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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How Do You Deal With Constant Arguing
kelsey's kids 09:37 AM 10-01-2013
My group during the day consists of a 4, 3 and, 2 year old boys who are constantly arguing. I am at my wits end. This has been going on for weeks now and I am not sure what else to do. I have tried time out separate play areas ect. And nothing has worked. They do this during teacher lead activities by trying to out do each other over answers or whatnot. But it is at its worst during free play. We can't go 5 minutes without an argument. Any suggestions... besides all day nap lol
Memc2001 09:53 AM 10-01-2013
Great question! I have one boy who has such a temper it seems to be the common denominator but he is not always entirely to blame. I don't know how to redirect the anger/stop the fight anymore.
kelsey's kids 09:58 AM 10-01-2013
That is the problem here it just seems to never end 
WImom 10:49 AM 10-01-2013
I have that problem too. Hopefully someone has some good advice for us. 
Bookworm 05:41 PM 10-01-2013
I constantly separate. My DCKs are 4 but as soon as I hear the arguing, I immediately separate them. For my class, this is the worst thing possible. They are slowly learning to work things out between themselves.
Nebula 02:47 AM 10-02-2013
Try the get along shirt.....
coolconfidentme 03:45 AM 10-02-2013
I use to have bickering, but I changed the type of books I read at story time. We are currently reading the Building Christian Character series by Michael P Waite. They aren't religious, just teaches values. Sharing, fairness, overcoming jealousy, being thankful, that sort of stuff. The kids love them because they rhyme & have odd characters in every book.
I also now have a rewards chart & it you don't get timeout, you get a sticker to take home & one for the chart. If you get a sticker everyday, you get a medal. (I'm a runner & they lover my medals.)
So far it is help out a lot.
I also now have a rewards chart & it you don't get timeout, you get a sticker to take home & one for the chart. If you get a sticker everyday, you get a medal. (I'm a runner & they lover my medals.)
So far it is help out a lot.
kelsey's kids 06:03 AM 10-02-2013
Originally Posted by Nebula:394735:
Try the get along shirt.....
I have done were the hold hands for 10 minutes and that just lead to them tugging on each others handsTry the get along shirt.....
kelsey's kids 06:05 AM 10-02-2013
Originally Posted by coolconfidentme:394741:
I use to have bickering, but I changed the type of books I read at story time. We are currently reading the Building Christian Character series by Michael P Waite. They aren't religious, just teaches values. Sharing, fairness, overcoming jealousy, being thankful, that sort of stuff. The kids love them because they rhyme & have odd characters in every book.
I also now have a rewards chart & it you don't get timeout, you get a sticker to take home & one for the chart. If you get a sticker everyday, you get a medal. (I'm a runner & they lover my medals.)
So far it is help out a lot.
I also do not do this if you listen and are good all day you get a sticker and when your chart is filled up you get to pick a treasure out of the treasure box. These little boys haven't had a sticker in weeks.I use to have bickering, but I changed the type of books I read at story time. We are currently reading the Building Christian Character series by Michael P Waite. They aren't religious, just teaches values. Sharing, fairness, overcoming jealousy, being thankful, that sort of stuff. The kids love them because they rhyme & have odd characters in every book.
I also now have a rewards chart & it you don't get timeout, you get a sticker to take home & one for the chart. If you get a sticker everyday, you get a medal. (I'm a runner & they lover my medals.)
So far it is help out a lot.
cheerfuldom 12:03 PM 10-02-2013
I would never have kids share a t shirt or force kids to hold hands...I think that is really disrespectful to force kids to be close physically or hold hands. I guess that's a debate for another time 
anywho, how much time are you spending outside? I find a lot of the fighting and arguing is due to bored kids. I try to get the kids outside two to three hours a day.
anywho, how much time are you spending outside? I find a lot of the fighting and arguing is due to bored kids. I try to get the kids outside two to three hours a day.
