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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Aggressive 12 Month Old, Advice?
ihop 09:54 AM 04-14-2014
I have a 12 month old boy in care. I have had him since 5 months old. He is a screamer, for entertainment. Makes my ears ring. He is starting to bite me or other people who are around him. He likes to walk over to the 8 month old and drum on here head with his hands or smack her in the face. He will hit and push the older kids too.
I have been doing loads of redirection and separation but its not helping. He screams and throws himself on the floor and cries when he is removed from the group. I cant really put him in the time out spot since he won't stay. I don't want to use the pnp or super yard if I can avoid it because it will seem like punishment when I use it for other things.
So... any advice to get rid of this behavior before it gets any worse?
I have been doing loads of redirection and separation but its not helping. He screams and throws himself on the floor and cries when he is removed from the group. I cant really put him in the time out spot since he won't stay. I don't want to use the pnp or super yard if I can avoid it because it will seem like punishment when I use it for other things.
So... any advice to get rid of this behavior before it gets any worse?
TaylorTots 10:05 AM 04-14-2014
My time out/calm down spot for the 14 month old who is learning that hitting is not ok - who also won't stay in a time out area - is in his highchair. He never has a problem getting in there for meals afterwards.
sarah33 10:09 AM 04-14-2014
In the early childhood education training I just received, they said "time out" can actually be harmful to the child. It makes them feel ashamed and embarrassed to be singled out in front of the other children. I noticed that with my 3-year-old daughter as well. She is also highly emotional on the temperament scale, and she had a lot of similar issues while younger. She just needed a lot more love and attention than other kids who were lower on the emotional scale. They recommended observing for several days to a week, to figure out each child's triggers. Then, intercede before it escalates to that point. A lot of it could just be frustration from trying to communicate his feelings. I taught my daughter some basic sign language (please, mine, thank you, food, drink) and it really helped.
They also recommended focusing on the child who was hurt first instead of reprimanding the child who initiated the harmful contact. If you focus on the child hurt, the other child will see the effect of his actions more clearly. Ask the hurt child how they feel and what would make them feel better. Then, ask the room at large if they can remember the rules on hitting, etc., and see if he responds. I tried it with a 15-month-old, and it actually worked! (She was not able to answer the rule of course, but she looked concerned and patted the other child on the shoulder.) I also did it with my daughter and her 3-year-old friends when they fought over the dollhouse, etc.
Hang in there!
They also recommended focusing on the child who was hurt first instead of reprimanding the child who initiated the harmful contact. If you focus on the child hurt, the other child will see the effect of his actions more clearly. Ask the hurt child how they feel and what would make them feel better. Then, ask the room at large if they can remember the rules on hitting, etc., and see if he responds. I tried it with a 15-month-old, and it actually worked! (She was not able to answer the rule of course, but she looked concerned and patted the other child on the shoulder.) I also did it with my daughter and her 3-year-old friends when they fought over the dollhouse, etc.
Hang in there!
jenboo 10:27 AM 04-14-2014
I had a DCB like this. Now he is two and rarely does any of his aggressive behaviors.
Months of redirection. If he hit someone I would sternly say "our hands are NOT for hitting! They are for soft touches only" then he would softly touch the person he hit. This boy hit, jumped on other kids, pushed, etc..regardless of the other child's age. Most of the time he didn't even do it out of aggression. He just did it.
I also talked to his parents about it and they cut out a lot of rough housing at home. That really cut down on the aggressiveness.
I also made him hold my hand/ be next to me when he was aggressive. This helped a lot.
Months of redirection. If he hit someone I would sternly say "our hands are NOT for hitting! They are for soft touches only" then he would softly touch the person he hit. This boy hit, jumped on other kids, pushed, etc..regardless of the other child's age. Most of the time he didn't even do it out of aggression. He just did it.
I also talked to his parents about it and they cut out a lot of rough housing at home. That really cut down on the aggressiveness.
I also made him hold my hand/ be next to me when he was aggressive. This helped a lot.
Heidi 10:53 AM 04-14-2014
I don't agree with timeouts being humiliating, but I don't think they are appropriate for a child that young. He is too young for "consequences".
Repeat and model "gentle hands" gentle, gentle. Speak softly when you show him. Practice on stuffed animals. Compliment him...."Oh, that's so nice, you are using gentle hands"
He has no idea how 'strong" he is at a year. Yes, he may have a temper, but he isn't capable of thinking through "gosh, I am angry, so I am going to whack so and so and then have a fit because Miss Ihop won't like it and boy will I show her".
If you can't be right by him or he's in a "mood", head off the potential for the behavior. THat's the time to put him in a highchair or pnp with some toys. Not after the behavior happens.
