "Ah man this is the 2nd daycare you were naughty at, now we have to find another one"... She had been telling me that she pulled him out of the other daycare. Hmmm...
Oh and right before she leaves she offers if I ever want to go to a movie or dinner while my husband is deployed to call her (What the heck???) I just smiled and said "oh thanks ~ goodbye!"
I feel very relieved to be done with her. She was so controlling & manipulative, it was insane!!!
I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I did tell her that I've been caring for babies for a very long time now and know how to hold them and that I have 3 sons of my own and the oldest is 19 now... so I've got experience and usually can make a fussy baby happy. She said "oh I'm sorry - I don't want you to think I'm telling you what to do but just want to make sure you know how HE likes to be held"... What??? egadsAnyway - What a day... After my "demonstration on how to hold a baby" class with the mom this morning, I was irked all day. The baby still had a hard day and I just couldn't wait to end the last day with him.
She came to pick up and I told her right away that I had all of his personal items in his baby bag along with a receipt and sorry it didn't work out & good luck to you. She just kind of stood there like a weirdoh. She says to me "I'm sorry but could you just demonstrate to me how it is with him in the wagon because I'm having a hard time figuring out whats going wrong with him in it". Really lady? Your terminated... go away! But then I thought this is good - she can see how her son acts like a devil baby in the wagon.
So she looks at the wagon and right away says "oh it is nicely padded and he can't bump his head or anything". Yes I know this I say. Then she says "oh theres a shade so the suns not in his eyes" No theres not I say. I put the baby in the wagon the exact way I do normally with the Boppy around him all sitting up & the baby did exactly what I said he does. He instantly does the back arch tantrum, flips all around screaming & crying. She actually seems shocked. She says "oh my goodness - I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was that bad!" Duh lady. I reminded her that these wagon walks are not optional... this is a mandatory part of my day... twice a day ~ so obviously this is why it won't work out.
Anyway - she took forever to leave and even asked if she didn't find someone else to help her if she could bring him back on Monday!!! I said uhhh no sorry. She then slipped & said something she probably didn't mean to. She says "Ah man this is the 2nd daycare you were naughty at, now we have to find another one"... She had been telling me that she pulled him out of the other daycare. Hmmm...
Oh and right before she leaves she offers if I ever want to go to a movie or dinner while my husband is deployed to call her (What the heck???) I just smiled and said "oh thanks ~ goodbye!"
I feel very relieved to be done with her. She was so controlling & manipulative, it was insane!!!