My3cents 12:12 PM 10-02-2013
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I would never have kids share a t shirt or force kids to hold hands...I think that is really disrespectful to force kids to be close physically or hold hands. I guess that's a debate for another time
anywho, how much time are you spending outside? I find a lot of the fighting and arguing is due to bored kids. I try to get the kids outside two to three hours a day.
I agree with you on everything except bored kids..... I don't feel kids should be entertained 24/7 esp if they are in a world totally geared towards them. I do agree with plenty of outside time for boys to burn off energy. I don't like the t-shirt either or the hold hands. Last thing I would want to do do if I were a kid or even as an adult is hold hands with someone that was bugging the poo out of me. I would want a break from that child and be able to come back to being friends on my own. I get the idea of it, but not what I would do.I would never have kids share a t shirt or force kids to hold hands...I think that is really disrespectful to force kids to be close physically or hold hands. I guess that's a debate for another time
anywho, how much time are you spending outside? I find a lot of the fighting and arguing is due to bored kids. I try to get the kids outside two to three hours a day.
butterfly 12:46 PM 10-02-2013
is it something that could be removed? For example, if they are argueing over what color a toy is... remove the toy. If they are argueing over a book... remove the book.
Typically, I can get kids to get along once they see they will loose priviledges if they can't get along.
I also frequently say "use kind words". Even my littles now say "no thank you" when they don't want to be bothered by someone else.
and
to you! I do like the all day nap idea though.
Typically, I can get kids to get along once they see they will loose priviledges if they can't get along.
I also frequently say "use kind words". Even my littles now say "no thank you" when they don't want to be bothered by someone else.
and
to you! I do like the all day nap idea though.
Tdhmom 01:03 PM 10-02-2013
I have 3 girls and 3 boys. We spend a ton of time outside because when winter comes we are stuck inside ALL DAY! So we make up for it during the nicer months. But before we go outside I explain to them what I expect from everyone or we come back inside until it's time for preschool. I designate the swings (so the 2 kids that get them first and everyone has to wait their turn after that) no throwing ANYTHING, no fighting, and hands and feet to ourselves. It doesn't always work but I think it gives them a better idea of things that we shouldn't be doing.
Nothing worse than playing referee all day!!! I feel like that most days. That's when I seperate the age groups and even that doesn't help some days!
Nothing worse than playing referee all day!!! I feel like that most days. That's when I seperate the age groups and even that doesn't help some days!
cheerfuldom 01:56 PM 10-02-2013
Originally Posted by My3cents:
I agree with you on everything except bored kids..... I don't feel kids should be entertained 24/7 esp if they are in a world totally geared towards them. I do agree with plenty of outside time for boys to burn off energy. I don't like the t-shirt either or the hold hands. Last thing I would want to do do if I were a kid or even as an adult is hold hands with someone that was bugging the poo out of me. I would want a break from that child and be able to come back to being friends on my own. I get the idea of it, but not what I would do.
maybe bored wasnt the right word since I dont entertain kids either. but outdoor time is SOOOO important and having your day broken up so they arent in one room for hours and hours at a time is important. it is also important to challenge kids with new experiences and opportunities to use their creativity.I agree with you on everything except bored kids..... I don't feel kids should be entertained 24/7 esp if they are in a world totally geared towards them. I do agree with plenty of outside time for boys to burn off energy. I don't like the t-shirt either or the hold hands. Last thing I would want to do do if I were a kid or even as an adult is hold hands with someone that was bugging the poo out of me. I would want a break from that child and be able to come back to being friends on my own. I get the idea of it, but not what I would do.
Sarah97 04:26 PM 10-02-2013
One thing that I do that works (most of the time) for my group is to have the kids who are arguing take a break and sit down at the table to work it out. I tell them to talk it out using nice words and when they are done to come and tell me what they have decided.
"Seems like we have a problem, I need you two to sit down here at the table and figure out what you can do to figure this out. I want you to use kind words and when you are done come and let me know. I will check on you in a bit to see if you need some help."