Biting, give him something he can bite. Instead of "no biting!", try "bite THIS" and give him a teether. Put it on a pacifier strap, if it's that frequent. If he bites out of frustration, it's because he can't communicate other ways yet. Try giving him some signs, or at least modeling words. "you want that toy, but x is using it now. I know it's hard to wait. Let's find you something else to play with".
Repeat and model "gentle hands" gentle, gentle. Speak softly when you show him. Practice on stuffed animals. Compliment him...."Oh, that's so nice, you are using gentle hands"
He has no idea how 'strong" he is at a year. Yes, he may have a temper, but he isn't capable of thinking through "gosh, I am angry, so I am going to whack so and so and then have a fit because Miss Ihop won't like it and boy will I show her".
If you can't be right by him or he's in a "mood", head off the potential for the behavior. THat's the time to put him in a highchair or pnp with some toys. Not after the behavior happens.
Biting, give him something he can bite. Instead of "no biting!", try "bite THIS" and give him a teether. Put it on a pacifier strap, if it's that frequent. If he bites out of frustration, it's because he can't communicate other ways yet. Try giving him some signs, or at least modeling words. "you want that toy, but x is using it now. I know it's hard to wait. Let's find you something else to play with".
Heidi 10:56 AM 04-14-2014
Originally Posted by jenboo:
I had a DCB like this. Now he is two and rarely does any of his aggressive behaviors.
Months of redirection. If he hit someone I would sternly say "our hands are NOT for hitting! They are for soft touches only" then he would softly touch the person he hit. This boy hit, jumped on other kids, pushed, etc..regardless of the other child's age. Most of the time he didn't even do it out of aggression. He just did it.
I also talked to his parents about it and they cut out a lot of rough housing at home. That really cut down on the aggressiveness.
I also made him hold my hand/ be next to me when he was aggressive. This helped a lot.
I had a DCB like this. Now he is two and rarely does any of his aggressive behaviors.
Months of redirection. If he hit someone I would sternly say "our hands are NOT for hitting! They are for soft touches only" then he would softly touch the person he hit. This boy hit, jumped on other kids, pushed, etc..regardless of the other child's age. Most of the time he didn't even do it out of aggression. He just did it.
I also talked to his parents about it and they cut out a lot of rough housing at home. That really cut down on the aggressiveness.
I also made him hold my hand/ be next to me when he was aggressive. This helped a lot.
What we perceive as aggressiveness may be totally innocent play. These little guys don't understand the difference between rough housing with daddy and being rough with a friend.
taylorw1210 11:15 AM 04-14-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:
I don't agree with timeouts being humiliating, but I don't think they are appropriate for a child that young. He is too young for "consequences".
Repeat and model "gentle hands" gentle, gentle. Speak softly when you show him. Practice on stuffed animals. Compliment him...."Oh, that's so nice, you are using gentle hands"
He has no idea how 'strong" he is at a year. Yes, he may have a temper, but he isn't capable of thinking through "gosh, I am angry, so I am going to whack so and so and then have a fit because Miss Ihop won't like it and boy will I show her".
If you can't be right by him or he's in a "mood", head off the potential for the behavior. THat's the time to put him in a highchair or pnp with some toys. Not after the behavior happens.
Biting, give him something he can bite. Instead of "no biting!", try "bite THIS" and give him a teether. Put it on a pacifier strap, if it's that frequent. If he bites out of frustration, it's because he can't communicate other ways yet. Try giving him some signs, or at least modeling words. "you want that toy, but x is using it now. I know it's hard to wait. Let's find you something else to play with".
I have the same 12 mo. old little boy and I do all of the suggestions in the quoted post. It has made a significant difference.I don't agree with timeouts being humiliating, but I don't think they are appropriate for a child that young. He is too young for "consequences".
Repeat and model "gentle hands" gentle, gentle. Speak softly when you show him. Practice on stuffed animals. Compliment him...."Oh, that's so nice, you are using gentle hands"
He has no idea how 'strong" he is at a year. Yes, he may have a temper, but he isn't capable of thinking through "gosh, I am angry, so I am going to whack so and so and then have a fit because Miss Ihop won't like it and boy will I show her".
If you can't be right by him or he's in a "mood", head off the potential for the behavior. THat's the time to put him in a highchair or pnp with some toys. Not after the behavior happens.
Biting, give him something he can bite. Instead of "no biting!", try "bite THIS" and give him a teether. Put it on a pacifier strap, if it's that frequent. If he bites out of frustration, it's because he can't communicate other ways yet. Try giving him some signs, or at least modeling words. "you want that toy, but x is using it now. I know it's hard to wait. Let's find you something else to play with".
Leigh 11:23 AM 04-14-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:
What we perceive as aggressiveness may be totally innocent play. These little guys don't understand the difference between rough housing with daddy and being rough with a friend.