If there is no success after a bit I will ask them if they need any ideas - like they may need to decide who will have it first and who will have it next and for how long, or maybe they will decide that neither of them will play with the item. Sometimes they come up with some crazy solutions!
edited... well my answer is if they are arguing about items/sharing. If they are just arguing in general, I'm lost! Sorry!
"Seems like we have a problem, I need you two to sit down here at the table and figure out what you can do to figure this out. I want you to use kind words and when you are done come and let me know. I will check on you in a bit to see if you need some help."
If there is no success after a bit I will ask them if they need any ideas - like they may need to decide who will have it first and who will have it next and for how long, or maybe they will decide that neither of them will play with the item. Sometimes they come up with some crazy solutions!
edited... well my answer is if they are arguing about items/sharing. If they are just arguing in general, I'm lost! Sorry!
kelsey's kids 04:37 PM 10-02-2013
Originally Posted by Sarah97:395157:
One thing that I do that works (most of the time) for my group is to have the kids who are arguing take a break and sit down at the table to work it out. I tell them to talk it out using nice words and when they are done to come and tell me what they have decided.
"Seems like we have a problem, I need you two to sit down here at the table and figure out what you can do to figure this out. I want you to use kind words and when you are done come and let me know. I will check on you in a bit to see if you need some help."
If there is no success after a bit I will ask them if they need any ideas - like they may need to decide who will have it first and who will have it next and for how long, or maybe they will decide that neither of them will play with the item. Sometimes they come up with some crazy solutions!
edited... well my answer is if they are arguing about items/sharing. If they are just arguing in general, I'm lost! Sorry!
That is the problem they argue about everything thing even what they dont have control over such as line leader or lunch helper these are things I decide based on behavior.One thing that I do that works (most of the time) for my group is to have the kids who are arguing take a break and sit down at the table to work it out. I tell them to talk it out using nice words and when they are done to come and tell me what they have decided.
"Seems like we have a problem, I need you two to sit down here at the table and figure out what you can do to figure this out. I want you to use kind words and when you are done come and let me know. I will check on you in a bit to see if you need some help."
If there is no success after a bit I will ask them if they need any ideas - like they may need to decide who will have it first and who will have it next and for how long, or maybe they will decide that neither of them will play with the item. Sometimes they come up with some crazy solutions!
edited... well my answer is if they are arguing about items/sharing. If they are just arguing in general, I'm lost! Sorry!
Sarah97 04:48 PM 10-02-2013
Originally Posted by kelsey's kids:
That is the problem they argue about everything thing even what they dont have control over such as line leader or lunch helper these are things I decide based on behavior.
Do you think a chart would work? Or make a game out of it? Like putting their names in a jar and pulling out one at a time (could even have the kid who has just finished washing hands pull out the next name). Or I will walk around the table and pretend to be the magic queen and tap them on the head when it is their turn or whisper in their ear what their job is. My kids get a kick out of stuff like that. When all else fails, I tell them "I'm the boss applesauce! That usually makes them laugh. My kids are all pretty easy though since I've had most of them for years! That is the problem they argue about everything thing even what they dont have control over such as line leader or lunch helper these are things I decide based on behavior.
Good luck!
Brustkt 08:21 AM 10-03-2013
I have been having the exact same problem here...and we do get lots of outside time. When it's time to come in however...and before we get out...it's insane!! Yesterday I decided to set up stations and have them rotate. There is a lego station, a book station, a puzzle station and a coloring station. If I see that it is mainly one child that is causing most of the angst among them..they do the stations. Today it is raining outside and they are all taking turns at the stations and I have grouped them 2 and 2 and they are all getting along. Just a thought...seems to be working here for the time being! :-) Good luck..nothing worse! OK...maybe there is, but it is bad!
Karena 06:57 AM 10-04-2013
I have had several rounds of arguing, my solution was not to settle for it. If you give clear expectations and are consistent with your response, sooner than later they will learn. Tell them you all are going to work on being kind and you will be there to help them when they have trouble. It helps to acknowledge to them you understand it is hard sometimes to be patient and say the right words, but if they want to keep playing it is what they need to do. I did a lot of coaching on both sides with what to say and how to respond; if they were not cooperative with me at the time I tried to help, they needed to sit until they were willing to first listen to me. There doesn't have to be frustration on your part, you are simply the trainer, the choice is theirs (to listen and keep playing, or not listen and cooperate, and not play).
You can sympathize with their struggle, be their cheerleader, and still set the boundaries. I actually received full blown melt downs because I did not give in, the same child less than three weeks later was coming to me frequently to share how s(he) handled tough situations by using kind words, and also asking for help after trying to use kind words and still having trouble - before arguing.
If you can, let the parents know how you are working on issues at dc, and see if you are both on the same page. When I started discussing things a bit (and got great reception) the parents and I actually encouraged each other, and so much better for the child. Are things perfect around here all the time? Things are never perfect; if that were true my back would never ache and I would have time for all that needed to be done.
The children still do argue, but not nearly as much as they have learned it gets them no where - literally! It's okay though, it's all a time of learning, for all of us, and even the battles can be exciting when we sense a victory coming. Hang in there and be consistent, be the wall they run into, and they will learn to stop short of it, lol! Not all parents are going to be on the same track, and often things run very different at home vs dc because the dynamics are different, and not all parents will *appreciate* hearing about your "training sessions" but that's okay, if you sense they will not respond positively, keep to yourself and keep doing what you know will help develop good habits and what is necessary to keep the peace in your program.
This is no different from school or a place in public or visiting someone's house, there are acceptable ways to behave and boundaries weather or not they apply home. Have fun being trainer/coach, cheerleader, while giving an understanding hug. Make sure too, you are allowing for outlets for extra energy. The opportunity for teaching actions/consequence go with you through the day and are as varied as the activities are in your day. There is always a way to narrow down choices, "not playing" as I mentioned above, doesn't always mean having to sit, it may mean choosing another activity, or choosing between what you allow, and yes, sometimes it does mean a "time out" or sitting (they are different - time out is a designated time by me no matter if the child is willing as they will plea on the way to time out, "okay, I will, or I'm sorry, or I'll listen..." sometimes a time out is warranted to help the lesson stick, but they are infrequent to none with children who have been trained.
Sitting is where the child is in control of when to get up and come to me with a willing heart to listen and move forward, it may be 30 sec., may be several minutes. Be accepting of the training that is needed for different children at the level they need it, be consistent, be in control, and enjoy what you are doing! One more thing, be the example of kindness in your tone, and joy in your day, it's catching! Do activities you enjoy too, and keep the routine of the day, adding changes where you can to play set up, large motor activities, old or new songs to (re)learn, short circle times, etc. Just be ready to accept your trainer/coach responsabilty when it calls, with compassion and consistency.
Karena
You can sympathize with their struggle, be their cheerleader, and still set the boundaries. I actually received full blown melt downs because I did not give in, the same child less than three weeks later was coming to me frequently to share how s(he) handled tough situations by using kind words, and also asking for help after trying to use kind words and still having trouble - before arguing.
If you can, let the parents know how you are working on issues at dc, and see if you are both on the same page. When I started discussing things a bit (and got great reception) the parents and I actually encouraged each other, and so much better for the child. Are things perfect around here all the time? Things are never perfect; if that were true my back would never ache and I would have time for all that needed to be done.
The children still do argue, but not nearly as much as they have learned it gets them no where - literally! It's okay though, it's all a time of learning, for all of us, and even the battles can be exciting when we sense a victory coming. Hang in there and be consistent, be the wall they run into, and they will learn to stop short of it, lol! Not all parents are going to be on the same track, and often things run very different at home vs dc because the dynamics are different, and not all parents will *appreciate* hearing about your "training sessions" but that's okay, if you sense they will not respond positively, keep to yourself and keep doing what you know will help develop good habits and what is necessary to keep the peace in your program.