I agree. I don't believe a 12 month old has the capacity for true aggressiveness. As for time-outs: for the littles, I still use them, but not as a consequence. I'll put my littles in the time-out corner and tell them that they can come out when they are ready to calm down. I can put one in the corner and 20 seconds later hear "I'm all calmed down!", as the child comes walking back into the room. 2 of them will go to the corner themselves sometimes when they feel frustrated (both 2 years old). I don't believe the under-3 crowd can handle real consequences, but I do believe that they can learn constructive ways to deal with very real emotions that trouble them.What we perceive as aggressiveness may be totally innocent play. These little guys don't understand the difference between rough housing with daddy and being rough with a friend.
Heidi 11:25 AM 04-14-2014
Originally Posted by Leigh:
I agree. I don't believe a 12 month old has the capacity for true aggressiveness. As for time-outs: for the littles, I still use them, but not as a consequence. I'll put my littles in the time-out corner and tell them that they can come out when they are ready to calm down. I can put one in the corner and 20 seconds later hear "I'm all calmed down!", as the child comes walking back into the room. 2 of them will go to the corner themselves sometimes when they feel frustrated (both 2 years old). I don't believe the under-3 crowd can handle real consequences, but I do believe that they can learn constructive ways to deal with very real emotions that trouble them.
well said!I agree. I don't believe a 12 month old has the capacity for true aggressiveness. As for time-outs: for the littles, I still use them, but not as a consequence. I'll put my littles in the time-out corner and tell them that they can come out when they are ready to calm down. I can put one in the corner and 20 seconds later hear "I'm all calmed down!", as the child comes walking back into the room. 2 of them will go to the corner themselves sometimes when they feel frustrated (both 2 years old). I don't believe the under-3 crowd can handle real consequences, but I do believe that they can learn constructive ways to deal with very real emotions that trouble them.
Sunchimes 12:44 PM 04-14-2014
When my youngest DCB was about a year old he started hitting and pulling hair. His therapist suggested social time outs. When he hits, I turn him away from the victim and make him sit down while I say "No hitting." He is free to get up immediately, but more often than not, his attention has moved to something else by then.
choirlady76 08:30 PM 04-14-2014
It's best to use redirection with one-year-olds, they can't sit in time out nor understand it. So you're doing great with redirecting the child's behavior. Also, I have found if I go to the hurt child and console them and comfort them, this teaches empathy and that behavior such as biting is hurtful.
I also would keep a log of their behavior and consider talking with the parents to see if something could be going on such as a loss of a pet for example that could be triggering such behavior.
I also would keep a log of their behavior and consider talking with the parents to see if something could be going on such as a loss of a pet for example that could be triggering such behavior.
TwinKristi 09:50 PM 04-14-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:
I don't agree with timeouts being humiliating, but I don't think they are appropriate for a child that young. He is too young for "consequences".
Repeat and model "gentle hands" gentle, gentle. Speak softly when you show him. Practice on stuffed animals. Compliment him...."Oh, that's so nice, you are using gentle hands"
He has no idea how 'strong" he is at a year. Yes, he may have a temper, but he isn't capable of thinking through "gosh, I am angry, so I am going to whack so and so and then have a fit because Miss Ihop won't like it and boy will I show her".
If you can't be right by him or he's in a "mood", head off the potential for the behavior. THat's the time to put him in a highchair or pnp with some toys. Not after the behavior happens.
Biting, give him something he can bite. Instead of "no biting!", try "bite THIS" and give him a teether. Put it on a pacifier strap, if it's that frequent. If he bites out of frustration, it's because he can't communicate other ways yet. Try giving him some signs, or at least modeling words. "you want that toy, but x is using it now. I know it's hard to wait. Let's find you something else to play with".
I agree 100%! My DS was the one acting like this and was a biter as well. I knew it wasn't necessarily from home except home was daycare and frustrating to have people in your space and share your stuff and mommy constantly. When he started talking it REALLY made a huge difference. He's still "passionate" about how he feels but nothing like he was a year ago.I don't agree with timeouts being humiliating, but I don't think they are appropriate for a child that young. He is too young for "consequences".
Repeat and model "gentle hands" gentle, gentle. Speak softly when you show him. Practice on stuffed animals. Compliment him...."Oh, that's so nice, you are using gentle hands"
He has no idea how 'strong" he is at a year. Yes, he may have a temper, but he isn't capable of thinking through "gosh, I am angry, so I am going to whack so and so and then have a fit because Miss Ihop won't like it and boy will I show her".
If you can't be right by him or he's in a "mood", head off the potential for the behavior. THat's the time to put him in a highchair or pnp with some toys. Not after the behavior happens.
Biting, give him something he can bite. Instead of "no biting!", try "bite THIS" and give him a teether. Put it on a pacifier strap, if it's that frequent. If he bites out of frustration, it's because he can't communicate other ways yet. Try giving him some signs, or at least modeling words. "you want that toy, but x is using it now. I know it's hard to wait. Let's find you something else to play with".