This is no different from school or a place in public or visiting someone's house, there are acceptable ways to behave and boundaries weather or not they apply home. Have fun being trainer/coach, cheerleader, while giving an understanding hug. Make sure too, you are allowing for outlets for extra energy. The opportunity for teaching actions/consequence go with you through the day and are as varied as the activities are in your day. There is always a way to narrow down choices, "not playing" as I mentioned above, doesn't always mean having to sit, it may mean choosing another activity, or choosing between what you allow, and yes, sometimes it does mean a "time out" or sitting (they are different - time out is a designated time by me no matter if the child is willing as they will plea on the way to time out, "okay, I will, or I'm sorry, or I'll listen..." sometimes a time out is warranted to help the lesson stick, but they are infrequent to none with children who have been trained.
Sitting is where the child is in control of when to get up and come to me with a willing heart to listen and move forward, it may be 30 sec., may be several minutes. Be accepting of the training that is needed for different children at the level they need it, be consistent, be in control, and enjoy what you are doing! One more thing, be the example of kindness in your tone, and joy in your day, it's catching! Do activities you enjoy too, and keep the routine of the day, adding changes where you can to play set up, large motor activities, old or new songs to (re)learn, short circle times, etc. Just be ready to accept your trainer/coach responsabilty when it calls, with compassion and consistency.
Karena
Hunni Bee 08:55 AM 10-04-2013
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I would never have kids share a t shirt or force kids to hold hands...I think that is really disrespectful to force kids to be close physically or hold hands. I guess that's a debate for another time
anywho, how much time are you spending outside? I find a lot of the fighting and arguing is due to bored kids. I try to get the kids outside two to three hours a day.
I agree about the shirt and holding hands...I know I wouldn't want to be physically attached to someone I didn't like very much at the moment. I would never have kids share a t shirt or force kids to hold hands...I think that is really disrespectful to force kids to be close physically or hold hands. I guess that's a debate for another time
anywho, how much time are you spending outside? I find a lot of the fighting and arguing is due to bored kids. I try to get the kids outside two to three hours a day.
I also agree about the boredom.
Hunni Bee 08:56 AM 10-04-2013
Originally Posted by Brustkt:
I have been having the exact same problem here...and we do get lots of outside time. When it's time to come in however...and before we get out...it's insane!! Yesterday I decided to set up stations and have them rotate. There is a lego station, a book station, a puzzle station and a coloring station. If I see that it is mainly one child that is causing most of the angst among them..they do the stations. Today it is raining outside and they are all taking turns at the stations and I have grouped them 2 and 2 and they are all getting along. Just a thought...seems to be working here for the time being! :-) Good luck..nothing worse! OK...maybe there is, but it is bad!
This too. Divide and conquer.I have been having the exact same problem here...and we do get lots of outside time. When it's time to come in however...and before we get out...it's insane!! Yesterday I decided to set up stations and have them rotate. There is a lego station, a book station, a puzzle station and a coloring station. If I see that it is mainly one child that is causing most of the angst among them..they do the stations. Today it is raining outside and they are all taking turns at the stations and I have grouped them 2 and 2 and they are all getting along. Just a thought...seems to be working here for the time being! :-) Good luck..nothing worse! OK...maybe there is, but it is bad!
Play Care 09:39 AM 10-04-2013
I have two 4 yo dck's - they don't usually argue over toys, but they argue over everything else. Today at lunch I told another child they could have more orange slices and the two of them started arguing over what I said! "She said they couldn't have more!" "NO! She said they could!" It didn't even concern them!! We are outside for hours, I change my space frequently, I do a mix of provider led activities and free play, etc. etc. This has been one of my *worst* groups in years.